Bad Feelings
Bereft

Man devises something beautiful for his life. Happy life according to their mindset and image. They forget who owns life in this world. Yeah, God. He is the Creator of this life, who wills fully upon all the lives of His created man. What happens in this world is all with His permission.

###BadFeeling

After I finally got permission to come to Jonathan's house, I got on my bike and hurried to follow them behind. Still with the same feeling, I'm still not relieved if I haven't seen for myself how Jonathan is. Especially considering Olive's anger at her mother when it comes to her brother just now.

Olive is a submissive child, she rarely quarrels with her parents. Because he didn't want to see his parents sad or angry. Seen when he did not dare to express his opinion, when me and Jonathan were tried by his family.

We finally arrived at Jonathan's spacious courtyard. Jonathan's mother stopped the bike and parked it in front of the garage door. Then go down and enter the house first. He did not like my presence here, but he also did not forbid me to visit his house. Suffice that. We had a pretty good relationship before, but after knowing my relationship with Jonathan immediately the good relationship disappeared and changed cold unfriendly as it is today.

Olive was waiting for me to come in together. I parked my bike and got to Olive. "Maybe Jojo's brother is different than before, so you should be able to understand him huh?" I called my head to understand all the bad possibilities I would see in a moment. But I am still not ready to accept the terrible reality that I will soon know the truth. Olive took my hand, taking me into her house. "After breaking up from his brother, Jojo locked himself in his room, he rarely went out of the house and only went to college. He also rarely talked to the house. A month ago, he was cheerful". Hearing that, my brain immediately reviewed the incident while in Nick's office. He looked so frustrated and had no desire to continue his life. His face looked pale and gloomy at that time. Until he thought about asking me to elope. Is that as close as he is, to not care about the family he left behind? Then when we were at the bus stop at that time, whether my attitude of courageously giving her a farewell kiss was very influential on her to that extent. Able to make him excited again to live every life and problems he experienced. "But then there was an accident and everything became what it is today" Olive said, making my heart even more unprepared to accept it.

My heart was beating fast enough, I wasn't ready, how I was going to deal with Jonathan who Olive thought was different after Jonathan's accident. Moreover, farewell at that time, I bravely gave her a kiss. And now I have to see him. This heart is not calm made, anxious to think about what will be said and anxious about the reality of its true state. What I was afraid of all this time or not, I was still worried. I hope bad things don't really happen. Please God.

Olive's eyes explored and went around in the first room we passed. He invited me to enter his house even more. It looks like a comfortable family room. "I think you're in his room right now, he's usually here to watch the tv or in his room" Olive said, which made me feel uneasy. He took me up the stairs in the room. What I thought was going to Jojo's room was and it's true. There are many doors on the second floor. But Olive took me to the room at the end of the floor.

We stopped in front of the door in blue white and in front of the door it said "don't disturb". He's the kind of life bully of others, as he did to me interrupting my life until now, but he himself doesn't want to be bothered by others. Substantial.

Olive opened the door. Directly seen someone who was sitting staring out the window covered in white cloth that waved in the incoming wind. The man turned his back on us. Thank goodness what I feared never happened. No part of his body was injured or lost, because from my observation his limbs were still complete nothing was lacking and still functioned as before. Because I see he still had time to move to draw something on the drawing paper in front of him.

"Sister Jojo" Olive tried to call her brother, but the person called did not respond at all.

Without waiting for long, I approached him. Seeing his true condition. He looked at me for a moment expressionlessly, flat, unconsciously my tears welled up and began to fall without command. Then he turned his eyes back to the window of his room, I don't know what he saw. My eyes faded and my tears came to an instant halt, because the response I got was not what I expected. He doesn't know me and thinks I don't exist. He disregarded me. My gaze was immediately distorted and looked at Olive looking for answers to the strangeness of Jonathan's attitude towards me. Does he hate me to the point of ignoring me like this?

"What do you mean? Is he amnesia?" my many. That's the question that can cross my brain. Because usually people with memory loss will be called amnesia.

"More than that, the accident that hit Jojo's brother made some nerves in his brain damaged and the Doctor has raised his hands with his health condition. Father and mother have taken him to several doctors but the answer remains the same, Jojo cannot be healed, except miracles from God. He does look ordinary, but never responds to anything that is conveyed by others to him. He just does what he wants and his emotions are out of control. He often threw things and injured his body. I once found Jojo's brother banging his head against the wall until it needed a few stitches." explains Olive who unknowingly made him shed tears especially when I found a stitch scar on her right temple. I can see from the expression implied from Olive's face that was hit with the condition that befell her only brother. The people he loved had forgotten him.

"He got hit or how?“

“Before the incident, he had a fight with mom. Kak Jojo wants to spend time outside, he wants to try to live independently but I think Kak Jojo is just looking for an excuse to meet... Rya easily. After that brother Jojo left for college on his motorcycle as usual, but the name of emotions certainly makes people dark eyes. And the accident happened, brother Jojo actually wanted to avoid pedestrians but there was a pick-up car speeding up and hit his motorbike. He was bounced up to 5 meters from the scene. Fortunately there was a good man who took Jojo's brother to the hospital"

Hearing Olive's explanation, my tears were also unstoppable, my cries broke, I cried as I could and then hugged Jojo tightly. The person I miss and love, now forgets me forever. There is no such punishment, forgotten and unrecognized by our loved ones forever. God, why is this punishment so painful. Is it because we are too brave to violate destiny because we love each other.

I tightly hugged Jonathan's body but the owner did not allow me and even pushed me away from him. He yelled. "I'm sorry, sorry. I should have been a little more selfish to love you. I'm just too scared to expect more from you because I've never been sure of our relationship. I'm sorry I never cared about how you felt for me. I'm sorry, please don't be like this, don't forget the people around you like this... Please come back like you used to, Jojo I know. It's okay if you don't know me but it's not like this" Jojo still pushed my body around trying to get rid of me. I was only able to hold on and hug her tighter until she got tired of being alone and gave up letting me hug her.

"Sister Rya" he said, which brought my cry to a halt and looked at his face. The two pairs of eyeballs we met, I just wanted to make sure what I heard was real or just a dream. But I heard Jojo's voice calling me again. But his eyes were lifeless empty. Oh, my God, why is it like this. Why is he the only one who forgets me, what about me? How do I forget it?

My tears are no longer under control. This Lord is too painful, can You restore Jonathan's consciousness as before? I finally learned the truth that was worse than all my bad thoughts when I was on my way here. Indeed nothing is missing from his body but if his memory is lost is not the same as he disappeared for ever. Unable to recognize and even unwilling to recognize others, he is like having his own world created by him and not allowing others to enter his world.

Maybe this is just a piece of the story that taught me not to be so afraid of being selfish for the sake of our loved ones. However, on the other hand never ignore the feelings of others for you and one more thing, if we want to fight the destiny of life, at least we need permission from God the creator of life. For if God wills and pleases all will be waged by Him.

###BadFeeling

Finished