Pursuing My Husband's First Love
The tears that made me an angel

Pov MUSA HAMIZAN'S

Alloh rebuked me, with a brief introduction to someone named Biantara. He was only 2 years above me, he was an ordinary person, who worshiped as if, even I can guess he never read Jurumiah. However, he was diligent in worship and following studies in the mosque.

With his knowledge and knowledge, he managed to make Mariam as his life companion. I know, it's not easy to touch a Mariam's heart, because I've done it. In fact, she managed to make Mariam happy in a warm, loving household, something I couldn't do.

I was ashamed of myself, of the distance I had been, and of the length of time I had spent seeking knowledge. But I was still unable to control my past feelings and my heart, to Mariam, to the wife of people. Very far away the sincerity that I have with Biantara's.

I, once claimed there was nothing more beautiful than my love for Mariam, a love that was reciprocated yet matchless. My love continues in prayer, I pray for the happiness of Mariam, which I am unable to realize.

Biantara, she loves Mariam not with selfishness. In fact, when she met me, she warmly welcomed me and said, wanting to bring me together with Mariam for the sake of a peace of heart Mariam, from a story that has not been completed perfectly. If I were, I might be jealous.

Even when Medina did something similar, it still felt different sincerity between the two. I learned a lesson about love from Biantara.

The first time in my life, I felt sincere about taking Mariam off, was because of Biantara. Because of her, too, I had to watch Mariam cry, hurt and grieved at the loss. Her eyes describe the destruction of her heart and her life, the backrest of her life has gone, Mariam collapsed in the darkness because she lost the figure of Imam.

Every night I prayed that Allah would turn my heart back, strengthening the defense of my feelings for Mariam. Verily I have no power over what I feel, only Allah has the right to change or eliminate the feelings in the heart of every creature. I was ashamed of Medina, because my weakness was against this feeling.

The defense of my heart was broken and lost imprudently, after seeing Mariam in her weak state, she was a gray jewel. I didn't see her suffer, I just wanted to support her collapsed heart, and also her shaken life, what can I do now?

I was pensive again, the cup of tea that was in front of me had turned cold. Biantara is gone, and though I have only known her, this feeling of sadness leaves a great void in my heart.

Medina touched both of my shoulders, she gave me a gentle massage, and awakened me from the immortality of my mind.

I was ashamed of him, I failed to be a good husband, I was immersed in my own feelings. I fooled her pretentious attitude, I drifted away and believed that she was fine. In fact, she was very scared, afraid of my love for Mariam.

"Mas Moses ... ?" call gently.

"Hem ...." Medina sat beside me, since Biantara's departure I avoided her too much.

"May Medina ask?" her door with a face that was no less sad, I just nodded and went back to pretending to drown on the book in my hand.

"Mas not happy? Is it possible that Mas regretted marrying Medina?"

I flinched with his question, how could he think so? If he knew, I was ashamed, I could not stand in front of him with a heart filled with others.

"Mas Moses ... ?" I put the book in my hand.

"Sir, whatever your prejudice is, make sure it's wrong." Medina breezed from the chair and rested on my lap.

"Mas turned cold, spoke little, ignored me, and Mas preferred to linger in front of laptops, books, even most of the night Mas Musa spent on the prayer mat, what did Moses cry? What did Moses ask? What is Mba Mariam?" medina said, her tears shed with sobs.

I guided Medina to wake up, I wiped away the tears that ran down her cheeks, the tears that would make me cursed by angels as long as my feet stepped.

"No Deck, sorry ... They ignore you."

"Should Medina ask Mba Mariam to marry you, Mas?" medina asked, I was surprised that she could say that.

Never minded, to get Mariam back, let me be where I am and she is, I just want to keep her in prayer.

"Sir, Istighfar Dek!"

"Mas ... Medina sincerely, if Mas would."

"Mas do not know what to say, hhhh .. mas never even thought up to there, the feeling of mas in Mariam is no longer because it wants to have, mas not expect, but, you can think like that!"

Medina looked surprised, as I slightly raised my tone.

"Medina just can't bear to see Mas keep crying every night, Medina wants Mas Musa happy, Medina doesn't want to be selfish."

"That's not what makes me cry, Dek!"

Medina looked down, avoiding my eyes. His body moved up and down.

Astaghfirullohaladzim ...!

I hugged her, I realized I was wrong until Medina thought like that.

"Have Deck, do not think too far-fetched, already do not cry, later the angel who cursed Mas will be more and more."

"But, Medina is serious" he said confidently.

"No Deck, Mr. Bian's burial ground is still red, how could you think that way."

"Mas Moses could not lie, but Moses was sad, right? Look at Mariam's Mba."

"Whoever sees must be sad, Deck! But Mas Musa was also sad and lost, not only Mariam, even almost all the residents here were sad because of the loss of Mr. Bian, a good, warm, humbel figure. Mas only felt that he had lost a close friend, although Mas had only known him, but the impression that Mr. Bian gave was deep."

"Do you think that way without even taking into account Mr. Bian's position, Dek?"

Medina just looked down to hear what I said.

"Mas appreciates Mr. Bian so much, so don't think that way anymore."

"What's wrong with being sad about losing a friend?"

"I'm sorry Medina, Mas!" lirih.

I hugged her again, hoping that the emotions in my heart would subside. I also hope he regrets having been prejudiced.

"Many dhikr and Istighfar, Dek!"