A Tattered Heart
Chapter 11's

My day is like water ,,,,,,,

always keep flowing even if there are many obstacles ,,,,,

that's life,,,,,,, that's, life, that's,,,,,,,

inevitably,,,,,,,, you know,,,,,,

dislikes don't like ,,,,,,

we keep following without being able to run faster over time or reverse direction to turn the clock ,,,,,,

the key is simply to fear and believe that God will never abandon prayer,,,,,,,, and believe,,,,,,,,

we should always behave well and please others,,,,

it has been 5 months since the momentous event between my husband and me ,,,,,

the painful event passed along with his alternation of days ,,,,,,

I also began to live my day full of together again ,,,,,

my husband treated myself like I was so scared that I was going to go ,,,,,

I appreciate his effort

and I try to make it visible

happy in front of him,,,,

until one day while I was talking to my employee ,,,

suddenly I got a wA from Ambar's mom,,,,,, I got ,,,,,

oh yes mbak Ambar is my husband and Ari's classmate when school in Junior High used to be,,,,, and ,,,,

and like her there are important things to be said ,,,,,

mbak Ambar ,,,,,

I finally picked up the phone,,,,, I ,,,,,

there was the voice of Ambar,,,,,, the,,,,

"asalamualaikum mbak Dewi ,,,,

how's mbak ,,,,,

I'm sorry to interrupt for a second,,,,,,,

I just want to let you know that Ari has died ,,,

forgive her for the mistake she ever made with her husband mbak Dewi first ya mbak ,,,,",

I'm shocked

and do not forget to express condolences for his death

my ex-husband's been left alive has destroyed my trust in my husband all this time,,,,

because of the heart that was once scratched

and the wounded must now be scratched,,, wounded upon this old wound

more pain and more pain,,,,,,,,

that's why I'm not much

heed the apology of mbak Ambar,,,,,,,,,

I only regretted when Ari found out I already knew about her relationship with my husband

why didn't Ari try to call and apologize for what he did,,,,,,

though what I heard when they cheated Ari was already sick ,,,,,,,

and he said that he was washing his blood often why there was no attempt to apologize anyway I already knew his relationship with my husband.,,,,,,,,, I know.,,,,,

turns out he was too cowardly to admit his mistake,,,,,, that,,,,,

he dares to break the hearts of others,,,,,,,, he does,,,,,,,,

to be honest until now if I remember Ari's name,,,,, that ,,,,,

my heart still hurts ,,,,,,

Ari did not know that Suroto was too often for my heart to hurt

I remember what I said to my husband ,,,,,

"pah not only this time papa hurt my heart but since papa got married and got involved so papa's pre-prisonment instructor has hurt this heart ,,,,,,,,

at that time I was still not normal ,, so it was not my whole self ,,,,,, even though at that time there was a sense of disappointment ,,,,,

tapi tidak terlalu sakit seperti ini ,,,,,,

the affair this time is so heart-piercing ,,,,,,

perhaps such a heart-scratching pain was caused because my condition was completely mine ,,,,,,

(my soul doesn't hurt anymore like it used to ,,,,,)

so it took months to heal this wound ,,,,,,

and most importantly because this heart has been hurt a lot here and there ,,,,,,

this heart has been broken and it has been bandaged ,,,,,

then getting injured again in the dressing again must have taken a long time to heal,,,,,,,, you know ,,,,,,,,,

naturally, this heart clo is more fragile because there are many scars here and there and wrapped many times ,,,,,,,,,

my heart was too often shocked and in disbelief and ended in disappointment ,,,,,

that's why the wounds Ari lives in are so hard and hard to heal,,,,,, and,,,,,

it may take a long process and time ,,,,,

I deliberately didn't tell papa that Ari had died because I didn't care about myself,,,,, it doesn't really matter ,,!!!!!!,,,,,,

but I also don't say bad bad about him or swear an expletive for his not at all ,,,,,

