A Tattered Heart
chapter 4's

This afternoon Toto promised Dateng I'd wait for Toto while lying down on seat ,,,,,,,

the feeling of fatigue in my mind was trying to unravel so as not to give me a headache ,,,,,,,,

I looked at the wall and it was only 4 in the afternoon, it was still noon,,,,,,,, I,,,,,,,

I corrected my sleeping position to be comfortable ,,,,, I guessed what Toto would say to me later if I met ,,,,, I guess ,,,,,

I took a deep breath as to why this never ends up getting complicated ,,,,,,,

if only I hadn't gone from Asiung ,,,,,, then ,,,,,

maybe none of this will ever happen ,,,,,,,

suddenly imagined the face of Asiung ,,,,,,,,

my handsome husband,,,,,, is, uh,,,,,,

perky ,,,,,,,,,

and his charming smile,,,,,, is,,,,,,

who would not be proud to have a husband like her ,,,,,,,,

I'm lucky Asiung's choice fell on me ,,,,,,

whereas in my village Asiung became the prima donna of every girl from end to end idolizing her ,,,,, many women who want to take her heart ,,,,,,,

but only I can conquer its charm,,,,,, it is ,,,,,,

I never thought that Asiung's klo also put his heart on me,,,,,,, you know ,,,,,,,

and I never believed that if I chose to be his girlfriend and got engaged and we ended up getting married ,,,,,

it all happened out of the blue,,,

a lot of women envy me,,,,,, a lot of women,,,,,

I'm right the luckiest woman could be chosen to be her empress,,,,,,, she said ,,,,,,

all amazed and wanted like me ,,,,,,,,

even though they didn't know my sacrifice was so great to make that dream come true ,,,,,,,

and all of my struggles are not worth what I get,,,,,,,,,, that, that ,,,,,,,,,

but I must admit that my journey of love is so hard to forget,,,,,,,

just as difficult as forgetting the figure of Asiung in my mind,,,,,,,,, is,,,,,,,,

anyway, we've been dating for a long time,,,,, anyway,,,,,

I'm starting to miss her ,,,,,,

I'm starting to regret leaving her ,,,,,,

but he never thought I had a ,,,,,

he often hurts my heart,,,,,, he ,,,,,,

I take a breath and try to calm the heart,,,,,,,,, you know,,,,,,,,

between longing and emptiness mixed into one,,,,,,,

want to reject what I haven't been able to ,,,,,,,, like ,,,,,,,

anyway I'm close to her almost 16 years ,,,,,,,,,,,

6th courtship,,,,,,,,,

fiancee 2th and married 8th ,,,,,,,,,,

but I failed to understand her,,,,, I can't understand what her self wants,,,,,,,,,, I, I can ,,,,,,,,,

he couldn't understand me, either,,,, or ,,,,,,

can't understand what I want

for sure he can't love me,,,,,,,,, he can ,,,,,,,,

as deeply as I love her,,,,,,,,

what I regret is why can't you appreciate our former struggle ,,,,, to bring about our marriage ??????

why can your affection and your love be eroded by treasures ??????

why do you hear more of your family's talk and skewed view of me,,,,???????

or are you marrying me only forced because my family is urged continuously

,,,,,????

if only we could both be aware of each other for all these mistakes,,,,,,,, and,,,,,,

surely this farewell will never happen,,,,,,,,

why when I run up you don't ask me to speak from heart to heart,,,,,,,,, you ,,,,,,,

and why is it that when I leave like you don't care and you let me go even with a very humbling smile,,,,,,,,,,,, you let me go,,,,,,,,,

had you at that time quickly realized and apologized,,,,,,

surely now I'm still with you and always faithfully helping and caring for you like I promised you ,,,,,

unfortunately our love struggle used to be just you take the wind' then ,,,,

you're too trusting and affected by your family's talk ,,,,,,,

and you're too glared at the inheritance,,,,,, you ,,,,,

so that you always cornered me, displeased me and scared me ,,,,,,,,

and all this time I was always there when you needed me,,,,,,,, you know,,,,,,,

if you had known since you took me away from my mother's house I'd feel so grateful to love you, to be your wife and I'd be so terribly afraid of losing you,,,,,,,,,,,, I, uh,,,,,,,,

you are the true love in my heart,,,,,,, you ,,,,,,,

my love for Iyan began to fade and eroded ,,,,,,

changing with such a great love for you ,,,,,,,,

but it is very dear that all love is broken

along with my departure ,,,,,,,,,,

but after I left instead of her you introspect yourself instead you blame me,,,,,, slander me,,,,,,, you blame me,,,,,

and instead it says I left because I was chasing another man ,,,,,,,,,

the heart of it is that you instigated my son to hate me and regret having a mother like me,,,,,,,,,, and regret having a mother like me.,,,,,,,,

and my son doesn't know what's really going on between the two of us,,,,, and ,,,,,

why don't you ever be honest with our son's chinthia ,,,,,,,,

you're turning the real reality back,,,,,,,,, you ,,,,,,,,

have the heart of you,,,,,,,,,, you ,,,,,,,,,

like his word divorce is better than having to go back on you ,,,,,,,

I don't want to go back after what you guys did with me while I was here ,,,,,,,,

enough of these tears to flow full of grief,,,,,,,,

you've done enough to make me like a dairy cow,,,,, ,,,,, you know,,,,, ,,,,

just so you know what I've been doing to you all this time,,,,??????

