Pursuing My Husband's First Love
Trying to Speak in Another Language

Mizan parked her car in Mariam's yard. But unlike usual Mariam's house is still crowded at 8 pm this way, usually Mariam will close the convection before Maghrib. Mariam still looks busy with some of her employees.

"Assalamualaik."

"Waalaikumsalam, Mr Moses?" replied Heru who was cleaning the patchwork.

"Tumben is still busy?" ask Mizan.

"Yes, sir, Thank God the order has been widag, the order that usually rejected by Mama Okta is now accepted by all" said Heru.

"Come to Dalem Mas, I make a drink," Mariam invited, Mizan began to get used to Mas's call from Mariam only when she was in front of others.

"Enthusiastic!" mizan exclaimed before entering past the busy employees.

"Mar's? I'm glad you're excited again like this, but isn't this too much? Don't be so tired!" Mizan.

"I'm after the turnover, there's a windfall why rejected?" mariam replied while stirring a cup of tea.

"Pursue turnover?"

"This is my business, but look at the people who depend on my small business. I also want to make them happy, those who are struggling to find work out there. If my efforts grow their lives will also increase," said Mariam while putting tea on the table.

Mizan realizes Mariam is an independent woman, she can't make Mariam comfortable just leaning on her like Medina. While Biantara also let Mariam develop what became her dream. Mizan sipped tea in front of him.

"Sorry Zan, I'm tired. You better spend the night with Medina, she is also pregnant more in need of your attention. Octavia's sleeping anyway."

"You deliberately avoided, Mar?"

"Right, I don't want to talk to you, or to Medina any time soon. Enjoy your company, I'm busy, my work is a lot."

"Mar?"

"Hem?"

"We still need to talk."

"From now on we're talking, too, Zan. Anyway ... Medina said a lot."

"Medina?"

"I didn't expect you to tell her everything about us, I thought the bed was supposed to be a secret, but there seems to be no secret between you and Medina. Hhhh, I feel stripped naked by you guys indirectly."

"Sorry Mar, it's my fault. That time-"

"Already, don't discuss I understand enough. It's just that it takes time to bring back my embarrassment, "cut Mariam down without letting Mizan finish his explanation.

Mizan snorted angrily realizing Medina had said what she should not have told Mariam while returning to sipping tea in front of her. She used to tell Medina that she was calm Mariam wouldn't get pregnant anytime soon. Now it just backfires on itself.

"Sorry Mar, I can't be a good husband to you. But please answer Mar, I'll only ask you once, and I'll behave as you answer."

Mizan moved to sit beside Mariam, Mariam continued to avoid but Mizan tried to lock Mariam by clutching her hand.

"Let go, Zan!"

"Can't you love me for not sharing?"

"Is it really better for you to live this household without feeling?"

"Is it true that loving me only makes you suffer?"

"Is my guess right your arrogant attitude is just a cover to protect your own heart?" mizan asked in a pushy tone and locked Mariam's gaze with each question.

"Answer, Mariam! Tell me the truth how you feel!" mizan firmly with a high tone.

Mariam who was surprised by the other side of Mizan tried to suppress her feelings. His heart certainly wanted more, but his logic was trying to keep rejecting him.

Their eyes intertwined, Mizan's gaze grew sharper and introgated Mariam's heart without a word. Mariam's chest rumbled, love and disappointment fighting each other in her heart. The desire to stay and the desire to go attract each other filters the selfishness of self and the selfishness of the lover who is now her husband.

"Yesterday .. You said you still love me, right?" asked Mizan again while lowering her tone but still piercing.

Mariam swallows her saliva realizing Mizan's hand grip is getting stronger, and the distance between the two is getting shorter, Mizan is getting closer to Mariam, whose heart is like a mystery to Mizan.

"I-I .. ak-ku ...."

"I can't stand you anymore Mariam, obviously you love me. But you try desperately to keep avoiding, pretending, and covering up your true feelings with an indifferent and indifferent attitude."

"Zan-" Mariam tries to push Mizan's body too close to one hand, but Mizan does not budge and still looks at Mariam sharply.

"The more indifferent you are the more you see that you still have the same taste!" mizan said without caring about Mariam's refusal.

