Bad Feelings
I Can't Stay

Maybe the path I chose was too risky, but this is what I wanted. Feeling the name of loving and being loved by someone is what I really want. I never thought falling in love was beautiful. Maybe for a little while or forever, I just want to feel it now. Please allow me to love him.

###BadFeeling

"You sure?" I asked when we both arrived in front of Jonathan's house. I can't believe I'm just gonna come along when he says he's gonna ask his parents for their blessing.

"Of course" said Jonathan steadily.

"I'll reiterate to you again" I told Jonathan about our relationship. I just don't want him to expect much more like what he thinks. "I did all this because I wanted to keep my promise to you. If your parents won't allow this relationship, I hope you'll let me go. I just don't want to cause chaos in your family" I warned him.

He nodded steadily. His black eyes are staring at me. "So calm down, everything will be fine" he tried to convince myself that what he was going to do would go his way.

"Jo.. Promise me you will let me go if you don't approve" I said. I just have a bad feeling right now. Because I'm sure there'll be some excitement later.

Jonathan's eyes looked at me. "Do you know how happy I am this month to be in a relationship with my sister without having to hide from the people on campus? What I need now is the power of my brother. Getting the blessing of the older brother's parents is as difficult as what I'm going to do now and luckily the older sister is willing to help convince the older sister to let go of the older sister with me. And now I just need the support of my brother, not the pessimistic words like that" Jojo was a little upset with my words that were too pessimistic, because indeed I was not sure our relationship would succeed later.

Although when asking for mother's blessing, this is just as scary, to the point that Jojo got a slap from mother and a shower of ice water. He also stood 2 days and two nights under the hot sun and under the rain in December. Which finally made my mother's heart melt and allowed us to go through this complicated relationship. Although she ended up getting the flu for a week, but she insisted on going to college just to see me. Especially after knowing I was his lecturer, he never let me live alone with Nick. You possessive guy.

**flash back*

After receiving the blessing of my parents, Jojo and I went into a relationship without being silent again. Although sometimes there is a little shame when I date him but still I am happy to feel loved by someone like this. If only this happy feeling were forever.

"What's not thinking? Why daydream? The food wasn't eaten? Do I need another message?"  jojo asks to enjoy his order sushi roll. We were in one of the malls and stopped for dinner after watching the horror movie Jonathan wanted to watch. But it ended with him hiding behind my back every time the ghost from the movie came out.

"No, I'm just wondering, he said you dared to watch the movie, why is it that every time the ghost appears you hide behind me?"  He showed a row of white teeth and his narrow eyes disappeared into an arch. I unconsciously smiled at her behavior like a child. My throat was a little dry after eating chicken katsu, I drank the bottle I ordered from the place directly. I saw Jonathan do the same. He drank his drink until it was over.

"Silver to drink it" he said, grabbing my bottle and drinking the contents from the bottle directly. "Eo.we did"

"Do what?" I said grab a bottle and go back to drinking the contents again without thinking.

"Sister just kissed me indirectly Indirect kiss" he said. Instantly I almost spouted my drink.

"You're this" I choked and he laughed at me.

Jojo suddenly grabbed my hand that was lying just like that on the table, making me wonder a little. He smiled and looked at me so shady. His naughty eyes were invisible at this moment, there was only a mature man who was enough to make this heart beat erratically. "I want every day like this with my sister. Laughing together and holding hands like this" he said, which immediately stunned me. It turns out I'm not the only one who wants something like this. For this time, I am happy, finally my love does not clap one hand. But can we be like this forever?

**flash back off**

"I'll support you, but if your parents are....." Jojo covered my mouth with his lips, silenced me and told me to be quiet, so that I would not say those pessimistic words again.

He took his kiss off me. "This is enough to give me strength. Brother take it easy, everything will pass and I promise I will not let go of brother whatever happens" he said, directly hypnotizing me and making me speechless.

We finally entered Jojo's house door. He held my hand tightly, as he said, never to let me go. By the time we entered Jojo's house, there were already Jojo's parents in the living room, his little sister and his grandmother. Their gazes were instantly sidetracked and observed the two of us walking in their direction.

"Jojo, who are you talking to?" said the woman I met when I was working at the library. "Oo..who works in the bus first huh?"

"Yes aunty" I said, smiling at him. At first they smiled kindly in response to our arrival.

"Eum....Jojo wants to talk to you. Mama can sit down first?" as hypnotized her mother sat beside the middle-aged man who had since frowned both of her eyebrows, looking at the two of us. I was just trying to smile kindly standing next to Jojo. Jojo invited me to sit next to his sister, who clearly knew the purpose and purpose of the brother.

