You & Dusk
Heartsubstance

(Flashback Part)

I saw the sky, so beautiful. Blue with white clouds look aligned and complement each other. I am currently lying on the grass of the field just keep looking at the beautiful sky.

The breath is a little tight due to fatigue and sweat glands still feel sticky in my body. The afternoon breeze slightly relieves fatigue and makes it comfortable.

Intending to enjoy it I closed my eyes, in the dark I convinced my feelings. Alfie? Maybe I should give up on him. My mind kept on struggling with his name.

"Arman." call Victoria one of my friends.

I opened my eyes, I saw Victoria handing me a bottle of cold water. "tank u." I replied as I grabbed the drink.

"Said Sensei the exercise is done up to here. The other kids are back in the secretariat." Victoria said.

I woke up from sleep and sat looking at Victoria. "oh yeah, I still want to be here. Go ahead." I said to him.

"ok ya." he said.

Victoria left me alone, I saw her proportional posture. Even though she's a girl but I can't beat her in one-on-one sparring during match practice with her.

This afternoon, is the Karate training schedule. This time the exercise was quite draining. Looks like I want to be on this field longer to recover my exhausted energy. A month back of Karate SME training is more intensive than usual. That's because on the semester break there will be an inter-campus championship.

The championship is attended by all students who aspire to be athletes, not least Victoria and some of my friends who are serious about forging themselves into athletes at SME Campus. I didn't think about it much myself, because from the beginning my goal was just fitness.

"woy bro, is he still here?" I who had been contemplating life by daydreaming in the middle of the green field was shocked by Abel.

"Fine."

"just a day's time."

"yes. Achy body." I said while massaging the calves and arms.

"just man, you're not as routine as other kids."

"yes. Sorry, bro."

"you two, haven't returned yet?" joseph asked from behind.

"yet bro." replied Abel.

"i'm still here." I said

"oh, yeah, I joined that."

"what's up, bro? Tumben you lethargic out of practice?" ask Abel.

"yes, usually you're the most excited" I said.

"no papa."

"relax bro, I'm sure you'll qualify for the championship later." Abel said calmly.

"hopefully." replied Joseph.

"original yes, you don't usually bro."

"yes, why the hell?" manya curious.

"gue knows, usually if the guys again like this must be because of girls." explained Abel.

"i've been rejected." Yusuf smiled.

"reject? Lah not you say do not want to date bro." again Abel curious.

It is not without reason that Abel asked like that, Joseph is the same as my friend Sabri. Yusuf is often called by friends even senpai and sensei as Uztad because he is the one who always advises other friends about religion.

"i didn't invite him to date bro."

"do you keep getting married?"

"waduh if the case is like this, I can not interfere. Afraid of speaking wrong." I said.

"i'm sure he's ta'aruf but he's repulsive." Yusuf.

"who is it, bro?" Ask Abel.

"my classmate in the Department."

"from the Indonesian literature department?" my many.

"yes, bro."

"gue confused, the difference between dating and other taaruf yah?" ask Abel.

"various bro, although many people ngaku taaruf disguised dating. But the process is different than most people know." explains Yusuf.

Yusuf also spoke at length and began his role as Uztad which explained his understanding of the religion of Islam, the topic he raised this time was taaruf.

"oh, that's it." I said I'm kind of understanding.

"buset.. Your look is like a gini plus you are a religious expert at reject bro. Am I the same as Arman." Said Abel.

"eh *******, my looks are not terribly ruined." I said defend myself.

Joseph laughed, he stood up. "but there are many other women" he said.

I saw him who said that starting to think. Is that looking for another woman?

"so the story has moved on." asked Abel.

"why should I think of the woman who rejected me? It was a disappointment but it was." Yusuf explained.

"shall bro." Abel gave Joseph two thumbs.

"but bro, you invite him to make ta'aruf does not mean you want to be serious about the woman. It means that you love him, that time is all you forget." I said trying to understand Joseph's mind.

"love is love but if you hurt yourself for what? I have been rejected, yes. Such simple love is why I bother chasing people who don't like me." explains Yusuf once again.

"but bro.."

I have not finished speaking, Joseph cut off my words. "Arm.. Do you know why so many people are hurt by love?" Ask.

"Why?"

"because a lot of people are in love, but they don't know themselves, they don't reflect. They force their one-sided love for the one who closes his heart to them. Now that I've been rejected, why should I fight for the one who rejects me."

I who heard Joseph's words once again thought, thinking of my feelings. Stunned that I should have forgotten my intention, the intention to love Alfy. Giving up on my feelings that might have been rejected since I loved her.

"yes, I'm first." Yusuf.

