Pursuing My Husband's First Love
Loving Can't Be This Dumb

[Assalamualaikum, Mas, Medina hope Mas did not enter into the heart of Mother's speech earlier. Mother's words do not represent the feelings of Medina at all, maybe all the wrong Medina who is not good to convey everything to Mother. Forgive Medina and Mom, Mas.]

I read again the message that Mas Musa never read, my heart began to be sad and agitated. And today time is going very slowly for me, what should I do?

The day before Dzuhur but I still locked myself in the room. Many times Melisa tried to call but I was reluctant to go out. Melisa's right, from the beginning my opinion was everything I never refused even though sometimes my heart did not like. Whatever the choice in my life is, I'm the founder. Including my marriage to Mas Musa, but this time I accepted happily.

Starting from the admiration and qodarulloh we are indeed paired, my love grows deeper without being able to contain. I, who had spent my entire life studying at the boarding school and college, finally fell in love for the first time. I'm inexperienced, I just go with the flow and the will of the heart.

These various emotions I enjoy with halal but painful, I do not complain just that I keep praying that one day I can be happy with reciprocal love as I want.

Maybe I was too stupid and naive for being too loving. For the first time I did something as I wanted, not as I wanted. Since I've become a wife, I'm still devoted to her, only that I've been on a different ship than Mom. My Nahkodak is now Mas Musa.

In the middle of my daydream, I heard the sound of incoming messages. I immediately opened the phone that did not escape from my grasp.

[Speaking later at the house of Dek] wrote Mas Musa briefly.

[Excuse Medina, Mas] reply me by putting up some sad emoticons, but Mas Musa no longer retaliates.

Suddenly flashed an idea in my head, I immediately erased the trace of tears on my face and grabbed the milk-brown hijab. I opened the door and saw that Mom and Melisa were sitting quietly with each other while watching television. I'm not sure they're watching, maybe just as a bored repellent.

"Where are you going?" melisa asked, aware of my presence.

"There is a need to go out for a while, in the refrigerator there is still chicken and some vegetables, you prepare food for Mom," I told Melisa while reaching for the motor key stored near the television.

Mother was still silent she was just watching me, slowly I got close to say goodbye but without much stale base.

"Medina comes out first, Assalamualaikum," I said, kissing her hand in reverence.

"Waalaikumsalam," answered Mother, perhaps you would ask me where I was going but she hesitated.

I drove my motorcycle to the house of Mba Mariam, he had known Mas Musa for a long time, maybe he could guess how Mas Musa felt today.

"Assalamualaikum, Mba!" Cuke the door of the house that was wide open, today the house of Mba Mariam crowded, saw some people busy in the room that Mba Mariam used for her convection.

"Waalaikumsalam, why Din?" mba Mariam Sahut.

"It's a lot of Mba" I commented.

"Yes, life has to go on, right? Although Mizan has become my husband, but I still have to be independent in order to freely raise Octavia without having to burden you too much" said Mba Mariam.

"Will we open another convection business?" my guess.

"Yes" replied Mba Mariam briefly.

'Does Mas Musa prefer an independent and persistent woman like Mba Mariam?' my inner.

"What's tumben here? Your mother's not coming?"

"No, Mba .. I want to ask for help, can Mba Mariam hear my story and give a little opinion?" my door.

"Write," said Mba Mariam while occasionally watching the people who are tidying up his place of business.

"Not here Mba, can it be in a place that is not too crowded?" I asked again, Mba Mariam looked at me fixedly, maybe she felt strange about my request. Mba Mariam walked into the dining room and I tailed behind her.

"What's wrong?" ask Mba Mariam again.

Both hands squeezing each other, this of course related to Mba Mariam could not be the solution I got but the anger of Mba Mariam. But 'Bismillah' let me try.

"Mba, this morning there was a little misunderstanding, Mas Musa unintentionally heard my mother's remark that Mother still hasn't really approved of your marriage, and- which is a little painful, and-, my mother still wishes that I would be Mas Musa's only wife back." Take a breath for a moment to give a pause to my story, Mba Mariam who was not initially interested now began to be enthusiastic because she was hooked.

