DIORAMAS
19. Spelling Flavor
“...I still love you, Alia. And I don't like you being with Evan. Is it clear enough now?”
For the umpteenth time I took a deep breath and exhaled back slowly while continuing to look at the sky that looks still blue even though the clock has shown seventeen hours and three minutes. Occasionally closing my eyes and feeling an afternoon gust of wind infiltrate through the sidelines of the ivory white sweater I wore and flew the tip of my black veil.
After refusing to meet Kamila at our subscription Japanese cooking shop, this is where I ended up. Lying on the nail grass in my own backyard like a lazy person and filling my head with insignificant things I shouldn't have thought of. Well, of course those unimportant things are again about Rajendra and everything the man told me on the night of his wedding two days ago.
But I don't think there's a woman who doesn't think about what I think if they're in my shoes. Really, I really did not expect that Jendra would humble himself in front of me just to say that the man still loves me even though he himself is married.
If Jendra still loves me, then why did she marry Hesti? Ah, in fact, I can't even think about the path of destiny written in my own book of life. And all I can do is just shut up and walk around like Jendra never told me that.
“You're really outrageous, Alia.” I turned my head and flashed a big smile when I found the voice of someone I knew very well. Increasingly widen my smile when the person just trace the waist and look at me with a gaze to pounce. “You know I'm busy and you're forcing me to come to your house? Jeez, what kind of friend are you really?” this time I even laughed out loud instead of being offended by the sentence the person said.
“Sit down first, I and my mother Lily made a pumpkin cake, deliberately leaving it for you.”
“You want to bribe me with a piece of pumpkin cake?”
“Not a piece, one baking sheet intentionally left for you to take home. How?”
“Then I give you a serving of batagor and a glass of your favorite watermelon juice. I bought it after work.”
And the next two seconds me and the guy, who was none other than Kamila, both laughed before the boy sat right next to me and took out two packs of batagor and two glasses of watermelon juice. I knew that Kamila was not a typical gossipy woman who would travel from her office to my house just to hear the news about Jendra's marriage. But Kamila was also not a typical friend who would refrain from hearing my story about what happened at Jendra's wedding two days ago.
“So, what stories have I missed from ‘you who attended the wedding of your ex-boyfriend’ Alia?” kamila started after we were busy enjoying a portion of the bricks she was carrying as I heard the girl chattering about her relationship with Dodi.
“You make it sound dramatic, La.”
“Who are you coming with?” kamila asked ignoring my sentence and flicked her right hand carelessly.
“With my friend.”
“Farhan?”
“Not. I mean I did meet Farhan there, but I didn't come by his name.”
“Mika?”
“Not a college friend, Kamila. Mika was not invited to Jendra's wedding. Maybe he knows that Mika already works in Semarang.”
“No offense, Al. But I don't care where Mika works and I just want to know who you came to Jendra's wedding yesterday?” really typical of Kamila who somehow seems to really dislike Mika even though I'm sure there's no problem between the two of them.
“Ehm,” though in doubt, it feels inappropriate that I hide about Evan from Kamila. “With Evan,”
“Evan? You never told me about your friend named Evan.”
“Evan Adiatma,” mulaiku while putting a glass of watermelon juice whose contents have been grounded. “He's a friend of Jendra's office.”
“What?”
“How is it? I first saw Evan while taking Jendra on a job test at gameloft, but we, I mean me and Evan only really greeted each other a month after I broke up from Jendra.”
“Why could such a coincidence, Al?”
This time I shrugged my shoulders indifferently and took a short breath.
“I don't think it's a coincidence, La. I didn't know that Evan was Jendra's boss in the office before we were really close, so if you think I deliberately invited Jendra's officemate to make him jealous, you're wrong.”
“Not so, I know you're not that kind of woman, Alia.” asks Kamila when I realize my emotions are starting to rise. “I was thinking about the way you met, you saw it somewhere, then you were reunited and eventually became close. I think all the human encounters in this day and age are always started by social media, Al. But it turns out there is still a typical classic meeting like that.” but I do not forget to laugh also heard the sentence Kamila.
“Classical meeting?”
“I know my brain isn't as bright as yours, son. So please don't embarrass me just for a wrong word.”
“Sentah, La. I just call it the destiny God wrote for me. Making Evan Adiatma one of the people I came into contact with.”
“What's the person like?” kamila urged not to forget the blink of an eye that really sucks.
“Who?”
“Evan. If Farhan, Andy, or Jendra I've met them all.”
“Ehm, so far Evan is a good and polite person.”
“Promise you will bring it to me in the near future.!”
“Unfortunately Evan is not unemployed like me who can be invited to meet whenever you want.” And Kamila was just about to finish the rest of the juice when the girl looked at me and ignored the rest of the juice. Makes me raise my eyebrows and wait for the question that this child will ask because I have guessed that the curiosity of a Kamila is not that easy to satisfy.
