MY HUSBAND STROKED BUT DID NOT DIE
Chapter 128 I'M NOT READY YET

I drank tea with a fast beating heart. A feeling I have long missed.

Arka kissed me with a lot of feeling. Either just my feelings, or Arka's also feeling them.

Suddenly the question arises in my heart, does this mean that Arka mas is back to normal? What if she asks for her right as a husband?

Not that I don't want to serve him. But I haven't confirmed myself about the virus.

What if I really catch the virus? Then it will spread to the Arka mas.

Nah! I don't want Arka's mas to get this virus. But how to refuse later? I can't possibly explain to Arka about my current condition.

Ah, my head feels like it's about to break. I fought with my own feelings.

Unintentionally, the glass I was holding dropped.

"Aw!" I screamed because my feet were hit by a glass and the tea was still a bit hot watering my feet.

Arka ran out of the room. He just wore shorts. The upper part of his body is still open.

"What's up, Ar?" ask me Arka. Then put on the shirt.

"It's okay, Mom. Glasses dropped. I didn't mean it," I said.

"You're not careful. Here I settle. You wash your feet first. Let's not get sticky."

I just according. Because my brain is not connected. I was afraid that the glass would hurt my hand.

With painstaking mas Arka cleans all. I was so moved to see it.

"Here you go, let me clean it up." I'm taking the mop. But instead it was taken the same mas arka.

"You just rest. Let me mop."

I'm still fascinated by what Arka's mas did. It doesn't look like he just recovered from a stroke. A disease that everyone is afraid of. Because it will disrupt the brain's work system.

And it looks like the disease is not able to tear down the Arka mas. Even though he had fallen to the bottom. He was able to rise again with the spirit he had.

I went into the room feeling harrum and proud of all the progress of the Arka mas.

I got into bed. I threw down my tired body. Tired of being forced to think about a very heavy problem all day.

I thought again of Doni. Someone I would like to forget. But the memories with Doni are not that easy to lose. Moreover, Doni left a mark that could not be lost in my entire life.

Yes, a deadly virus that may now be busy gnawing at my body from the inside.

I was again haunted by a deep sense of remorse and sin that I could not possibly erase. It'll even take me to hell in my life after I die.

I'm horrified. No one can help me anymore. Let alone in the future, even in the world I can not help myself.

I can't get the virus out of my body. If the virus exists and lives in my body.

Mas Arka entered and closed the door. Coinciding with the closing of the door, my heart felt like it was slipping.

It's like stopping beating for a few seconds.

Then Arka mas also replace the bright lights with dim lights. My heart was getting lost from its place.

Casually, Arka laid his body next to mine. I try to regulate my heartbeat as well as my breathing.

My body suddenly felt very tense. I closed my eyes for a moment.

And it's like being electrocuted when Arka's hand hits my hand. My hands feel so cold.

"You why? How come your hands are cold?" ask me Arka.

"It's okay, Mom. Maybe because the weather is cold" I said. Though clearly in this room there is only a small fan.

"Did I just turn the fan off?" ask Arka again.

"It doesn't matter, Mas. Let it. Later Arka mas even sultry," said I. I felt my voice very tense.

"No problem. I'll stay off the shirt. There's no one else, is there?" sahut mas Arka's. The more I get my cold sweat. But the inside of my body feels hot.

"No need, Mas. Let it go." I just don't want Arka's mas to open the shirt again. I can be confused by the smell of his body.

"Yes already. Sleep yuk," take Arka.

I immediately closed my eyes. I want to pull my hand, but Arka's grip is very strong.

Then something I didn't expect happened. Mas Arka tilted his body. And facing towards me.

I could feel his breath in my ear. And the smell I like very much.

Mas Arka stroked my hair gently. Putting little hair into my ears. Then kiss my ears.

It gets cold and hotter. That's how I feel.

"Fel." The sound of the Arka mas is right in my ear.

"Have you slept?" ask me Arka.

"Not yet" I said slowly.

"Fel." Arka called me again.

"M." Mmm."

"May I not...." Arka held back her sentence. Without continuing, I understand what it means. But I'm just quiet. Pretending not to know.

"I want it, Ar," said Mas Arka, biting my ear.

"Mas. You just got well." I tried to find the right words to reject it.

"Why?" ask me Arka.

"Don't push yourself, Mum."

"We try first, Ar. Maybe not at the maximum. But it is not wrong to try," said Mas Arka again.

I just fell silent. Arka seemed to know.

"Yes if you still doubt me. Next time." Arka's words made me feel guilty. It was as if I was just looking for satisfaction.

"It's not so, Mom. I'm just not ready yet" I said.

"Aren't ready why? You don't want it anymore? A year or so we didn't do it, Ar. Did you never want it at all?"

I really feel cornered. Like I can no longer avoid.

I could've done it by now. Because honestly I want it too. Even wanted it so badly.

But I tried so hard to shake it. I fear. I was afraid that if the virus lodged in my body, it would flow into Arka's body.

Then what happens if Arka and I both have the virus? What would be the fate of our son if his parents were waiting to die.

"I'm sorry, Mom. Next time I'm ready, we'll do it again."

Arka nodded and hugged me. I hugged him too. And we fell asleep while hugging tightly.

I can sleep peacefully. At least I have no burden. I'm not afraid that Ark will touch me. Because I know that Arka is not a pushy person.

He'll really wait until I'm ready. I don't know when I'm ready.

Hopefully there will be a chance I go to the hospital to check myself, without being caught by Arka or others. Because if anyone finds out, I'm done.