You & Dusk
Mused

A week has passed..

Since then.. On the day that I should know the fact that Alfy or Yana had been proposed by another man.

I remember her happy face..

Her smile..

Her laugh..

And her warmth..

All who put it together were great men.. That man was Ivan.

I even acted foolishly by leaving that house before the event actually ended. Of course my stupidity made Ivan wonder, but with a lie I just said that suddenly my mother needed urgent help.

I'm sorry to Ivan.. Apologize to his family, but on the other hand I'm angry. Angry at myself, stupidly I just blame fate without acting anything.

Act? What do I have to act like? Do I have to tell Ivan that the girl he's been asking for is the girl I've loved all along.. Or, I have to convince Alfy about myself.. About who I was for him.

What do I have to act like? Not to mention Alfy's father has asked me not to ruin Ivan and his son's relationship.. Not to mention I've said something nasty to Alfy's father? What do I have to act like now?

In the midst of my turmoil.. Around the campus garden, under a banyan tree that is quite old and full of giant roots.. Someone approached.

When I look, that person is Riyal.

"Arm. " Sheets.

I just looked at him without saying anything with a blank look.

"Gapain to campus? Not an alumni?" Her speech.

I didn't answer.. Maybe someone who's been heartbroken will understand my situation now. It felt.. Just want to be alone.

"Why Man?" Ask Riyal again.

"I don't know why anymore, but.. Huh.. Man's.. Time at the airport.. When we get Sahidah.. Fina says that she's getting married next year.. And said.. At graduation a week ago, he'll be proposed to by men. It may be too late, but it seems like you should know this. " Next Riyal.

"Yes I know." My speech.

Riyal was not surprised, seeing my current state as if from the beginning he realized that the reason I looked gloomy at this moment was because of the thing he said.  "so apparently.. I'm sorry I'm really late to tell you about this."

"I and Ana were actually confused as to whether or not I should tell you at the time about this.." Riyal explained.

I looked towards Riyal.. It was a bit claustrophobic when Riyal said that from the beginning he knew this, but I didn't care.. I finally knew it too.. Yeah, a week ago.. I know this very harsh reality.

"Maybe you've heard this a lot but.. Armani.. There are still a lot of women out there." He said as he patted my back and left me alone in the campus garden located in front of the university rectorate building.

I don't even know why I'm in this place.. I just wanted to go somewhere, but I was in the park.. In this not-so-populous park.

Aye, right... I've been avoiding Ivan for a week. I no longer meet Ivan. He kept calling me, sometimes I didn't get a phone call from him.. Sometimes because I feel bad I still receive calls from him on the grounds that he is doing something.. The reason that I didn't talk to him much and didn't meet him.

Today... Ivan told me that he would come to the house with his parents to leave.. Today, he will return to Japan with his parents.. After that, he went to America to continue his studies.

That's the reason I'm under this banyan tree,.. Because I don't want to meet Ivan..

"Hello.. Assalamualaikum.." Speak by phone.

"Goddessalam.." I replied in a rather flat tone.

"Where is your arman? Your mom said, the other one's out? Where now?"

"Sorry.. Hehe, I'm taking care of important files on campus. Can't be delayed." I was pretending.

"Oh.. Yeah, that's it, if.. I'm saying yes. Today we are going to the airport."

"Yes." Yeah."

"You're okay Man!! See you next year at my wedding." Said kidding.

"Yes." Yeah."

"You why!? how lethargic?"

"Grandfather.. Hehe, be careful Van."

"Yes.. If so, yes."

"Yes"

"And.. If I could, I'd be nitip.. Please take care of Yana.. Don't get on the same deck as other men. Haha." Ivan laughed.

I just kept quiet hearing his joke. After that shitty stale.. Ivan closed the phone. His last words were, "thank you my brother, may Allah repay your kindness which has introduced me further to Islam."

Hear that.. Instantly it felt like I was slapped very hard. How not? I remember my big mistake.. My mistake was to decide to go in Ivan's footsteps.. But not because of God.. I moved because I wanted to be worthy in front of Alfy.

Sure oes.. Such foul intentions could end happily. I forget.. That God has a heart and that God can turn a heart, but I am too late to realize my mistake.. Big mistake.

I'm looking down.. Remembering myself. I did study religion but I learned because I wanted to be with Alfy.. I steadied myself because of Alfy, I memorized the Qur’an back then because of Alfy.. Not because of my God.. Not because of Allah Subhanahu Wa Ta'ala..

Jaa.. It feels right that I do not have Alfy, I did not deserve to be with a woman like Alfy from the beginning.. Although Ivan.. Jaa.. God is good.. He betrothed his two servants who had the same person and faith.. Ivan and Alfy.. They fit perfectly.

Jaa.. Thas right. I have to accept.. But.. Can I not be happy either?

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