A Tattered Heart
14p chapter

I don't want to be the one who fails,,,,, I do,,,,,,

especially if you look at his character like his people are not ready to lose but lazy to try ,,,,

but easily instigated enter from the outside ,,,,,,,

that's why I never told him to stay with anyone else ,,,,

but if at home continue when he can go forward ,,,,,

I'm always in a dilemma,,,,,,,, I'm,,,,,,,

o Allah, I am confused to think of my son ,,,,

his catching power is also not good too late think ,,,,

the difference is much with his two brothers ,,,,,,,

they are more independent and quick to respond,,,,,

but if you look at his ambitions more ambitious Bagas

Bagas it if you want what is more passionate and enthusiastic what should be able to ,,,,,,

must be ,,,,

if you are not angry ,

ngomel ngomel is not clear the end of the end ngurung himself in the room

don't come out uncalled clo,,,,,,,, no,,,,,

and we both never taught or set an example that is not good for children,,,,,, or ,,,,,,

we both always talk and act heart-hearted ,,,

I don't know if it's good to follow the character of who ,,,,,, that's ,,,,,

honestly at the end of this I'm confused thinking how to do what if we're good even make a tantrum ,,,,

we're hard on the ',,,,,,, we're ,,,,,,

oh, God,,,, that's ,,,,

help me,,,,,, please ,,,,,

when the phone rang ,,,,

I saw a phone call from Sulai ,,,,,,,

what's up with the phone,,,,,,,

,", asalamualaikum ,,,,, what's up ,,, I'm talking tumben phone "

,", waalaikumsalam ,,, begini mbak I want to convey the message mbak lami said Bagas if I can come with me only in Jakarta ,,,,, he said ,,,,

let it be more independent and get better ,,,,

,kalo follow her parents she's naughty hard to say,,,,

who knows if he'll come along so he could be better ",,,,

",hmmm how yes lai not I do not give but I can not make my own decision,,, later let me tell him how his opinion"

",yes, if it's asalamualaikum","

", waalaikumsalam", please",

I hung up on her ,,,,

hmmm there's just ,,,,

I don't think I can take care of any kid, ,,,, I ,,,,

how good is his son really so arrogant????

rich takes care of the most children can ,,,

though the child he is only one but used to take care of the bude who was asked ,,,,,

while they even relax together in Jakarta ,,,,,,,, and ,,,,,,,

feeling newlyweds ,,,,,,,

every time you meet brother happens to be there is a group that is always the material of conversation usually who discuss it is brother-in-law in Bogor and Jakarta ,,,,,,

now it is also not clear how their children's schools are not,,,,????,

did it work out ????,,,,,

how dare I make sure my son will be obedient and diligent if he takes care of ,,,,,,, and ,,,,,

mmmm basic sula pinter find stage,,,,,,

rada sebel also klo inget how he monopolies bude in Java even until I fuss the same mas Adi because of his talk ,,,,

from there I became lazy dealing with him ,,,

his character he was already the most able to take the heart of bude until he was his favorite sister,,,,,,,, until he was his favorite sister,,,,,,

because every word of the word bude is a will that must be done regardless it is right or wrong which is important bude seneng ,,,,,,,

my husband and I could be so ,,,

make me live it's a choice ,,,,

salah ya salah yah well said good can not be exchanged ,,,,,,, well ,,,,,

just because we owe a lot of money ,,,,,,

because our principles are the same

this little family is absolutely ours and only we can manage and control not outsiders even parents or siblings,,,,, or ,,,,,

want hard, fun, lots of debt or not just us who know,,,,,,

that's why neither my father's family nor my family knows how we really are, actually,,,

,which people know our lives are well established and Harmonious away from quarrels,,,,,,

to me this is very very privacy ,,,,,

like when you cheated on me, I never told anyone,,,,,, or, like,,,,,,

although it was very heavy and made me almost desperate but I tried my best to find a way to make papa really aware and feel guilty for hurting me ,,,,,,,

friction after friction also often occurs when he cheated until he did not cheat

again ,,,, because ever since then I've been so jealous and so bad at her ,,,,,, , 'cause ever since ,,,,,

