A Tattered Heart
chapter 5's

Our wedding day is getting closer we have prepared everything not a party but

heart and feelings ,,,,,,,

twice I married without bridal makeup and decorations instead this second wedding was worse because it was not attended by family and friends

there was a feeling of sadness and doubt, as if this wasn't my marriage ,,,,,,

but it's too late I've been dealing with a penghulu ,,,,,

and we start saying kabul ijab,,,,,, and,,,,,

finally the marriage happened already ,,,,,,

I'm now officially Toto's wife, ex-sister-in-law, me,,,,,, I,,,,,,

if this news gets to my family, it's getting a beard fire,,,,,,,, that's,,,,,,

what's more, I'm 'bak ,,,

the news that I heard before we got married she went back and forth with the psychics to send me to Toto,,,,,,,,,, to ,,,,,,,

it's all he did because it turns out he's been putting his heart in with Suroto that love started to grow, ever since he lived in his house first ,,,,,,,,

I became convinced that the gossip he was blowing was a form of unwillingness if I had to release Toto with me ,,,,,,,

what a pity ,,, honestly if I was in my position I would probably do the same ,,,,, too ,,,,

it's just the difference if I'm I'm just disappointed but trying to forget and realize that it's not a soul mate,,,,,, that, that ,,,,

I will not do anything beyond logic,,,, as I did because I know that love is a matter of the heart so it cannot be forced,,,,,,, or,,,,,,

although he has had a heart with Toto since he lived in Wiwin's house but if Toto doesn't have a sense we can't be maxain

I'm thinking ',,,,,, I ,,,,,

it was fitting that he would blame Wiwin for his actions so make Toto turn ,,,,,

so evil and unrighteous ,,,,

the Muji Toto was once kind and affectionate and the understanding that made Toto insolent was Wiwin ,,,,,,,

Idler wiwin ,,,,,,

Wiwin who can't take care of a kid ,,,,

can't be a good wife ,,,,,,

all Wiwin's shortcomings he's talking about ,,,,,,,

that's when we all sat together in the waiting room a few minutes before Wiwin died ,,,,,,,,

the only one who dares to talk like that is me ,,,,,

we just nod,,,,,, we, we,,,,,,

moreover, I never knew Wiwin,,,, that's what taking care of his family is,,,,,,, that's what ,,,,,

all the shortcomings about the only brother who told me yes they were in Bogor,,,,,,, yeah ,,,,,

just like this story,,,,,, it's,,,,,,

if I really loved Suroto since I was hitchhiking in her house ,,,,,,

and that's what I heard from my other brother ,,,,,,

only this time who talked about Asih and Koko ,,,,,

although I'm not entirely sure but I just keep quiet ,,,,,, I ,,,,,,

like that afternoon Koko came to my house and invited me to talk ,,,,,,

first our chat was just casual about his little family ,,,

long time so shifted talking about our big family ,,,,,,

until he finally turned around to blame me,,,,,,, he, he ,,,,,,,

"yes the caveman can't totally defeat the brother ,,,,,

because how also wrong you mbak why you have to seneng Ama mas Toto,,,, but there are still many other guys who are better, and worth your ,,,,,,,,,, but ,,,,,,,

why does Toto have to be that ,,, ,,,,,

though compared to mbak I you're prettier ,,,,,

more interesting ,,,,,, more ,,,,,

and if you're going to find a companion, you're going to have to pick up ,,,,,,,"

Koko stopped her speech and looked at me.,,,,,,,

as if to see my reaction.,,, but I just keep quiet ,,,,,,,

then Koko continued her speech again

"different klo Ama mbak kus she's not pretty,,,,,,, I ,,,,,,

far from the catchy word ,,,,,,,

it's a spinster too ,,,,, time just want to dapetin Toto aja el jegal ,,,,,,,, dapeti ,,,,,,

yes it is clear Toto milih you ,,

have a heart you become a person ,,,,,,,

that's why our brothers and our parents are so angry about the goddess ,,,,,"

I want to cut her talk but my heart says it doesn't have to be free,,,,,,,, it does,,,,,,,

