Pursuing My Husband's First Love
I'm the one who's guilty

Mas Musa left as soon as possible, he left with Mr and Mr. Iwan, while Mother accompanied me at home. I saw that my mother-in-law's lips did not stop chanting. How important is Mariam's Mba, preeclampsia?

I embraced Sabira who was asleep in my arms, and I prayed for the safety of Sabira's sister and her mother. I worry about Mas Musa's situation should anything happen to Mba Mariam, will she go back to blaming herself?

"Sabira bobo?" ma'am Aini asked me in the room.

"Yes, Mom."

Ms. Aini kissed Sabira's cheeks and forehead that were sleeping in my arms. I caught the concussion on his face, pity mom, must be somersaulted to maintain the balance and harmony of this family and Mba Mariam's family. Had they not been neighbors of one village it might have been easier.

"Mizan is lucky to get a wife like you, Nduk," said Ms. Aini with her beautiful face.

"Thank you, Nduk, it's been so legowo's received the trials that continue to test your marriage."

I don't know why I caught a guilty note from his words. Is Mother blaming herself for the marriage of Mas Musa and Mba Mariam? I should have been the most guilty, because of my short mind at that time to ask for help from my mother to convince Mas Musa and Mba Mariam to get married in various ways.

"Somehow it would be if you were not the wife of Mizan" he concluded.

Ah Mother, if you knew my heart was so guilty of Mba Mariam and Mas Musa. If I hadn't forced them together. But ... is it possible that Mas Musa could sincerely release Mba Mariam if the marriage did not occur? Could Moses love me as I do now? Even Sabira probably won't be in my arms right now. Maybe I will live with a husband whose heart is dead, sorry Mba. Fight, Mba!

"Mother ... now Medina understands why Mas Musa could be what he is today, if said Mas Musa's mother was lucky to have Medina, all because Mas Musa had an extraordinary mother, he said, with prayers that never stopped for him, making the life of Mas Musa lucky, Mas Musa was also lucky because he had been loved and loved Mba Mariam, Mariam, because after all Mba Mariam the foundation of the spirit of Mas Musa achieved all his ideals."

"We pray Mba Mariam together, Nduk!"

I nodded, Miss Aini left my room.

"Mother ...," I called before Ms. Aini stepped out, "Medina was also lucky to be Mas Musa's wife and mother-in-law."

She smiled, then continued her steps.

Suddenly fear infiltrated and made my heart shrink. Mba Mariam was right, since my arrival in her life, ever since I knew her identity as Mba Mariam was no longer Mama Okta, grief and misfortune had always befallen her.

First the sudden and devastating departure of Mas Biantara Mba Mariam, then continued depression, then polygamous marriage that I forced even though Mba Mariam refused it, then divorce with Mas Musa, then pregnancy that made his health problematic. Mba, fight .. I believe you deserve to be happy after this.

"Punish me, Yes Alloh!" mumbling myself.

🍀🍀🍀

Moses Hamizan

The car was speeding fast enough, my lips never stopped praying for the safety of Mariam and my son in the womb. I tried to calm down but actually my heart was scared and restless. I enjoyed my happiness so much being a father that I forgot and let my other flesh and blood fight on my own. I'm sorry, I should have asked him once in a while.

"Zan's? Calm ...," said Father catching to the lackey of my mind.

"Yes, sir."

Yes, save Mariam and my son.

It took about 5 hours until the car finally arrived at the hospital where Mariam was treated. For a while I thought I'd set foot in this town again, but I'd finally come back for my son.

After finishing the Maghrib and Isya prayers and cleaning up at the hospital mosque, I rushed to the ICU room where Mariam was still in care. Bu Sri and Mr. Maulana, - the old man Mariam--, and Mas Faisal in front of the room.

They realized the presence of the three of us, it was Mr. Maulan who first greeted us, while Bu Sri followed behind him with a very anxious face.

"Assalamualaikum," said Mr. Maulana.

"Waalaikumsalam," replied Mr. Maulana, my former in-law.

"Sorry we are late," said the father, this time Mr. Maulana shifted to greet me then Mr. Iwan.

"No papa, we arrived just a few hours ago."

At first glance I saw aversion in the eyes of Bu Sri and Mas Faisal as he looked at me. Hate them?

"How's Mariam doing, sir?" I asked Mr. Maulana.

"Hem ... is still critical after the operation, hopefully Mariam quickly passed the critical period."

"So Mariam has given birth?"

"Here, congratulations Mas Mizan, your son," said Mr. Maulana.

"Alhamdulillah" said me and the Father at the same time.