"Eumm....Granny, Ma, Pa, Liv...Jojo came here to see Jojo's girlfriend with you and...."

"What's? You're not kidding, are you, Jo?" jojo's words were cut off by his mother. Because surely he realized who the girlfriend to be introduced by the only boy.

"Ma, Jojo is serious. Jojo asked for your blessing to bless our relationship" he said firmly.

"Your families?" the woman's normally soft and calm face now looked riled up and a little irritated.

"What the hell's wrong, let's get them dating. They are already on big. Mostly Jojo is a guy let him learn responsibility" said the man beside him, who is freer and open-minded.

The middle-aged woman was protesting about the reality she got. "But pa, their age is..."

"Ma, don't talk about age" Jonathan said.

I thought it would be better for me to explain all this, I don't want to see any debate within this family. There's enough debate in my family. "Eum.tante's right. I'm a lot older than Jojo. We were 9 years old" At once everyone who heard the gaping disbelief. Olive also did not expect that our distance was so far away. "Maybe this doesn't make sense, but I will accept your decision. I have also agreed with Jojo, if you don't approve then Jojo will let me go" out of nowhere all this courage, he said, what was clear was that every word that came out of my mouth made my heart unceasingly beat rapidly.

Jojo looked at me. I put a stiff smile on him. Because it's true I'm too tense for now.

"Nine years? You kidding? According to religion, older men should not be women. Although many are now reversed. But in this case, he disagreed" said the grandmother, who was clearly opposed to the relationship. I swallowed my saliva as though I had just been stranded in the desert.

"Papa agrees you're dating, you're also an adult. Know which is right which is wrong and you certainly know how the consequences will be" said the middle-aged man who is not too dizzy about our relationship later.

"Why is this how the hell, we raised a child up to this big and now college time wants to end with this girl? Too old for Jojo, what if they get married? Where are we gonna put our faces, Pa? What about our family's thoughts? No-no, my mom disagrees anyway. Jojo's future is still long, it doesn't have to end with this girl. He's just a D3, right? There was no title to be proud of him"

"Ma, he also went to college on S1 just like me" Jonathan said.

Even though Mama Jojo's words were like a sharp knife, I still gave her my smile. Maybe I'm not in my right now. "True Jojo said I continued S1 and I worked at a cafe. I also have an online business, even if it's small-scale. But there are a lot of customers there. I actually wanted to open my own business, but I was still raising money for college. So I focused first to finish college, after that raised funds to open my own business. Because I also do not want to trouble the parents who have raised me from childhood. So I was looking for a way to make money by being an asdos. Although my future is not clear, but I am sure someday God will open the way for me to open my own business" I explained.

"Oh.Your words are too high, son, you better be careful in dreaming. If it is too high, falling will hurt". I understand, talking to a fellow SMU student will definitely be difficult to refute. "Mama doesn't approve of your relationship. So, two of us disagreed" said he who then turned his face away from us.

"I think it's the best" I turned to Jojo while trying to get sweet. "As I said, please let me go" I asked.

"No" said Jojo, who stood up from his seat. "Do you know how I feel after I know Rya? You guys also understand how I was before. Olive also understood, I used to play around with women's feelings but ever since I knew Rya's sister, I was like a fool who could only think of one woman, Rya's sister. It took courage to ask for the blessing of Rya's mother, who would obviously be against our relationship. Moreover, giving up her daughter for a young man like me who still stinks. And now the same thing that I asked for your blessing, maybe it's true, this relationship doesn't make sense. Religion forbids, right? After all, what was created by Adam first, how can it be created before Adam? Where did that rib come from? If it is like that, it should be that the different couples were never united but in fact what, the pastor also blessed them right? Penghulu too. What is the fate of their real partner? No one knows, right? If they only get blessing why do we who just want to have a relationship already opposed like this?" Jojo vented his anger.

"Jo, you are yes." The face of the woman who had the status of her mother immediately turned red.

"Jo, please stop this and let me go. They will never understand our relationship" I said giving up on their decision.

"After all the effort I've done? Release brother? It won't. I never promised to" I saw in Jojo's eyes a burst of rage. I don't want to see that. Especially now that he dared to argue with his real mother. I don't want to ruin him like this.

"Look, because of you. This boy dared to fight his parents. You are a bad influence. Quickly get out of here" my arm was pulled and released from Jojo's hand that had been holding my hand tightly. Instantly I fell down in front of Mama Jojo's feet. My pride seems to have been destroyed once again.