"The rich dragonfly so you can dapetin ,,,,

yet many people are in possession of him,,,,, and,,,,

but you're not grateful ',,,,,, you're ,,,,,

asiung elu stayed and

you go to the store chasing Toto ,,,,,

even nikung mbak kus ,,,,,

though my mother used to be the same you ,,,,

he once took care of your son ,,,,,

but mbak Dewi was told to give in anyway not want to even continue,,,,,,,

it is natural that a big angry family is the same as Goddess ,,,,,,,",

I was getting quiet and lazy to reply to his arguments

for sure I already know why my family and especially my mother were the most opposed when I wanted to go to Bogor ,,,,,,,

it turns out there's a shrimp behind rock ,,,,,,, there ,,,,,,,

finally Koko opened the takbir that had been my question ,,,,

Koko continued her talk ,,,,,

"said papa too

your mentang mentang can get rich people ,,,,,,,,,

and you're the only one expected to help our family all this time ,,,, 'elu being arrogant and haggard ,,,,,,,

you deliberately go to Asiung and chase Toto ,,,, it's only natural that you are angry even to swear that you will not be able to get happiness ,,, and find hard sustenance , his life will be doomed and miserable ,,,",

I'm still trying to listen

"let alone the mama is even worse talking said mama ,,,,

mbak Dewi is like a cross egg Ngan egg 5,,,, no problem,,,,,,,,,, that means you and your child have been thrown out of our family ,,,,,,,,,, you ,,,,,,

so do not be surprised if we and your family never come to your house rich first because you are not part of the family anymore ,

it's bad, though,, but it's a risk ,,,,,???",

after I saw Koko finish talking, , I finally asked ,,,,

"they were angry because Suroto had something to do with me, , , not because of my divorce with Asiung ",

I saw Koko take a breath,,,,,, I saw ,,,,,,

"well, actually According to the cave of the yes the divorce problem is also ,,,, but most importantly have a problem with the help expected of you,,,,,,, but most importantly have a problem with the help expected of you,,,,, from our family only you can help and support our economy all this time,,,, and we and our family have been dependent on you ,,,,,,,, and so on ,,,,,,,

yes if your husband mas Sentot, or Edy who is nobody

must be the problem so another ,,,,,,,

and if you do not divorce Ama Asiung and mas Toto marry Ama then I will automatically we are still complete

economically our families are guaranteed, by our power we can have ,,,,,,,

and what's even happier is that I can get married,,,,, and still be able to take care of Wiwin's children, that's the essence of his problems,,,,,,,, that's ,,,,,,,

only you are too rash ,, I don't think long maen marriage only

naturally they hate you more and more ,,,,,,, even divorced Asiung they have disagreed ,,,,, now in addition to you marriage. same Toto ,,,,,,"

"klo Ama mas Toto they're not guilty because what seduces Toto is you ,,,,,

you're the one who chased Toto until you left Asiung,,,,???",

Unknowingly my tears melted I was not strong horror Koko's story pedes and pricks so much to the bottom of the heart ,,,,

" like a carcass is kept in any way a kiss smells ,,,,, in order to avoid how it is , in fact you are married,,,,,,,,

from the first time it was said not to be kept instead of his conscious and away from Toto but instead di continuein and married ,,,,,,,????

,whosoever sees must pout ,,,,,,,,,,,!!!!!!",

koko's tone is rather elevated ,,,,,,,

in my heart I justify the word my sister indeed for this one problem I was wrong ,

why also do I continue and follow Suroto's will

I'm really stupid,,,,,, I ,,,,

suddenly I remembered 2 months ago when I just decided to open my heart to Toto I was ready to go home because I could not continue in this terror again chinthia was the main reason I made 'home ,,,,,,

I remember when I asked Toto to speak well let this matter not spread everywhere

"honey can't I say, ', is it really important ,???",

I tried to hold her hand and invite her to sit on the chair in the middle room that afternoon it happened Toto came by chance home while no one who ,,,,,,,,, happened to come ,,,,,,,

"sit down, somebody wants me to say ,,,,

earlier, I beg you not to cut my words,,,,, let alone get angry huh ,,,,,,, promise ,???"

