DIORAMAS
18. Wound...

And after being the innocent one between Evan, Jendra, Hesti, and the rest of Evan's office friends, I decided to step aside on the grounds that I wanted to see Farhan.

“Farhan? Who?” evan asked when I whispered to him that I wanted to find Farhan because there were some things I wanted to ask him. And from that question, I can guess that Evan Adiatma is a typical man who is so protective of his partner. Just look at his facial expression when I say I want to see Farhan.

“Friends, mas. I saw him right there with his girlfriend.”

It was only after I said ‘Farhan and his girlfriend’ that Evan's facial expression turned relaxed and let me retreat. I don't think this guy can keep holding me between his office mates and let me be the clueless one for every chat. Even so with me who is not ready to enter the environment of Evan association.

But instead of joining Farhan and Desta who I saw were with Andy and the others, I chose to grab a glass of drink and sat alone at the backmost table close to the large wooden window. Paying attention to the noise of the room and occasionally glancing out the window even though out there I can only see a row of cars belonging to guests who attended the wedding of Jendra and Nesti tonight.

“Half a year ago, I could have imagined that the bride in the bridal dress standing next to me tonight would be you, Al.” I quickly turned my head to make my neck hurt when I heard the voice of a man right next to me. “But I remembered your words that our realm as humans is only planning, not defining.”

I don't know how many seconds I've just been quiet and trying to find a sentence to say to this guy. While he only smiled wryly and occasionally took a deep breath for then he exhaled back slowly.

“Hesti is the most appropriate woman to stand next to you and wear that wedding dress.” and in the end it was just that sentence that I could say to Jendra that actually made the man laugh a little somehow to laugh at what.

“That's because of Hesti being my wife, if you were my wife, you would definitely say that you are the most appropriate woman to stand next to me. Yes ‘kan?” I didn't find the joking tone of Jendra's sentence until I was lost for words. I don't know where the Rajendra I know went, and Rajendra was warm and happy to joke around. The one sitting next to me right now is just cold Jendra, and foreign Jendra to me.

“I don't know who's been cheating between the two of us, Al.” starts Jendra again even though I don't know where this guy is going. “Three months ago you decided to end our relationship for a reason that until now I could not really understand, and now you come to my marriage and Hesti with my boss at the office.” Jendra continued with a wry laugh at the end of his sentence. And I began to understand a little what Jendra meant by sitting next to me and talking to me like this.

“Since when do you like long-winded like this, mas?”

“I wouldn't say that you're the only one cheating here, Al. Because I am behind you too. I just want to know, why Evan? Why should my boss, Alia?”

It was like an invisible hand slapped me and made me grimace at once when I heard that sentence coming out of Jendra's mouth.

“If you are still confused, let me simplify my sentence for you. Is Evan Adiatma the reason why you decided to get away from me? Is Evan Adiatma that makes you careless beside me and choose to run his arms?” it took me a whole minute until I managed to find my words and compile them without making my emotions spill right then and there.

“Just because I came to your wedding with mas Evan, then you call it cheating, mas?” I saw the tip of Jendra's lips twitch, indicating that the man was holding back emotions. “Who are you really blaming here? Who are you accusing of cheating? I only came with a man to your wedding, not invite you to come to my wedding with that man. We let each other go, mas. So who are you getting married to, and with whom I am in a relationship it is no longer something we should join ‘kan?”

Again, for almost a full minute there was no sound between us even though Jendra was still looking at me while I was busy watching the white rose bouquet on the table in front of us.

“Sorry,” this time Jendra chuckled and snorted softly. “Actually I just want to know since when did you and Evan date? Also, isn't it really that upset? I was playing around with Hesti behind you, and you were in a relationship with my superiors behind me. It is true that destiny is sometimes very funny.”

This time it was me who laughed out loud before grabbing my drink glass and insisting on the contents with a single sip.

“Why did you lower your self-esteem as a man to such a low level just for something like this, mas? This may not be important, but I only met Evan a month after we split up. What part can you call that an affair?”

