I'm You And My Memories
let go

Maybe this is the feeling of people who are in a state of anxiety, despair and do not know what to do, he said, But no matter what my situation is right now, I will not think of suicide as do people who are desperate. I saw the clock on my wall at 02:00 I was thinking at this time what I was going to do next, I completely rejected this matchmaking.

I opened the door to my room and stepped towards the kitchen to see the situation around not forgetting I opened the door to Mother's room slowly and saw Mother again falling asleep with a lot. I walked slowly towards the room and that was when my reckless thoughts appeared. I put some clothes into a scraped backpack owned by Mas Rudi that he deliberately left at that time. It was quite nice to carry my clothes and other necessities, having felt enough of all the other clothes and necessities I put in my backpack and immediately I went out of the room, I slowly passed through the TV room with a sneak into the kitchen. How do I get out while the kitchen door lock is kept in my room. At that time I did not lose my mind I went straight to the bathroom happened to vent the air in the bathroom was quite wide and it seemed like my body was quite in the hole. Slowly I climbed the well just below the Hole, I threw the backpack first and slowly I also jumped down from the vent hole.

I immediately ran away from home because I knew Mom would wake up in the middle of the night to drink or just pee. The outside was completely desolate and extremely cold, I ran towards the highway fearing that a neighbor would see me and report to Mother. My mind was really upset, not knowing where to go especially now that it was 02:30 in the morning. Half an hour waiting for the bus that used to pass to Aceh but until now no one has passed one and I began to despair because it was soon dawn and if until dawn I have not also left this it will definitely be the sight of Mom. If until the hearing I run away from home again and this time Fyan also must still be in Medan, I don't know what you will do to me. I pray with God that there is a way out for me to meet Mas Rudi.

Tinn...Tin...Tin heard the sound of the horn of the Rainbow Bus that was going to head towards Aceh immediately I boarded the bus with mixed feelings. I've not thought about college anymore not thinking about chocolate business anymore when my main focus is just Mas Rudi.

I'm the notabuknya a drunk if traveling far this time really I-mahan. But as hard as I can hold back still can't. I immediately asked the conductor to ask the bus for a plastic bag to vomit. O God, this is truly my greatest ordeal today, I have no regard for the shape of my face at this time. I just want to arrive soon to quickly meet with Mas Rudi.

The journey is still long 12 hours I have to travel to meet with Mas Rudi and currently only 3 hours of travel that I have been through is still 9 hours left to reach the destination. I guess I'll be there around 14:00.

It's been almost 11 hours and all that time I keep throwing up on the road until I'm very, very limp. Like there was no purpose in life I was desperate to stop at Terminal Bis even though the distance from Terminal and Mas Rudi Battalion was still half an hour away.

I sat on the waiting bench at the Terminal, I saw people glancing cynically at me, Maybe because of my messy condition. But I don't care about anything anymore. I took the phone nailed to my pants immediately I activated the mobile phone he just wanted to contact Mas Rudi. I saw a message from Mas Rudi and Fyan. There was also a message from my sister but nothing I opened. Immediately I called Mas Rudi because I really felt that I was no longer strong.

"Hallo Mas can pick up Nana not now. Nana is not strong."

"Yes Allah thank God dear again where, dear replied Mas say now dear where this morning Mother called Mas angry he said Mas take away dear. What's going on, baby?"

"Later Nana explained everything Mas the point now Nana is in the Bus Terminal near the Mas Battalion. Please pick up Nana now Mas."

"Darling wait there, don't go anywhere."

Soon Mas Rudi closed his phone. 30 Minutes later appeared someone in full LDP uniform he is a figure that I love men who I am struggling with I am willing to do anything as long as it can still be the same with Mas Rudi.

At that time Mas Rudi immediately hugged me in front of the crowd without caring about anyone. He saw my really apprehensive state because most of the vomit on the bus earlier. I haven't told anything about Mas Rudi but Seeing my condition at that time Mas Rudi immediately cried and hugged me tightly.

"Darling what's going on is why honey got this way." Mas Rudi asked with tears.