I looked at his face while pleading

toto's face stiffened for a moment ,,,,,,,,

suddenly there was a fear to continue this conversation ,,,,,

shortly thereafter

Toto smiled

and hold my hand,,,,, and, uh,,,,,

"what's so important dear, , until you plead like that have I made a mistake ???,???",

"no,,,,, no, no,,,, this problem has nothing to do with your fault dear,,,,,,,, this,,,,,,

you're too good with me ,,,,

I'm the one who feels a lot of lack here,,,,,, I,,,,,

but it's a different problem,,,,,,",

I started telling her,,,, I.see Toto enthusiastically listening to her ,,,,,,

"all night chia called him crying and begged me to come home ,,,,

she said why mama was born in chia klo mama wants to leave chia ,,,

mama chia please mama go home yes ,,, promise ya ma ,,,,, chia please ma go home yes ,,,, last night she did not want to let go of her phone she kept whining and pleading,,,,,,

honestly, I am not strong

I feel broken I'm so sad ,,,,,

on the other hand I'm kasian chia ,,,,,,

on the other hand I also do not.maybe leave the child and you ,,,,,,, maybe ,,,,,,

that's why after all this time I think I decided to go home just a buoy,,,???

I don't have the heart to see chia whining like that, I beg you and hope that you forget me and let me go home' ,,,,

I'm sure there's a lot of women who want to be your life partner,,,,,,, uh ,,,,,,

you're a good man.

,and handsome , I'm sure not for long you can also forget me ,,, ,,,,,,,????

Toto was silent not flinching ,,,,,

I was downcast not daring to look at Toto's face let alone look into his eyes I just bowed while waiting for his reaction and answer ,,,,,,,,,,, I was, I was ,,,,,,,,,

a moment of silence there is no ',,,,,,, no ,,,,,,,

looks like Toto stood up and pulled his gun ,,,,

I was confused but I dared not ask

suddenly the tip of the gun was affixed to my temple and said

" well, if that's your decision, ', go home but you need to know I love you already ,,,, and, and my son is comfortable with you ,,,,,,,,, and ,,,,,,,but if you want to go home please,,,,, if that's your decision ,,,,,,,,,, if ,,,,,,,

but I make sure that you will not have long to enjoy happiness with Asiung and your children,,,,,,, and,,,,,,

because after that I made sure you guys I'd take it easy ,,,,,, you know ,,,,,

and, may you let me throw in the middle of the sea to remove the tracks,,,,,,,, I,,,,,,

I'm an easy field person doing that ,,,,,,,",

Toto was silent for a moment I saw the look in his eyes very cold as ice ,,,,,

what a striking difference with his daily life ,,,,, is this the true nature of Toto ,,,,,,

there is fear and fear in the heart ,,,,,,

before long he continued saying ,,,,,,

"after that your family lived in Bogor I killed ,,,,,

one by one until I make sure there's nothing left ,,,,, 'til there's nothing left ,,,,,

it's worth what he did to me yesterday and today it's through you,,,,,,,,,,,, today ,,,,,,,,,,

just so you know ,,,,,, you know ,,,,,,

I've been embarrassed ',,,,,,,,, I ,,,,,,,

and feel zolimi,,,,??,,,,,,,,"

I don't feel like I'm crying between fear and regret mingling into one ,,,,,,,,

"i won't think about my son and my job ,,,,,,,

it could be that my son's son love to Java so that my brother who nurtures him would want to,,,,,, I already do not care about my work

I'm gonna get out of the cops,,,,,,,,, I'm gonna, uh, I'm gonna get out of the cops, I'm, uh, I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm, uh, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get out of the police, I'm, I'm, I'm gonna, I'm, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, uh, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna, I'm gonna get out of, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get out of the, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get, I'm gonna get, I'm,,,,,,,

and after all I'm done killing myself ,,,,,,,!?!!!!

