Bad Feelings
Sorry

When those words came out of my mouth, it was actually nothing like what was in my heart. Could it be that I am too cowardly or that I like you too much and dare not be frank if I love you? Should I continue to hurt you and at the same time feel hurt? Why make me like this? I never expected this. You make me feel like they really think. So please stop this and please don't keep making me hurt you for too long. It hurt my heart. I don't want to do that. Please stop and come back with your beautiful teenage life.

$$$$$$$

After college, I decided to leave class immediately. But a hand told me to stay. Who else if not Jonathan. "You don't understand human language, do you, Jo? Please let me go and let me go. There's nothing else we need to talk about anyway" I sniffled but didn't yell because I didn't want to get anyone's attention.

"No, before I heard my brother's explanation. What's the reason why you chose it" some students looked at us but they kept leaving class in turn because Jojo's voice was too loud.

"What else needs to be explained? This relationship will not be possible and I no longer want to be in a relationship with someone as selfish as you" I said coldly.

"What if my parents let me?" his words made me stare. "I plan to tell them, if brother is willing to accompany me. I will officially introduce my sister to my parents" he explained.

"No Jo, enough. I'm lazy to talk to a little boy like you" I said sniffling, I shook my arm until it slipped from him, then left. Jojo was glued and silent on the spot. I know what I said hurt him. He never liked being called a child. Especially underestimating it like I said just now. Although actually this heart is also not willing to say it. But still, for his own good and indeed this was the only way to avoid it. Even though it hurts I still have to do it. I'm sorry Jo.

Finally Jojo let me go, maybe now his heart is hurt by my words, but it is better than him being tormented forever if he continues to expect this difficult relationship to live with. My footsteps were erratic, until someone caught my arm as my body was about to fall. "You okay?" said the owner of the hand who just helped me.

"Ah.yeah, thank you. Maybe I'm hungry. I'd better go to the cafeteria" I'll give her a smile. I hope he doesn't worry about me too much.

"Then we go to the cafeteria together" Nick said. Ideas that make me unable to say anything. This guy really always makes me ask him every single thing he does to me.

We went to the campus cafeteria together. I'm not really hungry. Because the sandwich Eva gave me was enough to fill my stomach. But inevitably I have to fill my stomach too because now I'm in the cafeteria. We both ordered food. Nick ordered beef-eye fried rice and warm tea. While I choose brown toast and mineral water. "You're supposed to order heavy food, why just toast?" Nick brought me my order while walking towards the seat.

"Eum..seems like I don't have appetite" I said. We finally got a seat. Although the cafeteria was not very crowded, the nearest seat from the cashier was full of other students, so we got a seat outside the canteen.

"You must eat, do not torment your body. You look so pathetic. What makes you like this?" nick asked, showing his attention to me. Yeah, I admit I'm pathetic now. These puffy eyes made me look like a stupid woman who cried last night just because of love.

I smiled, hiding what was seen in my current condition. "Maybe I'm too tired of the tasks that pile up" my dear.

"I think it's more than a task. Oh yeah, did you see Jonathan? She didn't attend my class, do you know where she is?" his instantaneous asking made me widen my eyes in shock.

"Oh.Maybe he woke up late or had some business" I answered accordingly.

"Are you guys really dating? That's the rumor I heard from the other students" again the question made me stop my activity toast. Luckily I didn't choke and spit it all out.

After trying to swallow my toast, I answered Nick's question. "Ah.it. Me and him...."

"Why is it here?" the young man who suddenly came surprised the two of us. From his breath, he just ran from somewhere. Sweat in his temple suggests he had just come from a distant place or surrounded the entire campus building.

"I haven't finished talking to my sister. I will keep trying to get the heart of Rya's mother and the blessing of my parents. So please sister Rya is willing to wait for me" he said reassuring me.

"Jo, enough" I said.

Nick cleared his throat trying to dampen our emotions. Jonathan looked. His narrow eyes were rounded. "Oh, Mr. Nick. Sorry to interrupt my father's meal and sorry I couldn't attend your lecture, I have to solve my problem first. So..."

"You're disturbing us to eat" I said.

Jojo turned towards me not believing the words he heard. "We? You guys.." his eyes looked at me and Nick took turns. "What are you guys..."

"Yes, as you can see" I don't know what Jojo's thinking right now, I think what he means and I mean is different. But it was better that he thought that way. God, I can't stand to see his face like that. "So can you go now?" I said as I chased him away like a stray cat meowing in front of me. I really don't like this.

He looked at me looking at him with a cold look. Then after a few seconds he turned his face and left. I turned my face and stared at the toast on the plate, trying to eat it again.

"You guys okay? Did you guys fight?" ask Nick.

"No" I said briefly.

"Maybe your relationship is not going well right now. I think you guys need to talk to each other and explain everything, isn't that trust so strong and it beats everything" he advised me.

"That's it, there's nothing to explain. This is better. About your offer at that time, can I accept it?" save our conversation.

"of course. If you can't accompany me in class while teaching, you can just come to my office, finish the job. You also need to go to college. Aaaa.I need your lecture schedule. So I can tell when you're free"

"Eum. When can we start?" my many.

"Ee.. Next week, you can start next week. Because my duties started a lot and I was a little overwhelmed" said Nick showing off his neat white teeth.

"Alright" I said while nodding steadily. Maybe it wasn't the best decision. But at least I have an extra fee for my college. Because of the paper tasks that accumulate and photocopies of college that are not a little enough to break into my savings. Besides I also need to finance my own life later, I don't have to rely on my parents right?

After our meal, Nick went back to teaching and I chose to go to the library to read a book while waiting for my school hours. As this foot stepped into the library, I saw a young man who was familiar to me sitting there daydreaming, bowed with an aura of sadness that clearly appeared on his face and a girl with him, comforting him or clinging to him, I don't know. But it hurt my eyes a little. I chose to ignore it, because I thought it would be better if the two of them were in a relationship. Yes, even in my little heart, I didn't let it go.

I entered the library. There aren't many people there. Just an officer and some nerdy college students. Step foot into the bookshelf in group 300 and get an educational subject. Maybe there's a book for me that I can use to reference papers, regarding the assignment of one of my subjects. But nothing interesting. I walked again through some shelves and chose in the Fiction faction. I found a novel called "Fear of loss" and the words reminded me of Jojo. Oh my God, can't he just disappear from my mind. I put the novel back on the shelf and chose to find TA alumni to increase my knowledge.

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