just because I want to be considered there is a ,,,,,

just want to be loved by ,,,,,,,

just want to be loved ,,,,

by all my brothers and two parents ,,,,,,,????

but what did I get,,,,????

it's all for nothing,,,,,,,,, it's,,,,,,,,

I'm like disgusting droplets of dirty dust ,

the ones that stick in your lives,,,,, that ,,,,,

and want to throw me away ,,,,,,,,,,

I'm just a piece of glass or a poisonous nail that would hurt and harm if it wasn't quickly removed,,,,,, it was,,,,,

Oh, my God how ugly

his me in his eyes ,,,,,,,

oh, my God,,,,, that's, uh,,,,,,

I admit that what I did to Asiung was wrong I kept silent to take his treasure ,,,,,

it's all for my family,,,,,, this, this ,,,,,,,

but what I'm receiving right now is comparable to the mistakes I made,,,,, you know ,,,,,

I beg you to forgive me, O God ,,,,,,,

hopefully after this I'll get people who will accept ,,,,,,

my flaws and advantages,,,,, the,,,,

and teaching good and evil, especially what I've been looking for all this time Religion,,,,,,, and ,,,,,,,

I want to have a religion that leads me to be a guide for the rest of my life,,,, because I have lived in paganism for a long time,,,,,,,, and, for a long time ,,,,,,,

to the kufuran,,,,,,

to the idolatry an ,,,,,,

I'm tired God,,,,,, I'm ,,,,,

and to you the man I've loved ',,,,,,,,,, for you ,,,,,,,,,

I love ',,,,,,,, I love ,,,,,,,

and I crave it first ,,,,,, and ,,,,,,

hopefully after we're separated you'll get a better wife than I can love and understand what you want,,,,,,,, you know ,,,,,,,

and to my brother,,,,,,, and,,,,,,,

why can you

usually forget all my sacrifices all this time ,???????,,,,,,,

why is it as if I have never done anything for you guys ,,,,,???!!!

until you can live a decent life like this why,,,????

have the heart of you,,,,,,, you,,,,,,

you spread slander cruelly ,,,,,,,, you ,,,,,,,,

not even a fingernail I'd ever think you guys were that hard,,,,,, you know ,,,,,,

chia forgive my dear mama because of our selfishness you both suffer ,,,,,,

but it's better for you to end this marriage than for you to be made into a money tree, and an ATM to run, by your family,,,,,,,, by, by,,,,,,,,

I'm sorry mama has been forced to steal your papa's money in silence to meet the needs and requests of the mama's family ,,,,,,

just so you know my son's mama who slammed the bones of Matian's dead work ,,,,,,

not to mention getting a ,,,,,,

the ,,,,,,,, the ,,,,,,,

teasing,,,,,,,

from the family papa still mama received ,,,,,,,,

mama kept holding on

all this mama did because mama was sure mommy's family would love mama ,,,,,,,

and if one day mama needs their help they're happy to help,,,,,,,,,, they're happy,,,,,,,,,,

it turns out all in vain mama misjudged ,,,,,,

they never feel indebted let alone appreciate the sacrifice of mama,,,,, ,,,,

when mama had a problem of this magnitude, even mama was in caci maki, I was ostracized and then thrown away,,,,,,,,, and,,,,,,

even mom's parents throw mama ,,,,,,,,,

finally , mama is determined to end all their facilities during this ,,,,,,,

all mama does because mama still loves and cares about Asiung ,,,,,,,,,,

rather than your papa's treasure being depleted by your mama's family who are like angel-headed monsters,,,,,,,,,,,, you know ,,,,,,,,,

mama's ready ,,,,,,,,

if you had accused your mother of what she was like,,,,,,,,, what,,,,,,,,

even the ugliest ones don't care ',,,,,,,,, you know ,,,,,,,,,

instead of you having to obey the monster and steal your papa's treasure for them,,,,,,, you,,,,,,,

honestly you never believed,,,,,,, you,,,,,

if there is a family who can make his family members become pets to fulfill their wishes,,,,,,,

and mama resigned in case she had to lose you the jewel of my heart ,,,,,,,,,

let only God know what really happened ,,,,,,

all her notes, but if you may ask her never to hate mama ,,,,,,,,

because mama's not as bad as she's accused of ,,,,,,,,,

it did not feel like these tears were flowing painfully it felt like this heart ,,,,,,,, it was ,,,,,,,,

smashed to pieces,,,,,, the,,,,

it was an excruciating pain,,,,,,,, that ,,,,,,,,

I didn't realize I was asleep ,,,,,,,

suddenly I felt a pair of eyes watching me feel very close even ,,,,,,

so I quickly opened my eyes,,,,,, and ,,,,,,,

it turned out that in front of me a sweet face with a distinctive smile welcomed me ,,,,,,

