Winarsih Waiting
Influenced by Hanyk's Mother's Idea

My hate for Mas Roby seems to rub off on the child in my womb. I didn't want to see this child and it strengthened my heart to give it to others. I was thinking about who would take my son? 

Whether the demon from which it entered my heart to the intention to give this child to others gave me spirit. I got up from my seat and went into the room. I took the suitcase, and I put my clothes in it. When I again coolly put clothes in the suitcase, my stomach feels sore, I just realized from earlier I have not had breakfast, while the day is almost noon. 

I went to the kitchen and cooked because I haven't cooked since. In the refrigerator there are tilapia and white mustard vegetables that I bought a few days ago. The value fish I sambal while the sawinya I stir-fry. When I finished cooking, I ate right away, it was delicious. It's been a long time since I've eaten this wisdom. After my stomach is full, I take care of the former cook, then wash the dishes I used to cook and used to eat.

After eating, my spirit multiplied. I continued to put my clothes back in the suitcase I had left behind. A couple of pairs of clothes I let stay in the closet for me to wear before I leave. Not to forget the precious letters I also tucked in the folds of clothes in a suitcase. 

I realized the path I took was wrong, but somehow I remained convinced to keep doing it. My heart has been covered with resentment, the love that was so great suddenly disappears from hate, and the longing that is so heavy now turned into a very painful heart. Coupled with the accusations by Mbak Hanyk yesterday, who said that the child I bear is not Mas Roby's child makes my head feel hot if I remember it. 

After I finished putting the clothes in the suitcase, I laid my body down. I just straightened my body, someone knocked on the door. 

Geck! Geck! Geck! 

"Win … !" call Ms Tri. I immediately went to open the door for Ms. Tri. 

"What's up, Ma'am?" ask me after I open the door. 

"It's okay! I'm just worried you're still sad" he said smiling. 

"I'm okay, Ma'am!"

"Good! You don't have to worry, yeah! I'll help you. I've talked to Sister Rida, so that she will help you out. About the cost, you don't have to think, he said you don't have to pay." I didn't expect Ms. Tri to want to help me get that far. My eyes were back in tears, I was moved by the care of Ms. Tri's family to me. 

Rida's sister is the wife of Mas Dwi, her mas Mbak Tri. Rida's sister is a midwife who opens a practice next to the house of Ms. Salma, Ms. Tri's parents. Mas Dwi and his wife live in Ms. Salma's house.

"Oi .. kok even bengong! If you are not sad anymore, I go next door. If there's anything, tell me right away." she said before passing. 

I was moved by the kindness of Ms. Tri's family, but I felt sad because it was too much trouble for them. But I was also confused how to convey my plan to Ms Tri? Ahh... later I will think about it, the important thing is now that I am ready to leave this place. 

My determination is complete, if I am here, surely one day Mas Roby will come here. He'll be looking for us. And I don't want him to meet his son. It was a reward for him for leaving me in this state. 

All I have to think about now is how I can find someone to take care of my son. I kept thinking, maybe on social media there is a group that is indeed made to look for adopted children, it crossed my mind. 

Then I grabbed my phone from the table, then while lying down I opened social media with the symbol f. Then I type in the search word 'adoption', I click the group, then exit some child adoption group. I clicked on the top group, after that I saw there were many posts that wanted to find children to adopt, some also wanted their children to be adopted for various reasons. 

Until last night I thought about my intentions. The more I thought the stronger my intention was to continue with my original plan. Finally, I open the blue app again, I look for the group I left behind. I'll look at the posts there. I convinced my heart, and then I saw a post 'It's been 9 years married, but it hasn't been given a baby.' so it sounded, I saw some comments. 

[Hopefully be given a baby.].

[Prophetto Mother]

[I have also been 7 years old, not yet given. Hugs bun.]

There were a few comments on that post, there were also a few dozen who liked that post. For some reason when I read the post called Mira Berliana, I felt like the sadness that mother felt. I subconsciously clicked on her name, and then I looked at her profile. 

On her account there are several photos of Mira with a man, who is likely her husband, there is also a picture of her with her coworkers, it looks like he works in the health service seen from the clothes he uses when taking pictures that is white clothes like those commonly worn by nurses in hospitals. Maybe she works as a nurse or midwife in a hospital or health center.  Most of the photos on his account and some he shared a post of recipes. 

After a few minutes I thought, I finally clicked send a message. 

[Night, Mom. Greetings to know] send me. My body feels cold hot, my chest is hot, my palms are wet with sweat. A few minutes I waited, unread. Many times I checked again there was no reply. I'm restless, there's fear of the response later. I finally decided to go to sleep because it was until midnight I waited for no reply from him. 

****

The next day, when I woke up from sleep, I checked my phone again. But there was no reply to the message I sent last night. There was a sense of disappointment in the chest, should I not have made this decision? I'm really scared now.

To distract my mind, I went out to breathe the morning air. When I opened the door, it turned out that the mothers had gathered in the rented yard. I approached them too. 

"Just wake up, Win?" ask Ms. Leli, a rented front neighbor. 

"Yes, Mom! Last night it was hard to sleep at night, Mom, so the wake up was even a little afternoon." I replied a little embarrassed. 

"Occustomed to it, Win! Especially if you are pregnant old like you are difficult to sleep. By morning we can sleep." said Ms. Fatma. 

When again busy chatting with the neighboring mothers, my phone rang indicating there was an incoming notification. When I checked, my chest suddenly rumbled, my hands sweating again. 

Then with my chest pounding I read the message.