I just don't just respond to ,,,,,

now it has been a year since that painful event ,,,,, Thank God this wound began to slowly dry land,,,,,,

I began to face my son who was growing up and ready to flap his wings to leave me to the future,,,,,,,,,, to leave me,,,,,,,

I'm more focused on taking care of the firstborn to enter STSN various billboards I give to the firstborn ,,,,,

papa and I began to get through a day full of togetherness and happiness exactly when we first got married first ,,,,

a year after the events of the affair, Papa was pulled from his usual place of work and returned to the center ,,,,

At first I grieved and begged every prayer of mine that my husband should not be drawn back ,,,,,

but after I think the temptation at work that's been so 'so great, especially against women ,,,,,,,

maybe this is the best way that God has given me and my husband to be calm and our happiness is not disturbed anymore ,,,,,,

because after all the nature of papa who likes to spread charm

and very enthusiastic when dealing with a beautiful woman especially ,,,,,,,,

anyone who is new to the papa person will surely be fascinated ,,,,,

he's a god in conquering women ,,,,,,,

that's papa,,,,, that's ,,,,

not long after my in-laws died I got a call to go home to solo,,,,,, I was ,,,,

I told papa to go home by myself because I wanted to make money for your son ,,,,,,,,

but papa refuses ,,,,,

papa wouldn't have come home if it wasn't with me ,,,,,

"klo mama's not coming, I'm not going home ",

whirl,,,,

how can it change like this ,,,,,,,,,

yesterday when his father died my husband came home alone aja,,, boro boro nawarin ,,,,,

why is it so different now ,,,,,,, what ,,,,,,,,,????

I laughed,,,,, I ,,,,

up to the papah ,,,,

but if you want to go home alone I also have no problem ,,,,,,,???the Ari also died ,,,,,,

there's no way he's cheating anymore I said in heart ,,,,,,

but I also must not disappoint my husband ,,,,,,, or ,,,,,,,

let me try to make

she's sure that I've forgiven her and trusted her again ,,,,,,,

",it's the same mom ",

she looks so cool I'm looking,,,,,,,

seen from his whim ,,,,,,,

I also feel happy that my husband is back as he was ,,,,,

until the answer papa always treat me with special ,,,,,, papa ,,,,,

it was as if I was the only one in her heart,,,,,,,, that,,,,,,,

until we go home we always look happy ,,,,,,,

indeed since then we have rarely quarreled and fuss about trivial things,,,,,

every time we have a chance we are always joking,,,,, our day is full of togetherness ,,,,,,

we both always discuss the purpose of our son to list where????

right now what matters is the future of the child ,,,,

not the others,,,,,,,,, that's,,,,,,,,,

the day she was waiting for her brother started taking tests ,,,,,,,

but unfortunately the god of luck has not sided with my firstborn,,,,

he failed to get accepted at STSN,,,,,,,,

but next year's plan will be to try again,,,,,,, you know,,,,,,,

while waiting for registration next year while sister help me get the sale ,,,,,,,,

seeing him not feeling embarrassed and desperate even still my spirit so kasian also ,,,

the days passed the months changed not felt like a year had he helped me in the canteen,,,,,, he, he helped me in the canteen ,,,,,,

incidentally in the cafeteria there have also been no employees lg ,,,,,, for a long time ,,,,,,

all the employees quit and I intentionally didn't look for any more ,,,,,,

the cafeteria had also started to deserted,,,,, after all, the children were also all great,,,,, there was no harm in it they petrified me now,,,,,,,,,,, it was,,,,,,,

