Bad Feelings
I'm Okay

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The stupidity I chose ended up hurting me. Maybe I was too stupid to love him even this stupidity that I thought was so childish. Why am I so easy to let others do as they please to trample on my pride? I only have that I can be proud of, but now I don't have it. What am I supposed to do now?

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It feels like my current pride is being trampled to the point of being intangible. I try to stay strong even though I want to cry hard right now. But I have to stay strong, because this is the path that I have always chosen. Though I know there will be many obstacles that always block but still I hit it. So at least I have to face the consequences for the choices I have made by being this tough. Without a care this heart had already been sliced into small pieces.

"Sister Rya" Jojo helped me to wake up after I fell on his mother's feet.

I removed Jojo's hand when I found a pair of judgmental eyeballs for my actions. I put a smile on Jojo. "Let go of me please. This will never be possible. Follow the wishes of your parents. Let go of me and go back to your life before you meet me. Forget me please" said I who then chose to wake up alone. "I'm sorry, if my arrival damaged your calm just now, excuse me" I bowed, pleading to leave the place. A place where my pride is not considered.

"Ma, Jojo likes Rya's sister, so please allow us" he asked.

"Nothing" the middle-aged woman snapped loudly.

"If you don't want to go to college, Jojo won't go to college anymore" said Jojo.

"The lecture was for your own good..."

I don't know what happened after that. I've come out of that cold house. After a few steps, for some reason with my feet it feels weak to be unable to support my body. Instantly I crouched. Staring at the streets, these eyes were already unable to see because puddles of tears had flooded in the eye pelupuk. Be ill. Ja. How not, I was humiliated like a worthless? My parents took me off with the boy but I got insults from them and why would anyone break my dream that I had built so long ago? I don't like people underestimating other people's ideals let alone mine. Should that discouraging speech just come out of his mouth, the one who works as a teacher?

Others may insult me and even humiliate me, but please do not break my spirit and even underestimate my ideals. I hateit. Why should I hear such words from someone I respect so much?

After that incident, I haven't seen Jonathan for a week, and he hasn't even attended college. A little bit of worry broke my mind, let alone having heard from his friend, who had seen me with Jojo, they said that Jojo was sick. I can't reach her and I can't go to her house. I can only pray that he is okay.

"Is your job done?“ ask Nick to me.

I was a little daydreaming just now, thinking about Jonathan. Why do I still remember thinking about him after what his mother did to me. "Ah, yes stay a little while longer" said I try to refocus with the papers on my desk. Today Nick's work is very much, because there is a monthly work evaluation for him.

"If you're tired, you can rest before faltering. Sorry, this time there are too many reports. Ordinary end of the semester so like this" said Nick explained his heavy duty as a lecturer.

"What is the duty of the lecturer like this?" ask me to know. At least I need to get rid of my thoughts about Jonathan. I'm tired if I have to keep thinking about it.

"Of course, sometimes there are lecturers who conduct surveys and analyze their own data. I can't afford to do it let alone I have to continue the S3 now" he said. His eye beads refocused with the screen in front of him.

"You're so great. Eum...if you may know, what is the function of the title for you?" ask me to know.

I'm nodding my head. "You went to S3 to get a degree?" I put my ballpoint pen to stop my work.

Nick smilingly took off his glasses and placed them on the table his hands were folded propping up his chin before answering a question from me. "I didn't go to college for a degree, I wanted to gain more knowledge and I could share it with others later. Like being a teacher now. So you went to college just to get a degree?" he asked me back.

Hearing the question he asked, my head shook rapidly. "No. I'm the same, I think we have a degree or not which is important we still have the desire to continue learning. Besides I still haven't given up, let alone I haven't achieved my goals". Yes, here I am with everything I have. My honesty. Because for me the title is not so important to me, I just like to learn, but others will assume that the title is very important, the higher your degree or rank the higher your position in the community.

"What do you aspire to?"

"Having a cafe that has a library because I love books" I said enthusiastically. My dream is not so high. But still, I have to chase after him.

"Unique, interesting. Hope you can make it happen"

"Amen. Thank you" was quite pleased with the response given by Nick.

"I hope that coming to your cafe will not make your cafe a kindergarten"

"You are, of course not" I cried for a moment. There's no way my cafe will be what Nick expected. This guy is ridiculous.

"I'm just guessing the shape of your cafe later with what is often on your mind. You like anime you also like funny manga, you're a snack food lover and you like kids. So it could be just the kids coming to your cafe" Nick said, like knowing myself well beyond myself.

"Of course not." I'm a little upset. Nick laughed and I think he really had a simple mind but he knew a lot about me.

"Now you're better?" ask Nick who made me tilt my head. "I see you've been so frustrated since then, so are you better now?"

I smiled in response to his words. I don't know what else to do, which I know at the moment I'm really frustrated. Frustrated by the unfinished work, frustrated because until now I did not know how Jojo was doing. Although I want to throw my mind away if I am worried about the situation, my subconscious mind still revolts by itself. I must be completely insane by now. I miss him that's how I feel right now, but what a force I'm incapable of acting any further. Especially if you remember what Jonathan's mother said to me. It hurt me.

"Are you and Jonathan okay?" nick said that stunned me.

"We broke up" I said weakly.

"Good, how about going on a date with me now?" a question I never expected before just came out of the mouth of someone who had been dyed in my brain to be close to even become her lover.

My eyes were rounded without command staring at these two serious male beads. His eyes seemed to confirm what he had said just now. How do I answer that question while my heart is still open to others? Should I answer that?

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