DIORAMAS
24. Home
“Tea,!” I had just opened my bedroom door to take out the trash when from the stairs someone first called my name and ran to me after. Made me give a faint smile before I put down the actual garbage basket I was going to take down and throw it away. Sofia, the daughter of a boarding house owner who at the first meeting stole my attention and somehow our plot became familiar as if we were indeed two good friends.
“Where are you, tea?” asked Sofia who did not forget to put on a smile that was like she never let go of the two corners of her lips. Whether I often meet people super busy to smile only rarely, to see Sofia it feels like I found something that I have been looking for all this time, or indeed the reality is like that. It's just that Sofia's smile seems to be the bridge between us. Even the girl no longer wears her veil every time she visits my room even though she still wears a piece of it every time we go out. It made me feel privileged by this girl.
“Down down the trash, why?”
“Nothing, just want to know today about the event, no?” sofia asked doubtfully as if I would be angry because I was asked about ‘ehaw’ on a week like this while I was a homeless person who never went out on a weekend like this.
“Nothing, why to?”
“That's right, tea?”
“When do you see out on weekends like this in addition to buying food, Sof?”
And the truth is that. I even only know the boarding area and my office even though I have been living in Bandung for months. Makes me sometimes complain to Evan for being too bored on the weekends that I always spend by crouching in the room with a pack of potato chips and just going out to buy lunch at the end of the boarding hall.
“Iya, anyway.” And somehow I just imagined if I had a little sister, would my little sister be like Sofia?
“What's up?”
“Ehm, want to invite Alia tea to go out for a while, do you want to?”
“Where? Is ummi or abi not at home?”
“Ummi and abi to pekan study, tea. Home is usually ba’da ashar.”
Really, seeing Sofia who frowned like that made me unable to hold back a smile and rethink that maybe God destined Sofia to play the role of Alia's little sister and forge me into more adulthood. And, am I also like this when I persuade Mita?
“Where are you going out?” my question was that in the end, she couldn't stand Sofia's gelagat.
“Meeting with friends in Dago area, tea. Afraid to go alone.”
“So. Then don't change clothes first. You wait under what would you like to wait to change clothes?” and I was not at all happy to look for Sofia with questions about who she would meet and why she did not dare to go alone even though the distance between her house and Dago area was as far as I knew it was not more than an hour by car.
“I'm ready under aja, tea. Later use the car ummi aja yes, teh.”
I who was about to open the door of my room turned back to look towards Sofia who was also actually going down the stairs.
“Who's driving?” I asked quickly when I realized that we were going to go together and the possibility that we would drive a car was just me or Sofia. That's why I need to make sure there are no misunderstandings.
“Teh Alia, lah. I can't drive all the way back abi.” Sofia answered innocently which made me laugh for the next two seconds.
“Teteh can't drive, Sof.” This is not just an excuse for me not to accompany Sofia and still crouch in my room like a slow loris, but the truth is that I can't drive because I think why would I drive if my family doesn't even have a car?
“Oh, then we ride the ojek online only, teh.” Sofia replied again which inexplicably made me put on a sincere smile without me noticing. Again the way Sofia received me made me feel like I found a family.
___________
At first I thought that the friend Sofia would meet was the girl's college friend and they would meet at a cafe or place to eat because in my mind, it was, Dago has always been synonymous with places to eat or tourist attractions. Along the way Sofia and I didn't even talk about this meeting because I didn't think I needed to know. Sofia and I talked about everything about Bandung and made me think that I should start venturing around the city of flowers even though I had to do it alone.
At first I also thought that the things Sofia and her friend were going to talk about were not far from being around college assignments. But as soon as the online taxi we were riding stopped and Sofia asked me to walk towards a mosque, my speculation about Sofia meeting with her friend began to fall apart. And my speculations became even more absurd when the friend Sofia meant was a veiled woman like herself who was so friendly to welcome us both.