"siyappp mr. Uztad. Thanks for the advice this time." replied Abel in a joking tone.

"i'm sure, the woman that Joseph invited to ta'aruf must be a good woman like Joseph. Bener said you were Bel, a man like Yusuf was rejected what else I was." murmured me

"uh uh? Why lo?"

I don't know why the more days, the greater the not my feelings for Alfy, but the more I doubt my feelings. Every day my logic stands out more than my heart. Logic that makes it clear that I don't deserve Alfy.

I just kept thinking that I would forget Alfy, at least that was my logical wish but my heart said otherwise. The problem was my fear of getting answers, my fear was rejected by Alfy when I confessed my feelings to him.

I walked away from the SME secretariat after cleaning myself up and changing my clothes. I walked towards the motor park that was around the SME Campus complex.

In front of that estimate I met him, he just got off his motor matic and now he's walking towards me. I was confused, not knowing what to say. "Arm. Want to go home?" tanyakanya.

"i.. Yes Fy."

"why ? Is that gagu?"

"no papa, yes I want to go home first."

"hm yeah, be careful."

She really looks beautiful, I really admire her. Never have I felt like this in front of a woman except in front of her. Besides being beautiful she is also good, she is the image of my dream woman.

All this time I couldn't imagine the ideal female criterion if someone asked me, but now if anyone asked maybe I would say that Alfy was the one. She's really my dream criterion, she's beautiful. But it's not her beauty that makes me fall in love, because I fell in love so she looks beautiful in her covered clothes.

Yes, the clothes are covered. She's a good girl who's sholeha, different from me. I don't deserve him, I really don't deserve it. I may have to harbor this feeling and let it dissolve until it's left.

I saw him walking away from me, I kept staring at his back and sinking with my thoughts. I recalled Idan's words back then, continuing until someone patted me on the back. "Somel."

"yes.. Inspiration." I said surprised.

"why are you here?"

"i'm going back, it's karate practice."

"oh."

"where are you, Ham?"

"cave to SME Theater. Bias."

"oh that. Ham, how's Ica?"

Inspiration looks lethargic when I mention Ica's name, he took a deep breath. "the night of the cave to your house deh."

"to the house?"

"yes, I'm telling you all to you Man."

"ok it."

As usual if Ilham wanted to say something for sure he would come to my house to tell a long story. What's more, I know that Ica was devastated because she was treated like a toy by Irwan.

Irwan himself managed to trick me, I had time to believe that he had changed but it turns out that he was basically an expert at performing what else if faced with women. In accordance with her nickname on campus, the female conqueror.

I also parted with Ilham, when I wanted to ride my bike, suddenly my smartphone rang. I also picked up a smartphone in my right pocket. I stared at the screen and it said Evelyn's name was "hello."

"hello sis."

"yes, why?"

"it's not like the day after tomorrow, I just want a mastiin." asked Evelyn.

"yes, so it's."

"thank you" she said with a laugh.

"You laughing dad?" my many.

"who's laughing" he said in denial.

"do you hear the grin, let's say what? I said tease her.

"no, Brother Arman is the one who can hear the grin."

Evelyn and I can say we were familiar, our meeting two weeks ago brought us closer. Almost every day we exchange messages via WA.

I'm actually not the type who wants to linger replying to someone's message, but as soon as I get to know Evelyn I discuss a lot of things that are actually trivial but somehow it makes me comfortable.

Maybe every conversation I had with him was quite connected, he also often confided in his problems on campus and not infrequently I became a good listener for him.

The next day we had an appointment at one of the malls. He said he had two tickets to a movie but his friend who wanted him to watch cancelled his promise because of family affairs, as a result Evelyn invited me instead and strangely I agreed even though the movie that was watched was a horror film, a film genre that I did not like.

"my sister, don't forget the day after tomorrow."

"yes, we'll see you there, right?"

"if I ask you to pick me up, can't you?"

"huh, pick me up?"

"yes, brother."

"i don't mind, but I only have a bike. No car." I said doubtfully.

Maybe I say this, because I know that Evelyn comes from a family that is. "jeez, brother, who asked to be picked up with who's car" he replied ketus.

"hehe yes sorry. So you're picked up?"

"if Arman doesn't mind?"

"objection? Are you heavy?" askaju kidding.

"ih brother Arman. So kesel." he said spoiled.

"haha. Yes, I picked it up. Don't be so fucking."

"alas I wait."

"uh but I don't know your home address."

"i sent you the location, brother."

"yes, that's it." I said

"yes, brother." Replies

"yes." my response

"it." he replied

"it is yes" I said

"yes" he said.

I turned off the phone and somehow ending the call from him felt so hard. With a smile on my face, I turned on the motor.

- Connected