,

Bagas is now Class 3 High School,,,,,

and the youngest is already in 1SMA class

so I don't need any more helpers ,,,,,,

children can do their own homework and canteen ,,,,,,,

Without being told again they already know their respective duties ,,,,,,

and in the cafeteria as well I only do what they don't understand, ,,, the rest of my children do the most occasional petrified cooking if needed,,,,

this goes on for a year,,,,,,, this,,,,,

it doesn't feel like time is passing so ceoat ,,,,,,

papa says he has plans to go back to school (,, PAG)

at first I didn't agree but I thought there was no harm in trying the important thing not to use this money ,,,,,,

papa's getting busy getting ready for ,,,,,

from running and sports ,,,,,

I've always supported and helped deliver sports,,,,,, I,,,,,

even though I didn't agree,,,,,,, I did,,,,,,

for a long time I even prayed that papa graduated with the best grades,,,,,, I hope ,,,,,

This month papa started taking tests in Bandung,,,,,,

departing at 3 am sometimes also to stay at Bandung ,,,,,,

I started to get used to working with my son only if papa happened to take the test to Bandung ,,,,,,,,,,, you know ,,,,,,,,

and I began to learn what it was myself if you were to be accepted,,,,,, or, later ,,,,,,

you see the news I heard my husband went to school for 1mo ,,,,,,,

and can't be connected through HP for 2 weeks ,,,,,,,,,, 2 weeks ,,,,,,,,

can't be looked at ,,,,,,

so can't meet for less than 1 month ,,,,,,

at first when I heard that story,,, I assumed it was ordinary or rather it didn't matter

because I thought I was,,,,,, because ,,,,,

in the past also when papa became a pre-service instructor I was also used to living,,,,,

so this.also must be there like the time papa became a pre-service instructor,,,

anyway, I open this canteen and it's definitely not gonna feel ,,,, any, no ,,,,,

it's different when I'm home,,,,,,, it's ,,,,,

it turned out that I was too arrogant at that time,,,,

days go by,,,,,,, days go by ,,,,,

announcement after announcement out ,,,,

finally papa graduated with the best grades in West Java ,,,,,

papa's in a moment to get into education,,,,, we're all starting to help papa prepare

needs to be used there ,,,,,,,

the day that I was waiting for arrived,,,,, the ,,,,

tonight papa leaves for Bandung ,,,,,

at 3 am papa woke up I he built his son and asked to be ushered until he got in the car ,,,,,, he said ,,,,,

as soon as the bag is put in the car we embrace no power papa let out tears ,,,,,

the five of us let go of papa while crying ,,,,,

many times my father hugged me

"well, take the child away 'yes ,,,,,

healthy dad's prayers are always yes ,,,,,",

"yes the best mamah prayer reward for papa ,,,,",

papa's Tampa day starts at ,,,,,,,

from the one who usually sleeps with papa ,,,,,

at first it had not been felt a day two new days I felt something was missing ,,,,,

especially when eating,,,,, or,,,,,

suddenly my tears melted ,,,,,

I realized something was missing,,,,,,,, I,,,,,,

I'm so lost,,,,,,, I am,,,,,,

oh, God,,,,, God, is ,,,,,

why was my day so lonely,,,,,

now a lot is missing from the usual ,,,,,,,,

no one's scolding me if I don't eat ,,,,,

no one's gonna help me if the canteen came,,,,, no ,,,,,

it's not soothing if I'm angry ,,,,,,,

I really feel like I'm losing papa figure ,,,,,

the little cuteness that papa did to me first,,,, now there's no more ,,,,,

especially now to hear his voice I can't ,,,,, no, no ,,,,,,

I really lost papa,,,,,,,, I ,,,,,,,

sad and miss me feel ,,,,,

I've been crying a lot,,,,, uh ,,,,,

I'm so pensive ,,,,,, I ,,,,,,

eating bad sleep is not good enough just think papa ,,,,,, not good ,,,,,

my son is starting to get confused ,,,,

they were confused thinking about my situation but didn't know what to do ,,,,,,,,

waiting 2 weeks at that time is like a year ,, or maybe more ,,,,

feels like a long time ago ,,,,,,

I finally remembered the word friend if ,,,,,,

"everything is not what we imagined it to be,,,,,,, it's, like ,,,,,,

feeling sad and lonely is so amazing it will torment our feelings,,,,, I cry every day mbak ,,,, really ",

