Pursuing My Husband's First Love
Go away

Mariam's room was so cold, the smell of drugs rippled through my nose, just like when I visited Sabiru, I had to wear special clothes to meet Mariam. I saw Mariam still lying helpless, but some of the tools that were originally attached to her body were now gone.

Ms Sri finally gave me permission to see Mariam, I had to make sure what she wanted after everything that happened. I can't pretend I don't care what it is, can I? Although we are no longer a nobody, she is still the mother of my son.

"Assalamualaikuk, Mar," I said hello, although I knew Mariam could not answer. I breathed heavily feeling how apprehensive Mariam was.

"I'm so grateful you finally made it through your critical and comical period, I .. feel so guilty, for seeing you like this, it's all my fault, Mar!" my voice was choked, the tightness that filled my chest cavity was squeezed out to make it hard for me to breathe.

"Imsure that I have given birth to my son, he ... a healthy baby who will be the one who will always protect you, his name is Sabiru Muhammad Ahza ...."

"Wake, Mar. Sabiru is waiting for you .. she wants to be carried by her mother, a mother who is so great and tough to face the trials of her life. I'm sure Sabiru will be great in your hands, too" I kept talking to the silent Mariam.

"Say I have to how, Mar? It's all my fault, but I want to fix it, wake up, Mar! You owe me happiness, you have to live happily so that all my guilt can be lost."

"If you take too long like this, I'll assume you're breaking a promise, you-"

"-Zan!"

Mariam's voice surprised me, her closed eyes suddenly opened.

"Mar's? You ... are you awake?"

"You keep telling me to get up ... and it's so noisy, you .. disturb my sleep!" mariam said weakly.

"Alhamdulillah, it's good to hear your voice again" I said with relief as I wiped the tears that had come out.

"How are you doing, Mar? What's that hurting?" my many.

Mariam just blinked her eyes, she still looked weak.

"Zan?"

"Yes, Mar?"

"The answer is my question" he asked.

"Ask, Mar."

"If only ... I .. die, would I ... re-unite in nature ... with Mas Biantara?" tanya Mariam tried to gather her strength, I was stuck with Mariam's question, it felt like a big stone fell on my heart.

"While ... you, once pledged ijab ... and qobul to me, does ... mean .... My bond with Mas Biantara is also severed?" Mariam looks at me expectantly, your questions make me even more guilty, Mar.

"Wallohu'alam, Mar. It all depends on your soul mate" I answer to a question I can't be sure of.

"I ... do not want Mas Biantara .. with the angel of heaven, I .. want to be together again with Mas Bian," he said while holding a sob, a clear circle slid from the corner of his adorable eyes.

Something in my heart broke into pieces hearing Mariam's words. According to a hadith of the Prophet, a woman will be reunited with her dead husband if she does not remarry, if she remarries then she becomes a wife for her last husband.

Because of the marriage, will the soul mate Mariam and Pak Biantara be cut off? Wallohu'alam ... Yes, I'm guilty.

"I pray that you will still be a match, Mar!" I said trying to comfort Mariam.

Suddenly Mariam looked in pain, cold sweat flooding her forehead. I panicked and shouted to the nurse or the doctor. Anyone who can help.

A nurse came and saw Mariam.

"Mother made her cry?" tanyanya full of search.

"The patient must have felt pain in the second surgery because of crying, you better come out first" said the nurse told me to leave.

Madam Sri came over and interrogated me.

"Mariam why, Mas?"

"Mari'am is in pain, ma'am."

"Enough Mas Musa, mother please .. just go away from my son's life," said Ms. Sri as she decayed at my feet.

Suddenly I panicked and rushed to catch the crying Bu Sri roaring at my feet.

"Bu-"

"Mother please .. go and stay away from the mother's child, we promise we will not charge your family anything, just leave the mother's child ...."

"Don't see Mariam again, let her calm down, Mariam has endured much birth and inner suffering. Have pity on your mother's son, Mas, pity on Mariam. I beg ... just go," said Bu Sri in his roar.

My heart breaks over and over again, it hurts, it tightens, it feels so guilty, and it feels so despicable.

"Go, Mas. Before Faisal came and knew that mother would allow Mas Musa to see Mariam!"