I became possessive and didn't believe in papa anymore ,,,,,,

it was an uncomfortable situation between me and papah ,,,,

not to mention collisions with his children often occur ,,,,,,,

and I still never talk to my family ,,,,,,,

once upon a time, my father complained to my eldest son about my over-possessive attitude ,,,,,,

"what is it that papa does that is worse than papa ,,, if only this is the case, is it normal,,,,,,,,????your mama used to be more. severe papa painin,,,, papa used to be aja papa ngalah", p ",

I was in the room only in you,,, just a listener JD, I heard my son defending me ,,,,,,,, you know ,,,,,,

,,,

"sit's a reward,,, you know, it can't be a ,,,,"

looks like papa's less accepting,,,,,, like ,,,,,

"the papah victory is worse than the papa's many ",

as soon as he was talking like that I went straight out ,,,,,,, I ,,,,,,

"it used to be,,,,,, even papa's behavior wasn't always good ,,,, there were even women who came to the canteen , I'm afraid you're papa I'm used to ,,,,,and their treatment of flirtatious delay is as good as the time of pre-prisonment,, I'm also a regular ,,,, I think if I'm disappointed normal but also just a moment not as sick as this ,,,,,, I think ,,,I thought maybe at that time because I'm still not normal ,,,"

papa still defends himself and feels innocent ,,,,,,,

"yes but the problem I made is not severe mah compared to the behavior of mama first ,,,,,,"

I was silent as if remembering which behavior had made my father uncomfortable,,,,,,,, that, that ,,,,,,,,

I also tried to correct myself first but many events I forgot ,,,,,

even if I remember the incident but in my heart just feel disgusted and do not believe it was me who did ,,,,,,,

it turns out I used to be a crisis of common sense,,,,, I was made half conscious and half crazy ,,,,,

it is true that the Hajj sir said at that time ,,,,,,,

often absentminded and erring sometimes when talking is always different,,,,,, and ,,,,,

astagfirullah ,,,,,,,

how could that have made me like that ,,,,,,,fortunately the Hajj sir helped me and fortunately at that time my faith control was still there even though only as thin as the skin of the ari at least there were a few children who took care of me ,,,,,,

o Allah forgive the servant who does not understand what the servant does ,,,,

I am ashamed of God,,,,,,, I am ,,,,,,,,

finally I talked that I had once talked about my feelings with the Hajj sir at that time ,,,

I had to do this to make him believe and accept that what he did was wrong ,,,,

I want him to come to his senses and not do that again ,,,,,,,,,

" you think I didn't tell the hajj sir about my feelings problem now ever reward ,,,,,,,

sir why since papa cheated the feeling of leaving more pain than before ,,, even though first papa also often spread charm during pre-prisonment there are even women who come to the kantin all ,,,,,,,,,but at that time I was also disappointed only a few moments not to long ,,,,,,

after that it is common again but why now it takes so long to forget and feel this heartache ,,,,

and you know the answer ,,???

said the Hajj sir because at that time I was not yet my body is still a lot of contents ,,,, and has not been cleaned as it is now ,,,,, even my consciousness is only 99% so naturally I never cared about the real circumstances that I was experiencing at that time?,,, rough, normal thinking just can't ,,,,????at that time too many factors ,,, I, I never said fortunately mother likes to pray try klo klo not mother has passed ,,,, so at that time the life of the mother is also threatened ,,,,,,",

