Pursuing My Husband's First Love
Self Conscious

"I will not let Mas Musa's heart be broken a second time, Ma'am!" reject me firmly. I looked deeply into Mba Mariam's eyes, I was disappointed.

"Honestly, Din, you're the one who's got a lot of injuries because of all this, but you're pretending to be okay?" mba Mariam.

I was silent, even my hands that were cutting potatoes came to a halt. My heart is broken, I feel disappointed.

"Din, when I'm not happy even you are tormented, you can consider more benefits or mudhorotnya of this polygamy," said Mba Mariam again, I took a deep breath to calm my heart.

"Already Mba, don't argue about it anymore. I will not ask for such a bad thing to Mas Musa, just live as you can Mba, I also try to live as I can. Don't make fun of Mba's marriage, Mba said I underestimated the marriage, but now Mba who easily asked for a farewell, Mba, sorry I don't want to hear," I said, heartbroken, I tried to put an end to this stifling talk and again moved my hand to execute the potatoes in front of me.

Now Mba Mariam is silent, no longer arguing with me. I don't know if he really wants a breakup or just tests the firmness of my heart. What disappointed me was that when I, as my first wife, had to fall, I woke up to the mysterious heart of Mas Musa, while he, Mba Mariam, my husband's first love, was still in the dark, it is easy to throw off the love of Mas Musa many times.

'How much do I want to be in your position, Mba, ' my mind with pain.

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Mother still stiffly behaved to Mba Mariam and Octavia, but it seems like her anger has disappeared, disagreements with the second marriage Mas Musa began to fade. And even though there was little dialogue between us but there was already a little warmth implied in it . It turned out that Moses was right, better to be honest and what he was. With the meeting of Mother and Mba Mariam has given a new blessing to our families all.

After lunch with me, Mom and Melisa decided to go home. Now that it was my cold attitude towards Mba Mariam, I was disappointed. I kept pondering Mba Mariam's words. Of course I would have been happier had their separation really happened.

I don't have to share the day, the heart, nor the love. But, did I not get the love of Mas Musa because I divided myself with Mba Mariam? Maybe if I hadn't asked for polygamy, Mas Musa would still have had nightmares and be delirious about Mariam's name. And maybe I'm just a doll wife without taste.

"Astaghfirullohaladzim ...!" I muttered to myself while closing my eyes.

"I miss you, Mas .. I suffer because of this feeling, I want to meet you .. want to hug you .. only you can calm my soul, Mas Biaaaan ...."

The sound of Mba Mariam's crying again flashed in my memory, I was easily disappointed in her, it was possible that her heart had completely refused. I felt a sense of disappointment and slowly changed with guilt.

"Astaghfirullohaladzim ...!" I murmured again, my heart is very troubled now.

"Mba," called Melisa by touching my shoulder.

I gasped and was surprised at his arrival that I didn't realize, I was too late in my mind.

"Yes Mel, I'm sorry Mba was shocked," I said seeing her strange look at me, she was sitting next to me.

"Think what the hell, Mba? Melisa noticed since coming home from the woman's house Mba became a rich pendiem think of something heavy that, but Mother was already tired and not angry anymore. What's up?" ask Melisa.

"Not thinking about anything, are you resting?" ask me to divert the conversation.

"Yes, I sleep in my room, I'm tired the most, but I'm relieved" Melisa replied.

"Mba feels guilty about Mom, for constantly taking nicotine, and making you worry" I complained to Melisa.

"Look Mba, her name is a mother. Already Mba do not be a burden, Insha Alloh Ibu already can accept the reason Mba allows Mba's husband to marry again," said Melisa calms me.

"Alhamdulillah if that's Mel," I replied in relief.

"Ehhm .. can Melisa comment about the woman who became the honeymoon Mba?"

"Can, what?" ask me to wonder about his response.

"Looks like he doesn't love your husband, Mba. Why should Mba bother to sacrifice so far?"

"In the depths of Mba Mariam's heart there is still love for Mas Musa Mel, only now she is still very much lost her late husband."

"Some are not sure, Mba," he said hesitantly.

"Mel, a woman's heart is like a deep ocean, deep within a lot of hidden secrets, we can't judge by just one look, you know, or deduce based on one or two sentences coming out of his mouth." I tried to explain to Melisa.

"Mba Mariam and Mas Musa still love each other, although Mba Mariam is married and also loves her husband, but Mas Musa occupies a separate space deep in her heart. Mba pretended not to see their feelings, but in fact the more mba tried not to care mba increasingly feel haunted and very torturous," I explained long.