I could only be silent, the voices in my heart and brain were all out of whack, no matter what I had to listen to. I stared at the busy nurses and doctors in Mariam's room, with an empty look.

"Maiam!" muttered.

Madam Sri kept pushing me away, as if I was the unlucky fate that had to be removed from Mariam immediately. I relented and finally left, though my heart was so worried about Mariam's condition.

With an indeterminate thought, I step my foot in front of the room for the baby. I was pensive in the overwhelming sadness.

"Yes Alloh .. Only You know, my intentions are good but what happens is exactly like this" I murmured sadly.

Actually I was still at home staring at Sabiru, but a message from the Father asking me where I am makes me have to move from this place. Before leaving I intend to see the atmosphere in front of Mariam's room for a while, at least to make sure she is okay after the incident. But from a distance I saw Mas Faisal standing guard, making my steps turn back.

"Hey!!!"

Too late, Mas Faisal has caught me. The sound of her footsteps approached behind my back.

"Bissmil was bornohmanirohim" I turned around and Mas Faisal was in front of me.

Mas Faisal stretched out his hand, a card I once gave to Mariam was in his grasp.

"Take it!" his orders.

"My family doesn't want to owe you anything, we can still afford all the hospital fees and other expenses."

"But, Mas ...."

"Don't make that child an excuse to keep troubling Mariam, we don't want to be in touch with you, with your family, whatever the reason!" said Mas Faisal with great emphasis in the last sentence.

"Don't worry, we're still able to raise your son, don't be afraid he's abandoned or starving, I guarantee you. So ... stay away from Mariam!" mas Faisal said cynically.

I was silent, holding back, free to argue Mas Faisal. The Mariam family's point of view was narrow to me, the pain, disappointment, and despair they felt made them feel entitled to hate and blame me. Without anyone knowing, my heart was also broken.

"All right." I took the card from Mas Faisal's hand.

Faisal smiled with satisfaction and turned around to leave me.

"Mas!" prevent me, Mas Faisal even held back his steps and just looked at his head.

"I hope someday if the atmosphere is better we can consult again, I ... do not want my problems to drag on like your problems and Mas Aaron."

Mas Faisal replied with a look of dislike.

"Now I will go away and move away, but God will give way. This matter will be finished well and kinship."

"Hard-headed!" objurgation.

I leave immediately, maybe for now staying away is best for Mariam and my Sabiru. I feel so despicable and so worthy of blame. Maybe this is the lowest point of my life.

Step away, carrying all the ruins of my heart and all my good intentions. I leave Sabiru to Alloh, I can only keep her in prayer. And Mariam .. hhh I hope she gets well soon and someday she can show off her happiness and success to me.

"Assalamualaikum," I said limp to Mr and Mr. Iwan.

"Waalaikumsalam, how are Mariam and my granddaughter?" ask Father.

"The new father will follow" he continued.

Frequent stay and guard at the hospital is certainly not good for your health, I forbid you not to come too often.

"Already, Sir. We ... just go home, please Mr. Iwan, get the car ready, we go home now," I said without answering father's questions.

"Come home?"

"They kicked you out again, Zan?"

"No, Sir. We've been here long enough, it's time we went home. We can't do anything here, either, for free. Let us pray for them to be strong and steadfast, and for Mariam and my son to recover quickly."

You looked at each other with Mr. Iwan, before finally agreeing to my invitation to go home.

"Patience, Zan. Do not let this situation make you su'udzon same Gusti Alloh, there must be a silver lining, try to forgive yourself first, everything that happens far beyond your power," said the Father trying to cheer me up.

"Pardon yourself?" muttered.

"We are only human, our duty is only sincerely undergo the suratan and destiny of Gusti Alloh, if the situation is difficult we have to be patient, if the situation is pleasant we must be grateful."

It is difficult to take your advice in such a situation. Throughout the journey of my mind could not escape from Mariam and Sabiru, Mariam's last state made me unsettled and so worried.

I can't bring this sadness home either, I can't share it with Medina and Sabira. I stayed all the way until I finally fell asleep.

"Innalilahi wa innailaihirojiun ...." I've heard you say the word tarji, ah .. I must be dreaming.

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