"yes my mom used to be a little bit of a fight if I couldn't stand trying ,,,,",

I stayed calm and kept explaining,,,,,,, I,,,,,,

"yes sir Hajj also said ,,,,,,

if papa can survive

there are several factors ,,,,

the first may be his good worship ,,,,,,

the second one,,,,, is ,,,,

papa also get entertainment from outside ,,,, papa used to be a frequent instructor ,,,, maybe from there why papa can survive ,,, maybe, maybe from pre-service participants ,,,,, maybe ,,,,

it was an escape when papa was disappointed with my situation ,,,,,,

I'm sure it's in my heart that papa is also in the same mood they are,,,,, no matter how normal papa men are,,,,,,,,,, anyway ,,,,,,,

that's why it doesn't feel so bad at home ,,,,"

still feeling like he was the one who was the most patient with me ,,,,,,,

" 10 years you know mama's sick if papa is not less patient,,, has disbanded long ago ,,,"

there was a sense of annoyance and almost missing the word ,,, I finally said the last word ,,,,,

"that drives me crazy is papah ,,,,, I'm crazy like this because of marriage to papa ,,,, when I was in the lampung I was sane,,,,,,,, and,,,,,

yes, it all happened because Asiung did not accept me marrying papa ,,,, my brother also,,,,

so I'm crazy because of papah ,,,,,,,, that ,,,,,,,

unless I'm crazy yet married same papah maybe ,,,,,,,

will I be sick after marriage there papah,,,,, should be when I can recover and can be normal again papa apologized to me because papa has made me so this ,,,,,,,,,, you, you know ,,,,,,,,

isn't papa cheating on you ,,,,,????and make me hurt ,,,,,,",

Thank God ,,,,,,,,

start to look like papa is thinking,,,,,,

and I continued my word again ,,,,,,,,

" father remembered the word papa once when we were not married ,,,,,,

I'm sorry I can't get too into your problems, but I'm also an outsider so I don't have the right to interfere,,,,, unless you're my wife I'm sure I'll look after, take care of 'em, protect 'em , and understand, and defend me,,,,,, and finally the speech of the father is heard by God,,,,,,,, and, finally, the speech of the father is heard by God,,,,,,,,

and papa was tested with my condition half-crazy ,,,,,,

why papa complains,,,,, why ,,,,,

and which promise did you say first,,, where is it ,,,????

where's papa's promise ,,,,,????",

vivi is singing

"where does your promiseuuuuuuu,,,,,,,,????",

papa and I smile ,,,,,,

Praise be to Allah ,,,,,,

finally my husband realized that what he's been doing all this time is wrong,,,,, that ,,,,,

I smile in my heart,,,,,, I,,,,,,

,already the moment papa realized he was wrong ,,,,,,,

Because long enough also papa made that mistake ,,,,,

he's the wrong one,,,,,,, he's the wrong one ,,,,,,,

he who broke my heart,,,,,,, he ,,,,,,,

and it's been in my mind for years, years,,,,, even decades,,,,,,,, years, decades ,,,,,,

after the incident that night, my father understood and understood that he was wrong,,,,,,,, and,,,,,,,,

just the character of a Suroto is difficult easy to be given input ,,, what else in criticism ,,,

if we are not smart and careful in arranging events after events in the guarantee will not penetrate ,,,,,

the one at the end of his noisily ,,,

and it used to happen because I didn't know how to ,,,,

suddenly someone said a greeting,,,,,, and ,,,,,

and my daydream's gone,,,,,,, I ,,,,,,

papa was already standing in front of me ,,,,,,

"thinking what ma ,,,,, looks her serious ,,,,,,",

"oh, I started calling my mom "

I started to tell you what that sulai meant,,,,,, I ,,,,,,

I saw papa directly holding the phone,,,, I was confused but ,,,,,, I was ,,,,,

oh phone slulai,,,,,,

slowly papa's voice sounded ,,,,,,

",i know, maybe you think or something else ,,,, I know, maybe ,,,,,

your intentions are good,,,,,, you,,,,

but everyone's way of educating children is different not necessarily in your opinion good,,,,

but it doesn't necessarily suit me,,,,,,, it does ,,,,,,,

as long as Bagas hasn't listed let him be at home,,,,,

klo it's time to also go ,,,,

just don't put it in brother's place ,,,,,

,kasian son sangkanya I'm the same mother does not want to follow the child again even bother to be ",

