Bad Feelings
My Memory

One by one, those memories came up, haunting me and making me cry and cry again, realizing a reality that would never have been possible. This relationship is too difficult to continue, I do not dare to face the risks that will confront us later. Why am I so cowardly? Will she feel the same way I feel?

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A clear morning begins today, after a night of perfect rain. I flicked my bedroom window and enjoyed the sun greeting me warmly. My eyes were still a little puffy from crying last night. Yes, again I wept over the harsh reality as I began to fall in love. Luckily I put an eye mask on my eyes before going to bed, so the swelling wasn't so bad.

Seeing the blue clouds in the sky made me remember the figure of Jonathan who was always cheerful and good at comforting the heart, somehow he is now? I've missed him. I didn't feel like my chest was squeezed into something, I tried to catch my breath and exhale it long. I have to forget it. Yes should. Somehow?

Moving from the front of the window, I chose to get ready to take a shower and go to campus. I need to finish my college. No matter what happens to me. I had to keep going after the courses I left behind after a few times I was absent from going with Jonathan.

I walked to the bathroom. After the shower I look in the mirror, I see the necklace given Jonathan is still perched on my neck, again I think of his figure. Oh my God why do I still remember? I clasped the necklace tightly, not feeling my tears flowing. I erased my tears. Then rush out.

Finished preparing, I exited the room down the stairs and intended to leave the house to go to campus. But my mother stopped my steps. “You're fine, Yes?“ he asked worriedly, because I locked myself in my room more often.

I put a smile on my mother, hiding the sadness I felt. I just don't want to worry him. “Iya. I'm going to college, aren't I, Mom? I'll be home a little night, I have to replace my friend's shift” I said not to forget to kiss his hand before leaving the house. Mom smiled and let me go.

But when I was about to reach the door, mom said softly to me “Mom's sorry”. Hearing this, my tears involuntarily flowed by themselves. I didn't respond to mother's words, I'd rather shut up and go out of the house. I have to pretend once again it's okay. It's my decision.

In front of the house I brushed off my tears, erased his tracks and exhaled a long breath that made it hard to breathe. I must be strong I must be sincere, I said encouraging myself.

As I walked past the mango tree in front of the house, I remembered the last time I told him to shut up and hide behind the tree. I involuntarily smiled considering his behavior that resembled that of a obedient puppy to his master. My footsteps continued, past the mango tree, opening the gate and a figure startled me and made me fixated on the spot.

The figure of Jonathan as usual waiting on his bike, smilingly waving at me. “Come kak depart” take him to me. “Don't shut up, let's” again. "I had to go to college, the lecturer this morning often gave an impromptu test"

I looked up at him, not believing it was real or hallucinatory. But a horn disperse my daydream and immediately make the figure of Jonathan who was smiling at me earlier also disappeared. It turned out to be just my fantasy. Oh God, why do I keep remembering. I shook my head quickly, hoping I no longer thought about Jonathan. He almost drove me crazy because he kept remembering his figure.

When I got to college, I avoided the places I used to go with Jonathan and stayed away from the places where we spent a lot of time together. I chose new places not to meet Jonathan and even remembered the little things we did.

“Hey, Rya” call someone to me. A familiar voice made me look. Nick's. I smiled at him. "You accompany meals?“

“Alright, I still have no school hours" I said.

We both went to the campus cafeteria. There are not many visitors there. So we are more free to choose a seat anywhere we want. After ordering the food we sat at a table close to the cashier table.

"You're gonna spend all that?“ asked Nick to see how much of my usual order was.

I just want to make my body strong so that I don't get sick just from being sad too often. "Ah, I just forgot breakfast earlier and now I'm so hungry" I said reasoned. I forgot that I'm not with Jonathan now but with Nick.

"Good, it's okay. I'm just wondering, girls like you can eat this much too" Nick smiled. I reply to his smile, a little hesitant even there is shame because I did things beyond limits. But this is the real me.

“Oh yes, how was your lecture?“ nick asked, as there was no way the two of us would eat in silence.

"Eum... As usual, many tasks are waiting for me, especially this week there has begun to be a test. My head almost exploded. Therefore I need a lot of energy to deal with everything. That's why I ordered all this" a grin was instantly created on my face. "Yourself, how does it feel to be a lecturer and a student?“

“I think the same, only the difference when being a lecturer must prepare the material before I practice in class. Fortunately when I was a student I no longer need to photocopy materials, because usually the materials that lecturers use, more often I have used as learning materials for students. More or less the same thing"

"really?" my many. Nick nodded. I put food in my mouth. Because it was too engrossed to realize there was food left in my mouth.

"There's something on your lips" Nick said.

"Hm... What?“ I'm still chewing and I don't know anything.

Suddenly Nick's finger helped clean up my leftovers. "You're like a child" ucqpnya. My eyes blinked smiling knot.

His behavior just surprised me and unfortunately even reminded me when Jonathan who had also done the same thing as he did just now. At that time Jonathan also once cleaned the rest of the chocolate on my lips, when I was in class and my friend immediately screeched we were excited because Jonathan was considered very sweet by him.

My eyes blinked as Nick waved his hand in front of my eyes. "You daydreaming?" ask Nick who sees me quiet.

Obviously I didn't respond because I've been lulled into memories of being with Jonathan. "Oh sorry, I remembered something. I seem to have forgotten my duty" I said of origin. I can think of nothing but duty. Oh my god, stupid me.