One Summer Night "Only You Do I Believe"
Episode Thirty-seven

Niken drives at maximum speed. He vented all his chaotic feelings.

"Aaaaaarrrrrrgggghhhh...." He screamed loudly. The burden that was in his heart gradually decreased. But this time, he wanted to vent all his emotions. He doesn't even want to control the speed of his car. Niken went home to his apartment in a mess. The sound of his heart, even the sound of his crying could not be heard by anyone. He went into the bathroom, turned on the faucet and let his whole body drenched by the water that was blown from the shower. I want him to let go of his fatigue. I want someone to be able to hear all the complaints. But to whom should he tell? To whom should he rest his sorrow? Niken was so tired of her repressed feelings. If he had to be honest with himself, he was very incapable of going through all the difficulties that were happening at this time. Niken was crying. Sensing every drop of water that soaked his skin even pierced into each of his bones. Niken tried to stand up even though he could not. He took off his clothes. She wrapped herself in a towel and lay on the bed, curling coldly. There was nothing he could do after this. Whatever. Let God record how his family is now. Niken is aware that revealing all her father's crimes will damage her mother and father's relationship, including her brother Nadine's relationship with her father who is very close. Niken also realized that when they knew everything, it would be very slim possibility for him to strengthen the relationship of a safe, peaceful and happy family. Niken was still crying, in his sleep he was crying. Niken sent an email to the dean of the campus, that he did not enter teaching because of illness. He spent time at Tanu's consulting firm for an entire week. Niken was very depressed. He always blamed himself. After finishing therapy, Niken re-enforced his fragile shoulder, he tried hard and lived everything as usual.

***

Today, Niken looked at the face of her father who was no longer young. His father's creepy face is rotten, now lives the throat. His cheeks were very thin, pale and lips dry.

"Miss..." Sluggishly. Niken slowly approached her father. His father's breath was stuck at the tip of his tongue. Niken bowed slightly to hear his father's words. "Ma.af.kan, a.yeah..." He said it was almost inaudible. Niken's heart was deeply wounded hearing that sentence. Although he was a bad man in his past, he was still a father.  Who never left his responsibility to support his children. He was always kind and friendly to his children.

"Niken, everyone, must have a deviation. Whatever it is. There's gotta. But, not all deviations are absolutely wrong. We are living beings who must accept reality. That life would not be perfect without fault and sin. You know, from mistakes we learn to be able to improve ourselves. Your father, was part of a paedophile. Maybe he was aware of his actions. But the instinct of a person who has deviations, will never be completely healed.  Unless he himself is willing and able to control it. Like you Niken, you're the one who always wanted to recover from your philophobia. So too with the others. Your father also." Niken remembered Tanu's sentence a few days ago. Niken always tried to forgive her father. But it is not easy, often he felt a feeling of fear so that is what makes Niken become very hateful to his father. Except for grandfather. Only his late grandfather always accompanied him. He is the only one he has always believed in. It was because of him that Niken rose from his grief and despair. It was through her hands that she always gently stroked her hair, through language that made her believe that she was a great and strong woman. That one day he will find a good man who can love him.

"Niken, it's grandpa. Here baby, come with grandpa." Imbuh grandfather when Niken was in the stage of psychic therapy from psychologists. At that time Grandpa's face looked like a monster in Niken's view. But slowly Niken returned his grandfather's hand. A warm touch, a soothing smile, made Niken's heart feel crumbled. "Niken, listen to all of Grandpa's words. When all is no longer on your side, grandfather's hand will always protect and calm Niken. Then Niken must be healed. Grandpa will always be with Niken." Grandfather said. Niken nodded, from then on, only her grandfather was able to nourish her heart and make it seem that being with her was happiness and peace. Now that Niken is in a dilemma, forgiving a father who is dying is a difficult thing. But Ria continuously urged him right then and there. Niken closed both eyes. Breathe out slowly. 

"It would be very difficult to forgive your father. But rest assured Niken, when you were born into this world, he was very happy. The hardest thing in your life is to be at peace with yourself. Close your eyes, erase everything that makes you hate, grudge and be angry with your father. Reassure yourself, after this you will become a new soul. A soul at peace with your dark times. Forgive all your sins and mistakes. And love yourself completely." Then he breathed his breath, remembering the good times with his father. As he felt to his grandfather and to Hans. The feeling that he was so happy, soaring into space, flying with the stars, hugging the moon. Only he can feel that happiness.

"Yahhh...?" Excited little Niken, when he was 5 years old. Niken offered food to his father. Reno was mangap and was about to eat the food that Niken had bribed for her. But the food fell. Reno laughed so much with Niken. Reno was so happy, tickling Niken's waist. Until Niken laughs rolled over.

"Yes, Niken forgave me." Brisking Niken to his father's ear. Reno took a breath for the last time, her soul detached from her body. Niken's eyes glazed over, as if he could not believe his father was leaving. It was the first time in Niken's life that she shed tears for her father.

Ria fell unconscious when her husband breathed his last breath, as did Nadine. Everyone gathered to help Ria, the doctor and the sisters give a shock effect many times. Niken stepped back, and he felt a great tremor in his chest. A pain he couldn't take for granted. Hans hugged Niken's shoulder, while Niken hugged Hans. Crying in Hans' shoulder.

His father's funeral was completed at 2 p.m. Niken is recovering from her sadness. "Eat first." Whisper Hans, Niken nodded slowly. Nadine's busy taking care of the tahlilan tonight. So even with Ria who tried to toughen up even though she was actually very fragile.

"It's okay. Just go ahead." Hans replies, he always embraces Niken's shoulders. Calm it down and give it protection.

"Niken here a minute." Nadine held her hand.

Hans lets go of his grasp and lets Niken be with his family.

"Aa, come here first. Please help me lift this. Weight." Tukak someone's. Hans dyed. "Ehh ari s aa. Enya aa's. Kadieu." Hans pointed at himself. Then approached the woman whose body was fat. Hans brought dishes and other kitchen utensils.

"Pake bike aza, Niken. The key is on the table." Tukas Nadine's.

"Yes..." Niken dyed looking for Hans. "Where is he?" Hans was moving tables and chairs to Nadine's house. "Hans...? Where are you from?" Hans even developed his smile.

"Moga kabogoh teh titah gawekeun. Tong cicing wae Niken." Gerrutu Dimas Nadine's.

"Apaan the big brother. Just take me a minute." Niken pulled Hans' arm.

"Where?"

"To the cake shop. Come on..." Saying Niken.

***