I almost jumped in shock ,,,,,,

then he smiled and said hello,,,,,, then ,,,,,,,

"so you sleep outside,,,,,, sick ,,???",

I'm trying to sit down ,,,

Toto made a surprise that he had come to ,,,,,, it turns out ,,,,,

I don't know how long he's been staring at my face,,,,,, I don't know ,,,,,,

I'm a embarrassed JD ,,,,,

but I also feel happy because he came ,,,,,,,

I feel the heat on both of my cheeks,,, ,,,

suddenly Toto held my forehead making me wonderfully shocked ,,,,,,,

but it seems Toto was more surprised lg ,,,,,,

"wah ,,,,,???hot mbak ,, pembak not feeling well huh ???"

he's got my neck right left, right,,

like a panic 'em ,,,

I was shocked because I was shocked by his behavior

with a feeling of worry he asked ,,,,,,,

"auntie where mbak ,, is the permission not to work ??? why can't I take it while I'm sick,, what kids do who take care of it ????"

Toto walks into the kitchen like her she takes my drinking water then while sitting she thrusts a cup ,,,,,

"it's drunk its sweet tea first, it's still hot

let's not get rich people just met a ghost,,,pucet ,,,"

while talking he smiled and looked at me full of tenderness

and this attention made my heart so untouchable ,,,,,,,

supposing ,,,,,,,,

suddenly there was a taste that rippled in my heart ,,,,,,

but I quickly quickly rejected her ,,,

no!!!,,,, no!!!!,,

can't get carried away ,,,,, this can't happen ,,,,,

I tried to calm a turbulent heart ,,,

"thank you for , oh, I'm okay, , maybe a little tired , you're calm , oh yeah you've been the old Dateng ,,???"

I asked as if neutralizing a situation that is rigid ,,,,,,,

Toto did not immediately answer, he smiled and looked at me softly and meaningfully ,,,,,,,,

I'm being misbehaved,,,,,, I ,,,,,

in my heart I asked what was up with Toto ,,,,,,,?????

why didn't the old Came arrive so it changed like this ,,,,,????

why is his attitude toward me so strange like this ,,,,,,,,

hopefully it's not a sign of a new problem coming ,,,,,,,,

I was being misbehaved and trying to distract her ,,,,,,,

to ,,, Toto ,, asked how amazing or why even diem aja make people just wait aja ,,,,,???",

I dared to stare at her while as if waiting for her answer ,,,,

but what he's doing is so incredibly unexpected ,,,,,,,

she smiled and her hands caressed my hair full of tenderness,,,,, or perhaps dear I don't care ,,,,,,,, or maybe ,,,,,,

he said slowly,,,,,,, he said ,,,,,,

"it's only a fool who's wasted your love and sacrifice,,,,,, that is,,,,

be honest as long as I'm out of contact and don't come here

I want to make sure we actually have a soul mate what's not ,,,,???

Because ever since we got close and I started judging you I felt like there was something in my heart,,,,,, I, I ,,,,,

at first I rejected her ,,,,,,

maybe it's because I've lost my wife's figure,,,, but the more days the difference between you and my wife the more striking,,,,,, and what I expected was all there was to you,,,,,,,,, and ,,,,,,,I feel comfortable if close to you ,,,, then I decided to pray istikharah, tahajud prayer ,,,,,

and just so you know every time I finish praying and begging for directions to arrive your face is always shadowed and passing in front of me,,,, and the more days I want to get closer to you ,,,,,,,,, and the more days I want to get closer to you ,,,,,,,

all of that makes me sure we're a match ,,"

I can only be silent,,, with a sense of disbelief,,,,,,, with ,,,,,,

but the swirling came again this time firmer ,,,,,,

it makes me feel wrong

what else toto looked at me a long time ago ,,,,,,

although I tried not to dissolve with his words ,,,,,

but it is hard to get rid of that murmur ,,,,,,,

I realized and understood that toto wanted to make me believe his words,,,,, that,,,,,

but this is not the right moment ,,,,,,

I'm sorry I lied to my heart ,,,,,,,

I admit toto religion is good ,,,

Toto never leaves prayer under any circumstances,,,,,, or,,,,,

he always took time to worship, especially for prayers ,,, ,,,

teaching is good too

I often hear him teach when I visit his house,,,,,,,

before I make my own house,,,,,,, I ,,,,,,

I honestly believe in the words he just said ,,,,,,,

just one more time when it's just not fitting ,,,,,,, it's ,,,,,,

if things were no longer chaotic like this???????

