Pursuing My Husband's First Love
Go, Din!

Mizan looked uneasy as Medina lingered inside. Even though he tried to smile and still serve the game Okta but his worried heart was very visible from the body's gestures.

"Then Medina, Zan!" I took the initiative to tell him, "Actually I don't want to come here, but this afternoon Okta asked you to continue, my arrival messed up right?"

"No Mariam, well mannered because of your good-bye intentions, Mother Medina means your family too."

"Here you go, your wife!" He looked me in the eye I don't know what he was thinking, "Go."

Mizan followed my advice and moved in after Medina. I'm sure Mizan knows what he has to do. Okta also played by herself with her soap bubbles. I leaned my head while thinking deeply, all already gone and out of nowhere should I digusuri one by one.

My wish? Medina's wish? Mizan's wishes? Or is the future of Octavia to take precedence now?

We have become one, our wounds clash, our desires contradict each other, our prayers cross each other. It's not easy being one, it's just a mortal bond made by man in writing. Although promises and pledges are also spoken before God, but what does it mean if the heart is not linked.

The humming from inside the house, I don't care what they talk about, my life has been hard enough. Not long after Mizan came out to us, followed by Medina behind him, visible traces of tears on his face.

Mizan patted me on the shoulder as she passed and returned to play with Okta. While Medina sat beside me with a smile. I didn't understand this woman, her face was sad but she tried to smile. His true feelings are always a mystery, sometimes stupid but sometimes sincere.

"Mah .., Okta wants to buy eskim, Abi ngajak." Okta said while pointing towards Mizan, when I was just thinking of retreating.

"Hhh .. yes." Mizan left holding my little girl's hand, and suddenly there was a sharp pain when she saw their closeness. How not, Mas Bian always wanted to take his daughter until he grew up and married her, now her role was replaced.

I took a heavy breath, it was hard to catch it. Everything that was beautiful turned painful.

"Why Mba? Mba all right?" medina asked aware of my emotional change.

"No papa."

Isn't it free to talk to her? He would not understand my wounds, in his eyes there was only his glorious sacrifice without ever trying to understand the wounds I was suffering.

"Din .. I have something else to talk about." I try to express my point.

"Speak aja, Mba! About Moses, right?" guess Medina excitedly.

"Not, but about me." Hearing my reply Medina was a little interested in my conversation.

"Please Mba" Medina agreed.

"I salute your love for Mizan, you are willing to do anything as long as he is happy, you even understand the pent-up feelings of his past, accept me and Octavia. I know it's not easy, is it?" I open conversations with things about him.

"It's not easy, Mba, but do I have a better choice? I could have closed my eyes but could not close my heart, what does it mean to both if our partner is not happy, if not for Mba Mariam, she said, I will still give it if Mas Musa wants it, too" said Medina, convinced as if her choice was the best.

"You can just go and find someone who just loves you" I asked.

"What's the guarantee, Mba? If I were looking for something else would I get someone better? How about the opposite? To be honest, I also once thought of quitting and leaving, but ... giving up is only for the losers, and I just have to be a little patient to be able to have what I want," answer Medina steady.

"Din, do you know why I gave up and chose to open a new page?" pancu again.

"Yes, Mba Mariam has told me, because your degrees are different," replied Medina while occasionally looking at me.

"Right, that's one of them. There was one more thing that made me give up. I felt struggling alone, while Mizan loved his ambition more. Loving is exhausting, isn't it?" Medina looked at me just as I smiled wryly at her, before she loved Mizan blindly I had loved her first, dreaming of a future with her.

"I chose to go and try to throw away all about Mizan, I forced myself to open a new page, get to know new people, and receive new love. The reason I accepted Biantara as my husband was because I saw her love as great as my love for Mizan. I was tired of loving and ended up choosing to be loved only," I continued, Medina grew more and more interested in my words, she did not miss a single bit of my words.

"Women will be queens when they meet the right man, and everything Biantara gives makes me really fall for her. Mizan and Biantara are both different loves that once lived in my heart" I concluded.