"Rather than continuing to suffer better to face reality and try to accept, however they have loved each other long before Mas Musa became my husband" I concluded, looking into my sister's eyes.

"Couldn't understand, Mba, meaning Mba who looks happy with their marriage could be fake, or deep in Mba's heart was tortured?" Melisa's question makes me uncomfortable.

"Ehm ... Insha Alloh mba sincerely, Mas Musa actually began to love mba since this marriage. How will it look like, mba will enjoy as a consequence of being too loving," I replied resignedly, I could not give falsehood to Melisa.

"You can't be afraid of Mel's marriage, loving is beautiful" I said, holding her hand.

"Melisa has not thought in that direction, Mba, but Mba heard yes whenever Mba changed her mind, Melisa, Father and Mother must be happy to receive Mba Medina back," said Melisa.

"Yes, pray yes let Mba be strong and happy." we hugged and I got tremendous strength.

Jealousy must always be there, just by imagining their romance alone my heart has been crushed. Their story is beautiful, while I mean nothing.

Maybe I don't know myself, by sticking to the man who doesn't love me. Perhaps I should have been the one who was self-conscious and released Mas Musa. I'm like a beggar who scavenges the crumbs of their love.

"Mba, why daydream again?" asked Melisa to wake me up.

"Ehm ...."

"Some worry even because Mba even a lot of diem and suddenly daydream rich gini, what else Mba stuck in the heart of Mba?"

"No papa Mel, thank you for your attention."

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Actually my heart is anxious, tonight is the ration Mas Musa returned to the house of Mba Mariam. I deliberately did not ask and let all this be a surprise for me, will Mas Musa come home to me or Mba Mariam? At 8pm it was a few minutes, but there was no sign of Mas Musa coming home.

Luckily Mom and Melisa had dinner last night, because we weren't used to dinner too late. So that only I remained waiting for the return of Mas Musa with a rumbling stomach.

"Your husband hasn't come home yet, Din?" asked my mother who suddenly followed me to the terrace.

"Not yet Ma'am, maybe the road is jammed. Here Mom, sit down!" I guided Mom to sit down together.

"Just pray, good luck until home," said Mother.

"Yes Ma'am" I answered briefly, "Where are you?" I asked because I heard Mom calling you earlier.

"Okay, I told you to go home."

"It's only been 2 days, ma'am," I asked, "Why didn't you come in here?"

"Father doesn't want, more business at home. I was the one who couldn't wait for the time when your father was loose so the mother went with Melisa."

"I'm sorry Mom, I'm worried about you" I regretted seeing the age on my mom's face.

"Aja mother whose mind is too shallow, Din, proud mother turns out mother managed to educate a noble-hearted daughter like you. I can only be angry without understanding the situation, even though I object to you being mixed up, but I try to understand your position and circumstances. I can't do anything anymore, I can only pray that your life is blessed and happy. Insha Alloh, you can get pregnant soon, son," said my mother with a full day, tears again adorned her face, I know He has tried to hold her, I know, but his delicate heart and feelings cannot be covered.

"Thank you, Madam, Medina can't do anything without Mom's prayers and blessings." We hugged each other with tears.

"Mom sure, you'll be happy!"

Highlight Mas Musa's car is seen entering the garage, me and Mom compactly hide our tears as soon as they realize his arrival. How glad my heart was, Moses granted my request last night.

"Greet your husband, son" Mother said.

I immediately welcomed Moses with a smile. I saw the same smile on my mother's face.

"Assalamualaikum" hail Mas Musa.

I immediately greeted his hand and kissed him gratefully, "Waalaikumsalam, Mas!" As usual, Moses replied by kissing my forehead.

"Assalamualaikum, Ma!" Moses took turns greeting my mother.

"Waalaikumsalam, traffic jams Mas?" ask mom.

"Yes ma'am, it's normal that you want a weekend, why are you outside? Cold Mom gets the flu" said Mas Musa attentively, then Mas Musa took Mom in while I tailed behind.

"Mas, the warm water is ready" I said.

"Still Deck," he replied as he prepared to take a shower.

"Medina who thanked Mas, because Mas had considered coming back here for my mother."

"Hem .. actually went to Mariam's house, and Mariam asked me to come here" explained Mas Musa.

My smile snatched without even pulling the corner of my lips.

"Oh .. so."

"Bath first Dek," said Mas Musa left me disappointed.

Self-conscious, Medina!

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