DIORAMAS
13. Heals

Yogyakarta, May 2016

The hot weather in May is not foreign until I have to keep complaining like a person who can not be grateful. That's why I chose to pull over my motorbike matic and go into the parking lot of a supermarket to avoid the stinging heat. Well, I think pulling over and enjoying a bowl of mixed ice in the supermarket food court is a better idea than continuing to grumble because the weather is hot.

The rain has begun to fall rarely at the end of May as it is today even though the drizzle still falls occasionally. My work has also been done since a week ago and I only need to make data repairs if the supervisor finds awkward data from my work. That's why I can drive around town on a motorcycle all by myself like a strange girl. Yeah, it's weird every time I stop at a crossroads and find a pair of young people riding on a motorcycle while I have to go anywhere alone.

Everything is still going normally even though sometimes there are some things that make me daydream instantly and change from a logical Alia to an Alia who is so put forward feelings.

Everything is still going normally even though sometimes I feel that time is going so fast that sometimes I find it difficult to keep up with the rhythm. Evan and I still meet a lot in the public library even though it doesn't come every day because I have a job and I also know Evan isn't an angry person.

Everything was still going normally despite the many things that surprised me. Including the surprise that came from Evan.

“I work in gameloft, it's been about three and a half years.” And that was the first surprise I heard from Evan when I asked him where he was working the day he drove me home.

Evan works at gameloft, and that means the guy works in the same office as Jendra. And that fact made me take a deep breath every time I remembered it.

What about Jendra? I don't know exactly how it's going because we've completely lost contact with each other. There's nothing we have to talk about until we have to keep communicating with each other. We're done, that's all I know. Although sometimes there is a part of my heart that maish expects to meet with the man and talk about some things that may indeed need to come back we talked about. But it was just a feeling for a moment before I regained consciousness that such thinking would only make me turn my head back and my efforts to move on again failed.

“Gameloft?”

“Iya, and I had time to wonder what you did in the building so late in the afternoon because I'm sure you're not one of the employees gameloft.”

‘I was waiting for my girlfriend, - who is now an ex-do job interview, mas.’

But I haven't been that crazy to tell Evan that honesty and make us awkward the first day of our introduction. That was why I only muttered about how the world was not as vast as I thought without intending to respond to that man's sentence.

“Oh, I haven't said yes? I was waiting for my friend to interview on gameloft.”

“Yang right? So any of your friends work at gameloft?”

“That's.”

“What's his name? Maybe I know him.”

Yep, yeah, everything is still going normal except for my feelings that suddenly become my own heartburn every time I remember that Evan and Jendra work in the same place and imagine that the possibility of two men are each other get to know.

What am I afraid of? There aren't. It's just that it feels really annoying when I try so hard to forget someone in the past, but the person who is now near me always reminds me of the past. Not just once, but every time I met Evan, every time I remembered gameloft, and I remembered gameloft the same way I remembered Jendra.

“Name? Whose name?” I even so regretted my decision to open a chat about a job at gameloft with Evan when the man seemed so eagerly asked me what my friend's name was working on that place. And it took me more than five seconds to think about whether I should answer Evan's question or distract him.

“Your friend name.”

“Name Jendra. Rajendra Yudhistira.” But I answered it too. I don't know why, but I don't think I want to invent a lie that I will have to find another one in the future.

“Rajendra? Gosh, why is it all a coincidence like this?” I even held my breath for a few seconds as Evan laughed in response to my answer. Laughter that made me think that there was another tone of surprise from the man beside me. “Rajendra is one of my team members who just joined about five months ago.”

“So?” I was thinking about how Evan didn't realize that the person who picked me up the other day at the library the day I received a short message from him was Jendra? Did Evan not see the figure of Jendra or did this man forget? Ah, I'll ask you another time.

“Yes, sometimes I wonder how the universe arranges human encounters so perfectly.” He said half a mouth again. He took a slow breath before allowing me to get down and again apologized for holding me back for half an hour in his car. How am I feeling? The fact that Jendra was one of Evan's team members at work made me feel an assortment of feelings that I couldn't even decipher.

True too, in fact the universe does arrange the meeting between humans with each other so perfectly that sometimes it escapes logic. Let it be, I'll just follow the universe and let time take over to explain it.

____________

I took a deep breath once more and stared at the bowl of fruit soup before me that I had not even touched since being ushered in by the waitress fifteen minutes ago. The desire to enjoy the coldness of the ice and the freshness of the pieces of fruit in it disappeared instantly as my memory suddenly twisted my conversation with Evan the other day.

“It is not your fault that Evan and Jendra work in the same place even they are joined in one team. You and Evan are met by fate, simple as that anyway.”

Even Kamila's defense a week ago when I told her about my situation didn't necessarily make me stop feeling guilty. It is true that it is not my fault that Evan and Jendra are co-workers, but still I still feel that I made a mistake even though I myself do not know what I did wrong.

And I almost jumped out of my chair as my phone shook on the table. It made me grumble with annoyance before glancing at the name on my phone screen.

“Assalamu’alaikum, mas Evan.” And that guy was like a kind-hearted fairy godfather who somehow seemed to know that I was thinking about him until he needed to call me. It made me misbehave for a while before finding the calmness as soon as the tip of my finger touched the surface of my fruit ice bowl.

