Dusk At the End Please
Shanum POV

Shanum PoV

To let someone we love be happy with someone else is the highest level of the level of love that I experience. This is the time for a test of sincerity and selfless love for me.

I keep trying to accept this as the best destiny for my love and my life. I am very happy with Akhtar and Raina's engagement. May their love be everlasting for a life of heaven, my prayers sincere.

It's time to open my heart, give a chance to someone who has always been there for me. I know that I may have been overdoing it all this time, but really as long as my heart is still attached to Akhtar I don't want to give her the slightest hope. Ahsan is a good man, he is good at getting more women than me.

Over time I began to accept her presence as more than just a friend. We often spend time together, I am no longer awkward if I have to chat together or walk together on the sidelines of joint activities that we participate in.

I realize in my heart Akhtar's existence has not been completely lost, but I try realistically with all my might to refrain from showing it in front of Kak Ahsan. However, Ahsan's good man takes precedence in my life. Comfort is my priority now.

I lived my days well for two weeks, Akhtar's absence in the foundation environment made me more free in my activities. I also felt closer to Brother Ahsan, all his treatment of me felt very special.

I just realized that he was really the type of man who always put his female interests first, really the ideal priest candidate. I've always been flattered by all the treatment.

Ahsan said as soon as possible she would meet my parents and ask permission to propose to me. I am more determined to accept it as an inseparable part of every journey of my life. I wish he was the last one and stayed until the end.

All went well, the moments at the end of the event we still communicate well, sending messages to each other even though we were close even in the same room and stared at each other.

But that's Brother Ahsan, he always made sure I was okay. I was happy to receive his attention. His presence and all his treatment really helped me to sincerely see Akhtar's happiness with others. Until someone suddenly makes the happiness in my heart fly away somewhere.

I did not expect that the news that circulated during the lecture about Kak Ahsan's lover who was studying abroad was true. I saw with my own eyes a beautiful and graceful girl with an elegant appearance all branded as if showing who she was standing on stage with a mic held. She proudly praised the man who became her lover, singing their memorable song full of passion showing to all the people present tonight, how much love the girl had for her lover.

I enjoyed every single lyric of the song that the girl was singing to the point of getting carried away. A song that adores her lover so much that she can't without it. Until the last words delivered by the girl hit me like a dart that shot and stuck perfectly in my heart.

'Thank you Hubby, you have been faithfully waiting for me and now I'm back for you. I miss you so much Muhammad Ahsanu Amala, my man, my love...I'm coming back'

Pain, a pain that does not bleed but incredible pain that I feel. As my body went limp, I felt like I was losing my footing, my legs were no longer able to support my body weight. I sat down lethargic, my gaze straight towards the girl who came down from the stage and stepped towards someone. In front of everyone he hugged the man without hesitation, and I could only look at him without being able to turn my eyes away.

I was surprised to find that the man who had been praised and proud of the girl was the same man who had given me happiness and hope of living a heavenly life for a few days, and after this I no longer feel it somewhere that happiness and hope go.

My body seemed to freeze, my heart did not feel and only silence was able to do. I was caught in the darkness of love and didn't know where to go after this.

Fortunately Liani who was sitting next to me immediately woke me up when it turned out that Brother Ahsan was already standing in front of me. He tried to explain, but I did not have time to respond even the girl was in front of me, standing right next to Kak Ahsan and with her message twitching spoiled in Kak Ahsan's arm.

He kindly introduced himself to me and the friends who sat at the table with me. Without hesitation, she introduced herself as the future wife of Kak Ahsan. Without realizing it, my face immediately warmed up, with all my strength I refrained from showing it in front of everyone.

Liani who understood the change in my attitude, clasped my hand tightly as if giving me strength and sure enough I felt that I was gaining new energy. With a rebuke I received the girl's helping hand with a friendly smile. He did too, I really felt I had no right to be jealous. He is more deserving of being Kak Ahsan's companion from any side.

Sometimes choosing to leave is the right decision, not because of ego but rather for self-esteem.

I turned towards Liani, looking red with anger. I knew my best friend must have felt the same way I did, disappointed.

All this time he has always supported me to receive Brother Ahsan. He always assured me that Ahsan is a proper man for me after I was injured because of my waiting which ended with a celebration of the wound.

But it's the same. Ahsan, who is expected to be a healer of my every wound, actually he himself adds wounds to someone who is struggling to find a way to heal like me.

I saw the look in Liani's eyes showing such great guilt that she felt. After the departure of Kak Ahsan who was exactly brought by the girl, Liani approached me. He clasped my hands tightly together and called me softly.

"Num" said Liani with teary eyes.

I, who had been trying to hide my face, looked down and looked up. I saw Liani as she was about to cry. I took a deep breath trying to neutralize my mood, I smiled at him and brought my face closer to his ear.

"I see and hear everything, it hurts. But I'm fine, I'm used to it" I whispered in Liani's ear that only Liani replied with a wistful look and tears that finally dripped down her cheek. I smiled and wiped away the tears on her cheeks.

In the end I have to be able to accept, whatever it is, whether bad, happy or sad. We have a desire, but the universe has a reality.

***

Twelve o'clock at night, the party was over. I completed my duties as a committee, coordinated with the team and ended it with a private speech because the event was going smoothly and successfully.

Liani and I went back to their official homes. Until the party ended I did not meet again with Ahsan, I don't know where he is at the moment, it feels like I better not care about his whereabouts now if I don't want the pain in my heart to increase. I try to complete all my tasks professionally.

My time is too precious if it should be used to lament my fate tonight. Qadarulloh, everything has been determined by Him. The presence of the girl made me realize that I should not love anyone too deeply, because the lines are not necessarily unidirectional.

There is nothing to be sorry about because everything that happens is God's way of maturing myself until I can finally understand that everything that happens has its own reasons. The good thing depends on our prejudices.

Staying well is the best option. May there be no needless fatigue until happiness becomes the end of my life story.