The Story of the Heart - Ellie's Journey
Karmas

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I woke up with a head that weighed like almost 1 ton. " AAHH shit hurts my head a lot".

I took a few deep breaths and massaged my head and sat in my bed.

The hole in my chest greeted me. I have to get used to the pain of this Lee.

I tried to open my eyes, "Have a hard time, when someone is gluing my eyes?"

When I opened my eyes, I stood up and walked to the little dresser in my room. I looked in the mirror and I was uglier than yesterday!

My eyes are swollen like a chicken mane caught and judged by the people. Pantesan is very difficult to open, I said.

I was confused, if my family saw them would be shocked. My brothers will laugh at me. I looked at the clock, ah for now my sisters and papa are gone.

But that's not what I'm afraid of, actually I'm afraid of being asked by my parents. For now, my mom is at home. I'm confused as to what to answer.

On the one hand I want to tell my parents everything because I always tell them almost all my problems.

On the other hand I was afraid to cry hysterically, to make them worry and maybe hurt to see me so heartbroken like that.

I was worried about what I should do?

Should I tell my mom everything?

What I imagined would be directly on my side. Claiming Lee's maki and cursing him may be. Because you dare hurt me.

Yes, Mama did so . Even though Mama was chatty and fierce, Mama also did not hesitate to pinch me or scold me or nag all day if I was wrong.

But like any other mother in the world who loves her children. Mama is the one who will feel the most pain to see her son suffer.

And will be the most angry person if you see someone who hurt his child.

When I was a kid if anyone hit me, Mama would say don't cry! Next time hit back at those who hit you. The origin should not hit first. And don't be afraid that it's not wrong.

A type that is fiery and wants to be fast paced. Maybe that's how mom taught her son to defend himself . But she also taught me to see if I was facing a situation that would not allow me to defend myself, which was to run or ask for help.

In short, Mama is a realistic person.

And I imagine, Mama would say don't cry for the guy who hurt you. He lost for missing the good Ellie and loving her wholeheartedly. And you're lucky to be stripped of bad men.

Ellie Mama's son is beautiful, well perfect and will meet the same person better. Apaan tuh the Lee. blablabla.....He will comfort me that way.

Just imagine it I've been entertained.

But surely in my heart, she will be hurt just like me.

Another with papa, papa is the type of parent who will teach us to forgive the guilty.

The type that more instills surrender does not mean losing. A more adem, slower and wiser type. Who will choose against the one who hits us by not hitting back.

And I imagined Papa would hug me while giving comforting and soothing words. Ensuring all is the will of God where there will be a silver lining. Telling me I'm not alone, because Papa was always there for me. And must have told me to pray for the good of Lee and I. And tell Ellie the strong boy.

My heart warms only with

just imagine.

Although surely his heart was broken to see his daughter crying for a man. Which may be his mind, Papa alone never made me cry.

I think my parents are very different. Both have the confidence of living life in very different ways.

Even teaching things to children with a very different point of view. But it doesn't confuse us, because by the time they make a decision about our kindness her children. They're always compact.

Have I ever wondered how different people can get along and get along ? How could they never fight too big?

Most mama ngomel nagging, papa silent listen then not long they talk to each other and make up again. 

Even I see Mama and Papa still loving and romantic after living a decades-old household life.

They are a sweet couple. I think the key is communication. I wish I could find a partner like mama find papa.

Although very different characters, do not make each other hate but complement each other's advantages and disadvantages.

I recalled Lee, whom I had previously thought was my soul mate. My tears started to gather at the end of my eyes. But I quickly deleted it.

I decided I wasn't going to tell my family yet.

Now is not the time to think about it. Now I'm so confused how to cover my puffy eyes.

I decided to take a shower first. Maybe cold water will reduce her swelling.

Not much has changed.

That was my mind when I saw the glass. It turned out that cold water was unable to remove the swelling. Just reduce it no!

I'm dizzy. Damn damn it.. Lee!!!!

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Suddenly we heard screaming.

"Lie's.. Ellie woke up? Let's shower. Last night Andri called mom to come back to get your clothes . Cepetan down, it's noon. Girls wake up in the afternoon, this is again sick mama kasi kasi leeway".

"Yes, I'm a little suri".

Aduhh cilaka's. How are these my eyes ? I panicked myself. I finally decided to dress up a little thick. By putting the conceler under your eyes. And wear a matte dark brown shadow to disguise my swelling.