I heard papa hang up the phone while mumbling,,,,

I sat next to him,,,,,, I ,,,,,,

Tampa was asked to tell papa a story ,,,,

I nodded with a thought ,,,,

hmmm just think about what I think ,,,,,,,

that's why sometimes he's overrated,,,,,, that's what he's overreacting to,,,,

don't think if that person would be offended or not ,,,,

from ancient times where ,,,,,, where ,,,,,,,

care also not ,,,,, anyway not ,,,,, but also ngurusin ,,,,,,,,, sure he knows Bagas well ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, he said ,,,,,,

so denger bude story problems in Bagas ,,,,,,,

instantly pretentious to be an intermediary and problem solver of others ,,,,,

idea snobs ,,,

sukurin in omelin papa ,,,,,,,,

don't look for a stage among people's family problems,,,,,,, or ,,,,,,,

just take care of your own family ,,,,,,, you ,,,,,,,

at the end of the day, I'm taking papa out to eat ,,,,,,,

and ask not to think about that ,,,,,,,,

from then on I never said that ,,,,,, ever again ,,,,,,,

bude also ,,,,,, ', 'bude ,,,,,,

maybe shame or all the same papa ,,,,

since the start of the phone like that ,,,,,, I've been telling Ama's son ,,,, I ,,,

it looks like it's more quiet ,,,,,,

I got it

surely he again asked what would be in love or not,,,,

and since I talked about his uncle's intentions to Bagas, ', uh ,,

every more heart speak ,,,,,

not rich first

especially when I talk like this

",well, maybe the bagas more dear Ama om sulai than mama so good to join om so can be submissive and good ,,,

,kalo mama ma what oruh ,,,,,

different from the family papah ,,,,

so Bagas has been volunteering and so because of the form of rebellion to be usherin to the place om dearest dearest ,,,,,,"

after speaking so I glanced at Bagas looks bad implied in his face,,,,

unexpectedly arrived the bagas said ,,,,,,,,

",my God is very sad yes mama has a son Bagas ,,, really really outrageous Bagas ya ma ????",

I smile there's a deep pity in the heart ,,,,

oh, my God,,,,, that's, uh,,,,,,

this kid is actually good

maybe the mischief he's been doing all along is a form of indulgence that he wants to show me,,,,,, that ,,,,,

it's just the wrong way,,, God ,,,,,,,

since then I never talked about the problem again ,,,,,, as usual klo wrong yes I am angry sometimes I am jewel,,,,,,,, I,,,,

I don't want to make my kids feel like I don't love them and don't want them anymore ,,,,

I don't want that to happen I want to split up or really split up klo my son is married ,,,,

or indeed have to work out of town ,,,,,

but if you have to leave your child with a sibling for whatever reason it feels impossible ,,,,,,,,,,,,,, for whatever reason ,,,,,,,,,,

days passed when someone came to buy a canteen

I'm confused about whether I should let go or let go,,,,

I'm asking for time to think and make decisions,,,,,, you know,,,,,

you see, I have to talk to you first, papa I can't kill myself, ,,, uh ,,,

", as soon as possible mas later if I already have a deal with papa let papa call his mas ",

",oh yes mother let me wait for the next news ", yes ",

in the afternoon papa came home from work I deliberately waited for papa to come home there is something I want to talk about Canteen to be bought by pecel lele,,,,,

Thank God he finally waited long papa already open the gate of the house,,,,,,,, papa,,,,,,

but before I talk about pecel lele actually I also still want to sell again ,,,,,, I mean ,,,,,

bosen also klo have to stay at home Tampa there are activities ,,,,,,,

but can't ya ,,,,,,????..

