You & Dusk
Contrition

Today there seems to be no twilight, for the sky is sad. I hope the sky is sad to see me right now, slumped and not knowing what to do. Maybe I'm wrong or he is, or maybe destiny's not on my side, I don't know.. All I know about the efforts and dreams I want to achieve seems extinct right now.

I still can't stop thinking, why is the world this narrow. When I felt like everything was going to be okay, I was wrong and now I have to deal with what I did to her.

When looking at the sky, the water came down with blessings and did not forget to bring memories, bring new life and a little pain because the water apparently soaked the wounds I had made myself

Yep.. This afternoon is the afternoon I hate in my life. Though this morning my day went as usual, time is sometimes evil if it is not on our side and that's how I feel now.

Despite the heavy rain, I remained motionless from my seat, hoping to see the twilight to console myself. People began to run to shelter, the beach that had been crowded suddenly quiet because of the rain. I also said.. "What's wrong with rain? Isn't the rain just drenching?" Then in the middle of the mind came a voice calling my name.

"Man's.. Armani.. The oi.. Budek here. It's raining you're sick ******".

When I turned around it turned out that person was my good friend Ilham. But instead of obeying what he said I continued to look at the beach hoping that dusk would appear at that time. With a blank look and a little hope I continued to stare without caring about the Inspiration who was still shouting from inside a restaurant around the beach.

I look up at the sky with regret that people say always come late. It turns out true, when that regret is present it really hurts.

Long time no I gubris Ilham came running to me while protecting the head with his backpack so as not to get wet, although it was a waste considering the heavy rain at this time.

"oi.. ****.. Here, why the hell?" ask Ilham while holding my shoulder.

"laptop" I said

"uh uh? Meanin?"

"isn't that in your backpack a laptop?"

"ohh yes.. Forgot."

While hitting his wide eel, he then pulled my hand and ran towards the restaurant where he shouted my name. The inspiration of one of my close friends, maybe if you want to say my friend does not consider it like that despite the fact that he himself already considers me as a friend.

It's just that for me, friends are the impossible things I can't have, at least that's how I feel right now. For me the existence of a friend is very difficult to achieve because it requires a great sacrifice, in short I do not believe in the name of the company now. So all this time I only considered Ilham as a close friend who can be relied on in various situations.

"Man's.. What's in here? Raining like a child" he said.

I didn't respond to her question, I just kept quiet and looked into her eyes. "this is it.. Labile basis, if this is so it must be a girl problem for sure.. Wh why? Breaking up? Rejected? Cheated on?" he said once again.

"Ham never really you rasain when you've flown and almost reached the top of the sky but arrived2 you tripped and fell very deep?" I said flat.

"huh, meaning? Man, you sakau yah" he said.

"when you mean it's opium, then it looks like it is." I replied again with an expressionless face.

"wah don't2 nih mabok son again. Man lu napa anyway?" I saw that he was starting to worry, I finally smiled forced to put on a fake mask called 'smile' so that he would no longer ask about the strange problems I was currently facing. I'm not the type of person who likes to share problems, I'm the type of person who prefers to keep problems.

I don't know what to say to Inspiration anyway, because whatever I say he won't understand. I'm sure that the people who can understand my problems are the ones who have experienced them.

This is not a drama or a love story of unstable teenagers who are upset because of breaking up by their girlfriends, this is a problem that starts from a belief and hope.

Long we sat, the rain that had soaked my body slowly subsided but unfortunately I could not enjoy the twilight that I had later because the sky was still covered with dark clouds. I saw Ilham who was confused because his laptop did not want to turn on. Maybe he's tired of asking me about my problems because I haven't responded to every question.

"Ham.. I'm almost magrib, I'm home first." I said as I stood up from the chair.

"no papa, there's dry clothes in the trunk of the bike."

"ohh yes yes.. Ehh.. Bro you are not alone, if there is a story problem let you plong. Ok" answered. He's not very smart but he's still my best friend. Good friends since college from the first semester to the current 7th semester.

On the way home, because the adzan magrib roared I also stopped at one of the mosques, even though my house was near it was just not the name of the man if his prayers were not in the mosque. There are also many complaints and grievances today that I want to tell my God, even though I actually know He already knows all my problems.

After the prayer was over, I sat for a moment to watch everyone in the mosque. Some chant the Qur'an beautifully, others pray fervently to Allah, the Creator of the heavens and the earth.

Sometimes I think, how could they pray that sekhusyuk. If I compare with me, do not pray during prayer only my mind sometimes run everywhere to make me forget the rakaat at prayer. Seeing that I felt ashamed, asked a lot of Him but could not fulfill my duty as a good Muslim.

While busy watching, suddenly someone held my shoulder."assalamualaikum Man"

"waalaikumsalam" I answered while looking over.

I was not too surprised to see it, because his voice was so familiar. He's Ivan, one of my closest friends who also knew Ilham.

"masyaallah. I can meet you here" he said

"almighty.. Where are you from?" repay me

"so I went to your house, but said your aunt came out. Also not picked up on the phone, not in reply."

"ohh yaa sorry.. Excuse me.. What's up?" if Ivan is like this, there's usually something important he wants to talk to me about.

"so gini Man.. Do you remember when I wasn't a convert?" tanyakanya.

Ivan son of a rich man of Chinese descent, he used to be a non-Muslim before finally embracing Islam. Unlike Ilham, Ivan and I are closer than still in the SD era. We used to play together since childhood, because it happened before he moved abroad in High School time, from SD to our neighbor Smp and I often play at his house.

While attending High School, Ivan had to go to school abroad because his father was on a business trip. And after college in decided to return to Indonesia and study at the same campus with me despite different majors.

Ivan last year decided to convert, I do not know the exact reason but he said because he wanted to learn about Islam. But lately I just found out he's having a crush on a girl on campus. And that woman is a Muslim.

He said he had come in front of the woman and ventured to express his feelings. But unfortunately he was rejected for reasons of different beliefs. Nah.. That's where he wanted to learn about Islam.

First I heard the story maybe Ivan was just making it up and not serious about Islam, because he just wants to chase the woman he likes and I don't respond too much but I told him that being a Muslim is enough to say two sentences of shahada. When he heard that, he crept directly in front of me. And now it's been exactly a year when he's worshipped, I can't believe he's become a Muslim by this time.

Long-drawn Ivan told me the problem. It seems like he wants to know about taaruf, because my knowledge is nil I only answer potluck.

I know Ivan already knew about what ta'aruf was just maybe he wanted to ask me for advice about him wanting to fuck someone.

Moreover, I have been through it, although it does not end beautifully even end up singling the wound. I also explained the steps I did when I was talking to someone, I explained little by little about the steps I took at that time to Ivan.

Taaroof.. The simple process is getting to know each other between men and women who want to get married. Of course with the terms of the shar'i that do not violate religion.

Ivan recalled the time when we were both engaged in talking about ta'aruf back then. Slowly Ivan began to understand from the experience I had and he seemed so excited. In my heart I can guess that soon one of my close friends or I can say this brother will end his bachelor.

I'm so happy for the brave actions he made, I remember when I decided to do the same thing but I don't seem to be as lucky as Ivan. Until now, I still can't achieve something that should be mine.

- Connected