Again Jendra just fell silent without returning my sentence and just looked at me with a difficult gaze once I confirmed. It made me sigh deeply and move from my chair for not wanting to invite the attention of the guests because the groom chose to chat with his ex-girlfriend instead of greeting the guest with the bride. Just a step, before my wrist was restrained by someone and forced me to turn back.

“I didn't know that you were this naive to the point of not understanding the meaning of all the sentences I said, Al. I still love you, Alia. And I don't like you being with Evan. Is it clear enough now?” for a few seconds my heart slipped and came back at a loss for words. But the next two seconds I realized that Jendra's sentence was nothing more than a mirage for me.

“Come back to Hesti, mas. It is inappropriate for a groom to claim to still love his ex-girlfriend the night of his own wedding.”

“Alia,”

“Isn't your qabul Ijab more than enough to prove that right now, we've reached a new dimension of our relationship? You're with Nesti, and I'm with whoever that man is destined to be with me.”

‘Either the man written in my life book and the man who will be with me, I think it is none of your business, mas.’

I was just about to make that sentence when Hesti walked up to us and stood right beside Jendra and pulled at the man's arm so protectively. It made me swallow a string of words that were at the tip of my tongue and take a deep breath to reduce the anger I was feeling.

“What's with you two?” he asked Hesti with a clear angry tone that he was pointing at me. “I know that in the past Jendra was your girlfriend, Alia. But tonight Jendra is already my husband and you no longer have the right to tease him.” Hesti's unyielding continued to make me laugh because his words sounded so cheap in my ears. Really, somehow it feels like tonight it is precisely me who is the center of attention by these two brides.

“Did I indeed look like a woman teasing people's husbands until you were so anxious about your husband, Hes?” from the side of the room I saw Evan waving at me before the man said something to a woman and walked towards me. “If it is, let me explain something to you. Me and Mas Jendra are done and for me the past is not a worthy thing for me to meddle again. So if you're worried about a seductress, I'm sure she's not me.” And I don't know whether Hesti was angry or offended by her words, which obviously the woman put on a face that I've really been working on.

“Mas Evan still want to be here or what? I think I'm going home now, Mom. Not good for you if you go home too late.” I had a hard time changing my facial expression when Evan was standing right next to me.

“We go home together of course. I told mom to take you to the front door ‘kan?”

“Eh_mm.”

And I really didn't care about how this pair of brides felt as Evan and I greeted the two of them before they passed. Letting Evan embrace my shoulder and make my back feel hot because I'm sure Jendra and Hesti are currently treating me as a cheap woman.

Ah, let them say I'm a cheap woman or a lazy woman. For now, I just want to let myself act childishly and let myself try to heal the pain I got from the words of Jendra and Hesti.

It seems like it would be much better if I followed Kamila and Mita's advice not to come to Jendra's wedding tonight. Now just look how I almost cried in front of Jendra for all the words that man said to me.

But time, I was determined not to cry in front of Evan and act like a heartbroken new woman. Let me heal myself the pain I have from Jendra and his wife. Let me try to heal my own wounds and stop involving Evan too far in my feelings.

“All is fine ‘kan?” but I think Evan was sensitive enough to have to hold me in his car even though we got to my doorstep.

“As you promised, mas. All is fine.”

“Have you lied to me?”

“No, I haven’t. Thank you for tonight.” yes, I did lie to you because that is the only thing I can do to stop acting like a melancholy woman every time I am with you.

“Alia,” for the second time I undo the intention to open the car door and turn back to Evan. “When your heart and feelings have completely recovered, will you tell me everything?”

“Mas,”

“All you feel. About Jendra, about me. At least, let me know how you feel.”

“Be careful on the road.” I said after nodding and seeing a smile on Evan's face before I completely shut the door.

Yeah, 'cause if I tell you everything right now, it's too rushed and I'm sure I'm gonna say it in a fucked-up line to this guy.

Let me tell you how I feel until I'm really ready to say everything I feel to this man. Everything was.

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