"Sal's? Antara Mas Mizan saw the baby, if Mariam still can't be visited."

Mas Faisal followed his parents' orders lazily. He walked past me with a look of hate.

"Monggo Mas, the baby's room is over there," said Mr. Maulana told me to follow Mas Faisal.

I breathed heavily while following Mas Faisal's footsteps from behind. After passing through a fairly long passageway, Mas Faisal's steps stopped. I looked to the left right looking for the baby room in question, but nothing.

Bbugggkk!!!

"Astaghfirulloh!" my peek.

Mas Faisal quickly raised his fist and hit my right jaw, painful. A second later Mas Faisal again raised his fist towards my left jaw, I was conscious and perfectly able to avoid his second blow, but guilt made me feel unworthy to dodge.

Buuuggkkk!!!

This time I fell backward, my gaze twitching.

"Continue, Mother! I deserve a harder shot."

"Why do you always bring bad luck to Mariam?!" he said slowly but stabbing.

"I won't let your life settle down until something bad happens to Mariam!" continued Mas Faisal full of seriousness.

I can't answer anything.

"You shouldn't have come back from the beginning in Mariam's life!"

"You should have hurt her heart, without having to make my sister pregnant and having to go through this kind of hardship! Brother sister is the same! Catastrophe bearer!" mas Faisal's.

"Sorry!" That's all I can say from my lips, I deserve it. Can my regrets now fix anything? Seems not.

As Faisal continued, I got up and followed him again.

After arriving at the end of the hall looks a baby room with large glass as the wall. Mas Faisal was seen talking to the nurse who was on guard. I was busy looking and thinking which one was my baby.

"Follow that Mba!" mas Faisal told me to follow a nurse.

I was given special clothes, a hat, and a mask, only then was I allowed in.

"Please, Sir!" the nurse stopped at an incubator.

A baby boy with a body that ... very small, in his tiny body attached various tools that are somehow whatever. Unlike Sabira who was born with enough weight, my son from Mariam is almost like a bone wrapped in skin.

My tears were dripping with no relief, it felt like a hard blow to my heart and heart, many times more painful than Mas Faisal's punch earlier. My breath was tight and choked.

"Subhanalloh," I muttered.

"The baby is healthy for the size of the baby that must be born prematurely, weighs 1500 grams, the gender is male," explained the nurse.

"May I accuse him?" my many.

"Please."

Then the nurse opened a hole for my voice to get there, I stretched out my hand and slowly rubbed the very frail face and body. When Sabira was born my heart was so moved and filled with joy, but this time my heart was torn and broken.

"Hold, boy! Abi is sure you can!" whispered to the little red baby in front of me.

It was very fitting for Mas Faisal and Bu Sri to look at me with a look of hatred like that. It is not only Mariam who must be on the verge of death but my own son must fight hard for his life.

"I'm sorry for this brother of yours, son! I'm sorry!"

The nurse came back to me who seemed to be disturbing in the room because of my regretful cries.

"Sorry, Sir. It can't be long" he said, then told me to leave.

Mas Faisal is no longer in his place, if I did not come with Father maybe Mr. Maulana would be reluctant to see me. I went back to the front of the ICU room where everyone was gathered.

Mas Faisal sat alone while playing his phone, while Bu Sri sat without interest in the conversation of Mr, Mr. Iwan, and Mr. Maulana.

I chose to approach Bu Sri, resting at her feet. Bu Sri looked a little surprised by what I did, as well as Mr and Mr. Maulana. Only Mas Faisal looked at me cynically.

"I'm sorry, Mom!"

"Easy! The wrong mother, I should have followed Mariam and not accepted your proposal" said Ms. Sri in a clear voice, I believe her heart as a mother whose child should be on the verge of death like this is very anxious and sad.

"Already, Mom, don't discuss it again. Who would have known it would be like this, the intention of good mothers wants Mariam and Okta to protect, we focus Mariam and her child alone, Mom!" said Mr. Maulana chimed.

It seems that not only was my mother or Medina feeling guilty, Ms. Sri felt the same way, and both claimed she was the most guilty. My heart is getting heavier, because it all started with me.

Mr. Maulana tried to calm Ms. Sri, I got up and tried to see Mariam from the glass.

"coralpity ... Astagfirullohaladzim," I murmured.

Only the tools that support Mariam's life, there is no sign of life other than the lights of the machine next to Mariam. How sad Mariam is right now.

"I'm letting you go to be happy, but the bond that ever existed actually makes you have to suffer like this, I don't know, it's still appropriate to get forgiveness from you and your family, my love actually makes you suffer."

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.