Pursuing My Husband's First Love
I Hope You Shine Back

Mariam came to fulfill my invitation, she looks back in her dress style, unlike before which resembles Medina with a large headscarf. His stomach was clear now, my flesh blood was growing there.

Apparently yesterday Mariam changed her fashion style just to cover up her pregnancy. I should have realized from Mariam's different gestures.

"Hem, what's wrong?" ask Mariam after I finish telling her whereabouts of Medina.

"I just want to give this ...." I presented a card as my responsibility.

"Please accept .. You are still in the period of iddah and still my responsibility. Moreover, there is a child in your womb."

If an ordinary woman has an iddah period of 3 months, another case if the woman is in a state of pregnancy, her period is until she gives birth. Mariam had returned this card before, but in fact she still deserves a living from me.

"I know your life is more than enough, but let me take responsibility" I asked again, after Mariam was silent and objected to my giving.

"Don't let me sin, Mar, for neglecting my duty to you, I know this is nothing much, but please accept it!"

"All right, I accept. Thank you" said Mariam at the end.

Mariam took the card and put it in the bag.

Yesterday before I went home I put a little bit of his savings into that account. I see, Mother just wants to make up for the guilt that's in her heart. Mother was very concerned and felt sad about what Mariam had to face alone.

I'm grateful that Mariam would accept it without any more debate.

A waitress delivered the mango juice I had ordered earlier to Mariam. It was awkward to be alone with Mariam but there were things I had to say directly to her.

"Thank you" said Mariam to Mba-mba bearer of drinks.

"Hem .. sorry to meet here, I-"

"There's Mas Faisal, right?" cut Mariam guessing my sentence.

"I'm sorry, Mas Faisal's attitude is like that, I'm not saying his attitude is appropriate to be understood or natural, but ..he is so because there is a wound in his heart that has not healed."

I took a breath while hearing Mariam's words. I understand, I understand very much. Because Mas Harun also had the same wound.

"I'm sure one day their wounds will heal, and Mas Aaron will really go home after the wounds heal," continued Mariam again like guessing what I feel.

"Yes." Yeah."

"Ehm .. I don't mean to avoid Mas Faisal but indeed I haven't been confident in dealing with him, after I hurt and put your life in this position, I, Mar."

"No papa, I'm strong!" answer's short.

"I'm sorry, Mar. I-I'm really sorry."

"Repent?!" mariam asked, the look on her face slightly changed, a combination of surprise and annoyance.

"What kind of regret?" continued Mariam without letting me interrupt.

"I mean, sorry for putting you in such a state, if I could. I would have taken all your burdens and let me bear them."

Mariam seemed to be silent with my explanation.

"I know your desire to be free is immense. But ... The presence of the boy has given you a new burden."

"I have no regrets!" mariam firmly.

"In the beginning I hated the presence of this child, but .. now I am very grateful," said Mariam.

"What I regret is my stupidity to repeat the story that should have been finished" Mariam continued.

"I'm sorry .. because marriage is-"

"It wasn't her wedding, but .. it was my heart that opened up" said Mariam.

Mariam drank the juice in front of her and breathed heavily.

"The marriage was beyond my power, I was not guilty of any of the bond. But my mistake .. is to be fully aware, re-open my heart, and have thought stupidly that this marriage can be run with sincerity and even hope it will be beautiful" said Mariam, his gaze floated on the drink in front of him.

"You mean, you regretted that night?" I guessed the direction of his mind.

"My only fault is that, right?" mariam answered by raising her lips, and confirming what I thought.

"You can also regret it, from the beginning we shouldn't have," continued Mariam increasingly disappointed me.

"I'm not sorry, kill the kid if I regret it. He is a gift to me, a privilege, and my responsibility. You're wrong to think I'll regret it!" I said, there was a sense of disappointment to hear Mariam's words, a sentence she shouldn't have uttered as a mother.

"I'm just sorry I found out too late" I said regretfully.

"If you object to the child, let me take care of him after he is born, then the marriage will not leave a trace of anything else to you, Mar," I said a little emotion.

"I've said I've only ever regretted it, but then I'm grateful. Naturally, I felt so devastated by the pregnancy that I did not realize like that," said Mariam in a slightly raised tone.

Mariam went back to silence with a sour face, her hands stirring the juice violently.

"I'm sorry, I don't mean it like that" I said relented.

That's the way Mariam's temperament is now, different from Mariam in the past. Is correct. His bad attitude was an implementation of the injuries he suffered. Like Mas Faisal and Mas Aaron who both changed attitudes after being injured. But we are the same, me, you and Medina.

I hope time will heal you soon. Heal, Mariam! To reduce the guilt I feel.

"Sorry .. since I was pregnant my emotions sometimes explode" said Mariam.

"You're no longer who I am, I should have kept my attitude" Mariam said without looking at me.

"Look out, Mar."

"I was quite happy with your response, I thought you, Medina, or your mother would change her mind and force me back into the marriage because of the presence of this child."

"I was very scared before, so .. sorry because my short mind was so .. I was forced to hide it" Mariam continued.

"I understand, Mar. It's not easy to be in your position."

"Mothers are very understanding and appreciative of our decision to separate, so I just focus on how to improve my friendship with your family and do not think at all should force you back again."

"And Medina ..he's learned a lot to hold back and not interfere in any of your problems, Mar."

Mariam was seen nodding several times hearing my words.

"Thank God, thank you for understanding."

As easy as this is to finish, speak with an equally open heart. The thing that I thought would be complicated was that it was very easy to find the midpoint. All sincere and accept the situation that has already been.

"Thank you, Mar, for conceiving my son. I ... will still love him, I hope that you will allow me to stay on good terms with him."

Mariam fell silent and looked at me after hearing my words, I don't know which part made her stunned so she showed such an expression.

"Of course." Mariam smiled a little, then went back to enjoying her drink.

"You don't worry, however this child is also my son, so .. don't feel so guilty. I will take care of him with all my heart."

We kept quiet again, I let Mariam focus on enjoying her drink. Kasian once saw it, had to undergo a period of cravings alone. I know very well how Medina behaved and wanted this at the sometimes inopportune hour. I must be trying to obey and find whatever Medina wants.

Did you experience it, Mar? Are you looking for him alone? Just thinking about it made my heart sad and guilty.

"Why do you think I am?" mariam asked after realizing I was watching her.

"I was thirsty so I spent it" said Mariam, putting away her empty glass.

"No papa, you want more, Mar?" bargained.

"No need," he refused.

"Hem .. if there is nothing else I say first" said Mariam.

"Yes .. Thank you for coming" I said.

"Greetings to Medina. Assalamualaikum," said Mariam as she moved from her seat.

"Hem, Mar!" call me to prevent him from stepping.

"Dad?"

"Take care of yourself, I hope you live well" I said.

I really hope Mariam can continue her life well. After my arrival and made his years tumultuous and painful. I want her to return to being a cheerful Mariam with a warm smile that reflects the happiness of her owner.

"Yes" answered Mariam briefly.

"You too, be happy with Medina" he said, then walked away.

I stared at his back away, my heart has escaped the burdens that once ensnared me. He who was once my jewel, imprisoned me in error and blindness. When fate allowed me to have it, it was just that her beautiful radiance dimmed because of my selfishness. I hurt his life and soul.

Go, Mariam.

I hope you shine again.

I sat back alone, checked my phone for a moment and replied to a message from Medina.

"Wait, Deck. Three more weeks."

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