The Story of the Heart - Ellie's Journey
Compromises

" I'll forgive you Lee, but take me to college with you abroad". I said firmly. Although in my heart I know, I am also guilty because yesterday did not refuse to even enjoy. I was so ashamed of myself blaming Lee, and suing him.

But I'm too scared now, if we break up because the distance separates us after what happened last night. I have to go wherever Lee goes, I've decided to stick to Lee like a leech. "Lee, didn't you tell yourself that I should take advantage of my girlfriend's wealth. So take me too ".

"Ells that's impossible, you know my Papi will take me not seriously in studying. You know Ells, Papi's not like mami". Lee said sadly.

In my heart silently approving of Lee, Papi Lee does not like me . But maybe Dicky just assumed our love of monkey love would end itself over time so he never did anything to separate us, om Dicky just showed himself not liking me and not thinking too much of me.

"Oh Ells I beg you, please Ellie just wait for me here. You have to trust me. I'll be back ".

I'm angry, more at myself actually. But I took it out on Lee. " Lee jerk, you even have that (read cond#m) you are deliberately basic Lee jerk. And now you're gonna leave me?"

"Ells, I really don't intend that. That I got from Lucky, he insisted I take him that night just in case he said. " Ells stop being angry, you know I love you very much, and I'm serious with you. I'll study even harder so I can satisfy Papi's wishes and quickly come to you again Ells. Please."

I still haven't given up, "How long should I wait?? Didn't you study medicine and pharmacy for long?? Not to mention for permission and all sorts of things that are needed until you match your brother and trust your Papa?? You must not be gone for a while, Lee. I'm not stupid Lee. Do I have to wait until I get old??? "

"God, Ells why don't you trust me. I promise I'll find a way so you can go after me. I also go home as often as I can. But for now calm down and trust me first okay? You know and know me, I won't let you down.

Why are you so shortsighted looking at me Ells. You know I always give you the best I can do for you".

I felt cornered with Lee saying I didn't believe him, and it made me even more angry. " You say you've always not been considered in your family you're nothing, and on what basis can you promise Lee that? While you are still afraid of Papi and your two brothers!"

Lee stood up and threw away his face.

I'm sorry to have said that, but I'm really angry to know that my position is not safe, there's nothing to guarantee Lee there won't find another 'Ellie' in her life , who can entertain his day and accompany him to live a new life as an independent student. Far from his parents and me.

"Okay Ells I think you're right, maybe I said unbelievable words . Or maybe everything I've done for you hasn't proven enough to know how much I love you with all my heart." His voice sounded disappointed. " You don't have to wait for me, you're free to date or be close to anyone here. Whatever you do as long as I'm gone, I'll make sure to forgive and accept you for who you are and when I get back to you later, it'll be your decision to accept me back or not. I won't force you to wait for me or accept me later. That's fair enough, isn't it Ells? So you don't have to worry about getting old alone waiting for me."

"OK" I replied briefly. My ego and dissatisfaction made me not want to argue any longer with Lee. I was also afraid that we would hurt each other if we kept fighting.

Fuck Lee! That's not what I'm afraid of. Not afraid to be a lonely woman waiting for her lover who promised to return and in the end always disappointed like most stories in the drama I watched. No .But I really don't want to lose you Lee. I love you Lee.

Like everyone who did not believe Lee's earnestness to me at first I felt maybe Lee was just playing with me later he would be bored by himself. But gradually I felt Lee's sincerity. And I admit I was wrong in the beginning. Shut up, I depend on him, love him more and have big hopes for him. Maybe Lee was wrong, not the one who loved me more. But I love him more.

I'll wait for you Lee.

I trust you, Lee.

May we take care of each other and our hearts when far apart, to meet again when the time comes.

'When I should have said I would believe him and wait for him. And apologize for my words that must have hurt her. Of course it will be Lee's strength . During the 2 years of dating, I felt like I never gave anything to Lee.

About half a month after my birthday, I heard Lee was leaving . Since her flight schedule is the same as my best friend Caca, Caca will also go to the same country as Lee to learn advanced language classes for 1 year.

There were days when 'I was eager to beg Lee to add to my lack of money to go to Caca school together..... Because I've been counting even after for example I've been working sideways ,

used up all my savings my whole life.

It might even sell my soul if anyone wants to buy it. (Handering)

My money still won't be enough to be able to study with Caca who can at least stay closer to Lee.

Honestly, the cost is beyond my ability,

But my conscience and my pride don't want to trouble Lee, much less like Lee said, the money isn't his but his family. Time yes, I have been keeping my self-esteem so as not to be looked down upon by the Lee family, especially Papi, namely by not accepting excessive facilities from Lee. Now ask Lee for his money to finance me?

Especially if Lee wants to, Lee must have offered to even force me to accept his idea. Maybe Lee really wants to focus on his goals, and prove himself to his Papi and to me he can meet the expectations of the people he cares about.

Last I wanted to drive Lee, too, but I was afraid he would cry and hold Lee to leave.

Lee also did not contact me after the incident at the hotel on my birthday. Is he still mad at me? Or he won't fight with me. I'd love to call Lee. I miss Lee a lot. Oh my God, how about a long day without Lee beside me.

So then... I only pray for Lee's safety to arrive in the land of people, and wish Lee the best with all my heart. And tell my best friend Caca, "Ca pick Lee up, let me know when you guys get to me"

Lee and Marisha (caca) - illustration