I must have been very happy with her horror but this is not the situation different ????

my current status is still the wife of a person even though I intend to split ,,,,,,,,

but still her status I'm still the wife of people,,,,,, I'm ,,,,,,

if I accept his intention

means we're cheating on you,, what,,,,????

and what they're accusing of is that it's true that I'm not a good woman either,,,,,, that,,,,,

no. This can't happen ,,,,

I look into Toto's eyes in ,,,,,,

I get rid of the feelings that are ,,, ,,,, , 'em ,,, ,,,,

as if I wanted to find the truth of his words ,,,,,,,,

Toto seemed very agitated he became misbehaved,,,,,,,, he was ,,,,,,,

I wanted to laugh but I could bear it when I saw her act like

I have to admit, it turns out that Toto is cute ,,,,,,

her smile was also sweet ,,,,,

plus her pointy nose,,,,, sure, a lot of women like her ,,,,,

thankfully I am the woman who has chosen her ,,,,,,,

besides being handsome and sweet he is also gentle and considerate,,,,, how happy he is to be the person he cares for

astagfirullah,,,,, the ,,,,

no this can't happen ,,,,,,,

by making it feel more calm I started talking

"to ,,, as Toto knows for now I can't give you an answer ,,,,,,,, for now ,,,,,,

unless I'm officially divorced from Asiung maybe I just had the courage to make a decision,,,,,,,,, maybe ,,,,,,,

so I beg you for a while let it all flow as it is,,,,, if we are fooled as you said just now ,,

surely we will be able to go through all these trials and God willing we can get married and live happily ever after, right ,???? what matters is until this slander storm passes and we can get out of this problem,, how,????",

I spoke at length and clearly so that toto could understand the essence of my words,,,,

and hopefully Toto will understand ,,,,,

I saw Toto disagreeing less, but he kept nodding,,,,,,, he said,,,,,,

and with his distinctive smile,,,, he said ,,,,

"yes I will fulfill your request ,,,,,,

I will also cultivate this taste ,,,,,,,

and I ask for your understanding from today I will not call you mbak again yes,,,,,, yes,,,,

wherever I am 3th older,, ,,,

so I call you Mama how 'bout ,,,,????

you don't mind 'em ,,,,,, ???"

it always ends with a smile that makes any woman who sees will melt her heart,,,,, but I stick to my principles I cannot be carried away with feelings,,,,,,, but I am,,,,,,

"kok mama we're not clear yet so what's not ,,,,,

is not too much ,,,,,,

trus I call you papa like that ,,???

there's a bang for you,,,,,"

I tried to mark it when the feeling of deg degan in my heart was so felt and made me so not because it also felt,,,,,,,, and,,,,,

Tampa unexpectedly smiled as she pulled my head onto her shoulder ,,,,,

smelling my favorite perfume I was shocked and asked

"this isn't the perfume I put on you two years ago for Wiwin,,,,, it's, it turns out there's still to ,,,"

Toto smiled and looked at me I tried to avoid his gaze,,,, very embarrassed in such a face

and for sure

I'm afraid I can't hold my own heart no matter how I'm a wife

I haven't officially divorced Asiung ,,,, I ,,,,

even though we've been separated for 6 months ,,,,,,,

I tried to calm my heart and my feelings ,,,,, I ,,,,,,

"to please be patient don't make me fall asleep I'm afraid I can't master my feelings,,,,,,, no,,,,,

please don't look at me like this,,,,,,,, please,,,,,,

please love me time ,,,

I believe your words but I haven't dared to ,,,,,,

I beg you to understand ,,,???"

I held her hands and looked at her face

while pleading that he understand ,,,,,,

toto's base didn't stop staring

he even kissed my forehead ,,,, while saying

"okay my angel I won't tease you anymore ,,,, but don't have to be red once her cheek ,,,,,,, no ,,,,,

make me a gem 'em ,,,???!!!",

pinched his cheek instead of his added cross that there was more reddish ,,,,,,

I hit his hand he laughs instead ,,,,,

between annoyance and deg deg an mingle into one ,,,

I got up and moved to seat ,,,,,

klo Deket he can I love suddenly because of his romanticism ,,,

not surprisingly Toto turned out to be this romantic

but it's a pity that things are different now ,,,

try not like this want it to feel like leaning this head on his chest and I pour this sadness there ,,,,

if it can but it seems like it can't I shouldn't think too far ,,,,,,,,

Toto suddenly broke my mind

"we've taken care of the divorce ,,,,,

once we're done thinking about our pending future and starting tomorrow we walk as usual with the feelings

but I ask that if that feeling starts to be present never be held let it grow,,,,,, let it grow,,,,,

so long as we keep it,,,,,, we, we,,,,,,

especially not doing the right thing with a big sin ,,,,,,

god always understands every word that comes out even if it is in our minds and hearts ,,,,

just so you know that love does not have to invite him freely to come when and to whom

and he's free to decide who he's gonna stop by including us ,,,"

Toto clasped my hand and tried to calm me down and believed that he would always be there for me even if the family had thrown me away ,,,,,

I felt the power flowing

I smiled and nodded I believed that if Toto were my faith it would be good faith and I was sure he would love me sincerely from the deepest heart,,,,, that is ,,,,

well klo Toto really want to accept me insha Allah I will take care of him until the end of closing my eyes,, my daydream stopped with the sound of Toto who came home alone ,,,,,,

"ma've been malem child's child has been on bobo papa home yes not good with the neighbors

tomorrow morning papa here again anter enjel list TK,, let papa who take care of all yes ,, mama calm aja just waiting for the results aja ,,"

as her hands gently rubbed my head,,, I just kept silent Tampa's slightest reaction ,,,,,

