Before we split up
Chapter - 24th
Ayunda awoke from the dim light of the sleeping lamp and hugged the hand of the Ocean on her stomach. Drifting in a flaky pelvic motion, rubbing lightly on the skin long*ng with a soft touch that is almost imperceptible. The shoulders of the Ocean field stiffened as it held its body weight with one elbow, then moved closer following the movements of its hands with its gaze.
The ocean is not aware Ayunda is awake.
“Nothing,” said Ayunda, his whispers rumbled in the silence of the night.
Samudra woke up and looked at Ayunda's eyes steadily, while touching Ayunda's stomach.
“Submitting. You're looking for that, right?” samudra asked, he immediately knew what Ayunda meant. Usually men do not see such things while being awang*ng, but not with the Ocean, he always pay attention to the details of every inch of Ayunda's body.
For years Ayunda searched for traces of white lines that became a sign of a mother, for some reason she wanted to have it even if only in line. “No.”
“Your pregnancy is not big.”
The ocean landed a soft kiss on the sunken plane of Ayunda's stomach, then closed its eyes and inched up. Their bodies lined up, resting together in perfection.
Over the years Ayunda slept alone, it is hard to believe how quickly they dissolved in the comfort of their bodies with each other. Within seconds of Ayunda being in the arms of the Ocean, he seemed to drift, his mind separated from the body, reality blurred around the boundary of consciousness.
“What after parting ways later, will you have a family again?” ask Samudra's.
Ayunda may have thought the unexpected question was part of her imagination, infiltrating between her hair.
His eyes blinked open, he was instantly awake. Frozen by the fear of conversations he was not ready to face.
Ayunda did not want to respond, he remained lying down and pretending to be asleep, But the Ocean felt Ayunda's reaction upon hearing those words, because the arm that was attached to the body of Ayunda quickly pulled back, then stroked the hips and thighs of Ayunda with a calming movement.
“I know you've been telling me your unattractive challenges to other men for years. But to children of course it is different.” said Samudra.
Ayunda of course knows what Samudra means, if a woman does not need to feel passionate*h to be able to get pregnant. “After night, let's sleep” Ayunda muttered to the pillow while being able to dampen the tension in her voice. “Tomorrow you get the first flight schedule."
“I can sleep on the plane.” Samudra said.
Time passed long enough that Ayunda could feel the wrestling daydream in her mind. Samudra caught Ayunda's reluctance to discuss the matter. But he wanted to know the answer to his question.
“You're hiding something from me?"
“I don't understand what you're talking about,” Ayunda replied while holding her breath, pretending to feel tired.
The ocean holds Ayunda's hip, twists Ayunda's back so that Ayunda can see her face, and so that Ayunda can't hide anymore.
“Ayunda.” The ocean calls its name as if it were judgmental.
“You're not my husband anymore. Don't just because we sleep together now doesn't mean you deserve to know what I'm going to do later.” said Ayunda.
The jaws of the Ocean clenched and those soft eyes stared intently at Ayunda, piercing through him with unyielding determination. “Maybe I won't be your husband, but tonight I'm still your husband.”
Ayunda's body became stiff under the impingement of the Ocean body. Those words sliced him like a knife.
“You think it could be as arbitrary as that, Ocean? You're my husband tonight but tomorrow, right? Is that how it works?”
“I don't know how. All I know is, you'd rather make a fuss than be honest with me."
“I'm tired, Samudra. You better stay away.” Ayunda removed Ocean's hand from her body, then shifted.
“Away?” snapped Ocean, while returning closer to his body, “I will be gone in six hours, how far are you asking me to go?”
“I don't know, how far should it take?” The ocean stared at him so sharply that a chill slid down Ayunda's back.
“I asked you about family because it's clear how much you like kids. What's wrong with my question?"
The ocean could have noticed it if Ayunda didn't want to talk about it, but the Ocean really wanted to know.
“Are you going to do artificial insemination?”
Ayunda glared at her first guess "No, I can't get pregnant.”
