Pursuing My Husband's First Love
Moses finally left me

Suddenly I felt sad, it seemed like I would soon lose without a departure. Mas Musa came to the hospital not only because of Mr. Bian, but because of his concern for Mba Mariam. Yes Alloh .. should I go back to envying Mba Mariam? He doesn't have my husband but he has his whole heart and soul. Then what am I?

Mr. Bian who became the biggest reason for Mas Musa to be sincere, now no longer exists. Suddenly I felt that the abyss, which was about to separate me and Moses, was crushing all my struggles for a place in Mas Musa's heart.

Is this Your plan, O God? We met Mariam in a happy state, but in an instant took Mariam's happiness when Mas Musa had started trying to love me. It would not be easy for Mas Musa to turn a blind eye to Mba Mariam's grief, proof that he soon came to the hospital for Mba Mariam.

Astaghfirulloal .... I have been su'udzon to Your destiny Yes Alloh, forgive me!

Family groups from Pak Bian's hometown and Mba Mariam began to arrive, most likely Mba Mariam's family knows Mas Musa, are they not from the same area? A town near the foot of Mount Merapi. All dissolved in his blue atmosphere, the sudden departure of Mr. Bian left a lot of suffering.

I did not have many opportunities to approach Mba Mariam or Octavia, many came just to lend their shoulders to where Mariam was crying, both Mba Mariam and Pak Bian seem to get along very well with neighbors and the surrounding environment, so many are sympathetic and grieving.

'May Mr. Biantara husnul khotimah, Aamiin!'

From my place, I saw Mas Musa mixing with other male mourners, Mas Musa continued to steal a glance at Mba Mariam while occasionally wiping his own tears. Mariam continued to cry and sometimes fainted, little Octavia who continued to cry and scream, until finally falling asleep because she was tired. Anyone who witnessed it would feel sad, but Mas Musa seemed more than sad, did you feel the pain of Mba Mariam, Mas?

I, the wife who pursued my husband's first love to get the same love from him. I didn't expect a happy marriage to hurt this much.

After the funeral was over I approached Mas Musa and brought him home. It's almost night, I'm sure Mas Musa hasn't eaten yet. Moses silenced me a lot, even the offer to eat was subtly rejected by Mas Musa, as Moses was busy with his own mind.

After the prayer of Mas Musa extended his Dhikr, Mas Musa wept again in his prayers, a long and sorrowful prayer. I felt useless as a wife, as if my existence meant nothing at all.

My body is so tired, so is my mind. I'm throwing my body away trying to find new strength. The buzz of Mas Musa's prayer could still be heard in my head, in the end, I was getting used to Mas Musa's prayer which was not for me. Let it. I'mtired.

"Mas Moses .... !" I screamed with gasps and my body was filled with cold sweat.

"Istighfar Deck ... Istighfar!" Moses was beside me with a worried, panicked face, looking at the face I had just seen for the first time.

"Astaghfirullohal'adzim ... !"

Musa got off the bed in a hurry, I just saw his back disappearing behind the door. I was busy calming my heart that was pounding, Yes Alloh I had a nightmare, at the same time and circumstances as when Mas Musa dreamed of Mariam. I was sweating my face with my sleeves.

Musa came to him with a glass of water. He approached me and led me to drink it.

"Bissmillah Deck," lead Mas Musa.

I really dreamed that Mas Musa finally left me and chose to go with Mba Mariam, a bad thought that always haunted me, but did not expect that fear finally came true in the form of a dream.

In that instant, I realized, I had fallen too deep, I was so afraid of losing ... Mas Moses. I regret that I have disturbed the past which now feels like a threat, if time can be repeated, I will not pursue Mba Mariam.

I returned my husband's embrace along with my bursting cry.

"Don't stay with me, Mas!" i beg.

"Calm down Deck, no one wants to leave you baby!"

The darling? Did Moses really call me dear?

"Oh yes, maybe just before going to bed Adek forgot not to pray." Moses calmed me down crying like a child who was afraid of his doll being taken away.

"promise, Mum! Don't stay in Medina!"

"Dear, I promise I won't leave you, Dek." It's nice to hear it, even if I know it takes more than a promise, but I want to be happy even with a promise.

"Calm down Deck, it's just a nightmare, let's do it again! You look tired" said Mas Musa, he again led me to sleep.

But I do not want to take off my arms to Mas Musa, I do not want to lose him.

"May Medina ask to sleep hugged?"

"Yes, calm down, now go to bed."

I nodded softly, Enjoying this embrace, the sense of security and comfort made me want to have Mas Musa completely, heart and soul. The scent of Mas Musa's body that I liked so much, even the worried eyes that he had given me for the first time. I would be crazier than Mba Mariam, if I had to lose Mas Musa.

I heard sholawat chanting from Mas Musa's lips, as I continued to gently rub my head. Her sweet voice crept slowly to my soul. Simple romantic treatment, which always makes me melt and resigned to enjoy it. The attitude that makes me never able to hate what is in the heart of Mas Musa, an attitude that makes me regret for not being able to give happiness and also heredity.

If Mas Musa has not been able to forget Mba Mariam, it is entirely my fault.

As soon as the warmth flowed into my heart, the warmth that had been lost all day. Mas Musa's attitude exerted a tremendous calming effect, dampening all anxiety and fear. Like cold water that quenches thirst and like medicine that heals incisions in the wounds of my heart.

No longer do I worry about her attitude towards Mba Mariam which always makes me jealous and envious. His attitude towards me right now is enough to make me feel like I am in heaven. Love is calming. I care no more for the half of Mas Musa's heart which contains Mba Mariam.

....