"By night, the mother said that she had approved of this marriage and tried to accept the fate of her child's household. Mas Musa was relieved, but different things were said by Mother this morning, Mother just wanted to advise me, her words were not shown to Mas Musa, just that Mas Musa did not accidentally hear everything," I continued.

"Before going Mas Musa was cold, Mba, only this time did Moses behave like this to me. My message was answered briefly, but I wanted to explain to him very much, I was afraid that Moses was disappointed because of my mother's changing words."

"What does all this have to do with me?" ask Mba Mariam.

"Mba Mariam knew Mas Musa better, I was anxious and worried about what Mas Musa felt, I wondered how Mas Musa responded to my mother's words, I couldn't bear it for a moment that Moses behaved like this to me. Mba, guess how Mas Musa is feeling right now?" door pleaded.

"I? Guessing it? Looks like you got the wrong guy, Din."

"Please, please give your opinion Mba, Mba knows Mas Musa from a different point of view to me."

"Was Moses disappointed in me?" ask again.

"Come on, Din, ask him later."

I was silent to the answer of Mba Mariam, it is true that Mas Musa will think about it but still the time to think Mas Musa felt very long for me who was anxious to wait.

"It's natural that your mother wants you to be Mizan's only wife again" said Mba Mariam.

"Mba mad?"

"No, I said it was natural. I won't fight, won't dodge, and I'll do everything I can. Just what you said yesterday."

"I will live the course, letting destiny sway my soul mate and my life. All of these things just flow, nothing happens the way I want, right? I don't dare to want anything else" continued Mba Mariam calmly, her tone indicating she had resigned.

"As for your family that doesn't want my presence, it's none of my business. If someday I have to part with Mizan, I will accept that fate. And if we have a long soul mate, I'll take it and do it as I can."

"I'm just focused on my responsibility and the happiness of Octavia" concluded Mba Mariam, it seems like she is trying to sincerely accept all this, but why am I worried? Has Mariam started to open her heart to receive Mas Musa back?

My body wafts, I lean my body on a chair with a broken heart. Is Mother's word true? I will be finished if Mba Mariam has sincerely received Mas Musa back? I think I came here wrong.

"Drink this." Mba Mariam gave me a cup of warm tea.

"Thank you, Mba."

"You have to throw away your high expectations about marriage, because in an actual marriage you have to be ready to face the realities of life that are not all sweet, you have to fight every time. If this is how you are in a fog and panic, how do you deal with the other big problems ahead? Be aware, and be strong!" said Mba Mariam before finally leaving me to reflect, she was again busy with her activities.

'Is Mba Mariam's resurrection the end of me?' my inner.

I forgot the reason I came here, the greater fear is approaching me now. In fact, I was the one who repeatedly reminded Mba Mariam to get back up immediately. It's like everything is turning against me.

Sipping tea to wet my dry throat, I forgot to drink from earlier. In the middle of the noise of the house Mba Mariam germs use to reflect on everything that has happened. Without feeling my cup was empty.

Loving should not be this stupid, I should still be prepared for various possibilities, I must be strong to survive, not weak like this. Maybe Mother's words have a point, just the delivery is wrong. I have to go home and apologize, I just want what's best for me.

I approached Mba Mariam who was still busy directing her people. Looks like they're mechanics who are checking Mba Mariam's sewing machines.

"Mba .. I say goodbye first," I told him.

"Yes, I'm sorry I'm busy so I can't talk for long" said Mba Mariam.

"I didn't see Okta, Mba, where?" my many.

"Brought to play with Lala Tea, let's not mess at home," replied Mba Mariam.

"Oh yes, I said yes, Mba, thanks for the advice, Assalamualaikum!" I'll go get my motorcycle.

"Glamma!"

I intended to find an answer to Mas Musa but I actually got a logical reason to open my eyes and accept Mom's opinion with a little filter. Either this is an answer to my prayer, or a warning.

I drove my motorcycle to the market near home, fortunately I remember that Mom said she would come home tomorrow. I'll buy you some typical city hands. I can't wait to go home and apologize and thank you.

Of Moses? Let's just see it later.

.

.

.

.

.

.

.