I really want to be normal in front of her ,,,,,,

with a smile I answered ,,,,,,

"yes, thank you very much for helping me and my son ,,,,,

may your worship

get the equal reward of Allah SWT ,,,,,",

he doesn't accept me talking like that

with a slightly pouty face she said ,,,,,

"lho enjel my son-to-be also ma ,, mama forgot ,,,,,

yes I've come home, beautiful dreams yes my love,,,",,

on her pinch my cheek, and she stepped into the door I drove her until she got on the motor ,,,

"let's just let papa close his gate ,,,,"

I smiled and went into the house ,,,

after Toto left I couldn't sleep I was confused and restless

but anywhere is toto crap a lot of real

her

finally I tried to sleep and welcome the arrival of Toto tomorrow ,,,,

In the morning I woke up and my aunt couldn't work

I'm the one who cooks breakfast for the kids and of course Toto's ,,,

there is a sense of rustling if I call his name a taste that I myself lack sreg ,,,,,,

arrived with her sweet face ,,

I have to admit Toto is not as handsome as Asiung but he is also far from the ugly word ,,,,,, , , , , , , too ,,,,,,,, ,,

she looks even sweeter and cute , ,,,,,,

natural because Toto is pure Java,,,,,,

rich nose

perosotan son of kindergarten and very pointy taper ,,,,,,,, ,,,

her eyes were soft and sharp,,,,,,

her lips are cute ,,,,,,,,

klo already smile is also no less sweet and charming with Asiung ,,,,,,,

the difference Asiung net white klo Toto sapodilla mature ,,,,

but two of them are equally as charismatic ,,,,,,

I smile my own smile ,,, ,,,,,,

until it arrived nice running and I heard the sound of his screams ,,

"hore papa Dateng,,,,,,, Dad,,,,,,,,

mama Dewi papa Dateng,,,,,ayo pah enter mama again cook ,,,,,,,",

oh yeah, kids in this house I used to call me mama ,,,,,,,

and call Toto papa let their Dimata we are family ,,,,,,,

so good clo ,Vivi,Arum call me mama Dewi klo enjel call Toto papa Toto ,,,,,,,,, you ,,,,,,,

,and that happened before the Asih ma'am moved out of this house ,,,,,,,,,,, ''em ,,,,,,,,,

all the children run to welcome Toto,,,,,,

at first heard the word thank you I was curious when Toto brought what ??????,,,

I saw,,,,,, I saw, I saw,,,,,,

ohhh toys,,,,

they scramble and end up playing cool I continue cooking ,,,

this morning I made fried rice ,,

"so good must be good ",

suddenly arrived a pair of hands hugging my shoulders from behind ,,,

her cheeks are stuck to my cheeks ,,,,,

almost dislodged my heart because of his ,,,,

"Toto why do you always make me the heart,,,,,,,,

can you not say no need to hug that hug,,,,,,,????

difference knows ,,,,,,,

not to mention klo the clay boy ,,,???",

I said half-angry ,,,

"it's not possible that our children see us,,,,,, it's, it's not ,,,,,,,

their guy's cool playing on the porch ,,,,,

,I was their father-to-be

and you're their mother-to-be sayangggg,,,'???",

Toto kept hugging me and it made me all the more dependent,,,,, that's all ,,,,,

this way I have to be angry or happy ,,,

" i understand but for now I'm still Asiung's wife,,,,, for now ,,,,,

we're not divorced ,,,,,,,, we're ,,,,,,,,

yeah obviously we're wrong unless I'm officially divorced ,,,"

I pinched his pointy nose,,,,,, it's really, really jolly, but I had to keep the image ,,,,,,,, I ,,,,,,

I can't go to his bravery ,,,,,,

Tampa on the fishing line he's been so naughty ,,,,

and how am I his ex-sister, too ,

finally he let go of his embrace

then sit down at the dinner table ,,,,,

with a seductive smile she explains how to take care of the divorce papers and when the divorce papers came out ,

"okay klo so this afternoon I took care of the letter,,,, last night I also told you a lot with my lawyer's friend ,,,,,he said your marriage license was not recorded illegal JD means your marriage is the same as a series marriage,,,, so, , make the divorce papers not until months ,,,,,, , so ,,,,

moreover Asiung has already talak one right ,,,, still you keep ???

that should not be lost ,,,, plus your marriage is different religions that make it easier for your divorce ,, at most about 2 weeks also round ,,,???",

at the end of his explanation he pulled a chair for me to sit down to face his ,,,

"mama calm down let all papa take care of,,,, it's time you feel real happiness ,,,,,,",

he stroked my hair I felt moved that no one had ever cared about my condition ,,,,,, no, no ,,,,,,

my heart feels calmer and happier if what you say is true how lucky I am

with half a wish I said ,,,,,

"I trust your words when I msh JD your brother-in-law are you so considerate and caring especially if I am your wife maybe I get more than this just I beg you not to disappear and not call me lg

that scares me and misses me a lot ,,,,,,????",

Toto pulled my head to his chest and stroked my hair with great affection

the more I felt the happy murmur in my heart ,,,,,

I feel like I'm not alone anymore ,,,,,,,

I feel like there will definitely be my move even if it's not as real as it used to be ,,,,,,

at least I have a handle for me to hold on to,,,,,, at least ,,,,,

toto spoke softly ,,,,,,,

"i promise you, baby I won't repeat the incident, believe me,,, you, you know ,,,,

from now on I'll call you whenever I get a chance and always visit you every day , unless I picket ,,,",

