Pursuing My Husband's First Love
I'm Human

Mariam pushed Mizan's body a little away, Mizan no longer forced it as before. Mariam tried to control herself, organize her feelings, fix her emotions, and try to regain consciousness.

Mizan was the same, while he was overcome with emotion. But his words are not stifled anymore. Although Mariam did not answer him directly, but she was relieved to reveal everything. Medina's remarks about the arrogance that Mariam continues to show have been successfully completed.

"Give me a chance to think, if you used to force me to get married because you thought I was crazy and inappropriate, then now give me time to think with my sane mind," mariam broke the silence.

"Mar's? I never thought you were insane." Mizan was disappointed because Mariam was still insistent.

"Until this moment, I can't forget how my mother finally accepted your proposal, my mother said 'Mariam is depressed, so I as her guardian have the right to make a decision,' and finally my mother accepted your application that came many times, with the guarantee of the future of Octavia's education."

"Mar-"

"You've spoken too much to Zan, forcing me to confess my feelings, with various logical and heart attacks. Now let me talk."

Mariam took a deep breath.

"Yes, I said yes. I do still love you, especially with your intense presence, your attention, your affection for Okta, plus the attacks of our past memories."

"I couldn't fight it all, I gave up.

"I love you."

Mariam said with desperate eyes. Mizan heard it with sparkling eyes, the honesty of Mariam who she had been waiting for. Although yesterday he had time to admit it, somehow Mariam froze again.

"But listen, Zan! The groaning of my heart."

"This marriage, which you consider a sacrifice from Medina, is a prison for me."

"Letting you go was difficult and it broke a part of my heart, but living in this marriage is so much harder that even this marriage has ruined my entire life and my pride!"

"Often, you and Medina say this is a glorious sacrifice, but do you realize it?"

"This marriage made me like a beggar to be merciful to Medina."

"If you want a confession of love, yes, I love you. Very and very much love you just like you used to, for me this love stays the same, Zan."

"Torturing and suffocating!" mariam is under pressure.

Mariam continued to transmit the despair of her every word. Making Mizan realize, the gap between them is very wide and deep. Mariam is not like before, which will be destroyed by her explanations.

"Mar, what makes you so stubborn?" mizan asked, he realized his efforts had not been able to penetrate Mariam's heart completely.

"Zan ...." Mariam dared to look Mizan in the eye.

"Did you ever think that Medina's actions used to be rash?"

"Have you ever thought that Medina's wisdom brought suffering to me?"

"Have you ever thought, I really don't want what Medina sacrificed?"

"Medina is great, she can share you amazingly. But I can't, Zan!"

"I'm not a woman with that understanding, I have absolutely no power to just imagine my husband making out with another woman."

"What love have I shown you less, Mar? I'm trying desperately to just love you two for the same portion!" mizan said after hearing Mariam's questions.

"It's not like that, Zan! Medina may be great, but I'm not. If time can be repeated, I will try harder to reject your proposal, you should be happy, do not care about me at that time. Is it hard for you to close your eyes to what happened to me?" mariam said in a high tone but was unable to hide her sadness.

"Mariam! Your outrageousness!" exclaim Mizan with a tone that is no less high.

Desi Tea who was about to say goodbye accidentally heard him, he retreated and chose to leave without saying goodbye. All the servants had gone home, Desi Tea closed the room quietly before leaving.

"The reality is like that, Zan!" mariam breaks Mizan's refusal.

"The glorious sacrifice of Medina, for me, was a reckless sacrifice. He's too blind in loving you, he's just sacrificing to make you happy, without ever thinking about my feelings!"

"My heart's tight, Zan! It hurts!"

"Always be the object that Medina should get for your happiness, without her realizing that I am also a woman ...."

"I'm also human ...."

"I'm not a dead thing, Zan! But her love for you made her only able to see me as an object, her husband's first love she had to pursue!"

"I'm human, Zan! Has Medina ever seen me like that?!"

"He said I should serve you like a husband and wife, you deserve me because I am your wife. Listen, Zan! I'm just something Medina has earned to make you happy. I also have to follow the rules of the game, follow his blind obsession with you."

"Look at me, Zan! I'm human!" Mariam's cry exploded along with her expression of feelings from the deepest of hearts.

"Why did Medina just see me as an object?"

Mariam continued to squeal her heart, things that made her heart tight and tormented.

