Winarsih Waiting
Ghibah Bu Sukma's

My feeling again felt uncomfortable, I don't know what Bu Sukma meant to say like that. 

"Where is Ms Sukma, her husband?" ask Mak Sasa kepo. 

"His husband doesn't exist, Mak Sasa. If there's a husband here already pregnant gini big, lahiran just count the days." Bu Sukma further broke my heart with his words. 

Instead of hearing Bu Sukma's words, I finally left without permission. I didn't expect Miss Sukma to talk like that to anyone else. When I left the house, his voice was so soft. My tears can't stand it anymore. I don't care about the gazes of those people passing by on that street looking at me strangely. 

Arriving at Mira's house, I sat on the terrace with tears still pouring out. I couldn't get into the house because the key was held by Bu Sukma. I sat on the floor with my legs bent, my face poked on my knees.

"Mir… ." Someone called Mama Mira's name. "Well..no Mira, who are you? How's the cry here?" he was astonished when I looked at him. 

"A– "

"Love's here?" Bu Sukma's voice cut my words. 

"Yes, Aunt. Just past, see this mbak Kirain Mira again sitting here. Who's aunt?" asked the woman of Mira's age to point at me with a glance in her eyes. 

"I have to answer the neighbor's question here. How, huh?" Bu Sukma seemed to think. 

"What's up, Auntie?"

"No, let's go in. Talk inside!" bring Bu Sukma. 

"No need, Auntie! Go straight home. Come, Auntie, Ma'am." The woman also passed. 

"Bikin's ashamed, so that man take care of himself! Let's not trouble people!" Bu Sukma nagged while turning the key on the door. I don't know who he meant in his talk. 

My feelings began to calm down. To avoid Bu Sukma, I entered the room. However, it was only a few seconds that I sat on the edge of the mattress, Bu Sukma teased me. 

"God! What do you want to do relaxing there? Wash the clothes there, the laundry is already stacking it!"

"Yes, ma'am." I replied slowly. 

When I put dirty clothes in the washing machine, Ms. Sukma again came to surprise me. My movements seemed not to be separated from the supervision of Ms. Sukma. He was like a ghost that frightened me, which could suddenly appear and startle me when what I did was not what I wanted. 

"Oh my goodness, poor aksok-sokan nyuci use a washing machine. It's so good for you, yeah! Wash your hands! I'm hitching a ride, so be nice!" sukkut Bu Sukma while removing clothes from the washing machine. 

I'm trying to be patient, I'm just hitching a ride here. I have to be grateful that Mira and her husband accepted that I live here well. But do I deserve to be treated like this?

After washing, a sound came from my stomach as an alarm to ask to be filled. I stepped into the kitchen to get food there. When I was about to scoop the rice from the magic com, suddenly came Bu Sukma with his words like a needle that pierced the heart. 

"Hmm. It's so good, eat eat eat. No need to think about spending money, there are all. Without getting tired, just enjoy," I immediately put down the spoon, then close back the magic com. Without looking back at the voice, I left after putting the dishes on the table.

"Based on a brat! The old man said he was left. Your mother never taught you manners, did she?" Ms. Sukma half-screamed, maybe so I can still hear her dagger-like words slicing through my heart. I keep walking leaving him. 

I went into the room, I poked my face on the pillow, I spilled all the pain, all the sadness and all that was buried in my chest. I don't have anybody else. 

Why is God so cruel to me? Why did HE let me live alone in this world?  To whom should I complain? To whom should I share this pain? Why didn't God take my life too? What a burden you gave me, Lord. 

I'm sad, I'm sick, I'm disappointed, I'm angry. I don't know who I have to put such a stifling taste in my chest. What is my sin that I have to bear all this? 

I don't know how long I cried until I fell asleep. When I woke up, my head felt heavy, throbbing, it hurt so much, my stomach hurt, maybe my stomach acid rose because I had not had lunch, while the clock was showing at 14:10.

I wash my face, I wipe my eyes with a wet cloth, so as not to look too swollen. I apply a little powder, then I step out of the house. I want to buy bread to fill my stomach. I was worried that if I ate rice at home, Ms. Sukma got angry again and cursed at me.  

Earlier this morning on the road with Bu Sukma, I saw a stall that was located close to the house of Mbak Mira. I put my feet there. 

Once at the shop, I bought some bread and some snacks. I didn't look around, I just focused on the bread I was going to buy. Then I heard a voice that seemed familiar. 

Connect 😇

.