DIORAMAS
16. Fallin' in Rain

Once again he ran towards me as if walking was not fast enough for him. Making me smile and thinking why every time we promised to meet, this guy was always late and made him have to run up to me? Even if he just walks and doesn't run, I won't get angry and leave.

“This time is not a late Evan mas, but I did come too soon.” I said for a moment as he pulled the chair in front of me and dropped his body on the chair. Put the car keys with the three-diamond crest on the table before calling the waiter to come closer.

“I'm typical of people who choose to wait rather than wait.” The answer was brief and took the phone out of his pants pocket for a moment before re-inserting the object.

“So? That means that if there is a beautiful girl who puts her heart on Evan, she can't just sit back and wait for you to be sensitive and have to express it directly, huh?” two seconds later I was eager to pull out my sentence and replace it with another. At least with a sentence that is not that bad.

“What do you think is like that?” and why did this man actually respond with such a serious face anyway? I'm just kidding, my God. “Maybe that's why all this time the beautiful girls always gave up on approaching me and turned to other men.” continued in a relaxed tone while sipping lemon juice that had just been delivered by the waiter while I just shrugged and started stirring the juice as I could nonchalantly. Not at all interested in the strange chatter I started myself.

“Then, Alia.” This time Evan shifted his glass of lemon juice and linked his hands together on the table. “If one day you start falling in love with me, you should say yes immediately. So that I can run straight to you and stop waiting.”

Two seconds of my heart stopped beating as our gazes clattered and I could not turn away from Evan's gaze. But in the next two seconds I realized that it was too soon to mean that Evan's speech was something very serious even though I did not find a flash of joke there. It is too early to judge the seriousness of this man when considering that it has not even been three months we know each other.

“You have often run towards me, mas. Even in our last two meetings, you always ran.”

“Truely too,” this time Evan sighed and exhaled back slowly. “I always run towards you, but until now I am still waiting.” Half a mumbled.

Almost two full minutes we just fell silent watching the food that had just been delivered by the customer and let the sound of the fork colliding with the spoon used by Evan fill the silence between us. While I was still silent and just stared blankly at my food plate while occasionally glancing at Evan's hand movements that seemed not to be disturbed at all by the topic of our chat a few minutes ago. Or am I just too sensitive to take Evan's joke seriously?

“Oh yes, mas.” Maybe yes, my feelings that have been messed up lately must have affected my other feelings. Including my feelings every time my gaze met Evan's.

“Hm?”

“If you can know that Evan already has an event tomorrow Saturday night?” mulaiku after getting rid of my ego and self-esteem as a woman who abstains from taking a man away first.

“Not yet, why? If you want to ask me out, I'd gladly ask you.” he replied casually while wiping his mouth with a tissue.

“Iya, I did plan to take you out Saturday night tomorrow, but unfortunately not for a date, mas. How?”

“Tell me where to take me first. I'm not a cheap guy who can be invited anywhere by a girl.” I almost choked on my mouth watermelon juice if I didn't rush to swallow the liquid. Really, is an Evan Adiatma who likes to read biology books really this plug?

“Koajak come to kondangan, want ya?” rayuku shamelessly.

“Conditions?” asked Evan who somehow seemed to remember something. “Jeez, why do I remember now, Al?” and right, I actually just made this guy remember something.

“Then?”

“You want to take me to Rajendra's wedding?” evan asked who subconsciously made me take a furious breath before nodding in agreement. My heart is not used to hearing the word ‘marriage Rajendra’ until it feels instantaneous I want to be angry every time I hear it. “Then you don't have to take me. We came together because I also just remembered that I got an invitation from Jendra on Monday yesterday.” And it seems Evan has not been aware of the aura of anger that began to waver around me until he could still put on such a grin. Forcing me to laugh a little.

“Then the answer of my invitation?”

“Pick up at six in the afternoon at your home?”

“Deal.”

“By the way you and Jendra are as close as anything, Al?” it's really a question I've been avoiding, although it's not uncommon for there to be a desire in my heart to tell Evan about myself and Jendra in the past.

“I and Jendra are college friends, mas. Different faculty anyway, but well, so..” I want to be honest. I don't want to hide anything from Evan somehow this guy's reaction will be. “But I think Evan already realized who my friend who works in gameloft because as I recall, Jendra had approached me in the public library at that time.” I breathed a sigh of rage at the end of my own sentence when I realized the mess of my sentence.

