Infinite Wound
losing day

desire to cook simple but delicious but what power does not know the spice.so I enter the room immediately take a phone at the room table.I call someone who always tastes the food on my tongue.

"assalamu'alaikum ma'am." I said when the phone was connected to my mother.

"waalaikumsalam saras, how's the news, son, you're good - all right?"sounding his voice a little hoarse.I know mom is holding back her crying.akupun the same.want it feels like I stir all my complaints during this time including the request mas Krisna remarry.but the news will only make my mother's illness worse.

"Alhamdulillah good ma'am.ibu healthy right?"answer me

"healthy alhamdulillah.here all also healthy koq race."

"ras, tumben telfon there must be a want to tuh."heard Mbak Yuli's cry saying our conversation.

"yee, people I want to ask mom for condiments" I replied.

"it's Videocall for that."Ma'am Yuli gave a suggestion.

"okay."I'm sure as soon as possible.we've been connected via video call this time.

"want to know what the race is." asked mom.

there she seemed happy to talk to me again.

"mendol.." I answered while grimacing withstanding shame because only to dol only I don't know.

I don't know why the phone with my mother seemed to make me forget my sadness.then I also the spirit of cooking with in taught my mother through vidcall.mother really make sure my work is right this time.so in an instant my cooking is ripe.againpun it's simple cooking.

"ok ma'am.has ripe.makasih a lot ya bu.eh, but don't say - say yes if I have to call mom first to cook this."

"hahaha.iya deh ras.then if you need to want to cook again phone mother.let mother teach." replied the mother I greeted cheerfully

I closed the phone feeling relieved because I could see my family again and could also finish my work, but my happiness changed instantly when my stomach suddenly felt great heartburn and it seemed like something warm was flowing in my feet.

when I bow my head to see what it is, when I am scared and panicked, blood flows between my legs.

"mas, help me." I can no longer move my legs like.my body is weak, my stomach is heartburn.my eyes were reduced kunag.Slowly vision began to blur so I can not see anything.only heard mas Krishna shouted to say my name.

I don't know how long I was unconscious.when I realized I was in a white room.there was an infusion hanging above me. Apparently I was on the infusion.

"dek, saras.are you conscious?"I heard Krisna calling me.It turns out she was standing next to me.His senses were glazed - the glass saw sympathy for me.

"gold, where am I?" I was a little confused because after the incident in the kitchen earlier, I really do not remember anything.and at this time it was only dizziness that I felt.

" yes, you are patient, you must be sincere.this is all the destiny of God.take this test for you." My mother-in-law also gave advice.

I frowned still did not understand what had happened.I really did not understand the purpose of their words.

"i still do not understand mas.ada what the hell.i'm just fainted.why should be anyway.after this also I will be good - fine mas mas." my words tried to calm everyone, because all I saw who were present showed facial expressions that were very sad.mom, father and also mas Krishna.

"race, you have just miscarried.newly finished in curettage.you who are patient yes.do not many thoughts first.your condition is still unstable." arrived - suddenly my father-in-law's speech made my heartbeat racing quickly.what was the curette,miscarriage.I didn't hear wrong right.inner me.

as in the lightning bolt my father-in-law said earlier socked my heart.Tongue also complains unable to say anything.only tears that came out one - one shows how broken my heart.

"race, you don't papa.kamu who is patient yes.ada me here.I will always accompany you race." the voice of mas Krisna disperse my daydream.

"i'm tired of mas.lemes.want to rest." I replied briefly.

" we have time for Saras to calm down."mother gave the code to all to get out of the room where I was treated.

after the death of all my reverie wanders.why all this must happen.the child that I should make an excuse for me to survive in this marriage even left me.now there is no reason anymore to mas Krishna maintain me.then how if after this mas Krishna wants to divorce me and decides to marry sita.then what will my fate be like?

"good night mom.how does she feel? is it better?" suddenly a nun broke my daydream.when did she enter?arrived - arrived already in.

"when can I go home?" ask me without caring about the sister's question, because right now it's not my physical pain but my mind and heart that hurts.

"wait for the doctor first yes ma'am.kalo stable condition of the mother insyaallah tomorrow can go home koq.but still wait for the doctor first yes." replied the nurse friendly.

" s, can I ask you a favor? I want to talk to my husband.can you please call sus?"

my voice may still sound soft because my body is still very weak, but I am determined to say this now.I have to speak four eyes now.

"dek, koq does not rest, he wants to rest." asked mas Krishna gently.

wonder why it is so soft now like this.what is his soul shaken because of the loss of this child.should I be happy to see the change mas Krishna.but I did not rush the lust first.can be so after confiscate contact mas Krishna again then his attitude back like yesterday yesterday..

"why are you hitting the wall?koq so strange gini attitude." asked me still surprised by the attitude of mas Krishna who suddenly changed.

"koq kepentok the hell dek.i am worried you.tadi early in the morning when you fainted, God blood came out at your feet deck.a lot.I panic." there was an unusual strange look on his face, sad and scared.

" deck, forgive me yes.I promise I will try to love you sincerely.I am afraid of losing you deck.sorry right I.I beg you"his cheeks are wet.this time there are tears I wait there.Tears of love.and I know it.