doubtfully I would dare to ask,,,,,,,

"pah ,,,, is it true I can't open the canteen again ???? even though I miss selling at home I'm the boss of no activity ", no activity ",

I try not to look too excited because I'm afraid papa's angry,,,,, you know,,,,,

while taking off his shoes papa spoke

"what's the sales of ma ,,, old mending menggurus house and waiting for papa to come home ,,,, papa salary is not enough for our needs a month what ????? ",A,

I was silent and already know where papa's direction where ya in other words can't be ,,,,

",oh, is that the canteen we sell a reward ????

good for adding cost for my sister

because there was a rich phone interested in buying our cafeteria reward,'",

papa nodded

",can you let go of how many ,"

"yes bargain, how much is 30, or b25, so it is important enough to pay the debt of the canteen pa ",

papa directly phone the post boy

papa nawarin arrived.

,"40j"

",someone wants 35",

I thought yes but tomorrow papa said

"mah ,,, klo canteen we sell so cheap ,,,,,

the market there is about 40.45, is the cheapest ,,,,, it's the cheapest ,,,,,

after all, if the calculation will not be enough to pay the debt and needs for brother ,,,,, will not be enough to pay the debt and needs for sister ,,,,

if we can make those who buy not be ma,,,, we can't cancel how if we ask for his accelerated payment aja aja ,,,,,,"

directly papa call Ama who nawar 35 JT,,,,,,,, that's,,,,,,

ask for the money immediately in transfer ,,,,,,

Thank God he objected and could not ,,,, finally we can still find another new buyer with a bid price of 45jt ,, 45, kalo,he wants to be grateful if nawar 40ya already we still have left over so only a million and two million ,,,,, that's it ,,,,

just fine just don't run out to make Brother later ,,,,

klo want to find extra money to find where our savings money is just sales from the canteen ,,,, ,,,,,,, , 'em ,,,,, ,,,,,

Thank God pecel catfish wants 41 million we loose ,,,,,

so once in DP directly to pay SPP child who is in arrears, pay the pump, pay for electricity, pay for rice I cicil first not enough money ,,,,,,,once paid in full, I paid off and the rest for the affairs of my brother in Poltekkes ,,, the remaining money selling the canteen lived 2 million is quite good than I still get debt again for brother ,,,,,,,pay for what ?????

I'm finally officially taking care of the house,,,,,, I ,,,,,

but while waiting for the police list next year I better sell gas,,,,, I ,,,

there are 12 gas cylinders,,,,,,,;

in the contents of all we continue to sell ,,,,,

,buffed while spending money ,,,,,

finally it's time to open the gas,,,,, uh,,,

,Bagas I told you to get the gas at the base,,,,,,,, I told you to take the gas at the base,,,,,,

pretty good 4000,,,,,, uh,,,,

make buying a day-to-day shopping ,,,,

one afternoon before the magrib Bagas as usual anther tube to the base,,,,,,,,

I got on the phone to report the accident,,,,,

the motor was hit from behind ,,,,,

Mental chart as far as 3meter ,,,,,

I'm surprised now where's the kid????how I got panicked ,,,,,

",sorry my son is now where is it ????,:",

suddenly the phone broke up,,,,, I'm stressss

hunt me down to tell my husband ,,,,

,and I kept calling the one who called me earlier

but haven't even connected ,,,,,,, yet ,,,,,,,

my tears flowed I was afraid Bagas why let alone the phone and reported earlier

not clear which hospital ??? accident where is ,,,,,??????,

a lot of questions are raging in my heart ,,,,,,

o God what test is this again ,,,,,

I am strong, God is strong ,,,,,,,

may nothing happen to my son, may my son not be hurt in the slightest ,,,,,,,,

o Allah help me,,,,,,, please ,,,,,,

Bagas Bagas where do you want ,,,,,???!!!

I cried fearfully ,,,,,,,,,,,