The body of the Ocean was instantly petrified, he was barely breathing, staring blankly in an instant.
“But the doctor at that time said we would still be able to have another child”
We're. The word 'we' makes him feel bad.
“After I left your house, the cyst broke again.” Ayunda took a breath to calm down and shrugged resignedly for what she had experienced. “There are complications.”
Complications, Samudra lowered his eyebrows. “How serious?”
The ocean in the slightest did not smile or blink, and indeed there was nothing to laugh about. “You should have called me back then, I'll be there for you, accompany you and take care of you.”
Ayunda knows that. “I don't want to worry you, or feel sorry for me.”
“Does anyone take care of you? Nindyra?”
Ayunda inched to sit on the back of the bed, hiding a tingle of unrest behind what she was doing.
“I'm fine, I'm not alone.” Truth that is not fully revealed. He had only met Nindyra one year later, but what happened back then was so hard to tell, that he remained silent.
However, the way to avoid is not smooth enough.
"That means you're not with Nindyra.”
Shit, Samudra knows it “No.”
The gaze of the eyes of the Ocean looks gloomy as well as blaming, he asked again. “How long are we treated?”
Desperately Ayunda turned away, she was reluctant to discuss it. But then the Ocean gripped his shoulder. “How long? And don't even think about lying to me, Ayunda. I can see it from your face and I can get the answer in less than twenty-four hours. So tell me.”
The ocean is no joke.
Ayunda slumped in a feeling of defeat and the grip that locked her away a few seconds ago now hugged her tightly.
“Almost one month.”
The face of the Ocean wrinkled, turning into full of pain. Samudra was convinced of the incident shortly before Ayunda called and told Samudra that Ayunda would not return.
“Have our marriage ended.”
With a flushed face and flaming eyes, the Ocean brandished its index finger into the air between them. “It's not over until you call! And say it."
The power of the Ocean's words was like something slapping Ayunda's heart. It was painful and shocking, but Ayunda would not back down because she knew that what she was doing was right.
Ayunda had been deliberately not telling what happened because he felt the Ocean did not need to be responsible for keeping himself, the Ocean deserved more.
“I want you to get your life back.”
“Job, Ayunda.” The ocean looked at Ayunda as if it could not believe how much Ayunda did not understand him. “I've got a life, my life you!!”
“No. Not with me.” Maybe before they lost their baby. But not after, not after Ayunda experienced complications.
Ayunda wiped away the tears with the back of her palm, and gave her the only defense she had. “I want you to get more women...."
The ocean ruffled her hair, looking down at Ayunda's stomach before returning to Ayunda's eyes. “More than you can give.”
What else can be said? “Ya.”
Ayunda closed her eyes, glued her face to her knees and allowed the soft cotton sheets to absorb the tears she could not stand.
The mattress slid, then the arm of Samudra was felt, pulled Ayunda to his chest and re-embraced her, leaning her chin over Ayunda's head.
Time passed as they lay together in the dark, awake but speechless.
Samudra's hand stroked Ayunda's shoulder as she kissed Ayunda's hair.
“OK. Now I know.”
The ocean looked at Ayunda curled up under the blanket, Ayunda's brows looking wrinkled even while sleeping. They lay awake all night, but at about five o'clock Ayunda could finally feel comfortable in his arms, Ayunda's breath moving regularly in a rhythm of sleep. Over the next hour, Samudra found it unbearable to wake Ayunda up as she packed luggage during her two-night stay here.
Now it was time to leave and the Ocean still could not approach Ayunda, he did not disturb Ayunda's sleep.
Samudra thinks she knows what happened to their marriage. That he had been able to accept the loss and failure they felt, that the last phone was there because Ayunda felt happier without him. That the rift of the relationship caused by the loss of their baby, by him who accepted the offer of dating setting for the sake of popularity.
But that's not what happened.
Except for a sacrifice.
Ayunda hides the truth from her, and goes from the Ocean's life to get the woman who can give her what Ayunda cannot give.
The ocean turned away from Ayunda's seductive bed and left the Ayunda residence.
