Pursuing My Husband's First Love
I Want Mariam

POV MOSES

I was trying so hard to forget Mariam, I wanted to live more real and leave her alone in my dreams. But once again, destiny tested my faith testing the firmness of my heart.

The face I wanted to forget was very real in front of my eyes. The physical beauty and heart that had made me fall so deeply. Until there was no science that could erase her shadow, I was ashamed of the higher education that I looked at and ashamed of the lecturer title attached to me while forgetting Mariam I did not find the formula.

"Mariam ... ?" That name just slid from my mouth, when there was Medina there I should have been better at controlling myself and my mouth.

"Mizan ... ?"

Yes, I miss Mariam, I miss her a lot. I almost fell down happy, saw Mariam alive for real. After all this time he was only in my dreams. If I had justified him first before my departure for Yemen, perhaps this story would have been different and he would not have fidgeted in an uneventful and longing wait that had not been broken. I realized his decision to leave was my fault.

If, and if only.

I wanted to hug her very much to hug her but now absolutely will not be able to. I have sinned because I want what is not mine.

I was about to say hello to Mariam, at least trying to be ordinary. We're old friends, aren't we? But Mariam walked in and shut the door. Medina tried to get Mariam to open the door in vain. It seems that I was just a nightmare that Mariam wanted to avoid.

My faith is really tested, one side I realize he belongs to someone else but one side I want to just once and for the last time embrace Mariam, to just treat the thirst that torments me all this time. But the existence of Medina with a heart that I must guard, made me have to kill this taste many times.

I want Mariam, I want her so much. I don't care if she's mad or hates me, just once Mariam. After that I will be more sincere in releasing you, and this story will be finished happily.

"Mas ... !" Medina came and tried to ask me to talk, I deliberately avoided her, I was ashamed of my own attitude.

Suddenly it came to my mind the advice of a friend. When we think of a love that we cannot have, then pour that feeling into the love that has become ours, that way it will add warmth to the relationship we have and erode our wrong feelings towards the love of the other.

"Bissmilbornohmanirohim ... !"

'I take refuge in You and in Medina, from my sin of still loving Mariam, may Allah forgive my sins and Allah protect me from wrong feelings.'

Kuciumi his face, hoping my love will be deep in him. I take her lips, and hope that my heart will always be on her. Her crying subsided and she began to hand herself over to me.

I cried, I could no longer bear it, I was tired of this feeling.

'I'm sorry for making you hurt just because I'm helpless against the love of the past.' a thread of forgiveness that I can only say in my heart.

It was Mariam's love that got me drunk and Medina's patience that kept leading me in the right direction. I fucked Medina with all my strength to scrape all about Mariam.

'I must forget, I must let go, I must let go!' I promised myself that only the sobs I held were witnesses of my sincerity.

Medina walked over to the bathroom, then there was a sobbing sound between the splashing sounds of water. For a moment, Medina needed to cry. I'm the one who's stupid enough to let a woman as good as Medina get hurt.

'Wait for Medina, I'll love you soon!'

Medina and Mariam have known each other without knowing each other, this pure power of God without human engineering. I don't know what will happen, but nothing in the world goes without His permission, not even my feelings for Mariam. I'm sure one day I'll find the wisdom of all this.

"Sir, should we just move out of here?" ask her at night before bed.

"Why Mas? Avoiding Mariam's Mba?"

"No, I'm afraid you're not comfortable Dek,"

"I'm fine, Mommy,"

"But Deck,"

"Believe me Mas, Medina is not papa, it is possible that this is the answer to Mas's prayers so far, finding Mariam and finding a way out of your nightmares Mas."

"The first time I met Mba Mariam was when Mba Mariam helped your tired mother Mas walk from the market, Mom immediately put her heart on her and asked me to befriend her. And after getting to know Mba Mariam, I get to know more people around here, find a warm and good social environment, as well as a study assembly that makes me feel more at home here. That's Alloh Mas's lead, so I can find Mba Mariam for you."

"Dec ... !"

"Don't worry about me Mas, if it wasn't for your ridhomu and Ridho Alloh, I wouldn't have made it this far, I wouldn't have, it wouldn't be this loud and might even have given up when we first heard Mariam's name spoken on our bridal night. I sincerely Mas, it would be very strange if Mas Musa would immediately love me as Mas Musa loved Mba Mariam, Mas Musa is a person who is not easily moved, loyal, and sincere. I just have to be patient a little more to get your heart Mas, I will try, as I can, as hard as my heart Mas."

I was so slapped by his words, even so far he still raised my degree and did not want to demean me.

"Don't blame yourself Mas, this is all happening because I chose him too, I want him. Sleep Mas, tomorrow morning we have to go to Mba Mariam's house to pick up my bike." I hugged Medina who was sleeping behind me.

The next morning we went to Mariam's house, this time she welcomed me and Medina. With a friendly Mariam responding to the intention of Medina's arrival, I caught up with Medina and tried to greet Mariam like an old friend. Mariam welcomed her and Mariam pretended not to recognize me yesterday, when I clearly heard her mention my little name.

She introduced me to Bian, her husband. Someone who has replaced my failure to make Mariam happy, I'm glad they seem happy. Mariam's decision to stop waiting for me turned out to be right, she got a husband who was able to make her happy. There's nothing wrong with me and Mariam, it's just that we met at the wrong time, while Bian and Mariam were lucky to meet at the right good time.

I tried desperately to fend off the feeling that was back in my heart, I forced it to smile. Although it was uncomfortable to see Mariam struggling spoiled with her husband, I had hoped to be in that position. I have to put it down. Maybe it's a good thing for us to start all over again.

'O you who are able to turn your heart, remove this feeling!'

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