I smiled and hugged her there was a comfortable and happy feeling ,,,

I have to admit I'm afraid of losing Toto for now ,,,

anyway, Toto's the only one I've had for me ,,,

we long hugged as if to strengthen each other ,,,

so tightly and we don't realize if the child has been in front of us ,,,,,,,

fortunately they were small,,,, with eyes full of innocence

one of them said ,,,,,,,

"ma,pa, I'm hungry ,,,,"

I looked at ,,,,, I ,,,,

how red this face was so shocked and embarrassed we laughed together ,,,,,,,,,,,,,

luckily it's just kids,,,,,, yeah ,,,,,

I quickly pulled away from Toto's arms and was busy helping them to sit on the chair facing the dining table,,,,,,,, he said,,,,,,,

"ayooooo food is ready,,,,????",

the children were happy and finally the six of us ate together,,,,, and,,,,,,

Toto led the meal prayer,,,,,, the,,,,,

we've been like a happy little family ,,,,,,

finish eating Toto help clean the table ,,,,,,,

I finished the kitchen

after that he bailed to go to work,,,, before leaving Toto told

"today my hours are so crowded I must be a little late to go home,, doain smoothly take care of all her ,,, let us get married quickly ,,,",

she stretched out her hand to kiss, I welcomed her kiss her hand and she kissed my forehead

"i'm leaving ya ,, don't be sad ,, I must be calling ,,,???",

I smiled and drove him to the 'door ,,,

after the incident this morning.every day she comes to visit and I start trying to open my heart to accept her love ,,,

the more day Toto seemed to love me the more I devoted my full attention to her, so I always welcomed her with happiness ,,,,,,

aunty until we kissed the gelagat klo we have a special relationship and will be husband and wife ,,,,,,,, and ,,,,,,

but I hardly ever tell you about this relationship and who Toto really is,,,,, is ,,,,,

"mom like her father's soul mate

his love and attention were not made

looks real sincere,,, aunt sure mom sure

will be a harmonious husband and wife ,,,",

I'm just laughing,,,, I ,,,

and no

never responded to his talk ,,,,,,

even I talk as necessary about my personal affairs,,,,,, you know,,,,,

,I don't want anyone else to interfere too much with my personal affairs,,,,,,,,,,, or ,,,,,,,,,

especially after the big event happened I was more heart-hearted,,,,,,,,,

finally my divorce papers have come out,,,,,, I ,,,,,,

I'm officially divorced means now I'm a widow,,,,,,, I'm ,,,,,,,

and Toto started preparing letters for us to get married in the office ,,,,,,

and our relationship is getting more friendly ,,,

we share the attention of each other ,,,,,,

we forget our enemy's clo again waiting for us to let our guard down and will hit even worse ,,,

it was like that afternoon I did not expect to come

she said klo dui would take my place as Asiung's wife,,,, uh ,,,

for a moment I was shocked and couldn't believe ,,,,,,

where maybe Asiung wants to ,,,,,, maybe ,,,,,,

from the face is clearly much different ,,,,

trus nature and dui characters are not really Asiung type ,,,,,

it's a little weird if he can change my position,,,,, uh ,,,,

I don't believe ,,,,,

I understand what his character Asiung is like ,,,,,???

but what do I care ,,,,,,, what ,,,,,,,

I can firmly convince all my doubts,,,,,, I ,,,,,,

"wi ,elu really don't want to go back Asiung,,,,, you don't love your treasure so much you live ,,,,,,,,,, you ,,,,,,

think again why ?!!?

you're still sane wi,,,,, you,,,,

you were chasing what ???,,,,,

klo you same Toto emang Toto got what ?!?,,,,,

what can Toto give you ?????

toto it's just poor people don't have money,,,,,,, it's just poor people don't have money ,,,,,,

you have to remember Asiung Ama chia just for Toto ,,,, ,,,

though you are beautiful why not find a balanced man???? why did Toto dance?????? widower Kere who has a lot of debt ,,,,,????you're not in your right mind, are you ,,,,!!!!????",

I just didn't say a word, I continued saying ,,,,,

",try you think Asiung has everything,,,?????

everything you want can you get 'em ,,,,????? while Klo Ama Toto to make a hard meal ,,,,,!!!!!

you didn't want Wiwin to die because of what,,,?????

ama Toto's inner pressure ,,, ?????