"What does Mariam mean?" medina asked in a high tone, I let her mind drift, guessing what she caught from my story.

"Is Mba Mariam telling me to go and look for another like Mba Mariam did?! What does Mba Mariam want?! No Mba, I will choose to be like the late Mr. Biantara, who patiently made Mba Mariam's heart love him, Mas Musa will love me as much as he loves you, Mba! As big as Mr. Biantara loves you too! Don't persuade me to give up Mba!" said the fiery Medina, she looked angry and scared.

"Ahaha .. look at yourself Din, your understanding is very shallow." Of course Medina's way of thinking made me laugh amusedly, but I must admit her eyes exuded a strong determination like Biantara.

"Then what does Mba Mariam mean by telling such a long story?" medina asked again while trying to control her emotions.

"Go, Din!" Medina's eyes widened to hear my words.

"Mba Mariam!" medina's jolt got angry.

"You know Din? Relationships are like kites, you have to know when to stall and when to pull. What do you think makes Mizan so attached to her feelings for me? What Din? Guess what!" Medina lowered her emotions and began to look hard thinking.

"I don't understand," he replied origin, it seems that the emotion had made him slow to think.

"I've loved her as much as you have, but for Mizan it wasn't worth enough that she chose to pursue her ideals first rather than justify me" I slowly hoped Medina meant my words.

"You want Mizan to love you, don't you?" my question is to say, "Then go!" I said once again.

"Mba told me to let go of Mas Musa? Split?" medina asked still did not accept and understand.

"No, just go for a while. Your presence even your perfect sacrifice keeps men from feeling any challenge in you, make it a little difficult for Mizan to realize how much you mean." Medina thought harder and harder.

"Whatever the logic is, men are men, they always need challenges, you have to know how their brain and heart work in order to keep up with them" I concluded.

"What do you really feel, Mba? Why would Mba Mariam give me this hard advice? Mba Loves Mas Musa, doesn't she?" medina asked me back.

"My feelings?" I repeat, asking myself exactly.

"I was deliberately acting so annoying that Mizan regretted marrying me. Do I love her? The answer is no Din, I don't have the courage to love anyone anymore. Losing Mas Bian scares me to lose the next one" I replied.

Mizan. Of course I still love him, especially now that my husband is halal for me. But, I keep trying to kill this feeling, I'm afraid of loving again, I'm afraid of losing again. This trauma is so real, the pain of life that Medina did not experience.

"When you found out the pain of loving, I felt the pain of dying as a wife, should I repeat it again? I'm not that strong, Din," I continued.

"Mba, the fate of different people, not because of the short age of Mr. Bian Mba also believes the age of Mas Musa will be short." Medina tried to advise me.

I hope Mizan will love Medina, I will have more trouble holding back my feelings if Mizan continues to show her love. I was so afraid to love again, afraid that bad things would happen to her, afraid that all my fears would happen. It would be better if I didn't have a taste.

Mizan must really love Medina.

"Mba, it seems that Mba is too negative on the destiny of God. Loving or being loved Mas Musa is the right of Mba Mariam, enjoy Mba. Let my feelings be my business!" continued Medina.

"I'm just trying to tell you, trying to help you, I know my advice is a little difficult for you, but try to get out of your comfort zone and try a new way. Think of my words."

"Thank you Mba, for your concern."

We fell silent again in our silence, it seemed that Mizan had deliberately left to give me and Medina time to talk. What an awkward atmosphere after the conversation.

"Sorry Din, I say goodbye first, it seems like Okta is too long I still have a lot of work at home." I climbed up and rode my parked motorcycle not far away.

"Yes, Mba, let Moses return to Mariam's house" replied Medina.

'Go home?' my inner.

"No, you're the one who won't. Moses, let it be here" I refused, preparing to leave.

It would be harder for me to restrain and kill my own race if Mizan continued to be near me.

'Medina made him love you!' my door in my heart.

"But, Mba ...!"

" Assalamualaikum."

I pulled my bike away and left.

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