DIORAMAS
6. Something About Rain
Yogyakarta, beginning of december 2015
“Dek,” I just put my back bag over my study chair when Mita opened my bedroom door and almost made me jump because of keget. “Where are you from? So neat?” mbak Mita asked without intending to enter my room and just stood on the doorstep.
“Indeed what else can an unemployed person like me do besides attending job interviews and applying for jobs, mbak?” I ask sarcastic that makes Mita actually laugh.
Ms. Mita, the older sister who is only 3 years away from me and we lived apart since I was in sixth grade. At that time Mbak Mita decided to continue high school outside the city and it made her have to go and live apart from her family. As if not enough life wander for three years, then Mita decided to go out of town and return to live apart from our family for five years. That's what makes me wonder sometimes is it possible that Mita has become so attentive to me?
“This interview is where?”
“Not an interview, mbak. It just completes the file. I joined the program BPS.”
“Oh, did you join the program? Why not tell me anyway?”
“Indeed if I said mbak, mbak Mita want how? How can I complete the file? Or do I have an interview?”
This time Mbak Mita again chuckled and decided to go into my room and lay on my bed without bothering to take a shower and change her work uniform that she had been wearing since morning.
“Not really, you know yourself mbakmu is super busy.”
I just shrugged my shoulders indifferently and started to open the phone that I had been ignoring since noon. Hoping to get a message from someone even though in the end I just let out a long sigh and exhaled back slowly to unravel my disappointment.
“Oh yes, next week you have no event dek?”
“Not yet, why?”
“Main, yuk.” Take Mita lightly which makes me turn and squint my eyes. I know that call. There are only two possibilities mbak Mita invites me ‘main’. The first was to be her driver, and the second was to bring her groceries because my sister was too lazy to carry her own groceries to take advantage of her lazy sister.
“Main?”
“Iya. All acquaintances with Ardi.”
And mas Ardi which is meant by mbak Mita is Mita's own fiancee which means that mas Ardi is my sister-in-law's candidate.
“What does Mita mean by being a poor girl between two people who are kasmaran and preparing for marriage? No need to mbak, thank you for the offer.” Mita laughed so hard at my answer that she called me and asked what made me laugh like that.
“Then you can invite your girlfriend. We're double date. How?”
“Truly a silly idea that will never come true even though Mita asked for it by giving me a bribe of two pieces of ice cream though.”
This time something changed from Mita's face when she found me frowning while watching the phone screen without touching it.
“There is a problem with your girlfriend?”
“What?”
“You. You're having trouble ‘kan with your girlfriend?”
“Good guess.” Yeah, I wasn't trying to lie to Mita about my relationship with Jendra. Although I won't tell Mita, at least my sister knows that her sister is in trouble.
“Dek,”
“I can still handle it mbak. After all, what's the good thing about dating if adem ayem only? Am I dating a machine?” knock me over before grabbing a towel and walking out of the room towards the bathroom. Leaving Mita's mother who was still lying on my bed and staring at my back until it disappeared behind the bedroom door.
Yes, it is true that problems will make relationships more colorful. It's just that it doesn't matter if I just keep quiet and don't try to deal with the problem? would it be okay if I chose to be quiet compared to approaching Jendra and talking about what we should really talk about?
* * * *
It's been more than two months since I accompanied Jendra to an interview invitation, and it ended with the two of us meeting up with Hesti at the bakmi shop. And predictably, we haven't even met since then even though we're still exchanging news via cell phone. Well, of course, exchanging news is limited to saying ‘good morning’ or unimportant questions such as ‘by what’. How am I feeling? Of course I'm caught off guard by this kind of situation, but I find it too difficult to find a way for this kind of situation to not continue and make my relationship with Jendra even more miserable.
Yeah, we haven't seen each other since and none of us have tried to meet. Jendra and I both have big egos and we both know it.
‘What's meds? Have you had lunch?’
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes to throw my mind about ‘how about I just slam this phone?’ from inside my mind. Leaving my phone screen off by itself without any intention of replying to the message I just received from Jendra.
“And you do think that our relationship is okay?”
I exhaled once more and exhaled him with a huff. I know this is overdoing it sounds. We're talking about something that we could have made simpler. Yes, I know that the only problem between me and Jendra is that our communication has deteriorated over the past two months, and all we have to do is fix it. True, things can indeed be simpler if our ego can follow us simplify. It's just that our ego as a human cannot simply be defeated and let simple problems become complicated.
“This is not true, Al. If you continue like this, your relationship will end without you knowing.” I muttered to myself and watched my old phone screen. Staring at the contact listed there closely and trying to gather the courage to contact the contact.
True, I will only contact Jendra, but in fact the courage that I have to gather more than when I had to contact my script supervisor a few months ago.