Toto's not as good as you think ,,,,,,,?????gua understands who he is because the cave dwells Ama Toto long time ,,??!!!","

mbak I explained it all with emotion as if he didn't want me to die rich Wiwin klo be Toto's wife,,,,, , ', ' he said ,,,,

I smiled half a sneer instead of her you yesterday spread slander klo Wiwin died because I cheated on Toto ,,,, and because I want to get married quickly I find a shaman to kill her ,,,,,,, and ,,,,,why now Wiwin is dead because of Toto's,,,,, because of his temperament Toto's attitude ,,,,,,

emang Toto is as bad as anything????

only I tried to calm down not fishing with his talk ,,,, in a soft but firm voice I said ,,,,,

"i'm sorry if I just wanted to say that I don't care,,,,, that's a stale ,,,,,,, that's ,,,,,

I don't want to take another headache,,,,,,,, I don't want to ,,,,,,,

it's all gone for me,,,,,,,,, it's all gone ,,,,,,,,

I've already determined my attitude,,,,, I, I,,,,,,

yes the problem of the duwi want to marry Ama Asiung please let her want and Asiung and his extended family receive ,,,,, please ,,,,

do you think entering the Asiung family is easy???,,,,,,,, anyway klo for me Asiung is the past,,,,,,,,,,,, anyway,,,,,,,

, and I have decided not to come back with Asiung mbak ?????,,,

it's never gonna get to anytime,,,,,,,, it's, like, ever,,,,,,,,

I've been hurt as much as he's , ,,,, he's a loser and he doesn't have a heart when I need trust to come back,,,,,,,, he's blaspheming me and insulting me ,,,,,,, he's ,,,,,,not to mention the slander I had to face while here ,,,,,,

it seems like whatever happens I don't want to go back ,,,,,,,",

I took a breath and continued

my words ,,,,,,,, I ,,,,,,,

"and for Toto's problem the same I don't care, either, he wants to be good or not ,,,,,,,,,,,, he wants to be good or not ,,,,,,,,

but the truth is that only he cares about me and believes in me,,,,,, and ,,,,,

and want to help me as long as I'm dumped and ostracized by you,,,,,, she's the only one who's cared about me all this time, she's just,,,,,,,,,,, and, uh, she's been ,,,,,, he knows I'm here only on your own that I hope will help me and be the place where I complain and even run away leaving me ,,,,,, , regardless of whether you are intentionally or not ,,,,,I also don't understand your purpose ,,,,,,?!?"

hearing my words does not make me think but

with anger I answered my words,,,,,, I ,,,,,

"just so Toto's people he knows you've brought a lot of Asiung's treasure,,,,, you know,,,

so he wants to benefit you ntar klo treasure elu abis you will be dumped and

abandoned,,, how is Toto the bad guy not the good guy ,,, so

many ways to trick you let you believe ,,, ,,,,,, elu it is easy to lie wi,,,,,, you easily beguile Ama pseudo goodness ,,,,,, you ,,,

and Toto is her expert ,,,,,,,,!!!???",

I'm getting lazy to argue,,,,,, I,,,,

the more he blames Toto the more I hate them,,,,,, the more ,,,,,,

they think I don't know what they've been doing to me all these years ,,,,,

they don't know if Toto ever left me because they ,,,,, they ,,,,,,

hypocritical Man ,,,,,

he thinks I'm a fool ,,,,,,

by being indifferent to their speech I say ,,,,,,,,,, I say ,,,,,,,,

"yeah do not need to be discussed again ,,, gmn also I am old , when I can not be differentin which is good and which is not ,,,,,anyway I'm ready even though Toto ends up being evil to me anyway ", anyway ",

"it's up to you that you are stubbornly hard to tell ,,,

yes udh klo it want you klo what's the responsibility of his own risk the basic head of STONE,,,!!!!!"

let me go while slamming the door,,,,,,,,,

I was really surprised,,,,,,, I, I was ,,,,,,,

I leaned against the front seat,,,,, all over my body feeling light,,,,,,, all over ,,,,,

the wounds that have not healed are in the notch again,,,

these tears flowed again ,,,,,,,,

I hate

why is it that every time I just feel a little calm there is a course that comes to bring a new problem ,,,,,,

cape cried I fell asleep in the front seat of tivi,,,,,, I fell asleep,,,,,

I was drowning with sadness, turmoil, and exhaustion in my heart,,,,,,,,,, that,,,,,,,,,,

suddenly I felt a gentle rubbing on my forehead and my cheeks ,,,,,,

so soft that I fell asleep in my subconscious ,,,,,,

I'm so enjoying her ,,,,,

suddenly I realized,,,, I opened my eyes I saw Toto was looking at me,,,,, I, I saw ,,,,,

he wiped the remaining tears at the corner of my eye ,,,,,

while still rubbing my cheek gently she said ,,,,,,

"kok bobo here, why not in the same child ,,, ???",

then he kissed me cheek full of tenderness and then he sat next to me stroking my hair as if he knew I was sad,,,,,, he sat,,,,,

