Pursuing My Husband's First Love
Mariam Digital Trail

"Why are you, Dek?" asked Mas Musa who suddenly appeared and surprised me.

"No papa, ma'am," I replied, trying to smile.

"Related?"

"Hemm, what if I'm honestly not mad?"

"Why should I be angry? Try it first, Dek."

Seeing the wise eyes of Mas Musa gave me great comfort to sigh, the shady eyes convinced me to have a little discussion, what I felt uncomfortable.

"I was wrong to drink to my mom, I didn't know that I didn't like iced tea."

Moses laughed and heard his teeth until they were seen.

"That's all, Deck? but you look so dull."

"It's about seizing Mom's heart, it can't be called 'that' only, Mas" I protested.

"It's okay now so know, don't think about it again you've tried the best Dek, even when there isn't." Mas Musa hugged me giving a little swipe on my shoulder hinting at what his words were.

I was happy, happy to be the wife of Moses Hamizan, regardless of what name he often called in his sleep, but I felt loved without a lie. Should I ignore it? Or ask directly to Moses? Soon, I will be happy.

"Thank you Mas, oh yes mother also prayed for us to quickly get momongan you know, Mas."

"Oh yeah? Good dong, may Allah quickly give us a descent huh, Dek."

"Aamiin..," I answered and it turned out that along with Mas Musa, we realized it and laughed together.

"Eheeem ... still this afternoon Zan, there's a mother ... !" said my mother-in-law who suddenly appeared.

If people say life is sawang sinawang, it could look perfect when it is not, but the more I see the more perfect life Mas Musa is. I wish I was the perfect wife too. May I get pregnant soon and live up to everyone's expectations, Aamiin.

Without feeling a week my mother-in-law had visited us, then the mother came home picked up by one of his employees, my husband's family had a plantation and also some fruit shops of course the number of employees was quite decent.

I started to know the neighbors thanks to my introduction to Mama Okta the other day, I got to know other mama-mama, Mama Najwa, Mama Nabila Nabila, Umi Azka and many others, and many others, sure enough the real name is no longer known if I have become a mother, hopefully I will be called by the name of my son later, now people know me with Aunt Medina or Mother Moses.

I take part in studies that have been routinely carried out in the environment here, and because of my background pesantren, I was often asked to fill the study, even, of course I felt inappropriate but once again Moses told me to try, because when we deliver the material while teaching, we are not just reminding others but rather reminding ourselves. I also agreed, thanks to the support of the husband, plus the response I got from the congregation was also positive.

Time just passed, but I still haven't shown any signs of being two. I'm sure Mas Musa is also waiting for this good news, but Mas Musa is very good at keeping my feelings. Moses was not as often as Mariam in her sleep, I hope whoever she was, was not a threat to my family.

One day I went back to open my former search for Mariam, then my attention was on the account with the logo 'F' with the name 'Marizan'. The account had been dormant for a long time but today it was tagged by a man I know as an old friend of Mas Musa.

It was like finding the door to a nightmare puzzle that made Mas Musa shout the name of another woman almost every night. Curiosity makes me forget that there is happiness that I should have kept from knowing. I decided to know at all costs.

How surprised I was to find out that it was Mariam's account, not a single photo showed her face but it was written how much Mariam had been so heartbroken when she had to part with Mas Musa, mas Musa was in Tarim School. I read all her outpouring, about her longing and anxiety, and I read a lot of comments, from the ones that supported, encouraged, and always comforted Mariam. I was able to recognize some accounts that were also friends of Mas Musa, because they also came at the moment of my marriage. That is, the scope of the association of Mas Musa is the same as the scope of Mariam's association, how lucky Mariam has a great love from Mas Musa and also friends who do not stop supporting her. But the account was abandoned by the owner, seen from his stalled post, Mariam's hope stopped but somehow with his love.

I know from the language, Mariam was once so loving Mas Musa. But what about Moses? Although this is only the past, it still hurts, and it hurts more and more when I know the name my husband calls, even when asleep, he said, it was the name of a woman who had such deep feelings for Mas Musa.

Did she also mention my husband's name in each sleep? Ahh, it means that Mas Musa also has feelings that are not inferior, they both have great feelings. Love each other.

No less surprising I found an account that always left a sad picture of comments but never wrote 1 word. I searched the account with the name 'Musyafir Cinta', the contents of the double are no less sad than the account of Marizan, I believe this is an account that was once owned by Mas Musa. There it is clearly implied that Mas Musa loved Mariam equally, although eventually they had to separate either because Mas Musa had to go far away or because of other things.

I regret my own actions, I should not have found out who Mariam was, I should have fallen asleep when Mas Musa mentioned her name. What if Mas Musa still loves Mariam? What if I was just a runaway? What if one day Moses threw me away and went back to Mariam? I took a long breath.

I cry over their past, the past I have not been in. I was so afraid of losing Moses. I threw my phone away, hoping to never know.

🍁🍁🍁🍁🍁