Pursuing My Husband's First Love
Titip Octavia POV Medina

'And for you Din, stop trying to be me, be Mariam. Be yourself until Mizan can love you, not the shadow of Mariam that you purposely build in your character!'

The words of Mba Mariam always ring in my head, in just a few months of my marriage with Mas Musa, I did look like I lost my identity. Mba Mariam said, I just have to believe in what I have and no longer force myself to be a Mariam.

Moses now seemed to love me so naturally, although the radiance in his eyes had not been commensurate with his love for Mariam. But I felt that Moses had done it no longer to forget Mariam, but purely because he wanted to cultivate his taste in me. The pain in my heart was slowly lessening, I was sick from jealousy, of course.

I am not a great woman who would willingly share my husband's heart with another woman, let alone Mariam so dominating every night Mas Musa. I just have to look fine so that Mas Musa can freely share his story, if only I show my pain, Mas Musa will definitely bury deeply in his story with Mariam. It's the same as a woman who wears serum but forgets to clean her face, right? I don't want to cultivate vain love, I just have to be a little brave to get hurt for a better result.

Mariam is just an ordinary woman, it is true her words, the degree of her family and Mas Musa's family is much different. Mas Musa's family is a family with high religious viscosity, even without pesantren but they are Kiyai. Just like my family. Mariam's hijab is not big, far from the word graceful as my mother-in-law bears. That's my judgment.

However, I quite understand why Mas Musa loved him so much, even after losing Mas Musa, Mba Mariam was able to get a man as good as Pak Bian. The charm of Mba Mariam, is when we sit down and talk to her. When she speaks all our senses as if locked to her voice, her sparkling eyes even look more beautiful when smiling, her voice, her body gestures, and her speech density are not arbitrary.

When he laughs, all are captivated and will contract his laughter and happiness. All who underestimate Mba Mariam just because they see the outside, certainly will regret it once she had the opportunity to sit and hear Mba Mariam talk.

I was wrong, I wanted to be like her, but who wouldn't want to be Mariam, right?

It was over, I succeeded, and hopefully I can get the heart of Mas Musa, no longer share it with anyone. I think everything's perfect, except for me not getting pregnant.

"Mba Mariam?" I said to him when I saw him sitting alone near TPQ, it seemed like he was taking Octavia to teach.

"Hay Din, where are you from?" mba Mariam's reply implied she was also sincere.

"Out of photocopies for tomorrow's study, what's the matter?" ask me while sitting next to him.

"Wait for Okta,"

"Ohhh, tumben Okta awaited?" I continued the pleasantries of trying to create an atmosphere without awkwardness.

"Okta's spoiled his legs got broken glass, so ask for waiting." Clearly Mba Mariam is brief.

"Can't you Mba? Okta's leg got a broken glass?"

"Children's habit, sometimes like to sleep again toys keep nenggenggol Papa's coffee mark this morning, I forgot my nyinkirin."

"Hemm, how are you? Ye? Already satisfied? Your wish has been achieved" asked Mba Mariam to change the subject.

"I haven't been able to say thank you that night, thank you very much Mba, I thank you for the kindness of Mba Mariam. Now that Mas Musa's attitude felt more natural in treating me, Mas Musa looked happier and cheerful."

"Thank God,"

"But I felt it was not because of talking to Mba Mariam, Mas Musa changed because he knew Mba Mariam had a husband who loved Mba Mariam very much." Mba Mariam didn't answer her she just gave me a little smile that seemed a little forced.

"I ... had also expected Mizan to be my husband, very hopeful. I used to be just a secret admirer, but it was unexpected that I felt welcome when we were in class. Even though it was just monkey love, it was a deep feeling, and a feeling that was always underestimated by others because we were little, it's been an excruciating feeling for me throughout my journey from adolescence to adulthood" said Mba Mariam, who has knocked me awake to pursue her.

"Just because of different social degrees, I stopped and gave up" he continued.

"He is the diamond of my past Din, someone who was once so precious to me, who has always been my reason for continuing to get better, I hope you are the right person to hold onto him, my past diamonds, make her happy, don't let my love for her be greater than your love, don't make me regret that she married you."

"I promise Mba, I will do all I can to make Mas Musa happy," I was so excited to hear the words of Mba Mariam, my husband's first love, who had given the one he loved to me.

"I don't want to be said to climb status, my self-esteem is more than that, I love Mizan as it is, only Mizan is not because of the frills of who he is and his family. But, who's gonna believe it, isn't he?"

"Mba Mariam just feels inferior."

"Maybe, then how was your marriage with her?"

"We were married by way of taaruf, I accidentally met Mas Musa when he came to the house of Pak Kyai Sholeh, who was Mas Musa's uncle. It turned out that Mas Musa also saw me, and without waiting for a long time the proposal was immediately implemented and we got married."

"At least your degrees are not too much different Din," said Mba Mariam.

"Hemm, I hope after this there will be no more discussion of the past," he continued.

"Yes Mba, thank you."

"Hmmm,"

"Oh yes, Mba's cooking yesterday was really good, although not familiar to me but I like Mba."

"I thought it was Mas Bian's coworker, so I cooked like that."

"I'll learn to be as smart in everything as Mba Mariam."

"Don't overdo it!"

Our conversation stopped because suddenly a police car came to us.

"Good day, what mother is Mariam? Mr Biantara's wife?" asked the police officer who got out of the car and approached us.

Surprised Mba Mariam and I immediately stood up to greet him.

"True sir my own Mother Mariam, what's the matter sir?" mba Mariam asked, a look of anxiety and fear emanated clearly on her face.

"Sorry we came to deliver the sad news, Mother's husband, Mr. Biantara had an accident this morning at 06.35 for the latest conditions please come with us, Mom!"

Mba Mariam's eyes widened to hear him, her hands trembled and her body seemed to lose strength. I managed to hold onto his body that was about to fall.

Mba Mariam looked at me, her usual dazzling eyes turned teary, she was very worried, and surprised.

"Bi-can ask to-long Din, take Octavia ... to the house, let her .. at home with my convex employee. Titip Octavia, please!" said Mba Mariam while giving me the keys to her bike.

Mba Mariam then walked into the car following the direction of the police officer. I was only able to stand looking at the departure of Mba Mariam. Then the people around me started to approach me and wonder why Mba Mariam got into the police car.

I was in shock, my breathing was so short that one of them helped me sit down and gave me a glass of water.

'Yes, my gut feeling is bad!'

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