Winarsih Waiting
Where Do I Find

And when I opened the door, someone was standing there. She smiled very sweetly. But …

"Hey! People come, your room is dumb!" he nodded while turning his lips.

"Ng– no, I thought earlier …." I staggered, unable to continue my words.

"You why the hell? How strange!" he asked while entering nyelonong past me who was still leaning on the door. He went straight to the kitchen and placed the bowl he was carrying on the table.

"I thought it was Mas Roby" I said limply, making him feel bad.

He is Mbak Tri, a neighbor who also contracted next to our contract. Our contract was limited to a wall. The contract where we lived consisted of four doors. I live at the very end of the contract and Ms Tri is right next to my contract. Among the other rented residents, Ms. Tri was the closest to me.

"Well, Ma'am, if Mas Roby doesn't come home before I'm born!" 

"Not to think of anything weird, Win! Pray that your husband is healthy, and come home soon." Ms. Tri strengthened me.

"Eh .. Have you eaten yet?" mbak Tri asked while opening the lid of the bowl he brought earlier. The smell of goulash is appetizing.

"Eat with yuk! Laper here!" he patted his stomach.

We often like this, eating together when our partner is not home. Ms. Tri's husband works as a security guard at a factory. They have an eight-year-old daughter, named Leah. Lea's in third grade school in Elementary School.

"You don't have rice, Win?" mother Tri asked when opening the magic com that was still empty, I just shook my head.

"Yes, let me take it next door" he said as he moved. And not long after that he came back with his magic com pot of rice. 

"I don't eat, Mother! No appetite." I said when Ms. Tri handed me a plate of rice.

"You must eat, pity your son. Nih, a little." he said while reducing the rice in the dish earlier.

Ms. Tri is like family to me. I feel like I have a sister, ah .. No, maybe even like a mother. I, who had never felt the affection of a mother, made the presence of Ms. Tri fill a bit of empty space in my heart. 

We are thirteen years old. Her motherly carrying made me feel comfortable telling her my problems. 

"No word yet from Roby, Win?" ask after we finish eating. I just shook my head to answer his question.

"Where, Ma'am, what do I do after this child is born?" 

"Huh …." It sounded like Mbak Tri was breathing. Maybe she also felt tightness in my chest. 

"I'm confused too, Win. I didn't know how to help either." he said a moment later.

"If I work after this child is born, whose son is the same? If I don't work, what do we eat? Really dizzy me, Ma'am! If entrusted with other people also would need a fee right, Ma'am," I expressed my turmoil.

"Today, I sometimes think, it seems better that this child is not born into this world, Ma'am!" Suddenly Ms. Tri's eyes rounded towards me. Sometimes I do feel that this kid is a fucking carrier. In the past, Mas Robby never went without news, but now that I was about to give birth to his son, he went somewhere. Less aj*r you, Mas!

"Hush ... What the hell are you talking about, Win? Can't say that!" he said a little hard.

"How else, Mother? Had Mas Roby gone without this kid, I might not have been this busy, Ma'am!" Ms. Tri did not respond to my words, she still continued to look at me. Maybe he doesn't believe I'd think that way.

Maybe I'm getting desperate, but my feelings are hard to express. The longing that yesterday was so heavy, gradually began to change. Now there is a lot of pain in Mas Roby. How could he possibly leave me alone in such a situation? The feeling of love that was so great, now began to fade into hate. 

"Udah, do not have to think about it first, we do not know what really happened. Don't worry, I'm here." said Ms Tri while stroking my back.

"The child is soon born, Mother! How am I supposed to calm down if my husband doesn't come home?" My voice is a little high. There was a sense of tightness in the chest, which seemed to be ready to explode.

"I don't have a family, Mom. Without Mas Roby I have no one" Ms Tri hugged me. My cry is becoming.

"Patience, Win! You need to calm down, "He still hugs me while patting my back.

"Try you talk about this with his brother Roby, who knows they can help you" said Ms Tri.

"Well anyway, they're Roby's family. If Roby can't take responsibility for you, it should be his family that takes over that responsibility, because you're carrying flesh and blood from Roby, his sister." Furthermore, Ms. Tri gave a little gap to solve my problem.

Why don't I think about it? Ms. Tri was right, Mas Roby's family should be able to help me, at least take care of this child. There's a bit of relief in the chest, although I don't know the result yet but I have to try.

"Mbak–," call me hesitate. Ms. Tri turned her head towards me, waiting for me to continue my words.

"Hmm .. can I ask you to please Mrs Tri?" many doubt.

"What's? I'll help you while I can. What can I help you with?" mama Tri asked trying to dispel my doubts.

"Antarin me to Mas Joko's place, Ma'am. I have to go there like Ma saranin did." I asked, looking into the eyes of the kind woman.

"I'll talk to you about Mas Edi, Win. Coincidentally the day after he had a holiday, who knows he can take us there." said Ms Tri. 

"Thank you, Ma'am! If there's no Ma'am, don't know who I'm complaining to." My eyes are back in tears.

"Udah, don't think about it! I consider you a sister. So don't worry!" I hugged Mama Tri tightly.

"Ishh .. ahh ahh, overcrowded this!" Ms. Tri pushed my body that was hugging her even tighter.

"I went home first yeah, Lea was sleeping again, who knows if I woke up. Haven't eaten him yet." said Ms Tri, taking her magic com pot.

"This sugar is still there, you eat later. You have to eat a lot, let your son be healthy." Ms. Tri closed the bowl containing a chicken gulai mixed with young jackfruit, which she brought earlier.

****

Two days later, after lunch, Ms. Tri and Mas Edi, her husband accompanied me to Mas Joko's place by using a car owned by Ms. Tri's parents, she was not far from where we lived, while Lea lived with her grandmother.

Mas Joko's residence is not far from the Pak Haji kiosk where I used to live. Before we got married, Mas Roby used to come there. That's where we got married, only witnessed by a few neighbors from Mas Joko.

Almost an hour away, we finally arrived at the courtyard of a light green house with a minimalist model. A woman in a barbarian can be seen sweeping the porch of her house. It was seen that the woman stopped her activities when she realized that the car we were riding stopped in front of her house. 

The woman is Ms. Hanyk, Mas Joko's wife. He looked at the car, maybe he was waiting for us to get out of the car.

"Didstooled?" He called me, as if he was surprised to see me coming.