“Name Umm Aisyah, tea. He was my teacher all this time.”
“Teacher naji, to.” My reply half muttered from being too shocked by this meeting.
“This must be Neng Alia, huh? Sofi's friend? Introduce me Rara, neng.”
It was only after this woman opened the veil that had covered her face since then that I could freely observe her face that I guessed this woman had only entered her thirties or less.
A meeting, I even had time to presumptuously imagine that the meeting meant by Sofia was a meeting with her friends in a cafe to talk about things that are not important. But who would have thought if the meeting in question was a meeting to talk about something that never crossed my head at all. Weddings.
“If you believe the male religion is good, the nasab is good, also you feel confident with it, there is no harm in you guys doing ta’aruf, Sof.”
True, in fact I do not think at all if the meeting between Sofia and a woman named Rara is to talk about marriage. I don't really know what they're talking about because I chose to step down and sit away from the two of them even though Rara actually asked me to come discuss with them.
Discussing, it felt strange when I said ‘the important’ talk that Sofia and her teacher did as a form of discussion as if they were both talking about family picnic plans.
“What about abi and ummi? They've seen the cv that the man sent you?”
“Ummi and abi agree, Umm. Only I am still a little doubt.”
Although I could still clearly hear Rara's question for Sofia, still I didn't want to interfere and chose to take my phone out of my sash bag and play it with the originals. Taking a deep breath when suddenly my feelings became unwarranted. Feelings that arise because of what and why. I just felt that the conversation between Sofia and her teacher made me feel like I was slapped in the invisible hand. Not because of the fact that Sofia, who was even 19 years old, was proposed by a man while I, 23-year-old Alia, was stuck in an unnamed relationship with a man.
‘When you want a good soul mate, then be a good person. But don't be good to your soul mate, but be good to your god. For He is the one who gives you a soul mate and he who arranges about the bad good of your soul mate.’
I don't know who just played in my head and made me smile wryly and take a deep breath back, just as a message came in and made me touch my phone screen before I recounted the intention. Ah, it feels like I still want to enjoy every inch of this erratic feeling and not want to be confused by a message.
“Truely too, the soul mate is a reflection of himself, Alia.” Whisper to myself. Pay attention to a sheet of slingshot tree leaves that fall and join the leaves that have first fallen and litter the mosque yard.
Theories about soul mate. Actually, even though I was not raised by both parents like ummi Hamidah and her husband raised Sofia, I still understood about the concept of such a soul mate. That, my soul mate is a reflection of myself. That the best of my soul mate will be directly proportional to the level of goodness in me. And realizing that I was starting to imagine the figure of the man who filed a cv on Sofia was unyielding made me smile in the end.
“Ah, he must be a sholih man who is so kind and take care of himself like Sofia keep her honor all this time.”
True too, although I did not dare to ask about the man who was the topic of conversation between Sofia and her teacher, in my head I could already imagine the figure of the man. Yes, of course, I would imagine a man who is equal to Sofia, and not a man who easily spills love sentences on women who are not necessarily going to marry.
Because Sofia is not like Alia who is so easy to run into a man's embrace when she is heartbroken because of her ex-boyfriend, who is, surely the man was also like Sofia who did not easily open her hands to hug the woman she should not touch.
‘Ah, why is your sentence as if you are judging yourself and judging him, Al?’
Judgment him? No, I told you that right now, I want to enjoy every inch of the erratic feeling I feel. Although actually the uncertain feeling that I feel at this moment has definitely something to do with him.
‘But isn't what you've been doing all this time still in a reasonable stage and there's nothing you're doing other than exchanging news with each other?’
I don't know, it's actually clear that what I've been doing so easily exchanging words of love with her is wrong. It's just that there's still a small part of my heart that justifies what I do. A part of my heart that is still so stupid with untrue understandings.
‘Perhaps, one day you will truly understand the flow of life that your god has determined, Al. The good course of life. Good according to your god, not good you think.’
* * * *