remember I never play with my words ,,,,,, ",

after talking like that his gun was lowered ,,,,,, ,,

this Astagfirullah is like an almighty thunderbolt heard in my ears ,,,,,,

made my legs and all my joints limp ,

and as if numbness ,,,,

my tongue is twisted

I can't say a word,,,,,,,, I can ,,,,,,,

I'm really numb

in times of fear and helplessness I

suddenly Toto held the second

my shoulders,,,,,,,, you know,,,,,,,

as she endured the crying and all the turmoil of her feelings she said ,,,,,,

"honey I believe you won't leave me,,,,,,

I love you so much ,,,,,,

my son and I were hoping you could take care of us,,,,,, uh,,,,,

take care of us,,,,,,, take care of us,,,,,,,

we're comfortable with you, ,, uh ,,,

you're the mother figure we expected ,,,???,"

a grain of tears flowed down his cheek

o Allah Toto wept ,,,,

have I incised a wound on his heart ,,,,,,,,

o God I'm confused as to how to ,,,,,,,

maybe this is my destiny

even if I force it,,, maybe I can leave Toto,,,,,, maybe ,,,,

but eventually we all die meaning I'm the cause of her ,,,,,,?????

,O Allah, my Lord, what Toto said was really done,,,,,,,

that means it's not just my little family that's dead,,,,,, it's, uh ,,,,,,

but my entire extended family,,,,,,,,, is,,,,,,,,

and even more so the children of Wiwin children also become victims of ,,,,,,,,

it is certain that the child will be an orphan ,,,,,,,

this is all because I'm the cause of it,,,,,, it's ,,,,,,

o Allah, I have to make a quick decision before Toto is reckless and frustrated,,,,,,, no, no,,,,,

finally it's all too late ',,,,,,,, you know ,,,,,,,,

yeah I have to make a quick decision to have,,,,,,,,,

in my heart I spoke to my son Chia

chia forgive mom babe ,,,,,,,

maybe we are destined not to be together

I'm sorry ko Asiung ,,,,,,,

I can't approve your request and chia ,,,,,,, I ,,,,,,

I was wrong,,,,,,, I was wrong,,,,,,,

I'm the wrong one,,,,,,, I'm the wrong one ,,,,,,,,

now I can't go back with you two, ',,,,,,, you know ,,,,,,,,

but I promise you I'll be married to Toto ,,,, you know ,,,,

I make sure there will never be a child born out of this womb other than your child,,,,

that's my vow because honestly,,,,,, I still love you, too

how also have you been instrumental in elevating my family even though the way I used it was wrong ,,,,,,

but your services I won't forget until anytime,,,,,

forgive me for being too emotional and not being able to master my anger ,,,,,,,

I've forgiven you since you were my husband,,,,, I know,,,,,

but it turns out hope lives hope we can't be together anymore ,,,

my tears fell down and with a rush,,,,,,,,

I cried ,,,,,,,,

and scream in the heart,,,,,,,

rice is already porridge ,,,,,,,

how else

my journey has been far ,,,

and Toto loves me and can't

let go of me again ,,,,,,,

the only thing is that this disaster doesn't widen I have to fulfill her request to get married and take care of her children,,,,

I cried,,,,,, I, I ,,,,,,

chia forgive mama ,,,,,,

forgive,,,,,,,,

"yes to I'm ready to be your wife ,,,,,

I'm willing to take care of you and your son ,,,,,

I'm not going to do this wrong plan again ,,,,,,

but I beg of you after we get married, you know,,,

we don't room yet

Till I

can forget all my troubles and be yours ,,,,,,,

you ready to ,,,,,?????*",

Toto took a deep breath

and staring at me

"honey your heart can't accept me yet,,,,,

has your heart not completely forgotten Asiung,,,,????

how long do I have to wait,,,???",

he rested before me holding my hand ,,,

I was silent while breathing

"during the chia there it's not easy to forget him,,,,,,

unless there's a miracle and I can find the other side of your person ,,,,,

may Allah make it easy for me to forget Asiung and Chia ,,,???"

