Can I borrow your womb?
May I Borrow Your Grace 16

I knocked on the door, kind of waiting for the old new door to open.

Kriyet....

A surprised face behind the door.

.************

back to pov Afi yes....

Today is the ninth day after the departure of Mas Adzam's honeymoon. I don't understand why Adzam hasn't come back yet. The honeymoon package I gave them was only seven days. Does Adzam add his own holiday? I don't know, I don't want to think too badly of Adzam.

What makes me wonder, is Mas Adzam already feel comfortable with Hanum. Not even Adzam once sent me a message just asking for my news. The very opposite of what Mas Adzam did to me.

Today I finished my house. Ever since Adzam went on his honeymoon, I never cooked for fear that no one would eat. Since the wedding and the departure of Mas Adzam's honeymoon I've had no desire to eat. Even my weight dropped drastically. Is this what we call. ngenes?

I was watching television when I heard a door being knocked by someone. Some time I opened up, because I was ascertaining whether my hearing was correct or I was hallucinating.

Once I was sure it was true, I walked forward to open the door. When my door opened, how surprised I was. There is a face that I miss every night, there is a face that I cry every night.

Adzam is back!

I'm throwing away Adzam's gold. My miss is already unstoppable. I seem to forget that the Adzam mas is now different from the old Adzam mas.

I who hugged him tightly did not act the same as Mas Adzam. What I think is, his hands are not coiled around my waist. Maybe Mas Adzam is keeping his new wife feeling.

I who realized immediately took off my embrace.

I greeted Hanum, despite the awkwardness. " Hey, how are you?"

" Good." He smiled and hugged me tightly.

I let Adzam and Hanum into the house.

Mas Adzam was sitting in the living room with Hanum, while I was briefly allowed to go back to prepare a meal and drink.

I rubbed the corner of my watery eyes. The matter is back.

Nine days can change the habits of Adzam.

He who usually comes home always in our room, now just sitting in the living room like a guest even like everyone else.

I made sure my face was fine and then I brought a tray of food and drinks to the front.

" Mum, let's drink!" My speech.

" Yes Fi, no need to bother." said Hanum like a stale base.

" She, you don't take a shower, change your clothes so I can prepare." I try to remind her of her habits when I'm with me.

" Oh yes Fi, I'm going to take a shower. Num, take a shower first."

Adzam left us both.

" Num, for a while you can occupy the guest room. Until later mas Adzam can find a house for you." I opened up a conversation between the two of us.

" Look down Fi.."

" I'll stay for a while, I'll get you some clothes for Adzam's mas."

" OK, I also want to rest first" he said as he moved to enter the guest room.

I went into the room. Adzam is ready to take a shower. He only wears a towel half his waist. While the body part upwards there is nothing to cover.

My eyes were wide open staring at his chest and neck so many red marks. Should it be like that?

I threw my eyes away, walking towards the window.

I mute, my lips feel muddled.

Mas Adzam immediately put on his clothes.

" That.." he held my shoulder.

" why? Are you angry at me? Not that I told you from the beginning not to force you to marry again. But you're still sticking with setting up a mas match with Hanum."

I did not respond to Adzam's remarks. My head feels hot, my heart is boiling.

" I need my own mas! Please leave me alone! " my door with a voice barely came out anymore.

Mas Adzam passed away going out of our room.

There was not a crisp laugh that used to persuade me when I was angry and sulking.

The door was closed by Mas Adzam. I hit the wall hard and repeatedly. The pain in my hands is not worth the break of my heart.

My body was limp, I slumped against the wall. My tears were silent, but my clothes were flooded with tears.

********

The night is approaching. Hanum woke me up many times for dinner. But I'm not at all pinched. The door to my room was locked from the inside, I accidentally turned on the room light. Tonight my room is pitch black. I just want to be quiet in the dark.

Tok.dok...

" Fi, open the door! it's dinner time tonight. Hanum's cooking." There's a call from Mas Adzam.

I'm still silent not to say. Not even tonight is a hunger approaching me.

If this is my fault, let me bear it myself.

From the dining room there was laughter from Adzam and Hanum. Are they that happy?

*********

The clock on the wall already showed at ten o'clock.the atmosphere started to quiet down. In the room next to me was like hearing a moaning sound. Make love to them? Or intentionally hearing their happy voice to me? I covered my ears with both hands.

Sick to God......

After nine nights away from me, Adzam still doesn't miss me. Has his love been lost to me?

Every now and then a groaning and laughter sounded in the next room. I'm getting disgusted with Adzam and Hanum.

I don't know what time they finish until the drowsiness comes attacking I don't know what happens again.

************

In the morning, I immediately took ablution water to complain to the Rabbi.

the dawn prayer is over. I'm out of the room.

And my morning came back so painful.

My eyes catch Hanum just finished bathing with wet hair unraveling.

get out of the bathroom using a towel.

I try not to care. And pretend not to see. I hurried to open the living room window and opened the door and sat casually in front of the house.

Many times I say Istighfar that my heart may be given strength. I cried enough for almost two weeks.

While enjoying the morning air, some of my neighbors passed by saying hello, "Afi. sport yuk to be healthy!"

I just smiled, "yeah mbak next time ya.." I replied politely.

Suddenly Hanum came out to me with wet hair.

I made my neighbors whisper to each other.

" Hanum, why don't you wear a headscarf?" I said gasping for shouting because I started to get annoyed with Hanum's attitude.

" It's still wet in her hair" she said casually.

I just shake my head.

I chose Hanum to be my second wife because I believe Hanum's faith is very strong. But why is it like this?