“Hai, what are you doing?”
“Just finished eating,” I don't know why, it's just that I feel like there's something Jendra's trying to hide from me. It was clear from his hesitant answer when answering my question. “What's up?”
“Nope,” again, the ego that has been as strong as I can to not re-enlarge out of control just like that when I hear Jendra's question.
“There's a problem?”
“Nothing. Just thinking when can we meet? I think there are some things I need to tell you, mas.”
It took me more than three seconds before I got an answer from Jendra for my invitation. I don't know what the man is thinking and I don't want to keep speculating badly about Jendra which is likely to worsen my mood. All right, I'll wait until the guy gives me an answer.
“When?” ask Jendra at the end.
“I'm still unemployed, mas. So meeting anytime is also no problem.” I don't know where the cuteness of my answer lies until Jendra has to laugh like that. But he did laugh. Jendra laughed across the street even though I felt that the man's laughter sounded bland in my ears.
“Shortly yes. Mas see work schedule first.” Again, I had to wait for a while until Jendra gave me an answer. And either this was just my feeling or indeed Jendra was thinking about something so complicated that the man had to take a deep breath even though I was sure the man had not consciously done it. “Saturday afternoon how? Pick up at home saturday afternoon ya.”
And maybe it will all be this simple if from the beginning I want to succumb to my own ego. Letting common sense take over feelings and control them like I used to in anything other than my relationship with Jendra.
“H-mm, saturday afternoon.”
“See you, dear.”
“Mas,” I don't know where this encouragement comes from or indeed a feeling I've been wanting to convey to Jendra for a long time. I even arrested Jendra even though I knew the man wanted to end our conversation. And if I'm to be honest, I still want to have a chat with that guy.
“Ya, Al?”
“It's okay, just to say that I miss Jendra. Don't be too tired, ma'am. Enough rest.”
“Iya, mas also miss you.”
“Bye mas.”
I thought we both just needed to talk to make sure we were okay. Although after that I had to run to the bathroom to wash my face because I felt my face heating up, I thought it was much better than just sitting still and waiting until the ego got hold of us.
“That's funny, you think you're a first-time high school boy, Al?”
____________
I don't know when exactly I should put a time limit between late afternoon and evening. I don't understand because I never really noticed it. So, when two days ago Jendra said that he would pick me up Saturday afternoon, then all I did was get ready since half-five in the afternoon and wait for the man on the porch of my house. Waiting for the man's car to enter my yard and waiting until the man came down and greeted me who was sitting on the floor of the house. Really, it's just that simple thing I've been able to think about since the end of our conversation two days ago. And I have to admit it because I miss Jendra too much.
But in fact, I don't know how many times I took a deep breath and I looked at the gate of my house to determine whether Jendra had come or not. I've even been sitting on my porch chair since five o'clock and ignoring the homework I'm supposed to be doing every afternoon. Told mom that today I was going to go with Jendra and couldn't help her clean up the house.
“So pick up no hell?” I looked at my phone and opened up my conversation with Jendra two hours ago. Jendra just told me that he was going to pick me up, and I no longer questioned when exactly he was going to pick me up. So yeah, maybe next time I have to ask the hour and minute when exactly Jendra will pick me up until I no longer have to sit in the house like a fool to wait for him.
“Jendra still not coming?” I turned my head quickly and smiled faintly when I found my mother sitting next to me and watching me.
“Maybe still on the road, ma'am. Got stuck.”
“Then enter daja first, pray first. Later anyway if Jendra comes he will definitely knock on the door to?” and I just nodded at my mother's orders and moved, and just as I was about to step my attention was distracted by the rain that suddenly fell.
“Why, nduk?” asked the mother who was watching me again did not understand. I also don't understand, why does it feel like something is trying to rain it's telling me? or is my feeling too melancholy that the rain can make me like this?
“Rain, bu.”
“In season.”
Also true. It is now in December and is in the rainy season. There's nothing weird about it. I don't know, I don't know why I've become so sensitive to something as trivial as rain.
<*R. Yudhistira> I'm sorry I didn't go, the team leader suddenly asked for overtime, I also didn't know if I had to overtime tonight.
H-mm, it's okay. There's another time.
Next week yes, we change our show to next week. I promise*
Please don't promise something that you yourself aren't sure you can keep or not. Don't make me hope anymore.
I deleted the message I had typed and I just let my phone screen die. Again I feel hurt by the trivial things that Jendra did. Obviously, this is not the wrong guy. It's just that, again my ego as a woman can not just accept the reason that Jendra made because it can not pick me up. But on the other hand I don't know what I can do to make me accept that, if the plan we make can fail at any time.
* * * *