"but you won't call her again right ,,???if you keep contacting him when you can forget ,,,,

what happened like this. I repeat again sayanggg,,,???",

"i promise I won't call him and chia change my hp if I need a new exchange so I don't have anyone's number other than the phone number you love ,,,???",

looks on Toto's face shone and radiated to the part on his face ,,,,,, ,,,

he hugged and kissed my hands many times and lastly kissed my cheeks and all my face like a madman ,,,,

I dodge ',,,,, I ,,,,

honestly not his lust instead scared ,,,,

my daydreams were spoiled as soon as Kokok rebuked me

"woiiiii was invited to chat even bengong means me from the moment talking to myself,,

very late the mbak became a person ,,

have I come home ,,???,"

he stood up from his seat and stepped out and I didn't say a word,,,, no ,,,,

let only me, Lord, and Toto know that no one else needs to know

besides, I also say for sure Koko will not believe because they udh sentenced me as a liar ,,,,,,, , ''cause ,,,,,,

and I am a king of the heart,,,,, and ,,,,,,

and now I'm Suroto's wife

also discussed free ,,,,,,,,

besides, I also heard Asiung was married and his wife was pregnant, but I still think of him ,,,,,,,,,

waste time,,,,,, waste time,,,,

.

my husband Toto came over to him sitting next to me and hugging my shoulder ,,,,,,,,

with his fondly kissed forehead

lovingly I'm happy with all this ,,,,,,

"there's more dear ,, where did Koko udh come home???, what did she say ???how silent is ,,,,,???",

I smiled and pinched her cheek,,,,,, I,,,,,

I'm lazy to discuss his lg ,,,,

"don't think about what's not important now we're married, ', yeah

but baby want to promise you, huh ,,,???,"

Toto scowled and looked impatient

but then smile

"but klo just kiss cheek is not what, ,, is not bobo with this ,,,???",

she said seductively

"it's not important,,,, I'm tired of taking a bath first which,, leave the child ,,, _",

"want me to go, no,,,", the guts are naughty

"honey forgot our deal ????",

I answered while glaring ,,

"yes, I'm just kidding who knows what ",

toto's base is always the most fun for people with sprain ,,,,,

in the room I thought of the words Kokok, across my family's face, Asiung's face, Chia, made me cry again until when I thought of you two ,,,

o Allah, may Allah provide ease and smoothness for me to live it ,,,

I drowned my body in the bathtub ,,,,

want me to forget all this stuff,,,,,,,, I, you know,,,,,,,,

I opened the water faucet that was on top of my head deliberately hot water I did not open ,,,,,

I want to take a cold shower to wet my head so hot because it's full of problems ,,,,,

I was really immersed in my cool ,,,,,,,,,

I don't know how long I've been taking baths,,,,,,, I don't know ,,,,,,

until the bathroom door is knocked many times ,,,,,,,

I heard the voice of my son ,,,,

"mah mamah open this enjel ,,,

there's a guest outside wait mama ,,,",

"oh yeah baby for a minute mama used to wear a towel ,,,",

I came out of the bath opened the bathroom door and rushed wearing clothes ,,,

there was a loud noise outside ,,,

whosoever comes ,,,

I don't know anyone

I hurriedly tidied up my hair and makeup,,,,

I came out of the room I saw Lilis coming with Jumi's mom, their faces looked really cool,,,, you know,,

"hi mbak ,, I've been a long time, I'm sorry was so hot I went straight into the bathroom ,, Lho Toto where ,, have you met my husband yet???",

I'm looking for Toto's whereabouts there's a guest who's even dicuekin,,,

" was had time to meet Retno, he said want to sleep with your youngest child ,,,???",

"ohhhh Vivi, it's in the child's room, yeah, what do I call you ???",

"do not Ret me also not long because I permit ko akin not long ,, shop again rame ,,,?!",

"oh so don't eat first ,, klo that I pack ya let eat in mess aja

a lot of food you know that cake is also a lot of coincidences I made myself ,,,",

I started wrapping up the food that was ,,,

sister Lilis was busy eating cakes and snacks that were there ,,,,

"sister bring ntar klo mostly for aja Ama child in ko Akin, greetings from me sorry can not visit,,,???,"

