Winarsih Waiting
Episode 22

Actually I don't need to think of an answer to Genta's question, because if Mas Roby comes and asks me to go back to him, obviously I will answer 'no'. I never got back to him again. 

The question in my mind is, why did Genta ask that? 

"What's your answer, Win?" ask Genta again when I keep the question behind the question. 

"Obviously I won't be going back to him again. There will be no acceptable reason when the husband leaves his wife without any news." I'm sure.

There's no way I'm going to want to go back to the person who obviously abandoned me and my son. If he had not left without news, maybe at this time I could still hug and take care of my son. 

"What would you do if he wanted to meet your son?" 

"He has no right to that,"

"You can't say that, Win! Whatever the reason, that man is still the father of your son." I smiled wryly with Genta's words. He's right, no matter how I stay away from Mas Roby, Bening is still his son. But he dumped me while Bening was still in my womb, doesn't that mean he dumped Bening too? 

"Does he deserve to be called father after what he did? Even if he doesn't love me anymore, shouldn't he survive if he cares about his son who is still in my womb? Even if he hates me so much, shouldn't he still give me comfort, for the sake of the child I will give birth to? Then why did he even show me? And now he's coming as if nothing happened?" my question was emotional, when Genta reminded me of Mas Roby's status as the father of Bening. 

"Win, aren't you doing the same?"

"You mean?!" tanyaku is slow but full of emphasis. 

"I'm sorry if these words offend you. Didn't you also give your son to someone else?" 

"You mean, I'm the same as b*jing*n?" I asked by squinting my eyes. "You know what, so you dare to judge me like that? In fact, you're new to me, but you're judging me as if you know all about me!" I said half-screaming, I didn't care about the few pairs of eyes that were watching us. 

"You don't know what I'm feeling, and you'll never know. I gave someone else to take care of my son, it was for his own good," as I said that, my voice barely sounded as it was held back as I held back the crying that I was trying to contain. 

No one knows how much my longing is for Bening. Maybe for most people, it would judge me like Genta, who said I was tantamount to throwing away my son. Maybe a lot of people say I'm stupid for not fighting to support my son. There may also be people who judge me as lacking in faith.

Well, maybe I'm stupid, lacking faith, or whatever other bad thing they say to judge me. But let me be a fool and lack faith, the important thing is that I know my son lives in a safe place, will not starve, he said, and most importantly he did not lack the affection of his two new parents. May those who label me 'stupid and lacking faith' never experience what I have experienced. 

I don't know what the fate of Bening is if he stays with me, maybe his fate won't be much different from mine. Eat potluck, sleep only on a mat, and sometimes get something from the mercy of others. Until I was three years old, my father always left me to other people, when my father was working. After three years, I was sometimes left alone at home, or occasionally taken to the fields. After my father died, I had no one left. And this is my fate now. 

Imagining it happening to Bening made me no longer able to hold back the crying. Now that I feel at ease when I know Bening is with someone who loves him, he gets the full affection of the family who loves him. And I don't feel sorry for all that, because I won't be able to hurt her as much as I did to her. Although I had to sacrifice my feelings, as long as she was happy, for me that was enough. 

"I'm sorry, Win. I just wanted to try to open your mind, you must have a reason why you did that to your son, and maybe your husband had a reason why he left and didn't tell you. Don't you want to know why?" genta said, when we were in the car to go home. 

"Yes, he has a reason, so why do I know it?" askaku. 

"So you won't regret it one day. Once you know the reason, you will make the right decision. Win, you have to solve your problem, not avoid it. If he calls you, talk to him." Genta stopped his car near a park. 

"Do you want me to refer to that guy?" without me noticing that question just came out of my lips. I was surprised by my own question, and I felt stupid at once. I patted my own head, as I glanced at Genta, he looked at me smiling instead, making me feel even more ridiculous. Her smile made me forget my frustration with her.

"I'm not going to say whether I want to or not, all you need to know, I want to see you happy, of course with your choice" she said after a few seconds she looked at me with a smile. Then he took my hand, "believe me, I will always be there when you need me. I won't influence your decision, you know what's good for you. So think about it well." she clasped my hand tightly, her hand was like an electric shock to my chest, I felt something inside me, which I had never felt before, even when Mas Roby was still with me. When I looked into his eyes, it was like I was hoping for something, but I don't know. 

"Are we going home or are you still going for a walk?" genta asked after he took off his hand. 

"Go home, yuk! I want to rest." take me. 

I saw Genta grab his phone after pressing the button on the screen on the dashboard of the car, then tinkering with him for a while before long sounding the song from the car speaker.

'Start of the face

Beautiful your smile is alluring

Luring my empty heart

Smile brings laughter

Laughter brings stories

Lovely love story about us

Sometimes I doubt

Sometimes I don't believe

But I'm sure you're mine

You make me happy

When this heart is wounded

You made me laugh

In the moment when this heart is carried away

Brought by your love for me

For us….'

Occasionally Genta is heard singing the lyrics of the song from Yura. I don't know what Genta meant by playing that song called 'From From the Look. Is that the voice of his heart? I asked in my heart.

After we got to the shophouse where I work, Genta stopped his car. 

"Win" he called out as I was about to open the door. Then I looked at him. 

"There's something I want to say, but once your problems are over with your husband. So, I hope you don't shy away from him anymore" he said. Then he got out of the car.

"Please, Miss," she said with a sweet smile, shortly after she opened the door for me. The leaflet on my chest became more and more with Genta's treatment. "you come in, I see you from here," he said, rolling his eyes. Make me blush. 

I also walked through the path next to the shophouse to the house located behind the shophouse. 

"Dam!" shouted someone, which made me jump in shock. 

Seriate...