It's obvious I'm crying. I decided to wear sunglasses.

And okay, that's overrated. People will be more suspicious and Andri will think I'm a little crazy. Mama's probably gonna shake my head.

Then I replaced it with regular glasses.

#####

"Thirmya you're down".

Mama caught a glimpse of me, silent for a few seconds.

But it seems that the mutuskam did not ask anything.

"Darling mom has made your order, yellow rice. Eat a lot. Papa and your sister ate before leaving". Mama said smiling.

"Asikk. thanks my dear mother".

Then there was the sound of people pushing the pager.

"Look first, yes, you have come to see your time?" my mother said while going out. The sound of my mom talking to someone, I think Andri thought.

"Ellie, Caca here.. You must be very upset with Caca. Caca is more beautiful, more white, eating cheese in Europe?" Said mom.

Caca just smiled . Then he looked at me.

The cry that I held back from this morning finally spilled.

"Wah Ellie to the rapture, mama to the front first dehiram plant while waiting for andri. You guys talk - talk first. Mama give you guys time to vent and kangen kangeenan".

Caca thanked me.

I still don't budge, though,

"Li, how are you? Your phone is dead, right? Can't be contacted from yesterday". Caca said in a familiar tone.

I want to say rude!

Is he doing my news? Think for yourself, you fucking miker.

But I just kept quiet and kept crying.

"The? Are you okay?

Li answer me. Please".

"Ca, I need some time. Please don't push me. I'm gini. Please get out of here!"

While sobbing withstanding the pain in my chest.

"Ellie please don't gini Li. We're best friends".

"So you want me how ca? If I have to run happily towards you and dive into your marriage as a man you know is obviously still very dear to me."

"I can't." I continued

"I'm not that good!" I swallowed with difficulty, though,

"I know ca, we broke up. But you also know me best as Lee. What happened between us you know best. Because like you said. We're best friends I always tell everything. Long ago".

I said while picking my best friend with a movement of lifting both fingers on my two hands. "Why can you and Lee be that same as me?" I smiled cynically.

"Ellie, I know I was wrong. But it all happened. I won't back down either. I can't. I beg your understanding". Caca was crying too.

Seeing Caca cry, I was just more angry. Why is she crying? Am I not the only one who should be crying? They should be happy .

Happy for my suffering.

I can't say what. I realize as sick as I am and as broken as I was betrayed by two people terpentimg in my life , still, I have no right to continue to be angry with two people who must be very in love with each other to decide to get married so soon. What is my right?

So I just closed my eyes and forced myself to accept all that pain with all that power.

There are a lot of questions and questions in my head that have not been answered. What the hell's going on? Why could it happen? Since when did Lee and Caca have a relationship? Have they been lying to me all this time ? But my mouth couldn't help but ask Caca. I was also afraid that my mother would arrive - come in .

"Okay ca please for now you go home. I don't want to see you first". I beg.

"But Li, I came here to tell you yesterday after talking to you Alfons in an accident. Yesterday I called you continuously, use Alfons' phone too. But you don't keep lifting you to death. Until this morning too. That's why I'm here, I want to share it". Caca explained.

I'm shocked. Dizziness.

Oow not again..

I count in my heart. 3..2.1...

I knew I was gonna faint again.

But as it turns out, there was a strong hand holding me on the floor . He's got me so my head doesn't lie on the floor.

" Ellie, what's wrong? "

The smell I know. "Ka Andri's". I said weakly.

Caca rubbed my hands.

Mom came in, and panicked. "Why Ellie?  You were okay".

"Ga what what mah. This is Ellie, surprised. Lee accident. Ellie may not be very healthy either". I'm explaining.

I feel Andri's arms getting stronger. "Please take me on the couch".

He took me to the sofa.

Mama brought me warm water.

After drinking it I feel better.

Everyone looked at me worriedly.

I asked . "Ca so now what's Lee doing?"

"He was conscious at dawn. Earlier this morning the doctor's check was stable but the lab results for the inner body of the balloon came out all. Only the right leg and hand were seriously injured. But he can communicate . I was told to go home first with Mami Alfons because I haven't rest straight here Li". Answer Caca.

No matter how much Lee disappointed me. I don't want Lee why.

I don't want him to die or anything bad happens to him. I love Lee. That's something I know for sure.

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illustration - Photo of Mama and Papa Ellie while Ellie is in the womb.