Mizan could only look at Mariam who was crying in front of him. Her hands shook to try to calm her down, but before her hands reached Mariam's bowed shoulders, Mizan again pulled her hand.

Mizan realized, Mariam really has been hurt. Wounds he had not been able to see all this time. Guilt penetrated deeply into his heart.

"Medina?" mizan Gumam.

Her memory returns at times when Medina continues to discuss Mariam while with her. Mariam, Mariam is like that. All discussed by Medina. Is it true that Medina is obsessed with her happiness? To the extent that he forgot that Mariam is also a woman, Mariam is also a Human?

Medina's smiles and cries alternately came to Mizan's memory, right, almost most of Medina always talked about Mariam and herself.

"Let me embrace you as an old friend" Mizan said.

"I'm sorry, forgive my stupidity Mariam!"

Mizan's words made Mariam even more nervous, but she finally stopped struggling and let Mizan embrace her.

A comfortable, at the same time painful, knife-like hug that plunges deeper? Mariam gives up, and lets Mizan feel her suffering. Mariam let out all the sadness she felt, through a cry that so broke Mizan's heart.

Seconds by second passed, Mariam's cries today would never forget Mizan for the rest of her life.

Mariam begins to regain control of herself, rising from Mizan's arms. While guilt has succeeded in making Mizan's tongue become a hoax. There are no more explanations that can make Mariam calm. Mariam opened Mizan's eyes, on the side of Mariam's heart that escaped her attention.

"Go, Zan! I hope you understand. I ... really need some alone time," Mariam said.

"Mar's? I'm sorry, I ... really never thought in that direction."

"Medina never thought of you as such. I'm sure this is just a misunderstanding."

"Let me make amends for all these mistakes, Mar! Give me a chance" asked Mizan regretfully.

Mariam bowed lethargic, the thread between them was tangled. It is no longer about love or not love. But a soul mate who always comes at the wrong time.

"Did you know? How to fix all this?" asked Mariam hesitantly, Mizan just silently heard Mariam's question.

Mariam looked back at Mizan in disappointment. The trap was right, the man in front of him could do nothing.

"I'm sure Medina didn't mean to think of you that way, Mar. I'll get him to talk and tell him what's wrong with him."

"Enough, Zan! Just finish what happened between us, from the beginning it's just about us. Don't involve Medina, I'm tired of her."

"What do you mean, Mar?"

"You know, Zan!"

"Listen, Mar! As long as it can be fixed, I can't let you go. If it's a farewell you mean .. I can't do it." Mariam fell silent and turned her face away from Mizan.

"Do you have any other solutions?" ask Mariam again.

"I ... will think about it," replied Mizan hesitated.

"Hhhhh .. let me go, Zan! I beg! You hurt me ...." Mariam looked back at Mizan to beg her.

"Maybe Medina's actions used to be rash and stupid, but the farewell you asked for is also no less rash and foolish, Mar!" Mizan tried to grab Mariam's hand.

"Mar, my mother once promised to protect you, guarantee the future of Octavia, and I also promised myself to be responsible to you and Octavia in a born and inner way. I'm responsible for your son's psychology, Mar!" Mizan.

"You hurt me, Zan! This marriage torments me .. I beg you!" mariam Stirrup.

Mizan is really a dilemma. Mariam's request has torn her heart apart. He regretted, everything that was in a hurry must not be good. But she also couldn't possibly tell Medina, Mizan didn't want her pregnancy to be interrupted.

"I would be happier if I could admire you from where I belong .. Remember you as a sweet story that I will never forget" Mariam said.

"Enough, Mar!" reject Mizan angry.

"You are the star that once shone brightly in my life, looking at you from afar makes me happy and able to enjoy the flickering of your light. But, if it gets too close, I'll be tormented, I'll burn, maybe I'll be ruined."

"I'm disappointed in you, Mar! It's like all the feelings I've given you are meaningless."

"Not only you love me, Mar! I feel the same way. I love you maybe more than you love me! I have suffered for years because of this feeling. Even in the first year of my marriage, I was struggling because my heart still loved you, even though I tried to kill him many times!"

"Then, Medina?" ask Mariam firmly.

"I can't leave him, Mar!" mizan.

"If you love me ...."

"Take me off, Zan!"

"I'll find another way, but that's not it."

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