"Enough, Zan! Remember Medina is waiting for you and she's pregnant."

"You are my wife too! Legally and religiously, I am entitled to you! This is not a sin! I must give justice to you both!" mizan said loudly, his words managed to tear Mariam's heart.

"Zan, but--"

"Stop using Medina as an excuse to keep dodging. Ye know? He forced this marriage to happen. Enough Mariam! Make peace with the situation, the fact is that we are like this, the three of us are not the two like the others!"

Mariam's guts shrieked to see Mizan being overwhelmed with emotion.

"You deserve to be happy Mariam! Even as a second wife, don't think of people who talk badly about you, about us. Who knows we are happy or not just ourselves. And hear my words! I watched with my own head and made sure with my own heart that Medina was happy with her sacrifice!" mizan said without letting go of her glare at Mariam's eyes.

Mariam's body had been at the end of the sofa, there was no place left for her to avoid Mizan. He is getting desperate and Mizan is taking the lead with his explanations.

"I love Medina as much as I love you. So, stop pestering me with your rejection and arrogance. Let's go through this honestly Mariam!" concluded Mizan, his speech more like a plea this time.

"Mariam Jawab! If you say 'no' then I will give up and back out of your heart. But, I will still be your husband, a husband without a heart." Mizan confirmed each of his words, describing the tone of the threat and ultimatum to Mariam.

Mariam again swallowed her saliva, trying to digest the long speech Mizan had just said. Mariam fights hard with herself, the side of her who still loves her lover and the other side of her who insists on going for her pride.

"Say Mariam! Do you really not love me?"

A clear circle fell from the corner of Mariam's eyes, her lips trembling speechlessly. Seconds by second passed, the two's gazes still intertwined. Mariam is still trying hard to measure between her heart and her ego.

"Just one word, Mariam!" mizan continued to corner Mariam.

"Really ... you ... no .. love me?" asked Mizan somehow for a few times, their breath was getting closer as the distance was getting used up between the two.

"Ak-"

Mizan closed her eyes and kissed Mariam's sobbing lips. Mariam was surprised but she was locked in a corner that made her run out of room to refuse, her stuffing sound choked. Mizan continued to kiss her, the turmoil in her heart could not be contained anymore. Mariam's cold attitude actually makes her more sure her love is still alive in the heart of her second wife.

Mariam closed her eyes, resigned to let Mizan kiss without retaliating, only her tears flowing more and more realize her heart is still in love with her ex-lover. His defense collapses, his common sense loses, he indirectly admits to his pretense all along.

One hand Mizan moved to support Mariam's nape and pressed towards her, and hugged Mariam's back using the hand she had been using to grab Mariam's hand. Mizan continues to smear Mariam's lips, trying to speak another language to force Mariam to confess her love.

'I'm an ordinary man, should I give up? Is it true that I should take a gulp of my status as Honey?' inner Mariam.

Mizan stops her long kiss, her forehead and nose still clinging to Mariam. He opened his eyes and realized Mariam's crying in silence. The breaths of the two were still hunting each other. Mizan is convinced, Mariam still loves him but Mariam keeps silencing herself.

'Do you know Mariam, how strong is your defense to lie to yourself?' inner Mizan.

Mizan removed Mariam's nape and switched to kissing the top of Mariam's head, before she finally hugged Mariam with both hands. Mariam let go of her bated cry in Mizan's warm embrace.

"I know you still love me, Mar. I'm sorry for uniting us with a polygamous destiny, I'm sorry for not being able to give you the dream marriage we once had. But believe me, Medina is not a disappointing partner."

Mariam softens and begins to return Mizan's embrace. Although he was doubtful of his choice, but he no longer doubted the hearts that still loved each other.

"You must love each other, for you are extraordinary women with a special destiny. I can't possibly make a happy marriage by myself, I need you guys to always be able to remind me when I'm leaning in and being unfair."

"I cannot let go of any of you, not because I am selfish or greedy. But because I said the ijab and qobul in front of Allah, it was not a joke. I must do what I am responsible for, what I have chosen with all the risks and consequences."

Mizan let go of her embrace, she stared at Mariam's sad face. Mariam's tears were gently wiped away.

"Smile Mariam, I know our destiny is heavy. But Allah is with us."

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