“I don't understand, Al.”

“Mas remember the day Evan sent a short message to Wardi?” my instincts even though my own feelings are still messed up. But I already started this conversation, and did not want to make our chat hang just like that without clarity.

“The men who approached you? So he's Jendra?” guess Evan with a pair of eyes rounded to make me laugh because of Evan's funny facial expression. “I thought the man was your girlfriend, and I was heartbroken by it.” My heart is still open to hearing Evan's words. Right, mas, it used to be my boyfriend before I decided to let go and he decided to chase back his old love.

“Yap, and I guess that team leader Jendra who missed work until the meeting was canceled was Evan.”

“Jendra complained to you that the meeting was canceled because the team leader suddenly disappeared?” evan asked with a small laugh

.

“I even had time to call the team leader as the team leader who was really irresponsible.”

“Actually I'm not the typical irresponsible team leader, Al.” started Evan again after squeezing his lemon juice and observing me who was trying to finish my fried noodles with great difficulty because my throat felt so tight with the topic of our chat. “At that time there was one of my team members who had not prepared the meeting materials that he should have prepared the day before. And I thought running away to the public library would keep me from getting angry at the rest of the team. The escape that finally met me with you.” continued that made me decide to give up and leave the bakmi on my plate. As if the topic of our chat was not enough to make me feel riled up, Evan added to it with a sentence that increasingly made the feeling chaotic.

“One must record Evan's decision as an act of heroism.” I had a hard time telling my feelings and my voice to sound flat and ordinary in Evan's ear.

I do want to be honest, just expressing honesty sometimes takes greater courage than expressing feelings. Ah, but isn't expressing that feeling the same as expressing honesty? So what's the difference?

* * * * *

At first I wanted to go home after lunch and make sure that tomorrow night Evan would actually pick me up and we would come to Jendra's wedding together. But instead of letting me go home, this guy dragged me around the clothing store and told me that in his closet there was no decent choice of clothes for him to wear at the wedding. It's really hard to believe because as far as I'm concerned, Evan isn't a typical guy who doesn't care so much about his looks.

“Which do you think is better suited for me, Al? Teracota or light blue?” and why does it feel like we're switching positions? I'm a poor guy who's bored to death and Evan is a pretty girl who's picking out clothes for her to wear tomorrow night. Really, Evan even got into the typical handsome guy who fits in any model outfit.

“You match any color, mas. Even if it's pink.” My original answer while reaching for a black and white striped scarf that somehow would fit perfectly worn by Evan.

“Mbak, try please get pink color.” Evan's words that made me turn around instantly and looked at the man with a horrified look before yelling at the salesman who brought Evan clothes.

“Really, mas. I'm just kidding, geez.” It was my Sergei who made Evan laugh with satisfaction. “Consider if there is, or a darker color than that but not black.”

“I think I've bored you half to death because I bought clothes, Al.”

“Not really,” my shrug by shrugging and re-observing the rows of scarves that somehow look more attractive to me. “According to, mas, when will a man wear a scarf when dressed? Why do they sell scarves when they know the weather here is hot and will torture the scarf wearer himself?” I asked strangely while giggling with silly thoughts that suddenly appeared in my head.

“Hm?” and again my heart was beating unruffled when I realized that Evan was currently standing so close behind me that I could smell a perfume that had been slightly mixed with the man's sweat. “Neither, I never even thought of wearing a scarf while walking up the star hill, Al.” he continued before reaching out his right hand to grab the black-striped heart-red scarf and observing it for a moment.

“And I think this scarf is not only for men.” for the first time since I put a limit on my relationship with Jendra, where I feel that everything will be fine and my heart will heal by itself.

For the first time since a few months ago, I felt that the dimensions of my life had indeed stepped onto another page. And that's when Evan stood an inch in front of me and wrapped a scarf around his hand around my neck. Observe for a moment before smiling with satisfaction. Why else would that smile make me feel comfortable and secure? Is it okay for me to feel this kind of feeling?

“Pas once. You like?” evan asked that made me get dragged away from the daydream and the man took a step back from before me.

“Like. But I also have no idea when to wear a scarf like this.”

