Pursuing My Husband's First Love
The Last Message of Biantara

I felt humiliated, as if my marriage bond with Mas Bian was worthless. Haven't dried up the graveyard, they've come to propose to me. Without a care my heart is still hurt.

I used to love him so much, but the way he came right now makes me think he's no longer the man I've ever known. Is he thinking short? Or is this the wits of Medina, his wife? Or is he really in a hurry? It's not the Mizan I admire.

What does he think, my story and Mas Bian's not beautiful? To the extent that he used the story of the past as an excuse to keep going even though I once refused. He is indeed knowledgeable but if Mas Bian was in his position, he would be wiser. What did you study abroad? Until something like this you act stupid.

I just looked at Mizan who was silent under his wife's armpits, for some reason now I just hate him, all about him is wrong in my eyes. In fact, for years I have missed.

Mizan. Your departure made me hurt, now your presence also incised another wound. My heart is not ready to accept your feelings, even though your love has stayed in my heart for a long time. If you have a little patience, wait for my wounds to dry, not as they are now. You just sow it with salt.

"Should I give a reason for Mba to accept our intention?" ask Medina who still does not receive the lights I refuse.

"Mr!" medina exclaimed when I did not respond to her words.

I took a heavy breath, once in a while I stole a glance towards Mizan, he was completely comfortable making his wife a shield and he sat sweetly sheltering.

"Say."

"Octavia needs a father figure." The words that came out of Medina's mouth made me even more angry, how dare she now carry Octavia around.

"I'll be his father and mother" I replied annoyedly.

"Mba .. definitely not easy, Oktavia daughter, however she must have a male figure as her protector, let us reduce your burden Mba, "persuade Medina.

He was right, every night I was scared. Imagining what will happen tomorrow, without a male figure as a protector does make my life always filled with anxiety. Can I protect Octavia from the evil world with just my hands?

"I can do it myself" I replied softly, but I tried to sound convincing.

"Mariam ...." I finally heard him dare to speak.

" Ehm ... I have not really expressed my sorrow for the passing of the late Mr. Biantara. I commend him deeply for his shocking passing."

"I also feel lost, Mr. Bian is a great figure, only a few times talking to him I already feel familiar like an old friend. It must not be easy to lose someone who loves you so much in such a wonderful way, I know your life is so wonderful from the way it tells you about you." Mizan, she spoke sincerely, my heart is weakening again.

"Mariam .. You know? He said it was not easy for him to convince you to be his life partner, but he still tried hard because at that time he believed you were his soul mate. Now that I know, he's been warning me that one day I'm the one who's gonna have to fight hard to convince you because I'm sure you're still in a match with me." Mizan's words were able to sedate all of us, no one dared to talk in his way.

"Cure yourself Mariam, there is no loss, your husband is not really lost, he remains, lives on in your heart."

I lamented too much for his body to leave, too late in grief, too scared in thought, too far in thought. I was busy counting the ones that left, until I forgot to appreciate the love that was still there.

"Mariam .. listen, there is one reason that makes me so sure to shamelessly come twice to propose like this. When talking to the late Mr. Biantara, he seemed to give a sign that he left you and Octavia to me. I also just realized lately, Demi Alloh Mariam, I am not lying, the way the late Mr. Bian opened up to us to both talk as old friends, as well as a sign, as well, he helped me reopen the closed path between us for misunderstanding."

Mizan's words were like a clue telling me to make peace with the circumstances, Mas Bian didn't really leave without a sign. Was it Mizan who received all his premonitions?

All were silent, leaving only my sobbing self.

"Mba Mariam ... I know Mba is still in a state of sadness, but we would not have come here if it was not God who moved us to come to you. Insha Alloh, Mba, this is a hint from Alloh so that Mba returns and continues to live. Each one of us has also gone through the direction to continue or not continue, not short of the process we are now here, but Allah gives the same instructions to each prayer." Aini's mother spoke again, the words that opened my eyes, my heart trembled to hear it.

Mas Bian, is this how you take care of me and Octavia from up there?

"Mba Mariam .. If Mba wants to be Mizan's only wife, we can talk later. The one who insisted on you being Mizan's wife was Medina." I looked at Medina who was now silent along with what Ms. Aini said.

"We will all gladly accept Octavia as part of our family, I hope Mba Mariam considers the intention of our worship that wants to protect orphans, I promise to give her the best education and an infinite love for her. Hows it? What reason do we deserve to be considered?"

Ma'am Aini and Mas Musa are enough to worry me now. They were right, my condition is still very unstable, how will Octavia safely lean on me? During this time I have not been able to fully make peace with the circumstances, the sudden departure of Mas Bian made me blame the situation more than accepting fate.

"We received the family proposal Ms Aini .. provided that my granddaughter gets protection and affection from the Mother's family, I think Mba Mariam does not mind being a second wife!" my mother answered, and I was shocked to hear it.

"Mom!" My mother's hand squeezed my hand hinting not to argue.

"really?" asked Bu Aini with sparkling eyes, the faces of Mizan and Medina also seemed to hear it.

"Yes ... Mba Mariam is not yet fully stable, I as a parent have the right to make decisions for the good of my children and grandchildren. As a mother I feel calmer if someone is responsible and protecting my child. Isn't that right, Mba?" I was flabbergasted and still trying to digest my mother's words.

"Mba, right?!" firmly my mother again, I don't know what I was thinking suddenly with reflex I nodded my head.

"Thank God ...!" It sounded like they were happy with a nod that I did not understand, even Mizan and Medina hugged each other, Bu Aini clenched her hands to her face and a man beside her who smiled with a hint of coercion, I know her, I know her, but I forgot.

Am I the only one floating here? Why are they all having fun?

.......