DIORAMAS
7. E.A
E.A
Yogyakarta, end of december 2015
I was pulling the second book off the shelf in front of me when my gaze was distracted by someone I saw from the sidelines of the row of books before me. A man who looks so busy with a book in his hand that maybe he is not aware if he is being noticed by a girl from behind the bookshelf. But really, it's not that he's such a super handsome guy that I have to look at him like a pervert. I just felt like I recognized that person even though I was not sure what I saw.
A man with a pair of glasses that didn't look so thick and a man with a facial expression that inexplicably made me unable to look away. Really, I've seen it, but I'm not sure when and where I've seen it.
“Yeah,” and my heart seemed to slump instantly as the man lifted his face from the book in his hand and turned towards me. Really turned my head until I was sure that our gazes had met.
It was really embarrassing when I realized how stupid and ridiculous this thing I was doing was. Hiding behind a bookshelf and watching a handsome man reading. Really, there should be something reminiscent of this Alia Pangesti if the public library is used for reading, not for stalking handsome men.
“Maybe it's just my feeling.” I muttered to myself and tried to expel the thought of ‘I was like I had seen that guy somewhere’ from inside my head. It's really not funny that my thoughts and concentration today are disturbed because of a sight I really didn't plan for. Just because I saw a man in the public library, my attempts to calm down failed.
“Yeah, it's just my feeling.”
Right, I came to this place to calm down. Calm down from what I also do not know for sure, it's just that I need a place to be alone now. Without a mother who keeps watching me, without Lili who never stops feeding her tant, also without Mita who somehow always has a reason to disturb her sister. Also without him.
I took a deep breath and exhaled him back slowly while pulling the chair right in front of the glass wall that bordered the library space with the side courtyard of the library building. My favorite place in this public library. Like I found my own space where no one else would bother me, and leave me with myself. Well, even though there are sometimes some people who sit next to me and are busy pursuing their books. But I always liked sitting here. Makes me able to pay attention to the catapult tree beside the library, children who play basketball in the field beside the library, to pay attention to young people who lined up beside the square gate.
“Rain,” I murmured strangely when I realized the sudden downpour of rain. Not suddenly actually, now the end of December and the rain that falls in the afternoon like this is not a strange thing. Even the cloud has been visible since noon.
“Mbak Alia,” I just opened the second sheet of the book in my hand when the voice of a man distracts me. Makes me smile thinly when I found that Mr. Wardi was standing next to me and smiling kindly. Ordinary talk.
“Pak Wardi,”
“Self?” he asked stalely while grabbing a few books from the table beside me. He made me smile to answer his question. Mr. Wardi, one of the public library employees who ‘kurasa’ has already memorized with me because so often I come to this place in quiet hours like now. And this man should not have to ask because all this time I have always come to this place alone.
“So there is a mas mas who entrust this same father. Said to a pretty visitor with a black headscarf and brown jacket.” Start Mr. Wardi while thrusting a piece of paper at me. “And as far as you go around this room, only Alia who wears a black veil and brown jacket.” he continued that makes me frown and receive a piece of paper from Mr. Wardi.
“Who sir?”
“Do not know. He's been to this library a few times, but you didn't really notice.”
“Thank you then, sir.”
“If anything suspicious, mbak Alia just scream, later you come bring a club.” Gurau mr. Wardi before bringing a pile of books in his hand and leaving me.
“Short order?” I muttered as I opened the folded piece of paper with a strange feeling. Yes, a strange feeling that somehow made my heart beat faster than before. Read three lines of handwriting in blue ink.
E.A
Without command and my brain seems to work more wildly than usual. I even circulated my gaze throughout the entire library room that I was able to reach out with my eyes to find out who the sender of this short message was.
“E.A?” but I gave up on sweeping this room with my eyes and undo the intention to run to the service desk to ask the characteristics of the sender of the short message to Mr. Wardi. Picking back spelled out a row of letters neatly written on a piece of paper in my hand.
“E.A.”
He was there. Standing next to a shelf of anthropological books and a book in his right hand while his left hand he slipped into his pants pocket.
That guy's. The bespectacled man who looked so beautiful when I saw from Bali the bookshelf stood there and smiled at me. I just don't know why I can't return that smile. My brain just worked too hard to find someone with the initials E. A. I've met before. A man with glasses and his hair a little messy. That smile too.
But unfortunately this simple brain of mine is somehow too difficult to find a clue to make me believe that I have met him. In the compartment of my brain I did not find anyone with the initials E. A. whom I knew or at least met me once.
“Sometimes we feel we have met someone even if we have never met someone.” one second, two seconds, actually, and I don't know how long I've only been staring at the glasses guy and that guy who's still flinching in his place. My brain just turned the sentence someone had said to me in the past. “And I call him a soul mate, Al.”
A soul mate? Is not the matter of a soul mate a secret of God even before we are born and too complicated if it must be thought of by humans? Ah, he must have been joking with me at the time so easily saying that our soul mate could feel it so easily.
“Alia?”
And I was just about to move closer to the glasses guy when a voice distracted me. Right, my common sense says that I should approach the man as a form of my manners as a mature woman who is still able to think. Just the thought of a moment before the voice distracted me and made me turn my head and smile strangely afterwards. Squinting as the person raises his eyebrows and rubs his hair slightly wet from the rain.
“Mas?” of course I squinted when I suddenly found Rajendra standing at my reading table and looking at me strangely, because as far as I know I didn't tell this guy to meet at the public library.
“Where do you know I'm here?” I half-mumbled as Jendra gestured to approach and led me out of the library. And subconsciously I turned back to look at three o'clock to find out if the glasses guy was still there or not.
He's still there. Swaying while looking at me with a hard look I can't help but. The smile had already disappeared and was replaced with a look I did not like. I don't know why, but I really don't like that look. It was as if the gaze was telling me that the man did not like me to get out of my chair and approach Jendra. Ah, it's ridiculous to think of such a thing as if E. A. and I are two people who are already very close.
“Tadi mas to home, but mom says you're gone from noon and haven't returned.”
“Yes? Mom says same when I'm in the public library?”
“No. What keeps you from focusing that way? Is there someone you want to meet?” and he is Rajendra who understands me so much that I know my passion without asking.
“Oh, no really. So you came here to pick me up?” my lie. And obviously I'm going to lie to Jendra because there's no way I'm telling this guy that I'm fascinated by a glasses guy with the initials E. A. who just gave me a short message. No, my relationship with Jendra is not so good, but I'm not that crazy either.
“Cannot be ‘kan mas come here to pick up mbak Indah?” kelakar Jendra as we walked to the bag locker and say goodbye to Mr. Wardi.
For a moment, only for a moment did I have time to speculate about what was in E. A.'s mind when I saw me approaching a man like that? It's just that the ridiculous thought only lasted a few seconds before Jendra's existence again dragged me to reality.
“And who is it mbak Indah?”
“Mbak-mbak receptionist who since mas entered the library saw mas like he was looking at an artist.”
“Hah? Astagah mas, bu Indah is not that young until you have to call it ‘mbak’.”
And yes, the existence of Jendra was actually able to divert my attention from the figure of E.A who a moment ago made me confused. Jendra naturally made me forget my thoughts about E. A. and re-focus my attention on her.
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