I grab her hand I stick her palm on my cheek,,,,, I want her to feel what I feel,,,,,,,,, I want her to feel,,,,,,,

slowly the tears fell again ,,,,,,

,Toto grabbed my head to his chest

he let me cry as much as he could on his chest ,,

it's my first time crying in the chest that field it's ,,,,,,

,I pour out all the feelings that are,,,,,, I ,,,,,,

I want to let go of this heavy burden I'm not strong ,,,

I don't care if people see me,,,,,, I,,,,,

I don't care what people think my Tetangs are,,,,,,, or ,,,,,,

I just want to relieve this pain,,, I, uh,,,

I cried for a long time,,, ', yeah ,,,

toto patiently stroked my hair kissing my head affectionately

he kept trying to calm me down,,,,, he ,,,,,

while crying I speak in my heart,,,,,, I ,,,,,,

this is what I've needed all this time,,,,,,, this, this is,,,,,,,

this is what I've been looking for all this time ,,,,,, this ,,,,,,

for years I lived in solitude in pain,,,,,

but all these years I've done myself,,,, I'm my own damper,,,,,,,,, I ,,,,,,

and I feel for myself,,,,,, that,,,,,

now I find the figure I've been missing all this time ,,, ,,, the one who can understand me , the one who cares for me , always takes care of me ,,,,,,

this is the reason why I kept quiet and didn't believe my talk,,,,,, that, that,,,,,,,,

I was satisfied to cry I looked directly at Toto's face with a smile

now my feelings are relieved,,,,,,,, I,,,,,,,

Toto was smiling, there was a feeling of embarrassment but all I did was,,,,,, that ,,,,,,

"has it been crying,,,,????? see ? my clothes JD wet continue to see the slippery floor full of tears,,,,,, just, watch the road klo klo must be heart afraid of tweezers,,,,",

he tried to tease me, I was more embarrassed and more and more buried my face into his chest between shame and happiness can be this close to his ,,,,,, I feel peace in his arms ,,,,,, I feel peace in his arms ,,,,I want forever if I can ,,,,, I want to ,,,,,

,while I was preoccupied with my feelings, Toto grabbed my chin and kissed my lips,,,, I was surprised

it's the first time he kissed my lips,,,,

gentle and affectionate ,,,,,,

I fell asleep feeling the tenderness of her kisses,,,, even I was late ,,,,,

suddenly I realized I can't be late ,,,,

with shame I broke away from her embrace ,,,,,

Toto was still staring at me softly ,,,,,,

I shifted a bit away from where he was sitting,,,, I ,,,,

but she pulled my shoulder and I fell into her arms again ,,,

we looked at each other,,,,,, we,,,,,

he wants to kiss me again ,,,,

I'm my face at most ,,,,

Toto laughs happily,,,,,,

"pelit ,,,,,",

I pretended to be angry and got up from sitting and moved to sit ,,,,,,

danger klo near her ,,,,,,

once I can master the circumstances especially my heart

I started asking,,,,,, I ,,,,,

"there's news I can hear ,,,,,???

how about the letter that wants to be submitted to the office is in order???, keep getting married when ,,,???,",

I'm talking nervous tones of shame ,,,,,

Toto like her knows what I feel ,,,,,

with a smile she answered my question,,,,,

"Alhamdulillah already ,,, staying in the congregation, later we both come ,,,, Trus waiting for the following direction ,, , 'emang mama already impatient ya ,,,",

the god stood up to me and then at the pull of my chin I quickly turned my face away ,,,,,

I'm afraid it happened again ,,,,,, I ,,,,,,

because we're just the two of us and I'm afraid that if I'm too late we'll go too far,,,,,,,, uh ,,,,,,

and that's a very big chance and a big risk of ,,,,,, that, that ,,,,,,,

because from the girl I used to have a principle that I always held,,,,,, wanted to give me something that was after we officially got married,,,,,,,, that, that, that,,,,,,,,

even though I am now a widow,,,,,,,, I am,,,,,,,,

don't let us get married fast because of getting pregnant ,,,,,,,

our son will be ,,,,,,,

by trying to calm down I answered ,,,,,,,,

"it's not just asking ,,,,,,,

oh yeah there's news about my family ,,,,,,???? did I come ,,??",

"oh yeah there's a need for what's he here ,,,,,????it deserves you to cry,,,, it's a story ",

I told you everything I said looked like it didn't look on Toto's face,,,,,,, that,,,,,,

it also appears that he is holding back anger ,,,,,

and shortly after I finished telling all 'em ,,,

he looked at me as if waiting for my answer ,,,

I understand the meaning of his gaze ,,

,I know why he looks at me like that ,,,,,,

gently and with certainty I said ,,,,

"sad whatever you are, I am ready to accept the shortcomings and advantages you have and I also hope you are too ,,,???",

we equally fail how well we learn from that failure so that later we can teach to educate our children ,,,???",

I answered the doubt in her eyes I held her hand tightly so she knew I wasn't playing ,,,,,,,

Toto hugged me tightly as if he did not want to be separated again ,,,, saying

"thank you so much, I've never misjudged you ,,,,,,

I'm grateful to have a wise and understanding wife-to-be like you, ', I hope I can make you happy ,,,,,,,",

we both hugged again there was a deep sense of happiness ,,,,, oh God, may this be my soul mate ,,,,,,,

I'm tired of adventuring indeterminate direction I want to lean on a sturdy dock with a sloping wave ,,,

because I realize I've been fragile ,,,,

hit by an incredible wave of his dashyat ,,,

o Allah help me, I, I, Surely after this there will be more and more terrible blows, , May I be strong ,,,,,