"yes Ret ntar I say, , I say come home oh yes this is a little parcel and money to add more shopping ,,,,"

"thank you so much, Lilis, Jumi's mom,,,,, uh ,,,,

though you guys want Dateng I'm really happy, really,,,???,"

I drove Lilis and Mbak Jumi to the car that was waiting for them from earlier turned out to be here, Lilis was escorted by driver,,,,, and ,,,,

ko Akin is really affectionate and the same attention of the boys especially Kak Lilis dedengkot camera fhoto, obviously dapet more priority,,,

lilis came home I found Toto in the child's room, I don't have ,,,,, I'm looking for Toto in the child's room ,,,

where I'm looking for back room is also no ,,,

child on sleep ,,,

trus si Toto where ,,,

again the dreary looking arrived from behind me at the toel,,,

"who's from, uh ,,,",

oh Allah was surprised I was, I immediately shouted,,, really startled ,,

toto was behind me

I hit him,,,,,,,, I hit him ,,,,,,,

so pissed off

not her pain even cringe ,,,

makes me want to keep hitting and pinching her ,,,,,

we laughed and the aunt just smiled at the way we both were doing ,,,

my day with him makes me forget and not think about the problems I have with Toto always can bring the atmosphere so it feels beautiful

meaning lie the words of the marriage cloistered person there must be a honeymoon proof that I'm the same Toto,,,,,,,, proof,,,,,,

we both never had a honeymoon,,,,,,, uh ,,,,,,

and we're happy to enjoy his ,,,,,,,

Two months I'm getting married the economy's starting to feel tough ,,,,,

kids start getting into SD ,,,,,,

I need a uniform,,,,,, I need, uh ,,,,,,

toto salary live 400rb,,,,,,

because he ran out of school in a West Java bank with his old wife ,,,,,,,

and I have to accept the rest of his salary ,,,,,,

I finally decided to make a sale,,,,, I ,,,,

Thank God Toto approved of it I sold in the new land ,,,,

I'm starting to sort out the shop I'm taking two stores into one,,,,,,,,, I ,,,,,,,

so quite large just because the location of the cafeteria is too far from home or not want to have to step in the canteen ,,,,,,,,,,, or ,,,,,,,,

this was my first experience having a cooking canteen ,,,,,

meaning for a while I parted with our four children ,,,,,,

I'm open in July,,,,,,, I,,,,,

a week of good sales

Thank goodness,,,,,,

one day for 1 million ,

sometimes 2million ,,,,,,,,

I sold the same IPah new aunty replacement maid who asked out because it is not strong work lg often sick because it is old ,,,,,,, ,,,

every Saturday child

come visit me to the cafeteria

or I go home to,,,,,,,,, or I go home ,,,,,,,,

until one day 2 days after my birthday I got a disaster

my right leg was splashed with hot sugar water ,,,,,,,

though I lift but I don't want ,,,, ,,

so that pot accidentally kicked ,,,,,,,,,

but it's weird how I feel I don't kick anything,,,,,,,, it's,,,,,,,

you know what a 'bout,,,,,,,, is ,,,,,,,,

feels hot in feet ,,, ,,,,,

just look at the wound on my right foot

I had to have a new cafeteria open and just wanted to be crowded I stayed ,,,,

because I have to take a complete break,,,,,,,, you know,,,,,,,

almost my whole leg was splashed with ,,,,,,,,,,

I remember when I asked my husband for help ,,,

Toto was shocked and screamed so look at my feet ,,,

Although quickly treated, this wound is quite severe ,,,,,,

2 Days at home I'm not treated ,,,,,,,

every day I cry,,,,,,,, I cry,,,,,,,

every time my four children sit at my feet ,,, ,,,,

they wept and prayed for my healing ,,,,,,,

,I'm so moved ,,,,, I ,,,,

so did my husband accompany me every night in my room, sometimes Toto sleeps at my feet,,,,, uh,,,,

