CARRIER (When Destiny Reigns )
it's me (bab3)

Have you ever felt a second of happiness,

 what then turns into disappointment?

You never know when disappointment will come.

Prepare your heart, then,

I don't want you to be swept away and lulled into endless regret.

Gubrak, that powerful impact sound stopped my steps. Makes me turn towards the room. But alas, suddenly\all of a sudden the door to my room opened and Dad was getting me who was staring behind him.

“Re, what's that on your hands, son?” ask Dad in a soft tone. 

“No, Well,” I replied doubtfully.

I choose not to report this happy news.because I have heard the conversation Mother and Father earlier, Mother so objected to my efforts to enter nursing university. Because Mommy knows, Daddy's company is rocking. Mother was afraid she could not afford my college. While Mommy is now pregnant with her first child with Dad.

A month ago Dad was never sent out of town by his company again. Well, the closing of the branch company threatened Dad's position. To cause a pay cut to a unilateral dismissal by the company.

Mother was angry, because Dad still supported me for college. Mother felt Dad was too pampering and obeying me. Though Mother Know, this major is the dream of Father and the late Mother. They want their son to be a medical officer. I initially enrolled in a medical school. But I realized, now I'm not the only one who became Dad's son. Besides, I'm not really sure of my ability to get a scholarship there.

“This is announcement paper? You graduated, Son?” ask the father who snatched away the graduation leaflet that was in my grasp.

Dad was crying, he hugged me so tightly. There was a sense of pride in every breath. Returning to the state of the deceased Mother at that time, Mother lay sick. The clinic where you are treated does not provide good service to you. Mother was ignored, that's why she told me that if you become a doctor, then be a good medical person, who really takes care of her patients. Because there are their families who hope for his recovery.

My tears fell, remembering the words that were my mother's last message.

“Why are you, son?” ask dad.

“Rere happy, can pass Well,”.

Our hug came off when we heard the loud sound of the door slamming done by Mother.

“Yah ...”

“Already, you calm down. Your job is currently studying seriously, I still have a lot of energy to find your tuition fees,” Said Father who was trying to calm me.

My spirit is weakening, the high walls are now covering my dreams so closely. My hard work studying to be able to graduate there seemed to be neglected. Disappointed, but I did not dare to show this sad and doubtful face in front of Dad. Because I know, you're fighting for me. I realized I wasn't alone in life. However, immeasurable sadness if I had to know the suffering that Dad felt in order to defend me.

I stared at the graduation sheet over and over again and asked if it was best for me. The hesitant whispers continued to attack my heart. The fear of stepping made me choose to step back. Again my heart also floundered, the magnitude of the struggle that I had to go through to get all this.

I closed my eyes tired of crying. Wishing tonight was just an overnight dream.

“Mas! When do you want to spoil Renata?” snapped Mother to Dad.

“I just want to grant Renata and her Mother's dream,” replied Father gently. Yes, my father was the softest and most affectionate man. Not because he's my father, but that's the reality.

“Why don't you tell me the truth, Mom? Why aren't you being honest about our situation? Aren't you thinking about the fate of the child I'm carrying?” clearly Mother with a raucous voice, accompanied by a slashing cry if you hear it.

“I think of you as well as our son, Dik,” said Father as he gently stroked the palm of Mother's hand. Well, from the door that was not closed tightly, I saw firsthand what happened.

Mother took off Father's hand, until Dad was pushed. That's why there's a strong impact sound from inside there. Dad then got back up and hugged Mommy while saying “ Dik, control your emotions. I don't want anything to happen to my son!” pinta Daddy's. At that moment Dad's eyes turned towards the door and found me who was turning around.

Again\-again that shadow that floated in my mind. How can I sleep if this alone haunts me. I turned my body over again and again. Fixing my pillow, and then taking one of the pillows to put under my feet. Then I turned my body against the wall. Until unknowingly time has shown at 00.00 wib. Finally I decided to move to sleep on the floor without a pedestal. But again\-again my eyes can not be closed.

 I slowly opened the door and walked to the kitchen. I wet my body with wudu’ and I put my face on the prayer mat. I'm done enjoying my way tonight. It was a pretty hard night for me. I told myself many times that I was not alone. But resting on the Master is the best way.

I am not mine, though,

There is still a creator who has power over me.

Eyes will not be closed, without His permission.

Yes, Rabb. Guide me in Your way.

Because my destiny is in your hands.