at that time I just smiled half mocking ah lebay only once so my mind said it ,,,,,

now the word lebay no longer exists ,,,,

everyone changed words

"why and supposing'

those are the two words I always wanted to say ,,,,,,,

finally 2 Weeks is over ,,,,,

arrived papa video call ,,,,,

amazingly happy I was ,,,,,,

I smiled in tears as he said that papa misses me so much ,,,,,

I saw her eyes there was sadness and longing for me,,,,,

I'm so crying, ',,,, uh ,,,,

between happy , sad & longing to be one ,,,,,,

after papa's video call,,,, suddenly, my appetite just disappeared,,,,,,, I ,,,,,,

oh my God,,, it turns out that I'm beginning to realize that I love my husband so much ,,,,

,I really feel like I've lost my husband's figure ,,,,,,,

even now every time I want to eat my tears dripping,,,, I now feel sorry for wasting the opportunity while we were still together ,,,,, I, I feel sorry ,,,,,,

papah I'm sorry ,,,,,,,,

suddenly I remember papa has he eaten or not??????,,,,,,,,, papa has he eaten or not??????,,,,,

suddenly my dad called me ,,,,,

I hurriedly lifted her up ,,,,,,,

just hearing her voice makes me happy ,,,,,,,

indeed since the quarantine period is over ,,,,,,

whenever there's a chance, papa calls and looks for me ,,,,,,

if I don't happen to be able to pick up the phone,,,,,,,, that's,,,,,,

he would call many times and repeat ,,,,

this is much different when you do not come home because of the pre-service instructor,,,,,,

I used to get angry on the phone,,,,,, on the phone,,,,,,

and I rarely call if it's not important ,,,

but this time it's really different ,,,,

Until finally his appointed time came ,,,,,

I was asked to attend my husband's inauguration ,,,,,,,,

how happy I am ,,,,,

the day I arrive ,,,,,,,

so did papa from afternoon till night papa kept calling me ,,,,,

maybe only a 2-hour break ,,,,,,,,,

it was also because I told him to sleep because it was already night ,,,, I was afraid that tomorrow his condition was not fit ,,,,,,,, I, I was afraid ,,,,,,,

but by 4 papa's already called me again ,,,,,

geez,,,,,,, that's,,,,,,,

the papa up to his ,,,,,,,,

maybe what I feel is the same as you feel,,,,,, maybe,,,,,

maybe even more,,,,, maybe ,,,,,

"father does not sleepy,,,,,, new feeling bobo already wake up ,,,,,, the ,,,

this is mama again preparing for guests who want to join together to papa's place ,,,,",

"hehehehe papa so shy ,,,, it's already a heart mama yes,,, papa ntar wait in the street

enter it let's not muter nyariin,,,",

",yes, my papa I sayanggggg,,,, wait for mama ya ,,,",,,,,,,,, wait ,,,",,,,,,,

in the morning I leave,,, I make sure there's nothing left ,,,,,,,, I make sure ,,,,,,,

the whole journey is still quiet ,,,,,,

by 8am I'm up to ,,,,,

once he's there he's been waiting for me as he promised,,,,,,, you, you know,,,,,,

I picked up papa on the street,,,,,

how surprised I was to see my husband black and skinny ,,,,

can't wait for me to hug my husband,,,,,, I, I ,,,,,,

I let go of this longing ,,,,,,

papa has no power to resist crying ,,,,,,,

her tears fell on my forehead ,,,,,,,

o Allah ,,,,,,, the ,,,,,,,

papa cries again ,,,

I hug papa I promise as long as here I won't go far away from papa,,,,

unless papa goes back to barracks ,,,,

and I went back to the hotel ,,,

the day here was full of joy we and our family took pictures together and ate together ,,,,

