DIORAMAS
2. Nost_al(f)ia
Yogyakarta, October 2015
“Daannn, congratulations for our best graduation of the year, Alia Pangesti.”
I almost choked on the drink in my mouth and stared at a loud speaker that was stuck in the corner of the canteen when my name was mentioned by a radio announcer who was doing on the water. I tried hard to swallow the clear liquid in my mouth while glancing at some visitors to the cafeteria that looked not concerned with the typical sound of Bayu, one of the campus radio broadcasters who inexplicably likes to engineer broadcast material.
“Yeah, you're just Alia, indeed who would care about the taste you get?” I muttered as I played back the mineral water bottle in my hand and turned on my phone power and turned it off two seconds later.
Being born into the ordinary is not the choice of everyone in this world, including me. And I am indeed only Alia, an ordinary person who is often ignored despite having achieved what she feels proud of. And I was just Alia, an ordinary woman who sometimes became very menalkolis just because she did not get a message from someone she was waiting for. Like now. I don't know how many times I took a deep breath and exhaled it back violently since an hour ago.
“Why is everyone so busy on graduation day like this?” my mummy while watching some people who are taking pictures with a graduation who is still wearing a toga hat complete with a bouquet of flowers in his hand. And again I was only Alia who did not even get a bouquet of flowers on the day of her graduation.
“Well, of course everyone is busy on this happy day Al, except you who are even busy playing around with mineral water bottles.” This time my gaze was distracted on a dark red box lying beside a toga hat and sash ‘prideku’. A crimson box was given to only one person from each faculty at the university as a symbol that he is the best graduate in his faculty today. And I'm one of them.
“Congratulations you dear, father and mother are proud of you.” is just that, just that greeting and a warm hug I got from mom as a gift for my achievement today. Even my father only gave me a flat look and refused to take pictures together after the formal event was over. Well, that's why I said that I was the only graduate who looked like a fool on graduation day.
“This is not the first time Al, even since SD I never asked about your achievements.” Gerutuku while getting up from the chair and walking towards the cafeteria table and took some snacks.
Poor and unnoticed Alia. I even gave that nickname to myself when I was in Elementary School. A strange nickname that I laughed at until this moment. I know what the character of the father is and how the man expresses his happiness. Not with a hug or a greeting, no, father is not a typical father who wants to chat like that with his daughter.
Yes, the father never praised me directly in front of me, but the father will be so excited when telling his daughter and proud of his little daughter who has grown up with all the achievements he achieved. You will tell everyone else without my knowledge. And that's enough to make me understand that you're proud of my achievements.
“Why am I thinking of bringing you flip-flops huh, Al?” just as I turned around, a young man in a white shirt and black cloth pants stood not far from me. In his right hand is a pocket camera and toga hat just like mine that is still lying on the table. For a moment I observed his face which was putting on a mocking expression with that ignorant smile of his.
“Only who would bother to wear high heels if only to walk from the cafeteria table to the food counter, mas?”
“Not because you are not talented wearing high heels?” the man even laughed at the end of his sentence as he followed me to the table and sat across from me. “I noticed the way you walked earlier, Al.”
“Truly typical mas Jendra who likes to do unimportant things.”
Rajendra Yudhistira, a fellow college major who somehow became so close to me a year ago. Rajendra Yudhistira, a young man who is famous, handsome and of course has a lot of fans in this campus. And really, I don't know how many times I've seen this guy together with pretty girls who I didn't even know what kind of college they were in. And what's more I don't understand is how can students from other faculties and across semesters get so familiar with Jendra?
‘Yes, of course because Rajendra is a typical handsome student, famous and easy to get along with other people, Alia.’
“But anyway, I am proud of you today.” either because I did not get congratulations from anyone on the day of my graduation, or indeed Jendra who so interpreted his sentence. Really, I was overwhelmed by his words. “Not just today, I am proud of you for all your achievements. Congratulation, my best lovely girl.”
And yes, the young man who is so famous in this campus is actually my girlfriend. When exactly did we decide to end our unclear relationship of being lovers? I don't know, me and Jendra don't think much about it. We just live it until without us knowing something has tied us both. I need Jendra and vice versa.
“What are you who are too deep into your sentences or because you are the only one who congratulates me, mas. How am I moved?”
But that doesn't mean dating the flamboyant Jendra campus makes my college life so fun. And the answer is no. Not just once did I get an uncomfortable look from some college students when they found out that me and Jendra were more than just friends. Even Andy, one of Jendra's friends who I forgot to major in, told me that I had to get ready with all the possibilities because I was dating Jendra.
“Such ridiculous possibilities exist only in television dramas, mas. Nothing in real life. Who would spend their time taking care of the lives of others?” Alia is naive and doesn't really care about her own life. I even remember when Andy laughed at my defense.
“They care, Al. Beautiful girls who have been victims of Rajendra seduction care about your relationship and your life. And also, I'll bet that they happily pray for you and Jendra break up soon.”
“Sayang?” and I only realized that I had been daydreaming for a few minutes when Jendra waved his hand right in front of my face. “All okay?” he continued to observe my face.
“Good, where was it?”
“Until when do you want to daydream so in front of your own girlfriend, hm?”
“Not daydreaming, mas. Just suddenly thought of something.” Lying. Because I actually thought about things about my relationship with Jendra before we even decided to start. About how I will play a good lover for Jendra even though the man does not require me to be what he wants me to be. Also about a lot of things I really don't need to think about.
“About what?” and I've always disliked it whenever Jendra has put on such a serious face and demanded an explanation from me. Makes me just take a deep breath and shrug my shoulders no matter what.
“Nothing. Oh yeah, later in the afternoon so play?” ask me to distract Jendra from my unimportant daydream.
“Main?”
“Two days ago we had a deal about going to the beach after graduation. I'm trying to remind you in case you forgot.” I replied in a relaxed tone as possible even though I had actually started to get angry at Jendra's facial expression. I know that face, it was the face when Jendara forgot her promise to me.
“Jeez,” and exactly what I thought. Jendra forgot the promise he made to me. Again. “Sad sorry, I actually forgot that the promise to go to the beach later in the afternoon.”
“Mas,”
“Friends are planning to celebrate graduation later in the afternoon, and I have already agreed to their invitation. Ndak good if it's cancelled.” And Jendra felt so guilty if he had to break his promise with his friends, but did not feel guilty at all when he canceled his promise with me.
“Yes, it's okay. The beach will always be there every day.”
It is true that the beach will always be in the same place every day, every time. It's just that I forgot the fact that human feelings can change all the time. Even two seconds later I won't know what I feel for Jendra.
“You're not angry ‘kan?”
“Eh-mmm,”
“Let's take you home.”
“Bro, come on. Others have been waiting in the photo studio.” And I was just about to nod in favor of Jendra's invitation when a voice first made me undo the intention to open my voice. Ah, it turns out that even on graduation day I was still disappointed by this man.
“Go mas, I'll ask to pick up Mita.”
“Say,”
“This is not the first time, mas. I'm fine.”
Lies. In fact, I am still a young girl who is very easy to feel sick and disappointed because the person I hope to be with me actually prefers to be with others. But, of course I can't be angry because Jendra would rather be with his friends than with me. I know my position for that man. Everyone knows that Jendra is everyone's friend, and only a few people know that he is the girlfriend of this ordinary girl named Alia.
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