every day Toto rubs my feet

until I fall asleep

and she fell asleep at my feet that she did during my legs

pain ,,,,,,

Toto didn't dare leave me to sleep alone ,,,,,,

finally one afternoon, papa mas Gunadi came with his wife who was a nurse,,,,,, and ,,,,,,

he just wants to look at me,,,,,,, he wants, he wants to see me ,,,,,,,

but as soon as he saw my feet his wife was in shock,,,,,,,, his ,,,,,,,,

right then and there he cleansed my wounds,,,,,,,

he started opening his tool bag ,,,,,,

"it just so happened that I was finished

visiting a wounded patient with a sugar headache,,,, all the time I clean it up ,,,,,,"

he started to pick up my legs

I cried out in pain from excruciating pain ,,,,,,

while cleaning my wounds he said ,,,,,

"it's too late another day 'cause the tissue's dead,,,,,

any wound on his leg can be rotten mbak ,,,

,hold it sick emang but better than the foul ntar want ,???"

I stopped crying,,,,,, I ,,,,,

though the pain was incredible but I was afraid my feet were rotten,,,,,,, I was ,,,,,,,

after clean he came home and promised tomorrow to come to polish the wound with

bornasin ointment is a drug for burns,,,,,,,, and,,,,,,,

toto asked his wife Gunadi who bought in all work he was the head nurse at PMI,,,,,,, he was,,,,,,

gunadi's wife turned out

really nice guy ,,,,,,,

Thank God there are still people who want to help me ,,,,,,,

though this morning doctor Euis in samperin papa in mintain please to take care of me

but rejected by reason he did not dare to look at the wide wound ,,,,,

he said he was afraid,, I don't know if he was just an excuse or really scared like he said

again thinking the legs arrive I feel something is not right like his I'm Haid,,,,,,,, I feel something is wrong,,,,,,

I'm confused as to which chapter lg ,,,,,,, I want ,,,,,,,

no one else, no, no, no, no,,,,

Toto again anter mas Gunadi in front of , more children go naji ,,,,,,

oh, God has to be ,,,,, ,,,

again confused by her confusion Toto entered my room.,,,

I had to say he

I'm on the bopong to the WC he's standing in my arms for Chapter ,, ,,,, he's standing there holding me back for Chapter ', Chapter ,,, ,,,

done he cleaned my body and wiped it with a towel straight away he put on a bandage ,,,

I noticed the look on his face I wanted to know the change in his face but I did not find Toto as if enjoying the job there was no sense of confusion or disgust all done with pleasure,,,,,,,,, it's, it's all done with pleasure,,,,,,

the first day was just me who was shy and awkward no matter how it concerned the sensitive area ,,,,,, no matter what ,,,,,

but Toto did it with pleasure and he did it every day without being asked to do his routine

Tampa feels like a month passed ,,,,,,,

I'm going all wrong ,,,,,,,,,

shame and feeling indebted to Budi ,,,,,,,

whereas during marriage papa never touched a sensitive place ,,,,

let alone looking at her she didn't dare to do that ,,,,,,,

but this time it's ,,,,,, it's ,,,,,,

maybe this is God's way of rebuking my mistakes with my husband ,,,,,,,,

though he patiently waited until it had been a month more not to ask for his rights as a husband ,,,,,,,

I am really ashamed and feel guilty ,,,,

Tampa felt my tears dripping down ,,,,

I don't dare to sound afraid Toto's waking up ,,,,,,,

,but it seems he is too sensitive to hear my sobs even if it's a soft ,,,,

"what is it that makes you cry ,,,????",

I just kept quiet and kept crying,,,,,,, I,,,,,,

I want you to know to my husband that I am truly sorry and ashamed of you ,,,,,

so sincere are you to take care of me ,,,,,

Without even a single time letting me down ,,,,,

o Allah forgive your contemptible servant,,,,, this ,,,,,

I promise I won't waste my husband's sacrifice ,,,,,,

servant lamented

oh, God,,,,, God, is ,,,,,

I hope it's not too late ,,,,,

I believe that a marriage based on faith and faith in God's human will be beautiful in time,,,,,,,,,,,,, in time ,,,,,,,,,,,