it feels beautiful and so imprinted in my memory ,,

all the other participants who saw us were like amazed ,,,,,,,,,

maybe he misses his wife just as much as me and papa,,,,, you know ,,,,,

every time I saw both of us

they always tease us ,,,,,,

and hugging each other with his roommate ,,,,,

especially during the night of substituting an rank from the old rank with a new rank,,,,,,,

we're told to find our husbands,,,,,,, we're,,,,,,

to pair a new power ,,,,,

and give the flower that we carry as a symbol of happiness,,,,,,,

it was so moving that I cried ,,,,,

my husband hugged me as if he didn't want to let go again,,,,,,,,

I said in my heart,,,,,,, I said ,,,,,,,

" the reward if you did nothing wrong, then,, you,,,,,

maybe this chance you've had a long time ago and maybe your position is already high,,,,,, you know,,,,,

but coming back again is probably the best God has given me and you and I should still be grateful,,,,,,,,",

I hugged my husband tightly,,,,,,, I ,,,,,,,

and my husband knows that I love him so much and I know he loves me too ,,,,

it was a beautiful night and I will never forget it forever,,,,,,, I ,,,,,,,

Tomorrow is the highlight of the show I wear the full outfit following his suit

I dress up more,,,,,, I,,,,,

I want to look beautiful in my husband's eyes ,,,,

event after event I went through many participants who fell and fell unconscious ,,,,

there is a fear in my heart I fear my husband will fall

I prayed a lot and begged that papa be given strength until the end of the show,,,, and ,,,,

Thank goodness,,,,,,,

also finished his welcome now his time to find my husband ,,,,

various feelings raging in the chest ,,,,

I'm looking for where my husband is,,,,,, I, I,,,,,,

understand a lot of students and all the same when viewed from afar ,,,,,,, and ,,,,,,

black skinny and bald ,,,,,,,

rich son tuyul ,,,,

finally the face of my husband I found

I immediately ran over to my papa and I hugged him,,,,,,

I gave you the flowers I brought,,,,, I gave you ,,,,,

a look of happiness was on my husband's face ,,,,,,,

me and my son

hugging his papa,,,, we so missed the figure of papa all this time ,,,,,

"papa I miss very much papa papa dashing wear this oversize shirt,,,"

babble brother while hugging papah ,,,,,

finally the four of us took a picture together ,,,,

we laugh happily ,,,,,,,,

the unforgettable experience was so impressive,,,,,,,

Finished our show straight home ,,,,

papa's innumerable ,,,,,

the car so crowded with default papa ,,,,,

that must be a lot of her dirty clothes ,,,,,,

this is a tiring and simultaneously happy day ,,,,,,

along the way we joked excitedly,,,,,

it was a beautiful day,,, really ,,,

when we get home, we work together,,,,, we ,,,,,

children immediately separate dirty clothes and those that are still clean

I'm also cooking straight away for a malem meal ,,,,

this is the first time we ate together ,,,,,,,

since papa's departure for a whole month today we've started to gather again,,,,,,,, we've been,,,,,,,

I feel so hard going through a moment away from papa ,,,,,,,,

so lonely and feeling right alone,,,,,,,

it turns out that even though I can buy anything I want if there is no papa like it is nothing at all I really admit that money is not everything ,,,,,,,,,

perhaps this is what is called real love,,,,,,,, or ,,,,,,,,

have I loved her so much,,,,,,

o God , ,,,,,,,,,

if it were true, thank you very much for the gift of love that you gave me ,,,,,,,,,,

I looked at Papa's face for a long time,,,,,

I looked at him with great affection ,,,,,

like his papa tau ,,,,,,

he looked at me and smiled,,,,,,, he said,,,,,,,

oh, my God,,,,,, that's,,,,,,,

I was shocked and shocked that there was a heat on my face,,,,,,,

turns out I admit I really love you papa ,,,,,,,,

may you love me more and more ,,,,,