Pursuing My Husband's First Love
Second Farewell

That day Moses came home sooner than usual, at half 5 pm he had parked his car in front of Mariam's shophouse. The shop was crowded, Moses entered for the first time to Mariam's business and soon someone approached him.

"Please, sir, what do you want to find?" the young lady was friendly.

"I'm sorry to see Mariam, is there?" ask Moses.

"Oh, Miss Mariam is upstairs in the production room, made a promise, sir?"

"Not yet, tell me she's waiting for her husband."

"Oh .. sorry sir, I don't know if the Father is the husband of Ms. Mariam, let me please take her to her room, let me give her message to Ms. Mariam above."

"Yes." Yeah."

"One more time I'm sorry, sir."

"Udah is not papa."

Moses walked in the steps of the young woman, and she was led to a corner of the building. The woman opened the door and let Moses in.

"Please wait inside, sir!" he said while going to find Mariam.

Moses went into the room where Mariam fought for everything. He looked around, checking every inch of the room that seemed sweet. Large portraits of Mariam and Octavia hang on a side wall, and a small frame on Mariam's table shows the happy moments of Mariam, Okta, and Biantara.

Moses grabbed and looked at her, unconsciously his finger rubbing the happy laughter of Mariam in it. There was sadness in Moses' heart as he looked at him, a warm laugh that was lost and he was unable to bring it back.

He immediately put the object back in place, then Moses walked over and sat down on the sofa to wait for Mariam. Mariam might be angry when she finds out Moses checked her things.

Mariam came in a hurry, she immediately came as one of her employees told her about her husband's arrival.

"Mizan?"

"Assalamualaikum, Mariam." Mariam entered and swiftly closed the curtain of the glass-walled room.

"Wa-waalaikumsalam .. What's wrong?" ask Mariam nervously.

"I just want to stop by, am I interrupting?"

Mariam tries to control herself, she is surprised by Mizan's sudden arrival.

"Want tea or coffee?"

"Tell me" replied Mizan. Mariam swiftly grabbed the cup and made a cup of tea for Mizan and a cup of coffee for herself.

"When have you had coffee, Mar?" tanya Mizan sees Mariam serving black coffee to herself.

"Since .. um, I don't know. I just need more energy for all this."

Mariam sits opposite Mizan, eye bags hanging under her eyes. Mariam began to sip her coffee, expel fatigue and give a little injection of spirit.

"I'm glad your life is all right, but .. I think I've had enough time to give you a few months to think."

"I haven't even thought of anything, sorry I'm just focusing on my efforts."

"Yes, I can see. Your development is truly remarkable. But ... Our problem also can't be hung for too long, I as a man feel guilty for letting you hang."

Mizan moved closer to Mariam, now she was sitting next to him.

"I'm fine, Zan. The busyness has made me forget that I was just a honey until yesterday Medina came .. and reminded everyone," said Mariam, sipping her coffee, she only occasionally stole a glance at Mizan.

"Did Medina ask any more questions?"

"Well, I just have to get used to it, don't I? Just calm down, I'm not saying anything to keep his feelings."

Mizan felt deadlocked to Mariam, out of nowhere she should start talking.

"Can we talk about us?" mizan asked breaking the silence.

"Please, Zan."

"How did you decide?" ask Mizan.

"Maybe that question suits you better." Mariam returns Mizan's question.

"Zan, we're not teenagers anymore. I kept trying to question my heart but still I couldn't share any husband for that reason. Sorry .. I'm not as good a woman as Medina." Mariam spoke without turning her head to Mizan, while Mizan continued to look at Mariam, watching her movements, reading every gesture of her body.

"I'm satisfied enough to see your happiness with Medina, I don't think there's any more reason for me to push myself."

"Insha Alloh, I am willing to let you go for the second time, I am also sincerely released by you for the second time," concluded Mariam, her hand clutching the cup in her hand tightly.

"I didn't expect it, Mar." Mizan smiled wryly and her eyes glazed over.

"I'm no longer the depressed Mariam, whose opinion doesn't deserve to be heard. I've been quite conscious and at peace with the situation, you see I've risen and deserve to be a parent to Octavia."

"I'm so sad, Zan and I are so sorry that our story has to end like this." Mariam began to shed tears and was carried away.

"But I can't, pushy and pretending to be okay. You can judge me as a bad or stubborn wife, but my logic still cannot accept a marriage like this. I am ... still far from being called a sholihah wife." Mariam continued to talk while Mizan fell silent focused on the fight in her heart.

"I just want to be a good mother, I'm afraid that my lack of commitment to this marriage will have an impact on Octavia's psychology in the future." Mariam put down the coffee cup and tried to regain control of herself.

Mariam dared to look at Mizan, it turns out that Mizan no longer looks at herself and looks down while closing her eyes. Mariam immediately threw her gaze in another direction so that her heart would not waver. It was not easy for him to ask for a second farewell, a farewell while his heart still held love.

"I can't be a good wife, a wife you might expect" Mariam told Mizan, who remained silent.

How long they were silent, until Mizan got up and approached Mariam. Mariam is surprised to find Mizan's sudden movements. Mizan kissed the top of Mariam's head, and cried there for quite a long time.

Mariam let Mizan do it, let alone avoid just mastering her heart her courage was exhausted.

Mizan finally let go of Mariam's head and then threw both knees in front of Mariam. Mizan kissed Mariam's hand with sadness, something broke inside her. Then she clasped Mariam's hand, but her eyes kept looking down. A futile attempt to hide tears.

"Bismillahrrohmanirrohim ...."

"Today .. I'm Musa Hamizan, without coercion from any side and consciously giving you a talaq."

"Start this moment you ... Mariam Maulidda bint Maulana is no longer my wife."

Mizan let go of Mariam's handrails and sat back down on the sofa. Both of his hands were cupped covering his face, his crying voice no longer could he hide.

Mariam was surprised, her tears fell without restrained hearing Mizan's pledge. His hands were trembling, his heart breaking, even though he himself was asking for this farewell. Sadness and relief mix into one, and create a mood that cannot be expressed in words.

"I'm sorry I couldn't make you happy" Mizan said in tears.

"I love you, and want you to be happy, so I decided to let you go."

"I realize you're not the woman I can hold. .. not the woman I can have."

"I'm sorry I forced you to suffer."

"I'm too weak, while you're a wonderful woman."

"I'm sorry, Mariam."

"Blessed, chase all your dreams, Medina and I will no longer give you any trouble."

"But allow me to keep taking Octavia as my daughter."

Now it was Mariam who was silent, listening to all the words of Mizan that were stammering.

"I. .. don't know what to say, Zan."

"Thank you .. for everything, I wish you happiness. Medina loves you so much, a love worth fighting for."

"This time we parted in a more mature way, everything was finished without question marks, sincerely, and in a good way."

"I hope our hearts are done."

Mizan tried to laugh, wipe away the tears on her face and forced herself to look towards Mariam.

"Can we be friends after this?" Mizan extended her hand to shake hands.

Mariam forced herself to laugh in between her tears, "From the beginning we were friends" Mariam said as she welcomed Mizan's handshake.

They both laughed between the tears they were trying to overcome.

"I hope you stop avoiding our hometown, go back to being a warm and cheerful Mariam" Mizan said.

"Yes, I'll try."

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.