Without answering the question from Mas Rudi I rubbed Mas Rudi's cheek. I erased the water His eyes continue to flow soaking the cheeks of Mas Rudi. I held Mas Rudi's hand and kissed him, This is the hand that always tries to work hard to make me happy. I continued to kiss until Mas Rudi's hand was wet with my tears.

"Nana dear Mas, Nana ga Mau lost Mas, Can we continue together Mas. Take Nana away and we leave behind everything that gets in the way of our relationship." Rudi kept hugging me.

"Sadly what is the story to Mas. Why is it so sweet?"

While continuing to hug Mas Rudi I told all in detail about Fyan and the origin of Fyan until he could get my number and apply for me suddenly.

At that moment Mas Rudi's body shook his face bowed and I saw the grains of tears increasingly rushing out of his eyes. Twice I saw Mas Rudi crying like this the first one at the time he failed the first Test to enter the TNI and the second one at this time. Mas Rudi was really struck down after hearing my explanation he immediately hugged me tightly.

"Darling why everything can be like this, Why is fate so the same Mas, why Mas must be met with affection if in the end we can not be together. It's a pity to know how much love Mas loved to Nana Mas willing to do anything for the sake of Nana but not by bringing her away because it's a crime. I don't know what makes Mum doubt Mas maybe because Mas comes from a simple family so I don't like Mas." Rudi continued to blame himself.

"Honey remember not that time dear to say what the same Mas, at that time dear to say that our soul mate can be alone and dear to want a match Mas aja. God is angry because we exceed the limits as Humans, the soul of death is all in the hands of God. Maybe this is the best way for both of us and after this release of responsibility for Mas nyyangin Nana again. Tarimakasih for Four years together thank you for making Mas a patient and responsible man."

"Mas Nana doesn't want to marry him, let's take Nana away from here we run."

"Darguably if that's his request Mas heavy ngelakuinya dear, dear, the first Mas will certainly have problems with the sincerity of Mas and the suspension of dismissal is certainly the second after we run and Mas is no longer a member of the TNI continue to love to eat what is later dear will suffer living with Mas then what about the debt of the Father."

"There's only one way for Nana's marriage to fail. Mas came to the house to bring Mas Lamar Nana's parents at that time because I only need certainty Mas.

" But can not be dear Debt father in BANK is still a lot how Mas can ngelamar darling."

I cried more and more to hear Mas Rudi's explanation because it was as if there was no effort at all that he did so in vain I just came here.

Suddenly, Mas Rudi's phone rang and he picked up the phone. There was not much he answered back then other than the word "ready Bang Ready to bang."

"Who's calling?" Askaqua.

"Senior Mas , it looks like he's already contacted Letingnya who is here and will process Mas soon."

"Mas wants to be flanked by the same tiredness of Fyan why there are such evil people, O Allah."

"Honey let's eat Mas can't look at this dear Mas buy a lot of food dear so dear always remember Mas won't be barin dear sluggish. Maybe this is our last time together, Mas want to see the love of eating a lot in front of Mas."

I have resigned to fate because it seems like Mas Rudi also can not fight for our love.

I obey the will of Mas Rudi maybe this is the last time we walk two. At least he didn't let go of his armband and as long as I ate he always bribed me.

At 20:00 pm I was at Mas Rudi Terminal Bis, I was sent back to Medan with a feeling of destruction and a life that was no longer intact in my soul.

"Darling Maafin Mas ya for failing to fight for our love. Thank you for being the most special woman for me. Be a strong woman like a rock although often exposed to water but she is always beautiful and getting stronger on the seabed. All our memories will not be forgotten."

"After this what will be done will Mas want to find a replacement for Nana?"

"How could Mas look for another heart while Mas's heart is now broken there is no place left for a new heart."

Rudi hugged me tightly. Oh Allah, so heavy is your trial .

"Dear take care of yourself there take care of health because Mas is no beside dear anymore. This time let Mas keep the heart for Nana. Ordinary at the end of our phone Mas always said keep your eyes on heart just for Mas. This time the heart of Mas has been broken let the heart of love that always keep."

I got on the bus until I sat down. This time Mas Rudi hunted down to sit by the driver so I wouldn't throw up again.

This time it wasn't Mas Rudi who was on the bus but me. I saw him wiping his tears as he waved at the bus which was getting further and further away from leaving Terminal.