Pursuing My Husband's First Love
Fight Life

We rented a hotel close to the hospital to stop by, so that Mr and Mr. Iwan were comfortable and I easily went back and looked at Mariam and my son. I did not forget to send a picture of my son and Mariam that I had taken earlier to Medina, hoping that she would understand my situation here and pray for the safety of both.

[Patience, Mother! This is a test that we must pass again, hopefully the dede and Mba Mariam strong yes, Mas] wrote Medina in her message.

[Sorry, Deck. I have to leave you and Sabira]

[Medina understands, Mas. Medina felt guilty to Mba Mariam, asking for forgiveness for Medina on Mba Mariam yes, Mas] Medina's last sentence made the feeling even more frightening.

[Mariam must be cured, Deck. You can talk to him later]

The night passed very slowly, placing all the burdens on my heart on the Creator and Giver of Life. It was hard for my heart to go and rest in this comfortable place, but the Mariam family still seemed very disappointed and angry over all the events that happened. So I decided to give them some space.

The next morning I took the time to visit Mr. Biantara's grave first before coming to the hospital. Usually Mariam has never been absent to this place every Friday morning, and on this Friday I came to represent Mariam.

"I'm sorry Mr. Bian, I'm still far from worthy to look after Mariam. Even what I did was the opposite, making him suffer even now his life is threatened. I still haven't found the wisdom behind your departure, sir. You are a great man who managed to mold my once weak Mariam into another Mariam, who was strong against such a harsh world. Aren't good people more beloved?"

Mariam's condition began to show progress even though it still has not responded much but the doctor said the critical period has passed my son began to improve, his lungs have matured and his weight slowly rose. Mariam's family is still restricting me from getting close to her. At home my mother regularly held special lectures to pray for Mariam and my son. The various ways my parents did to atone for her guilt for the Mariam family.

As the condition of Mariam and my son improved, Bu Sri also began to soften her attitude to me, only Mas Faisal who was getting more and more cynical. Aside from his personal problems with the protracted Mas Harun, now he blames me completely for Mariam's condition. While Mr. Maulana tried wisely to make the awkward atmosphere between us disappear, even though I knew his heart was also in turmoil.

"Mas Moses, it has been 7 days, give your son a name" said Mr. Maulana.

"W-what?" Honestly, I feel inappropriate.

"Let me give you a name!" peeked Mas Faisal who suddenly came.

"Do not be presumptuous Sal, however Mas Musa entitled to give him a name," said Mr. Maulana.

"He's Mariam's son, sir! This man simply impregnated him and bestowed all the suffering on Mariam alone, while he was cool to enjoy life with his wife. He thinks money can solve everything?!" mas Faisal said right in my face.

"Already, Mas. Do not discuss this problem again, we must be sincere and focus on Mariam's recovery," said Bu Sri chimed in.

"Mariam's suffering can't be paid for with money, sir!"

'I understand your family's wounds, Mar. I let myself be reviled by Mas Faisal, my inner self.

"Mas Faisal was right, Mom, sir, I don't deserve to name the child, even admitting that my father is ashamed" I said.

"But the child deserves a name from you, whatever you do, whatever happens between you and our family, not the responsibility of the child until he has to lose his right to a name. Already, do not be extended," said Mr. Maulana sage.

Mas Faisal snorted annoyedly then went away, actually I felt comfortable when Mas Faisal cursed and stripped me of all my losses, even though without being mistaken the guilt was already there and made my heart claustrophobic and burdened, just feeling the overflow of anger Mas Faisal made me a little better.

The clap of Mr. Maulana on my shoulder awakened me from the reverie.

"If there was anything I could do to make up for it all, I would definitely do it! I really feel guilty" I said desperately but sincerely.

"Father understand, yes, this is destiny, Gusti Alloh has outlined for our son Mariam, the people around him are only intermediaries,

whatever has happened, if you obey emotions and blame people one by one will not change Mariam's situation, you just ask for prayer, the best for Mariam!"

"True Mas Musa, the mother is also guilty, but the mother tries to forgive herself, Mariam will certainly be sad if she sees us like this" said Ms Sri, although he tried to show sincerity but his face could not lie, what emanated was despair.

"Sabiru Muhammad Ahza, I want him to be a lucky man."

"How, Sir?" my connection.

"Alhamdulillah, we only use that name," said Mr. Maulana without arguing.

"Preferably Father and Mother go home first and rest, let me and Father who change guard here, do not let Father and Mother sick," my suggestion is to look at the condition of those who begin to look tired and tired inward.

At first Ms. Sri and Mr. Maulana refused, but after a little I persuaded them to finally rest and go home. We do not know until when Mariam must be treated, at least we have to share the role to be able to handle everything.

I looked at Mariam who was still lying helplessly in the ICU from the window, "Wake up Mariam!!! Maki-make me as usual," I murmured bitterly.

Actually I miss Sabira and Medina, but I am ashamed, I still deserve to enjoy happiness while Mariam and Sabiru are fighting for their lives.

"Zan?" call my father to wake me up.

"Yes, sir," I said.

"Patience .. because for Allah to make people fall is easy, but it is also easy for HIM to glorify the person again. This is your ordeal, Zan. Keep praying for the recovery of your ex-wife and son."

"Yes, sir," I said softly, my heart is heavy to understand because of my plight, but I still believe.

Moments later the Doctor came and examined Mariam, I could only watch her from the outside. I kept praying and hoping Mariam would wake up.

After the Doctor came out, I approached the Doctor to ask about Mariam's condition.

"Sorry, are you a patient?" ask the Doctor.

"Ehm, I'm the patient's ex-husband and the father of the patient's baby, ma'am," I replied.

"Ohh ...." The look on his face turned sour and seemed to belittle me, whether it was like that or just my feelings.

"The patient began to improve, began to realize even though he could not communicate properly," replied the Doctor in front of me.

"Alhamdulillah," I cried with gratitude.

"For the case of Ms. Mariam I personally feel concerned, when the pregnancy is problematic and should get extra attention, instead she must undergo a divorce" said the Doctor before passing.

"True, your situation is indeed concerning, Mar!" muttered.

I should what? Shall I tell you all about you, about us, and about Medina? Exhausting, right?

Mariam .. I am fully aware, you are not something I can hold. Even all the bad things that have happened to you are the impact of my efforts that once held and defended you. But, in the eyes of those who don't understand will say everything happened because I let you go.

If I hold on I'm sure you'll continue to be in pain, and even though you'll still be in pain when I let you go, but I'm sure one day you'll be happy.

Let the world judge us by their eyes, I still understand what you want. If not leaving you was the way out, I would. If getting married again you'll make things right, I'll do it. But .. You and I both know, not that.

🍀🍀🍀

"Mom .. Let me talk to Mariam" I asked Ms. Sri.

"Go back to the village of Mas Musa, let Mariam calm down," refused Bu Sri.

Today is the 10th day, Mariam has come to her senses and can begin to communicate, but Mariam and Mas Faisal's parents prevent me from approaching Mariam.

"Please, ma'am, if Mariam asks me to leave, I will go" I pleaded.

"I won't hurt my mother's child, let me talk for a minute" he said.

Ms. Sri was unmoved and seemed to be considering her decision, I had to meet Mariam mumpung Mas Faisal was not there, if there was a certainty she threw me out raw.