“True too. Then something else, something you can wear anytime.”

Something else. Ah, I also remember that there is still something else I have not told this man.

___________

The rain started to fall and grew heavier as Evan and I walked out of the clothing store with one shopping bag that Evan had in his right hand.

“We should have just taken the car, Al. Now so caught rain like this ‘kan?” evan started after a while and we both looked around us and thought about how we could get to the parking lot of the restaurant where we had eaten without making us look silly. Actually, the distance of the clothing store where we are standing today is no more than two hundred meters from the parking lot where Evan's car is parked, I would have had a hard time keeping up with Evan if we decided to run together towards the car.

“Then wait until it subsides, mas. I think June is not raining, so do not bring an umbrella.”

True too, it is now June and it should not be raining this hard.

“Look, you wait here and I take the car there. Okay?”

“Do not, mas. You will be sick if it rains.”

“No. If you wait until it subsides, it can be until our night here.” and I think Evan was serious about his decision because I saw the man started to take off his watch and take his phone out of his pants pocket. Put the two things in a shopping bag and handed them to me.

“Begin with it, mas.” Cut me off before Evan actually runs through the rain. “Enter his stuff into here.” My welcome while unzipping my small backpack and inserting Evan's shopping bag after I folded it up in such a way. Closing it back and wrapping the small backpack with a bag coat that is always available in my bag pocket. “Tasku is waterproof, so God willing our goods are safe.” I said confidently when I realized Evan's doubtful gaze.

“Not that. You mean you want the rain to get to the parking lot? Don't be silly, Alia. You can get sick.”

“On the count of three yes, mas.” I refuted and ignored Evan's words. I don't know when was the last time I was this excited when I was going to do something.

“Alia.!”

“One, two...” and I had already run without waiting for the count of three and left Evan behind me.

“Hey, you steal the start.!”

Again, after all these months, this was the first time I laughed after this. Really laughed until I forgot that yesterday afternoon I was still crying with Kamila in my private room. And now, I'm laughing like a kid who's just getting a first taste of how fun it is to play in the rain like this.

“Isn't this fun?” I muttered after stopping my steps suddenly and made Evan also stop beside me.

"What?” and we actually stopped right under the angsana tree not far from the clothing store until some people turned to us.

“Rain like this. I forgot the last time I played rain like this, mas.” I answered, looking up and watching the leaves of the Angsana tree above me move because of the rain and let the rain water make my clothes wet. While Evan was still silent and took a step forward to shorten the distance between us.

“There's something you want to let go of, Al?” I just realized that Evan must have felt something strange when I told him about my relationship with Jendra a few hours ago. And I'll say it all today too. No matter what kind of attitude Evan had towards me later on, that man always had a choice.

“No, mas. I've already released it.” Also, I was determined not to turn away from this man's eyes. “I just want to make sure that everything will be fine even if I attend their wedding tomorrow night.” Almost a full minute there was no reaction from Evan to my words, while I kept watching the rain dripping from the ends of Evan's hair and the water soaking his glasses.

“You love Jendra?”

I nodded to answer Evan's question. And yes, my love for Jendra has not even been felt for a long time.

“When Jendra approached me at the public library the other day, he was still my girlfriend, mas.” Our gazes were still met and as hard as I could tried to remain not turned away. “True, Jendra used to be my girlfriend before I decided to let go and she decided to pursue back her old love.”

“You are in doubt with the decision to attend the wedding of your former lover?”

Again, I nodded to answer Evan's question.

“All will be fine ‘right? Even if I stand in the guarantee and face to face with Jendra and his wife, everything will be fine ‘kan? Will you tell me that everything will be fine, mas?” either the salty taste I felt at the end of my lips was the taste of the rainwater or of the tears I did not realize had come down and knocked down my defenses.

“Of course.” I don't know when Evan raised his right hand and touched next to my cheek as I started to look down and avoid his gaze. “Even if you come face to face with Jendra, everything will be fine. Even if you witness the qabul ijab that Jendra did with his wife's guardian, you will be fine.”

“Mas,”

“Because I will make sure for you that everything will be fine. I promise.”

In the past, there was a man who so often reneged on his promise to me. Can I trust your promise now? May I wish you to keep your promise? And, you'll keep it ‘kan?

* * * * *