“Omong by the way you guys are that close?”
“A few minutes ago you said ‘before we were really near’ and I concluded that you guys were really close. Actually how many things are you hiding from me, Alia?”
“There's not much I've hidden from you, La. And yes, Evan and I first met in the public library last April, and after that we met often, that's it.” I deliberately cut the part where Evan left me a short message through Mr. Wardi. Really, it would only make me sound so melodramatic in front of Kamila. Let it be a piece of our story and a piece that we keep in our memory compartment.
“Several times Evan invited me to eat together, and lastly we came to Jendra's wedding together.”
“You like Evan?” kamila asked without shading aling-aling which made me almost choke on my own saliva. It's just that I quickly control myself so that I don't have to misbehave before the girl.
“Evan good man, La. You know I've always liked good people.”
“You know what I mean and I don't need to repeat my sentence, Alia.”
I took a deep breath and exhaled back slowly without turning my face away from Kamila's gaze. True, it is free to make Kamila distracted and make him ignore his curiosity.
“I'm comfortable every time with him, La. Can that kind of feeling be described as liking?” right, I'm not bragging when I say that Evan's presence next to me always makes me feel comfortable and safe.
It's not that when I was with Jendra I didn't feel that way, it's just that Evan made me feel that he devoted all his attention to me every time we were together. I don't even remember Evan ever holding a cell phone every time we were having lunch together or were reading a book together in a public library.
“That comfort you mean, what comfort do you get from a man because Jendra no longer gives it to you?”
“La,”
“Begini, Alia. You just broke up with Jendra and two days ago you attended her wedding. I don't know how you feel because we're in a different position. But I think your heart must be hurt and you need someone to help you heal it, and at the same time Evan comes and gets your attention distracted.” I don't know where Kamila learned how to beat around the bush like this to leave me spellbound on her lines for a while.
“You want to ask me if I'm making Evan an escape or not?”
“I'm looking for a more subtle sentence to ask you.”
I took another deep breath and exhaled it back slowly. Unknowingly Kamila's question was like a slap to me which in an instant made my mind filled with speculation about Evan Adiatma. Did that man have the same thoughts as Kamila?
“That's what I'm afraid of, La.” starts me while pulling out a blade of grass right next to me and playing it with origin. “I'm afraid that I've unwittingly made Evan my escape from Jendra. I'm afraid that without me knowing I've used Evan's existence as a wound healer that I got from Jendra.”
“It is true that it is too early to conclude whether you made Evan your escape from Jendra or not, Al. But I think there must be some things that can make you sure if you really make it a runaway or not.”
“Some things?” I admit that my romantic life experience has not been as much as Kamila's, which is why I just stared fixedly at Kamila and waited for the girl to explain it to me.
“What do you guys talk about every time you meet?”
For a few seconds I frowned and thought about why Kamila had to ask such an unimportant question?
“Many things, La. And why do you have to ask like that?”
“Many things like what?”
“Biology and science. Evan is the strangest programmer I've ever met for being so passionate about biology and science that he himself works for a game company. Isn't that weird? Finally even he was so excited when he explained to me about gene transplants in animals that are disabled to then be made to be not disabled. I think Evan is typical of bespectacled gamers who are so passionate about gaming on mobile phones that they decide to work as game designers, but well…” obviously I was long without realizing it until Kamila's gaze made me realize that I was talking too much about Evan as if I was explaining to Kamila about a man I liked.
“Then what's more?”
“What?”
“You alone? How do you feel every time you are together like that?” asked Kamila again who did not stop making me think again. And for almost a full minute, the only thing I could think of was Evan's gaze. Yes, Kamila's question unknowingly made me rethink the way Evan Adiatma looked at me whenever we were together. And thinking about me having even seen that guy watch me a few times made my cheeks feel hot.
“I love the way he sees me, La.”
“Have you guys talked about your past? In your case, have you ever talked about Jendra with Evan?”
“Eh-mm,” this time I nodded and rolled up a blade of nail grass in my hand with origin. “The day before we attended Jendra and Hesti's wedding, I told Evan everything that Jendra was my ex-boyfriend who was none other than his own men in the office.”
“Although, I still can't judge whether you really make Evan as an escape or not, Al. In the end, it is only you who can determine and give a definition for what you feel about Evan.”
“What if I did just make Evan a runaway, La?”
“You can still change it, baby. Over time you will truly understand what you really feel for Evan.”
“But, La,”
“Everything does take time, Al. Especially the feeling problem. It is not true that you decide now when you are alone even still doubtful about how you really feel about Evan.”
And why after all these months we were together and spent so much time together, only now do I think about such a possibility? I didn't think at all about making Evan an escape because I didn't feel like I was running away from anything. But still a thought appeared and such a thought frightened me.
Yeah, I'm afraid I might hurt Evan's feelings if the truth is that I received a helping hand just because someone just let go of my hand.
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