“Wa’alaikumussalam, I was wondering if now you have free time? I mean it's lunchtime now and I think you're not working.” that's how Evan Adiatma is with his to the point nature and does not like pleasantries. It made me laugh before answering the question that I thought sounded long-winded.

“You are talking to an unemployed person, if you forget. And yes, an unemployed person always has free time. If mas Evan is looking for a lunch partner, then mas contact the right person.”

“Good, where are you now? Let me pick. I'm still in the office anyway, I mean it's coming down from the fifth floor.”

“Oh wait, am I taking someone to lunch while the person I'm taking is in the food court? With someone?”

“In addition to unemployment I am also a single woman mas Evan, and of course single women like me do not have a partner that I take lunch with.”

“Then your potential partner will arrive in. Wait there yeah. Adios. Oh yeah, don't order food. Let's book together later. okay?”

“Any captain.!”

Everyone would think that I was a typical slut who could easily get along with a guy in a month while two months earlier I had just broken up with my boyfriend. Actually not really, I even admitted that I am not a typical person who can quickly become familiar with new acquaintances. It takes me a long time every time I try to get along with someone I just met. But Evan, somehow made me feel like we were old friends back together and quickly made me feel comfortable around him. Even every time I was with the man whether in the public library, on the way when the man drove me to the stop, or just had lunch together, Evan could make me feel safe every time he was with her.

I don't know what feelings Evan has, because I'm still trying to examine them and make myself understand. Again, this story is still far from its end until it feels like I don't deserve to give a definition for the feeling I feel every time with Evan, or the taste left over from Jendra.

“Hai,” my hand as soon as Evan ran towards me with a car key in his hand that I thought the man had not had time to put in his pants pocket. For a few seconds I had time to observe Evan's appearance which somehow always made me raise my judgment on him. Evan was wearing a black polo shirt and khaki pants today and a leather watch coiled around his left wrist, just that his simple appearance made him look, handsome.

“Turned five minutes from initial appointment. Sorry yes.”

“You should not apologize for the five minutes delay, mas.”

“You've given me time, Al. So I think I should appreciate the time you gave it.”

There was one part of my heart that suddenly slipped upon hearing Evan apologize for his five minutes of delay.

‘Before this there was even someone who was not only five minutes late, mas. He did not keep his promise. But he didn't even once apologize to me.’

But instead of saying that line to Evan, I smiled and chose to mention my menu when a female waitress came up to me and Evan. For now let me enjoy all the upheaval of this feeling I feel. I think every inch of pain and happiness will help me to grow.

“And may I know why Evan chose to take me to lunch instead of bringing your own girlfriend? If the reason is that Evan's girlfriend is busy and you happen to have no friends to eat, then I will be very offended.” I started before putting in a roll of chicken noodles and noticed Evan who almost choked on a piece of meatballs in his mouth.

“First I didn't know that sometimes your mouth can be sharp as well, Al.” I just shrugged and let Evan continue his sentence. Yeah, I have to admit that I was fishing for Evan to confess his romantic relationship to me. It felt really annoying as I kept wondering about the man's romantic relationship while almost every day we exchanged messages and met and spent some time together. “The second, I will proudly admit that I am a typical loyal man, so do you think a loyal man will take another woman to lunch just because his girlfriend is busy?”

This time it was me who laughed to hear Evan's narration that was so long-winded.

“Do all programmers like long-winded like you, mas?”

“No. If you want to know, I'm actually a quiet person. I also don't know why it can be this chatty every time with you.”

“So the point?”

“Theins? No boyfriend would feel hurt just because I had lunch with you because I was just like you, single. And yes, I rarely have friends to eat until sometimes I question my social skills in the office.”

I just chuckled before taking a sip of water from inside my glass to cover my face which somehow felt hot. There is a sense of relief when Evan says he is single and does not engage in any romantic relationship with any woman.

“I think everyone will change when his urgent circumstances to change.” I muttered while pushing my bowl of chicken noodles that only had a little sauce left and a few mustard sheets inside. Noticing Evan's meatball bowl that had also been empty since a few minutes ago. “I mean, a quiet person could turn out to be chatty when circumstances urge him to be chatty.”

“If the reason is someone else who made it change, how?”

“That's an even more special case in my opinion.”

“Why?”

“Someone who changed for someone else. That means that person just changed for the sake of ‘someone’ is special to him right? Not for everyone and not in all circumstances.” I noticed Evan sipping lemon juice from his glass and linking his hands together on the table as if my sentence was something very interesting to him. “Someone who changed because of someone else. I don't know mas, I just feel that it's natural once and..”.

“And special once.” Cut Evan and make me lift my face to return his gaze from behind the glasses. “You're right Al. A person changes because a meaningful person comes into his life, or a meaningful person leaves his life. And do you believe me when I say that you are a person who means something to me?”

I suddenly felt that the air around me was thinning and making me breathless when I realized Evan's gaze had not shifted even a moment from me and made me unable to return his gaze for more than three seconds. Although in the end I was able to organize my feelings and return Evan's gaze with a thin smile.

“I believe, mas. For in my view, everyone who meets me, those who come in contact with me, are the ones whom God has destined to teach me a lesson

“Ya, you're right, Al.”

Again it was that smile that made me feel that there was no barrier between me and Evan despite the fact that we had only known each other for less than two months.

‘Maybe this guy who will give you a lot of understanding about a relationship, Al. About acceptance, also about letting go.’

I don't know, haven't I told you many times that this story is far from its end? And a servant's heart can turn around in just seconds.

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